I trooped back up the nicely carpeted stairs, silently thanking Quatre for his choice in the current safehouse. I guess you could say I'm a sucker for soft carpeting... Eh, don't mind that.

I tend to get a little absent minded after taking crystal... I can't help it, you know? It's just one of those quirky little side effects.

I pushed the door open to Heero and I's shared room, humming softly to myself. For a second, I pout, as my bare feet encounter wooden floorboards.

Although, I ponder, it was really very stupid of me to assume that Heero wouldn't come back early... Or that something else wouldn't come up.

Frowning briefly, I plop myself into the overstuffed armchair, ignoring the heaps of clothes - all mine - already occupying it. I wrap myself more securely in the sheet I've dragged up with me.

It's time to face the truth: I'm getting reckless. I tap my foot against the chair, crossing my arms in my traditional 'Duo thinking, leave alone,' pose.

I can't allow that to happen. If any one of my teammates - who, as time goes on, I consider more to be brothers, discovers my little 'habit'... I'm done for. I imagine the look on Heero's face. Ouch. I cringe a bit.

You don't understand; I love them, unconditionally. I love them so much I'd die for them - though that's not saying much... I heard a saying once, and I can't really remember where, but someone once said...'Dying for someone isn't a big deal. Anyone can die. However, it takes a real friend to keep on living, day after day.'

Oh, shit. See, I *told* you crystal makes me absent-minded!

Anyway... I don't know if you can understand, what I'm going through here. If they find out...

I sigh, dropping my head into my hands. Eck. Since when did everything get so complicated?

Since you started that obnoxious little habit of yours... An inner voice sing-songily reminded me.

I nearly choked. Why the hell did my inner voice contain an eerie resemblance to Lambchop?!

You don't wanna know, buddy, I thought in defeat.

Crystal meth is such a naughty little habit, you know?

Yeah, well...One of my buds had thought so too... But that hadn't stopped her from doing her own little thing.

I remembered... She'd been one of my few real friends I'd had in this life, I'd met her at my school, she was a senior, two years older than me...The things she'd told me... About her addiction. It wasn't crystal, but close enough. It was one of those new ones, the hallucinagenics? The cops can't test ya for anything, cause it won't show up.

Anyway... She wasn't exactly addicted though, that was the weirdest thing...

She taught me a lot though, all about the different kinds... About her acid trips... She talked about how one of them had 'gone wrong'... I didn't know you could have acid flashbacks... And she'd talk about her awful paranoia, as well...

She'd sit there, telling me, with these big, haunted eyes of hers... About how anything could trigger a flashback, if you'd had a bad trip...

I've seen her, it's eerie. It's hard to explain, but trust me, I know. It sounds mild, but, God, they're not... If her shakes were any indication of how bad it was-...

She told me they're relatively rare, though. The more acid you take, the more chance you have, though it's about a million to one.

Guess she was one of the lucky ones...

I bite my thumbnail, worrying, remembering.

Her reason...? She wasn't really addicted, like I'd said. God... She was so angry at her father. Her father, who gotten angry one night, and screamed at her, beat her, sent her to the hospital, if I remember rightly. He said he was sorry... She was such a good kid! ...She made the best of grades, straight As, all the time, she was involved in  about 20 community service clubs, always helping people, she had a full scholarship to Oxford, on Earth, lined up... She was the person you'd least expect.

That was why she did it. She couldn't hurt her father any other way, she told me one night, when she was high, than to destroy his pride. And she was his only child, his only achiever... She was everything to him.

I visited him, at her funeral. He was a broken old man, weeping and sobbing. His wife was a frail little thing, she seemed half dead as well...

Dammit! ...I'd been the only person that knew. The *only* person. ...And I hadn't told anyone, until it was too late for the knowledge to do any good.

It was my fucking fault. She died, because of my stupidity... And here she'd tell me, looking at me, her small, short figure hunched over, yet radiating with joy at being in my presence, "You know, Duo-babe, that if you keep your habit up, you're going to die in two or three years?"

I can't remember what I'd answered, but she'd replied, "Ach, maybe it's better if I go first..." I thought she was joking. Only joking, right...

She was so small, so beautiful, she nearly glowed with joy and happiness, it was easy to believe she'd never even dream of doing acid.

..."Crystal meth, or speed, Duo-baby, that's the worst of all...Then, maybe, heroin. You know, acid's not really that bad...Not unless something happens to you while you're on it..."

My eyes are full of unshed tears for her, but I shake them off. She doesn't deserve my blubbering for her sake, she's in a better place now...

The door opens, almost silently, and I glance up, ready to be cheerful again. See, that's why I need my crystal-! Without it, I get pretty emotional.

It's better if I'm just relentlessly happy. I can't be feeling sorry for myself or anything, it's stupid. I have to be happy that I'm still here... I still exist, I'm alive! I have my friends - no, brothers - here with me...

"Hey, Heero!" I greet with a big smile on my face, as my eyes meet his stunning ocean ones. ...And I'm serious, his eyes are the exact shade of the ocean... Not to mention, just like it: stormy, intense... I sigh romantically, breaking the moment, for him at least.

His gaze drops, and I return to smiling foolishly at the wall. Actually, that's kinda fun... You should try it...

Eck, rambling. "What's up?" I ask him curiously, but not moved by it enough that I stir.

He glances at me sidelong, and I'm amazed at all the things I can see in his eyes... A pupil, iris, and that white outside part!

Have they named that? I wonder absent-mindedly, while chewing on one of my hangnails.

"Hi," He says noncommittally, striding into the room, then sitting down cross-legged on the floor in front of me. ...I swear, he is so weird sometimes!

He's looking up at me, like I'm the only thing in the world that matters to him. If he keeps that up, I'm going to get all mushy on him...

I smile at him, then lean forward, propping my chin on my hands, almost nose to nose with him.

I don't feel like breaking the beautiful, golden, sunny silence, so I wait for him to say something.