1^st May, 2004 (Sat)      Sunny

A strange call…

One of our flatmates was leaving today.  Her kitchen stuff was already packed and placed in the kitchen.  I didn’t have a chance to talk to her.

I got a strange call at midnight.  I had fallen asleep and was waken up by a call at about 1 a.m.  It was an English-speaking guy who called ‘Pitt’ (Brad Pitt?!).  I wasn’t fully awaken and so wasn’t sure what he was saying.  He asked me if I was alright.  I felt confused and had no idea of who he was since I don’t think I had a friend called ‘Pitt’.  I told him he had dialed a wrong number but he insisted he knew me and asked me what was wrong with me.  He suggested going out somewhere, bla bla bla.  I wasn’t quite sure what he was saying since I didn’t pay attention to it, wondering if he was making fun of me.  I just kept saying ‘no’ and he asked me what I meant by ‘no’! Finally I hung up my phone and didn’t put it down to the right place for fear that he might call again.  I felt a bit frightened, wondering if he really knew me… anyway, I think it was just a joke!

Chris had a performance at Harbour City with the pianist Phoebus Chan this afternoon.  I can imagine it’d be a great performance as there’s no doubt about Chris singing talents.  A mention of Phoebus Chan reminded me of the days when a friend of mine and I used to go to the Harbour City.  I had a certain impression of Phoebus because we stopped to listen to his performance several times when we were there.  But since we stood at a distance without me wearing glasses, I didn’t know what he looked like, nor did I know his name then. He was good-looking, but I don’t think he could be described as ‘handsome’.  In fact a pianist looked ‘handsome’ when they performed, which is why some girls like him and describe him a handsome.

2^nd May, 2004 (Sun)               Sunny

I was trying to translate a legal document.  It wasn’t an easy task.  I can understand what a sentence means in English but find it difficult to express it in Chinese and what’s worse is I don’t know the Chinese counterpart of some English words and they seem to be not available on the Internet either since some terms are specially used in the UK law.

I sort of felt like listening to HK radio programmes today.  I like Joe Ngai’s programme on CR2 but he didn’t host the programme in the past week and it was Nicola Cheung and Kuk Tak Chiu who replaced them for a week. 

There’s been a talk about the slump of the music industry as a result of the fast development of the Internet which helps promote the trend that people download songs from the Internet.  I think the latter is one of the main reasons for the fall of the sales of albums and the people working in the music industry may have got to think about how to improve the quality of albums to make people willing to buy an album.

4^th May, 2004 (Tue)    Rainy

I went to the Chinese community centre for my volunteer work.  I just did some simple work like editing the poster for an exhibition at the Chinese Arts Centre and made phone calls to some parents to help promote the parenting course. 

The bookshop, WhSmith, was on sale.  Some books were sold at 50p, 1 pound or 2 pounds.  They were originally sold for more than 10 pounds!  I was almost tempted to buy one or two books as they cost only 1 or 2 pounds only.  Then I tried a cup of coffee of HK style at a Chinese bakery with two new friends.

Whenever I told people that I had no classes or exams to attend, they seemed to assume that I should have a lot of free time because I don’t have classes to attend.  But in fact 24 hours a day is not enough for me.  I have to do my part-time job, my study which includes a lot of reading, writing and transcription and analysis of the data I will be collecting, my voluntary work, the updates of my homepage, and other things like proofreading friends’ writing.

I didn’t know how serious the situation about the 'sasser' was until I read a website and the BBC news about that worm. I also got an email from the university telling students how to protect their computer against the worm. I think I have done all the necessary steps - e.g. keep my anti-virus software updated, turn the firewall on and etc. I think my computer should have been protected.  After that horrible experience which resulted in the disconnection of my computer from the university network, I have become much more careful with any download and have my computer run a virus scan every day.

