| Learn the Terminology When you are introduced to a new terminology, you should not be hesitant to ask what it means. Whenever someone uses a word that you don't understand, stop the conversation for a minute and ask the person to explain the meaning. Seek Information Some parents seek virtually "tons" of information; others are not so persistent. The important thing is that you request accurate information. You should not be afraid to ask questions, because asking questions will be your first step in beginning to understand more about your child. Learning how to formulate questions is an art that will make life a lot easier for you in the future. A good method is to write down your questions before entering appointments or meetings, and to write down further questions as you think of them during the meeting. Get written copies of all documentation from physicians, teachers, and therapists regarding your child. It is a good idea to buy a three-ring notebook in which to save all information that is given to you. In the future, there will be many uses for information that you have recorded and filed; keep it in a safe place. Again, remember always to ask for copies of evaluations, diagnostic reports, and progress reports. Do Not Be Intimidated Many parents feel inadequate in the presence of people from the medical or educational professions because of their credentials. Do not be intimidated by the educational backgrounds of these and other personnel who may be involved in treating or helping your child. You do not have to apologize for wanting to know what is occurring. Do not be concerned that you are being a bother or are asking too many questions. Remember, this is your child, and the situation has a profound effect on your life and on your child's future. Therefore, it is important that you learn as much as you can about your situation. Take Care of Yourself In times of stress, each person reacts in his or her own way. A few universal recommendations may help: Get sufficient rest; eat as well as you can; take time for yourself; reach out to others for emotional support. Avoid Pity Self-pity, the experience of pity from others, or pity for your child are actually disabling. Pity is not what is needed. Empathy, which is the ability to feel with another person, is the attitude to be encouraged. Avoid Judgements During this period, parents may become judgmental about the way people are reacting toward them or toward their child. Many people's reactions to serious problems are based on a lack of understanding, fear of not knowing what to say, or fear of the unknown. Therefore, others may sometimes react inappropriately, but you need not use too much energy in being concerned over those who are not able to respond in ways that you might prefer. Keep Daily Routines as Normal as Possible My mother once told me, "When a problem arises and you don't know what to do, then you do whatever it was you were going to do anyway." Practicing this habit seems to produce some normalcy and consistency when life becomes hectic. Remember That This is Your Child This person is your child, first and foremost. Granted, your child's development may be different form that of other children, but this does not make your child less valuable, less human, less important, or less in need of your love and parenting. Love and enjoy your child. The child comes first; the disability comes second. If you can relax and take the positive steps just outlined, one at a time, you will do the best you can, your child will benefit, and you can look forward to the future with hope. Recognize That You Are Not Alone The feeling of isolation at the time of diagnosis is almost a universal feeling among parents. In this paper, there are many recommendations to help diminish those feelings of separateness and isolation. You can diminish these feelings by recognizing that they have been experienced by many, many others, that understanding and constructive help are available to you and your child, and that you are not alone. |