1^st Feb, 2004 (Sun)      Cloudy and rainy after a sunny morning

I called mom and dad after lunch.  I was too late to make the call or I could have said ‘Happy Birthday’ to my elder brother, who had celebrated his Lunar birthday with our family members by having a hot pot dinner.  To me, mom is a simple-minded housewife but sometimes what she says may inspire me or remind me of something that I haven’t thought about. When I told her how much tuition fees I had to pay and that I had to find a part-time job here to finance my study, she said, “Hey, who told you to do the study?”  Is it a wrong decision that has been made?  Am I wasting my money here?  Maybe I could have led a not-so-bad life in HK with the little savings that I’ve got?  I should remind myself of how much I have to pay for my study and try not to waste my time!!

My sleeping habit was really strange these days.  I know I shouldn’t do my study on the bed or I’ll fall asleep very quickly.  I fell asleep (with the light on) at around 8 or 9p.m. and woke up in the middle of the night. I could sleep longer but I didn’t want to coz I felt bad about having done nothing!

Got a busy week ahead…

2^nd Feb, 2004 (Mon)   Cloudy and Rainy

Chinese New Year is still not over!

I went to the Chinese community centre again for the volunteer work this afternoon.  I saw the staff trying on the Chinese-style dresses as they would be going to the Chinese New Year dinner with other local Chinese tomorrow evening.

A friend of mine who’s studying at Poly U told me there was a new research fellow in the office who is a former student of David Li.  I found some coincidence in that.  Not only because of the fact that I was reading Li’s articles and books, but also Sherman will be working for the department head and I’m not sure if her post is the one that another friend of mine applied to. 

What a small world!!

4^th Feb, 2004 (Wed)    Rainy and cloudy

Today it was one of my classmates who did her presentation.  It was a good one and everyone said so to her.  What I admired her was she could stay so calm throughout the presentation.  I wish I could be like her for my own presentation.  She’s a good person and her perseverance, her hardworking characters are exhibited in her study. I can’t imagine what I’d be like if I don’t go home in three years!! J

My classmates suggested going to Krobar, a student bar close to the university, for a drink.  We sat at a long table on the first floor with our supervisor, who sat next to me!  That classmate who did the presentation told me actually it took four years for one to finish her study because it was impossible to submit a thesis at the end of the third year; there needed more revisions on the draft of the thesis and it wasn’t until Feb/March of the following year that one could submit his/her thesis.  Then he/she had to wait for the viva.  So, basically it was four years, not three years.  Although the university now allows an extension of one year at maximum as a writing-up period after one finishes his/her 3-year study, our supervisor said the university might become stricter about that.  Oh, no matter what, I have to stay here for at least three years and longer!?

Then I started talking with my supervisor.  He asked me about my data collection.  He suggested me going with him to the Chinese take-away shop near his home on one Saturday.  He also suggested me starting doing some writing bit by bit, maybe for a few consecutive days every week and another few days on data collection, rather than suddenly sitting down and doing the writing. He corrected my perception that the difference between Putonghua and Cantonese didn’t lie only in the pronunciation; they were two different languages, even though the writing system was the same. 

I’m wondering if I have put myself under big pressure coz my classmates looked to me they were not so worried about their study – one said she had done ‘nothing’; another said she was concerned about her study as she was approaching the end of her first year in April and still she didn’t know what to do, what to focus on.  A friend of mine from HK sent me an email a couple of days ago, asking me what I wanted to get from my study as I told him I sometimes felt a bit bored with my study – in fact I don’t think it was the boredom; actually it was the pressure that dispelled me, that made me try to get some distractions from time to time.  I’m wondering if I should try to enjoy my study and enjoy my life with a different attitude. J

5^th Feb, 2004 (Thur)   Sunny!!

I thought of a question about whether I should try to enjoy more from my present life and study, esp. when I kept looking at my watch to see if I spent too much time in the supermarket. 

6^th Feb, 2004 (Fri)      Sunny with showers

I sorted out some of my notes and books in the afternoon, having left them behind for two days.   I felt sort of relieved after deciding not to push myself to try to finish the essay.  The question of why I seem to not enjoy much of my life and study still lingered in my mind.  I relaxed myself in the evening by doing some exercises.