5^th May, 2004 (Wed)               Sunny with some showers

I was so exhausted today that I did nothing after getting back home.  I went to the bookshop that I had visited yesterday about the big sale, to see if I could find any good book sold at a very low price and also I could take this chance to find something for mom.  Mom mentioned on my phone call to her the Mother’s Day again and directly or indirectly she asked me what I had for her on the Mother’s Day. 

I searched on the tables with many on-sale books at WhSmith.  But most of the books were unknown to me or I wasn’t interested in them at all.  Although I was not interested in politics, I bought a book about Tony Blair’s gov’t.  Its reduced price was attractive.  2 pounds for a book that was originally sold at 14.99 pounds !! Also it was very thick. I bought mom two purses, one small and one big.  I was too tired and hungry to go anywhere else to search for things for my present to mom.

6^th May, 2004 (Thur)              Sunny

I didn’t sleep much last night and had serious headache in the morning.  So I took a nap at noon before I started my work and study.  I was awoken by the fire alarm two hours later.  While we were waiting at the reception area to go back to our flats, I check the list of the people who had parcels awaiting them to collect and I found my name on the list but they spelt my name wrongly.  It was a parcel from a friend, who sent me a single album of my favourite singer, Hins.  My friend sent me a lovely toy bookmark and I couldn’t wait to use the bookmark.

7^th May, 2004 (Fri)     Cloudy

I think a friend of mine who’s doing a study in HK is lucky to have a helpful supervisor who assists her in finding subjects for her study, which is a great thing as that can save her a lot of time and efforts.  Maybe because I find data collection difficult.  Another friend called me at midnight when I was taking my nap to ask me if I was interested in visiting his workplace tomorrow evening for my study.

I got the CDs of two films today from a friend.  I wanted to watch them immediately but I didn’t do so in the end as loads of work are ahead of me and I can’t afford to enjoy myself at the moment.  Perhaps because I put myself under pressure (sometimes unconsciously), I had the kind of dreams that I used to have again.  When I took a nap this evening, I dreamt that I returned to HK; when I was about to return to the UK, I found at the custom check-in point that I got a wrong passport. I hadn’t got that kind of dreams for some time but it came back to my mind again this evening.

8^th May, 2004 (Sat)     Cloudy

I felt scared and worried when I looked at my checklist of to-do tasks because I found I hadn’t done much for my study for almost two months!! That’s worrying and an email reminded me of the fact that my coursework, my study is much more important than anything else but I seemed to have forgotten that and focused on my part-time work and volunteer work over the past two months.

During my chat with a friend, I was reminded that we should be nice to our moms not just on Mother’s Day but everyday. 

The results of the football game between Manutd and Chelsea was disappointing.  Manutd has to take part in the competition for a place in the Champions League in August.

9^th May, 2004 (Sun)    Cloudy

It was proved that as long as I don’t turn my computer on, I do manage to concentrate and make progress in my reading. But once I turn my computer on, I am attracted to Internet.

10^th May, 2004 (Mon)                        Thunderstorms with sunny spells

I was supposed to do my volunteer work at the Chinese community centre this afternoon but I requested a change of the date because of poor weather.  But later it stopped raining and there were some sunny spells!   It wasn’t difficult for the staff to guess the reason why I wanted to reschedule our meeting since she knew I didn’t like to go out in the rain!

I went to a karaoke bar for the first time in the UK.  My friend’s friends and I sat in a room.  It was not as comfortable as those in HK.  Each one of us paid 10 pounds for the drinks and the room.  I miss the buffet K lunch in HK! I tried a bottle of vodka blue with some alcohol.  It tasted a bit like jelly.  Tonight recalled my memory of many songs of older days.  It happened that I met one of my interviewees for my MA dissertation.  How small this world is!!  Maybe a local immigrant community is such small that people can often meet each other.

11^th May, 2004 (Tue)  Cloudy with sunny spells

One of my tasks in my volunteer work of today was to make phone calls to obtain some information for the project activities.  My English sucked when I talked to an English-speaking person at the other end of the phone.  My friend said it could be due to the fact that I didn’t feel comfortable speaking English in front of another Chinese.  But I think the fact that I spoke English much less often is the main reason.  My written English isn’t good either.  Sometimes I may write English in a Chinese style (Chinglish) or I just simply can’t write as fluently as before and have to stop to think or just fail to express myself in English.

