Title:
Finding Yourself 2/?
Authors: Sana and Sayuyuki, this part Sayuyuki
Email: [email protected] (Sana) and [email protected] (Sayuyuki)
Pairing: 1x2
Warnings: angst, lemon, bastardized Relena, AU
Disclaimer: We
don't own them. We're just having fun!
Archive: Sana: The Bitter Taste of Tears: www.geocities.com/sana1x2/
http://www.fanfiction.net
under Sanashi
A Jester's Mask:
http://www.stormpages.com/deathangel02/fanfic.html
Wistful Eyes http://www.stormpages.com/wistfuleye/
Sayuyuki: Enter S.a.y.u. http://www.angelfire.com/gundam/sayu/
DHML fanfiction archive
Author’s notes: Thanks for the reviews! They mean a lot! If you like this, let us know, because feedback always helps us write faster! ^_~ Enjoy!
Heero walked out
into the cold December air, reveling in the feeling. The crisp, chill air only
served to heighten his senses, and he inhaled deeply, enjoying the feel of the
sharp, freezing air.
He followed the cracked sidewalk, crossing street after street, searching for -
something, and not finding it. He jammed his hands in his pockets, feeling
disappointed. Everything was falling apart around him. For twenty-five years,
everything had gone perfectly, even when his parents had died. They'd never
seemed to care about him, and sometimes he doubted that they even remembered his
name. It had all gone fine... 'Till he'd met Relena.
She'd seemed beautiful to him, then, like a butterfly, always flitting from one
social event to another... He remembered when they met, how determined she
seemed, how bright, how cheerful...
He shook his head, angrily. It didn't matter anymore. He was stuck with her now.
"Shit!" He heard ahead, and, feeling curious, stepped to one side,
watching from the shadows so he wouldn't be seen. A girl - no, a woman, with a
long braid of honey-colored hair was cursing her high heels. "Fuck! Ooooh,
dammit all!" She exclaimed furiously. Heero's mouth turned up in a slight
smile. She was wearing a short skirt, revealing her pale, long, smooth legs. Her
top was little better, exposing more than it covered. He considered the vision;
mouth watering.
Before he could make a move to help her, she continued on, cursing fluently all
the way. He'd like to meet a woman who could curse so well, he thought with rare
merriment, forgetting all his worries in a breathless instant.
So, he followed her, keeping his distance, making sure the sound of his
footfalls never reached her ears. He paused as she suddenly vanished from his
sight. Thinking quickly, he decided she must have gone into one of the small
restaurants or bars lining the quaint, old street.
He loitered around the streetlight a block away, wondering if he should go in
there and talk to her... Yet, what good would it do? He couldn't just go in
there and... For once in his life, Heero decided to make an impulsive decision.
He walked briskly up to the door of the - bar - so she'd needed a good drink,
then. He smirked, opening the door of the bar. As he made his way in, he noted
that no one seemed to notice him. Perfect, he thought happily, he didn't want
any attention tonight.
Plopping himself down on an expensive red leather bar stool, he scanned the
booths for the ever-so attractive woman, until he found her, with a group of
raucous men. They were all laughing at her, and pointing, but Heero couldn't see
the reason why from his seat.
Suddenly, her face livid with anger, she got up and made her way over to the bar
counter - sitting right beside him.
Up close, she was more enchanting than ever. Her eyes were a shade of lilac, her
nose was slightly upturned, yet her brows were knitted in an enormous scowl.
"Dammit." She said again, as the bartender drew nearer. He was
stifling giggles, too, and Heero wondered what was so damn funny.
"A-anything I c-can get you, Duo?" The stocky man said, before
dissolving into enormous bouts of laughter.
Duo, that was her name, looked at him icily. He shut up, then asked again, more
seriously, "What'll you be having, Duo - and for you, Mr...?" Heero
started, looking at the man. "Heero." He said. "And I'll have a
Jack Daniels, please." Duo looked over at him, impressed. "Nice
taste," she said, rather huskily. "The same for me too," she
directed at the barkeep.
"Coming right up, Heero, Duo - Ma'am." After saying that he dissolved
into a fit of giggles again. Heero just couldn't figure it out.
After shooting a glare sharp enough to kill at the bartender, she turned her
attention from him to Heero. She smiled up at him, and Heero felt his knees turn
to water. "I come here pretty often, what about you?" She asked, still
smiling.
"Huh?" Was his ever-intelligent answer. "I said..." She
began, but he interrupted. "Ah, oh, no, this is my first time here."
"Really?" She said, looking him over. He felt his cheeks flush, and
she exclaimed, "Aw! You have a really cute blush!" He felt himself
become even redder, and she just giggled.
The bartender chose that moment to bring the drinks, exclaiming, "Drink
up!" Duo just gave him a look, and the look on the man's face faded away.
"H-here you go," he said, stuttering, shoving the drinks out onto the
counter.
Duo grabbed hers, and took a huge swig. "Ah," She said, smacking her
lips together happily. Heero felt a smile break over his face at the sight,
since so few women were so open like that... He'd truly found a gem.
"So...what do you do?" He asked, curiously. "Who, me?" Duo
asked, swallowing a large sip of JD. "No, I was asking myself," Heero
heard himself say, surprised at himself beyond belief. He'd never actually done
anything like that before, just *saying* something and going with it... The
feeling was exhilarating.
Duo looked up at him, eyes sparkling. "Well, I work over here, part-time,
so I get free drinks," she explained, then continued, "but in my spare
time, I like to paint. I mean, I know I'm not that good, and I'm probably just
another wannabe, but..." She blushed, suddenly, muttering, "I'm
babbling, aren't I?"