A friend who’s studying in London called to ask me about the time we’d meet her the following Saturday and we chatted for a while.  She said she wanted to return to HK for work.  Me too.  I think I’ve changed some of my views.  I don’t know why. Because this kind of lifestyle in the UK is no longer something new to me?  But still, I want to travel and stay in a place for a while and then go to another place to do the same thing.  That is still the thing that I like to do in the future.

7^th Feb, 2004 (Sat)      Rainy with sunnyspells

The weather was quite strange – sometimes there was some sunshine; sometimes it rained; and it was very windy as well.  I could hear the sound of the strong wind and the people walking against it when I was trying to fall asleep.  I wrote an interesting email to a friend of mine in which there were questions about her only, since she asked me if she agreed that we only talked about ourselves in our email; I said to her we usually asked about the recipient a few typical questions like ‘How’re you doing?’ ‘Are you busy?’ at the beginning or the end of the email.  It was quite funny to write an email with questions only…

8^th Feb, 2004 (Sun)     Sunny

Finally my friend started her trip to London and Barcelona.  I already put some simple stuff into my bag.  I can’t wait to go to London now.  I called mom and dad in the afternoon but no one answered the phone.  Later she called me back, explaining that she and dad had gone for a dinner for celebration of grand-dad’s 75^th Birthday.  She said grand-dad’s health was not as good as before and he looked tired.  After all, however we are strong, at the end we can’t fight the fate and will be getting weaker and weaker until that day comes?!  I remember the other day my friend talked with me about how sad she felt when she imagined that one day her mom would leave her.  I have thought about that too but I don’t dare to think about it any more coz it’s something that I don’t want to imagine.  Anyway, I’ll go to the city centre to see if there’s anything that I can buy for mom and the other family members.  Feel like I owe them a lot.  J

9^th Feb, 2004 (Mon)   Cloudy with sunny spells

I was quite concerned about the rumour that TVB was going to sack some employees.  I don’t know if my elder brother will be affected but I assume that since Mom didn’t mention anything about that to me, his and his wife’s jobs at TVB should be fine.

I went to the Chinese community centre in the afternoon.  I started working on a report for a staff in their computer centre.  I was thinking of going home to write the report – maybe I felt more at ease at home and could work better?  So in the end I decided to return home after waiting for almost half an hour for the staff, who had gone for shopping for something. 

The weather has become colder again.  It was freezing when I was on my way home. 

11^th Feb, 2004 (Wed)  Cloudy with sunny spells

A discovery…

2 days to go before the trip to London…

4 weeks to go before my presentation…

1 week to go before my meeting with my supervisor…

There was no seminar meeting this afternoon.  Our supervisor sent us an email telling us about this but no reason was mentioned.  I guess the presenter, a woman of 3 children, may have a problem making the presentation?  I admire how capable she is to manage her study while she’s got a family to look after.  Without a seminar I led my life as usual.  I read a chapter of Lin Yu Tang’s book.  I enjoyed it.  I asked myself why there was a difference: I seem not to enjoy so much of the reading for my study; and I guess the reason is: I study for study – I read the books for my study and it’s certainly different from leisure reading.  The pressure behind the reading is also one of the causes.  Maybe if I read those books for leisure, I’d feel happier because of no pressure. 

12^th Feb, 2004 (Thur) Cloudy

One day to go…

Each day I was doing a count down.  These days I felt the pressure to get started with my preparation for my presentation as there is only four weeks left for me to do the preparation. My friend who’s traveling in Australia reminded me of the continuous rise in the exchange rate for pounds and AUS $.  I didn’t take notice of that for a while and was surprised to find the rate was rising toward $15 (sighing).  As I told that friend, my heart can no longer afford to let me look at the rate. That friend of mine said Chris would be holding his concert at the end of April but she wasn’t sure when she would return to HK.  After that accident which led her to have a need to spend extra money on her broken teeth, Chris is no longer important to her; what’s most important is her family.  I think this trip to oz has made a big change to her.