I went to a workshop on anger management this evening.  It was a taster of a 10-week course on anger management.  I first thought it’d be held in a large lecture hall with lots of attendees.  But actually it was held in a small room with only four participants including me and another volunteer from the Chinese community centre.  There were two tutors.  I didn’t talk much since I didn’t think I had as much experience as two women who had got rich experience to talk about that they gained from their jobs (one of them was a domestic violence consultant).  But still I couldn’t escape from speaking English and there was no chance for me to fall asleep.  .  But it was a good opportunity for me to hear some English.  We were introduced to five styles of expressing anger and we were given time to think about and identify our own style of expressing anger.  I felt sorry for having contributed very little as I didn’t have much experience with some people that often showed their anger.  But I found the workshop useful and it was good to know more about anger. 

I was invited to dinner at the China Town after the workshop. We went to a Chinese restaurant which I don’t think I had been to before.  The dishes that we ordered were very salty but we still tried to eat all of them so as not to waste the food. 

12^th May, 2004 (Wed) Cloudy

I had a discussion with a friend about Christianity.  It seems we have touched upon this topic quite frequently since I came here.  Up till now, I still don’t think I’m used to that kind of gathering (fellowship).

15^th May, 2004 (Sat)   Sunny

This evening I visited a Chinese restaurant through a friend’s help.  I was introduced to the owner and his wife.  The restaurant was different from the ones in the China Town.  It mainly served western customers, mostly local residents.  Most of the customers seemed to know the owner.  I sat at the reception for most of the evening.  There were times when I didn’t know what I could do but just looked at a staff and the wife of the owner. I tried to talk with different people working in the restaurant and got an idea of what their communication was like.

16^th May, 2004 (Sun)  Sunny

There seems to be no division between day and night as I’ve been trying my best to finish a report.  I was so eager to finish it that I decided not to go to an event involving a few HK artists who came to Manchester to share their experience of becoming a Christian.  In fact I was hesitating because I did think about going and I didn’t want to waste the admission ticket given by a friend.  I was so obsessed with my work that I knew nothing about what was going on around me.  I didn’t know a new flatmate had moved in until I read an email sent by one of my flatmates.  How ignorant I was of what was going on in my flat. In fact I haven’t seen much of my flatmates theses days since I stayed in my room all the time.

I gave a call to dad in the afternoon to see how he was doing when being alone at home during mom’s trip to China.  I was a bit surprised to know that he felt frightened about being alone.  I think there is lack of sense of security in him.  Is this characteristic of the men who are undergoing male menopause?  Maybe that also has something to do with his retirement and his lack of income.

17^th May, 2004 (Mon)            Sunny

Summer has arrived?

It’s been sunny and warm these days.  I like the sunny weather and the blue sky!!

I felt sorry about missing the event about Christianity last Sunday, when the volunteer who gave me an admission ticket to the event, asked me if I attended it.  I think quite a lot of Chinese, non-Christians and Christians attended the event.  But there were poor comments on it because people had to wait for a long time to get into the venue and the hall was stuffy.  The only thing that I am interested in is the sharing by a few HK artists.  They said it was good.  But the way the organizers arranged the event and controlled the queue isn’t good at all. 

18^th May, 2004 (Tue)  Sunny

Homeless?

I went to the Accommodation Office to ask about the results of the second round of applications.  But I got a disappointing reply: I was not offered any university accommodation for the coming academic year! That means I have to find private accommodation. I have never lived in private accommodation here before nor have I had much experience of looking for private accommodation. But on the other hand it can be a good chance for me to try private accommodation, a new experience.  Of course if I can choose, I’d still prefer living in the university accommodation as it saves me time in looking for accommodation and the university accommodation is safer and may be cheaper than most private accommodation. Money and Internet connection is what I’m most concerned about.  I’m already occupied with lots of things; now there’s one more thing to be worried about!

I have a silly thought that I may have been put on a blacklist because of my experience with the accommodation office last September.  I don’t think my complaint letter imposed any negative effect upon my application.  I also wonder if local students may have priorities on accommodation.  Anyway, I better concentrate on looking for accommodation from now on.  I did feel somewhat anxious.  But I don’t think I should have negative thoughts.  I think I’m afraid of having to face a new challenge like looking for accommodation and I’m always dependent on the university. Maybe it’s time for me to ‘grow up’!!

My views about life in the UK have changed and are different from when I was studying for my MA.  I no longer fancy a chance to stay here for work. 

Lots of things contribute to my unhappiness and anxiety… I wonder if my busy life has made me lose temper much more frequently…

19^th May, 2004 (Wed) Sunny

Very, very down and upset…

I haven't been in a good mood these two days, esp. since I got to know the fact that I had to find private accommodation.  My unhappiness or anxiety is also partly due to some problems with my part-time work. I have doubts about my research capability and I feel I’m like an inexperienced researcher when I asked a friend for her advice on how to do the fieldwork. I really have no idea about what I can do with my data collection and these days I feel confused about what I want to do and what data I want to collect. I was so unhappy yesterday that I didn't feel like doing anything.

Is it normal for a PhD student to become more emotional than before?

The thought of giving up my study came up to my mind these days when I feel so upset and confused about what I’ve been doing here.  I was so down today that I went to bed for a nap in the afternoon before starting my work.

20^th May, 2004 (Thur)    Sunny

Trying to get back on track…

I finished translated a legal document for the city council. The money really was really hard earned as I had to try to find an appropriate term that sounds "formal" in Chinese in a legal document. Thanks to the Internet or I don't know how I could have finished the translation! Now I got one job done and I can go on with my other work.

I just had a very quick look at some of student accommodation provided by other property management companies but obviously they're more expensive than my current accommodation but compared with the university en-suite accommodation, the price may be more or less the same.

I met our new flatmate at noon.  Like my other China flatmates, she’s also from China.  That means there’s no difference in the situation I face between now and previously because I still have five Putonghua-speaking flatmates.

I sent email to Jane and Dorothy, talking about my unhappiness to them and I felt a bit better.  After all, I need somebody who can understand me to talk to…

21^st May, 2004 (Fri)                Sunny spells with some rain

I felt a bit better than before.  A friend sent me an email and I really felt touched by what she said to me and her encouragement.  How lucky I am to have such a good, considerate friend in my life!  Her support and encouragement came at no better time!! Another friend of mine gave me a call this late afternoon after she had watched Chris’ concert.  She said it was better than the other concerts she had seen before.  The comments from some Chris’ fans were also good and I could look at the photos of the concert just a moment after it ended.

I talked with a friend for a few hours until almost 9 p.m.  We both agree that wherever we are, what’s most important is we are happy with our life.  So whether I’m in the UK or in HK isn’t important.  Maybe the life everywhere is more or less the same.  Going to work and going home.  Then the next day comes.  It’s like a routine, a cycle, which is quite common for a person with a job. 

22^nd May, 2004 (Sat)  Sunny

Bowling…

Having stayed at home for a few days, I went out this afternoon to join some people from the Chinese community centre for bowling at the Trafford Centre.  When we were almost there, one of the tyres was broken and we had to park our van on the street to check its problem.  Finally we all had to go to the Trafford Centre by ourselves while the driver was waiting for the people from a car repair company.  At first we planned to take the bus but we couldn’t find a bus stop.  When we did find one, a notice said that there was no bus service at that bus stop today!  Since a British guy told us that it was just a five-minute walk to the Trafford Centre from where we were, we decided to go there on foot.  But it turned out that we had to walk for about 20 – 30 minutes!! I don’t know if that British guy was making fun of us or if he estimated the walking time according to his own speed! 