13^th Feb, 2004 (Fri)    Cloudy

Set off for London!!!

17^th Feb, 2004 (Tue)   Sunny

The aftermath of the trip to London – homesick!

I’m afraid I’m homesick coz I didn’t feel like doing anything and I missed my family, my friends, my colleagues and HK!!  When I thought of the difficulties facing me in data collection, I felt even sadder! L  I gave a call to home but mom had gone out.  I’m quite worried about my dad, who seems to have lost some memory since his retirement started.  Suddenly illness and death is so close to me and I can’t help thinking that as we get older and older, we can’t avoid those things….

18^th Feb, 2004 (Wed)  Sunny

I went to the Chinese community centre as they had a health day today during which I may have a chance to meet some youngsters, who are one of the subjects for my study.  I happened to have ‘free lunch’ when I got there. There were just a few youngsters and it seemed non-Chinese people were more than Chinese people.  I got to know a girl when I had nothing to do there but walking around.  She was a Christian and she invited me to join their fellowship every Friday and she introduced me to her friend.  I got their contact numbers.  I’ll see.  In fact I don’t want to join their fellowship simply because of my study; maybe it’s a good chance for me to know about Christianity and God?

I felt better after a chat with one of my classmates after our seminar meeting coz I got to know that I am not alone in facing difficulties with data collection.  She also had the same problem and she even had a thought of giving up her study! (Me too!)  And we are going to meet again on Sunday to have lunch together in her flat. 

I also felt better because I finally had a chat with mom.  I told her something about my trip to London and what my friend would give her this weekend. 

19^th Feb, 2004 (Thur) Sunny

What a busy morning!!

I was busy around this morning.  I went to bed early last night.  It seems I have slept a lot since I came back from London.  Is it the aftermath of the trip or just an excuse for me to get lazy?  I don’t know. 

I watched ‘Running on Karma’ by Andy Lau and Cecilia Cheung in the evening.  The film sent a good message to tell people to do good deeds as there is cause and effect that will affect our next life.

20^th Feb, 2004 (Fri)    Sunny

Getting sick?

I still had headache and felt dizzy when I got up.  Even when I’m writing this diary, I still have headache.  I don’t know if I have caught cold or if it’s a symptom of any hidden sickness that I have got! L  I also had throat sore but having drank a lot of water throughout the day and avoiding eating any ‘hot air’ food like biscuit and nuts, I felt better.  I was worried last night if I had any serious health problem.  You know it is terrible to get sick when living alone abroad!

I found that my box of butter had been used by someone again!! L  I don’t know who did that.  I hid it somewhere in the fridge. 

21^st Feb, 2004 (Sat)     Sunny

I called a friend this afternoon to say ‘Happy Birthday’ to her and we had a chat for more than one hour until my phone card’s credit was used up and our chat was suddenly terminated.  We chatted on a lot of things.  She encouraged me, saying life wasn’t easy in Hong Kong for those who were working. Like her, she had to work until very late every day, particularly since the outbreak of the bird flu, which had affected the business of Maxims’ fast food section.  She was so tired that she had to and would take a break for her birthday.  We talked about the age issue as well…

Maybe I should take a different view of my current life now – why haven’t I enjoyed my life so far?

22^nd Feb, 2004 (Sun)  Sunny

A nice time with classmates!

I went to one of my classmates’ flat to have lunch with her and two other classmates of ours.  My classmate prepared the lunch for us and she almost finished that when we got to her flat.  It was a nice lunch – there were salad (tomato, lettuce and cucumber in vinegar), garlic bread (yummy yummy), chicken breast with chilies, chicken wings with potatos, prawns, sprout beans, rice and fish soup.  We had a carrot cake and oranges as dessert, with green tea for better digestion.  We continued our chat in our classmate’s room after lunch.  It was a nice room and my room was incomparable with it!  My classmates have a nice environment while mine is not as good as theirs, comparatively. One of my classmates invited me and my other classmates to her flat on Tuesday evening to celebrate the Pancake’s week (maybe also celebrate the fact that we don’t have a seminar meeting this week because of the closure of the university as a protest against the gov’t?). 