Anyway, we started our game at almost 4 p.m.  As a person who played bowling for the first time, I think my performance wasn’t very bad.  A staff from the Chinese community centre seemed to be quite skilful in terms of the gesture and the power she used for bowling.  I found the game fun at first but later on as some of us left we had to play more games and I started feeling a bit bored. 

I watched ‘Sounds of Colour’ (地下鐵) casting Tony Leung and Miriam Yeung in the evening.  Not a very good movie.  Its story line wasn’t convincing but I liked watching Tony Leung. 

I gave a call to a friend who had just returned to HK.  I remember her birthday would be tomorrow and my phone card would be due tomorrow, so I called her to say ‘happy birthday’ to her.  We didn’t chat for long.  In the early evening when I got back home from the Trafford Centre, I called her again since I still had minutes for my phone card left.  She was waiting for Chris with other Chris’ fans at a hotel when Chris was having a celebration party after his concert.  She got a good birthday present from Chris, which was to shake hands with him during his concert.

I tried to search for more information about accommodation in Manchester on the Internet.  It seems I better rely upon myself to look for accommodation.  I think I should try every means at this stage.  Suddenly I’m getting anxious and worried again.  I’m afraid that I may not be able to have money for the third year of my study… what can I do?

This afternoon the FA Cup Final took place.  I first thought I would miss the game but when I got to the bowling venue, I found that we could watch the game on the TVs there! Manutd won the Cup on 3-0. It wasn’t surprising but I still felt happy. Hehe…

23^rd May, 2004 (Sun)  Sunny

I went to the Chinese Arts Centre for the first time this afternoon.  I didn’t bring with me the map book and I only relied on my memory of the route to the Arts Centre.  I couldn’t find the centre and so I took a look at the map posted at a bus stop and tried to figure out where I was and locate the Chinese Arts Centre on the map.  Finally I found the Chinese Arts Centre.  There were not many people in the venue for the exhibition of the works done by the women from the Chinese community centre.  A buffet dim sum lunch was provided.  When we were about to finish our lunch, suddenly a group of women led by a British teacher from the Chinese community centre arrived.  We went upstairs to visit the other exhibitions and we got some free publications, which I think are artistically made.

Accommodation issue is obviously troubling me these days.  I got an advice from two people that it might be better for me to live in a student hall if I wanted to find a safe place for my stuff when I would go back to HK for a few weeks.  A friend of mine also thinks living in a student hall is better. 

I tried to fill in the tax returns form today.  The figures provided by my former employer seemed to be incorrect and I spent some time calculating the total income that I had received in the past financial year. 

My elder brother  sent me the pics of his two cats, which had lovely names, Marco and Polo. Haha!!  I think if I have to choose, I’d prefer dogs to cats as I think the former do not look as cunning as the latter.

There were quite a lot of people and cars on the street when I went out today.  Mei Yuk said there was a marathon.  A lot of people were sitting on the grass or went to pubs in the Gay’s Village as there was sunshine.

24^th May, 2004 (Mon)            Sunny

I got email from Vodafone regarding my order at their online shop.  Their first email said they couldn’t accept my order because of credit check.  That wasn’t out of my expectation because I did feel worried that the fact that my failure to pay the bill on time 2 years ago, which was stored in a credit check database for 6  years, would affect my purchase.  I felt disappointed.  Later Vodafone sent me another email, saying I could still buy a mobile from their stores but it was just that I can’t enjoy the online deals.

25^th May, 2004 (Tue)  cloudy with sunny spells

No progress?!

I went to Asda this morning, trying to cheer myself up by buying some of my favourite food.  I wanna get help from the others but didn’t wanna talk to anyone.  Now I understand why people who are abroad are the subjects that tend to become a Christian.  In situations like mine, who feel helpless, upset and worried, a religion may help him/her a bit?

26^th May, 2004 (Wed) Cloudy with sunny spells

I got a new mobile phone and signed a 12-month contract with Vodafone at noon. I can’t help trying the phone after I got back home.   Besides the free weekend calls for the first 6 months, I also got an offer, ‘free weekend break’ which entitles me to a stay in a selected hotel for two nights over a weekend.

When I went to the city centre at noon, I met three China students from Sheffield.  They wanted to go to the a shopping centre but didn’t know how to get there.  It happened that I was going there too, so I took them there instead of trying to use my poor Putonghua to explain to them how to get there.  On our way, one of them, a girl talked to me in Cantonese and Putonghua.  I tried to use my limited Putonghua to communicate with her, occasionally with some English and Cantonese.  We both said we missed home (good that she could return home after finishing her dissertation). 

I had lunch with some staff from the Chinese community centre.  It seemed to me some Chinese restaurants in the China Town didn’t have many customers at lunch time.  I’m not sure if it had anything to do with the quality of the services and the food. 

I helped a Chinese woman by being her interpreter when she met her lawyer.  At first I was not confident but as our meeting went along, I felt more at ease.  

I had a brief chat with a friend as I asked her if she had any friend that could be the subjects of my study.  I think I need to feel ashamed coz I really didn’t do enough for my study.  What she said, “you haven’t thought clearly about your methodology” pinpoints my problem… what a shame! Even an undergraduate graduate could think of ideas that I haven’t thought about!!

A friend told me she might return to HK from the UK for her dissertation.  I tend to get excited when I hear someone return home.  Maybe that’s a reflection of my desire for returning home?!

27^th May, 2004 (Thur)            Sunny

The hot pot party…

I went to the Chinese community centre for its hot pot party held at 5 p.m. I went there earlier to help them set up the party.  There was much food and I am afraid I may have gained some weight.  When I put on my jeans this afternoon, I found it was more difficult to put it on! Every one of us left with some remaining food and I got some too.  Perhaps I don’t need to buy any food for lunch and dinner for the coming week.

29^th May, 2004 (Sat)   Sunny spells

Does every PhD student have an emotional problem?  I didn’t feel like going out today.  Still felt tired. I slept a lot.  Now I got to understand why one of my classmates said she slept a lot.

I got a strange dream last night.  I dreamt that my eldest brother was going to get married with a foreigner but I was opposed to that and tried every means to deter it from happening.  I got up when I dreamt that he and that girl were getting married…

30^th May, 2004 (Sun)  Sunny

I used my newly bought mobile phone to give them a call.  I think I’m wasting my money while I’m worried about my financial situation.  I’m wondering if there is really a need for me to use a mobile. I didn’t tell mom about my search for accommodation and my worries.  I didn’t want them to be worried about me, esp. mom.  She has a tendency to high blood pressure and her knowledge about my worries may only add to a problem with her health.  There is no point telling them of my worries and doing so doesn’t help much.

Now’s end of May and there’s only one month to go before the end of the first year of my study…

31^st May, 2004 (Mon) Sunny

Oh, 5 months of this year has passed and there’s only 25 months left before I’m due to submit my thesis!!

My flatemate called me last night to tell me what her classmates said about their accommodation. She agreed to accompany me to a private student hall of residence tomorrow evening to have a look at it.  I'll decide then whether to apply for it. 

I made a rough plan for the remaining time of my study - 25 months left and hopefully I can give nine presentations (4 in our internal PhD seminar meetings as i did in the past year; 2 in the postgrad conference in our dept; 3 in the conferences held outside the UK)... of course it all depends on whether I can collect any data!  As I said to a friend, it is just a PLAN but what's most important is whether i can carry it out. There's no point in just talking about the plan; like our HKSAR gov't, it got lots of plans and think big but in the end there hasn't been much achievement done by them for various reasons.

Today I read a test in the Classified Post about whether one is suitable to be a freelance worker. Haha, sometimes I think I’d rather like doing some sort of freelance work.

I also reflected on what happened to me and what I’ve done this month... i found I seemed to get lazy toward the weekends and the end of the month.