I got to find out that one of my classmates is of the same age as me.  My two other classmates couldn’t believe that.  We look younger than our actual age.  This age issue was one of the topics of my conversation with one of my HK friends yesterday.  She said people didn’t think she looked as old as her actual age because when she was buying the lottery ticket, the woman at the counter asked for her ID, suggesting that she didn’t think she was over 18 years old!!

It seems I haven’t done much today (and this week!), besides keeping talking – once I start talking, I can’t stop talking… :P (and if I don’t have contact with people for long, I don’t feel like talking)!

23^rd Feb, 2004 (Mon) Sunny

Be grateful every day!!

I gave a call to mom and dad early this morning.  I'm not sure if dad had a problem with his memory. He seemed to remember a little of what had happened during the days when he and mom travelled the UK; but again, he asked me if i'd finish my study soon (but i'm not sure if he had nothing to talk about and so kept asking me this question again!).  And he asked me about the weather (e.g. whether it was cold)... i think the fact that he asked me the same questions each time could be partly due to the fact that he had nothing to say or talk about because his life was boring...

When I was replying to email to some of my friends tonight, I felt that I need to appreciate and be grateful for what I've got coz some of the people I know have a hard time in their life and so comparatively I'm much better off by having a chance to do what I want to and I'm lucky that I've got a lot of people to support and encourage me.  ^0^   Suddenly I remember that Christians are grateful for what they've got.  I agree that we should feel grateful every day for everything, even when something is unpleasant or it makes our life difficult (from another point of view, those difficulties make us grow up, and learn something)... quite a number of people encouraged me to go to the Church.  Am I going to be a Christian?  I don’t know.

24^th Feb, 2004 (Tue)   Rainy

A gathering with classmates.

I arrived at the student hall where my classmates live at 7p.m.  We had a party tonight to celebrate the Pancakes’ day.  We had different types of pancakes and salad and they were nice. Everyone was so full after the dinner and some of my classmates said jokingly that they were pregnant! (with a belly)  After the dinner we played a game - guessing the name written on a piece of paper which was stuck onto one's forehead (the name was written by the one sitting next to each one of us) by asking the others in a 'Am I... (e.g. female)' question format and the others would answer in a yes-no format.

I got to know more about my classmates in this dinner gathering and after this party, I think of trying to do more cooking and trying making things like pancakes and cakes as i found the ones made by my classmates tasty! :P

A friend of mine sent me a lovely minna no tabo purse and I took a few pics of it with my minna no tabo and koala toys. Hehe…

26^th Feb, 2004 (Thur) Sunny and snowing

Today I went to the city centre to check if there was anything I could buy for mom’s birthday.  Finally, having spent almost two hours walking around, I found nothing that I would like to buy for mom.

The weather was really freezing today.  I wonder if the temperature was only 0 degree Celsius when I was walking on my way home.  There was some snow tonight.  The ground was covered with a thin layer of snow.  You can imagine how cold it was outside.

I had that dream of missing the flight for the UK again when sleeping at night…

27^th Feb, 2004 (Fri)    Sunny

The snow melted later this morning as the sun came out.  Can’t believe that it still snowed in late February.  Is it like what one of my friends said, this year has become much colder than before?

I got the same dream again!! I dreamt that I missed the flight for the UK by misunderstanding the flight time.  I don’t know why I kept having this dream time and again.  Does it imply that I put myself under great pressure and I’m worried about my study?

29^th Feb, 2004 (Sun)   Sunny

I got a strange dream last night.  I dreamt that we had a big tortoise at home (in HK) but it was getting sick and we were going to abandon him.  My sister-in-law was going to take a picture of it (for some reasons but I don’t remember why); then suddenly it wanted to flee and attack me!! I was frightened and I ran to my neighbour’s flat.  Then after a while, I went back home and the tortoise was gone; my elder brother and sister-in-law ran after it but then I woke up!  What did the dream imply to me?

I called mom and dad but mom was more interested in her dinner than me.  I am concerned about the fact that dad has nothing to do every day while mom has a lot of housework to do and meals to make every day.