Heero shook his head rapidly, saying, "No, no... I like to hear you
talk." And it was true, he thought to himself in amazement. He'd never
*really* listened to Relena, even before they married, but Duo... He would
gladly listen to that enchanting voice...
"Well, what do you do, then?" She asked, after a slight pause.
"I? I, ah, write. Well, at least, try to," he confided sadly.
"Why are you so depressed?" She asked, "Usually that's a good
thing. I mean, as long as you love what you're doing..." Heero hung his
head, resting it on his hands, which were propped up on the bar counter. "I
have writer's block, though," he said quietly, ashamed.
"Aw, that's no biggie," Duo told him confidently, waving a hand
indifferently. "At least you know what you want to do, and you know that
you can do it... It's like when I have a blank canvas: just visualize the
emotions you want to make someone feel, and then go from there."
He lifted his face, tentatively smiling at her. "That's a good way to put
it..."
She laughed, saying, "You're the first person who's actually listened to
what I said, not just the sounds my mouth was making."
Lifting his glass, he took a long swig, throat dry from saying so much. She
followed suit, emptying her drink as well. "Thomas!" She exclaimed,
apparently calling the bartender. "What?" came his angry voice from
the back room. "Refill!" She called out gleefully. He came bustling
out, swearing. "Dammit, Duo!" He said, then put the two glasses under
the tap.
"Here," He said, shoving the two frothing glasses back over the
counter to them, "Now don't bother me again."
Heero raised a brow as he left, feeling mildly surprised. "Isn't he your
employer?" "Yeah," she said, laughingly, "He's just pissed
because I'm not working right now and he's the one who actually has to work a
little bit."
Heero smiled, then turned from nursing his drink to Duo to talk again. However,
she was also turning, and their lips ended up being about two inches away from
each other.
Heero felt his heartbeat increase, and his skin suddenly felt very flushed and
hot. He noticed Duo looked about like he felt.
"Duo," Heero breathed, "You're the most beautiful girl I've ever
met...Please...Let me..." He trailed off, then moved in a little closer.
Duo looked alarmed, then pushed him away a bit. "Heero," she said
warningly.
"Ah, I'm sorry! I've never done that before, I'm really sorry, I..."
Heero babbled, pulling away suddenly, embarrassed at his uncouth behavior.
She looked at him, sadly, or so it seemed. "Heero...I have to tell you
something. I haven't been entirely honest with you." He noticed she was
compulsively fiddling with the end of her braid, and twisting the short hem of
her dress in her fists nervously.
He cocked his head to the side, wondering what that would have to do with
anything.
"Heero...I'm a man." She - he said hesitantly.
As her - no, his - words struck him, he gaped at - him.
"N-nani?" He asked, reverting back to his native tongue, and sounding
shaky even to his own ears.
"Heero... I mean... I just thought you should know... It wasn't my idea to
dress like this... Honestly. My friends made a bet; I lost: this was the
result." Duo's voice sounded flat to his ears, and he pulled away.
"Ah, look, Duo... I, I have to go now...I'm, late, yeah, late for a
meeting... Sorry..." He said lamely, then hastily got up. Before he turned
away, he yanked a $50 out of his wallet, thrusting it at Duo.
"For the drinks." He said dully, then exited the small, dimly lit bar
at an almost run.
Duo watched him sadly, and Thomas came up to him, patting him on the shoulder in
a comforting gesture. "It's ok, kid... Some things just aren't meant to
be."
Heero paced in his attic workroom, feeling the soft carpet squish between his
toes. He'd been thinking about Duo ever since he got home. Relena had gone to
bed, as well, following his advice to 'not wait up for him'.
<Stop it!> He internally shouted as his mind pictured Duo in the bar, eyes
gleaming, lips parted slightly in a wide smile. <No.> He told himself, in
a tiny bit calmer mental voice. <Stop! Duo. Is. A. Man.> He told himself
angrily, <and besides, I'm not gay. I was only attracted to Duo because I
thought she - he - was a girl.>
Right... His shoulders slumped, and he sat down slowly in front of the laptop
desk, weary.
Almost of their own accord, his fingers began typing on the keyboard, and he
watched, amazed, as the words began to come faster and faster, until he had
trouble keeping up.
Four hours later, fingers limp and aching, more tired than he thought any human
had a right to be, he had a story. And not just any story, no. It was the story
of a lifetime, the kind that could make careers. Even he, amateur as he was,
could recognize that.
I've broken it! He thought amazedly, I've broken my writers block! Excited, he
rushed down the stairs, taking them two at a time, anxious to share the news
with Relena. He charged into their bedroom, panting.
"Relena!" He said, shaking her slightly, standing beside the bed,
"Relena, wake up!"
"Mmm?" She murmured, looking almost angelic in the silvery light that
came through the window.
"Heero? What time is it?" She asked sleepily, as she slowly came to.
"It doesn't matter, Relena, I've done it! I've really done it!"
"What...?" She muttered, rubbing a hand over her eyelids. "I've
written something!" He exclaimed in joy, nearly beside himself.
"*That's* what you woke me up for?" Her voice was incredulous, even in
it's half stupor. "Heero, anyone can write. Now come to bed with me,
sweetie, and let's get some sleep... Some of us have real jobs, so we have to
get up early in the morning..."
He looked at her, disbelieving. He thought she'd be happy... She wanted him to
make money, right? Well, he knew this book idea would make money - and a lot of
it!
He shook his head slowly. He should've known. She wouldn't change. No matter
what he told himself... Resigning himself to the couch, he headed out of their
bedroom.
He couldn't stand the thought of sleeping with that - repulsive creature
anymore. Your wife was supposed to be your partner, he thought, in a pouty sort
of way. Your wife was supposed to care about you and you were supposed to care
about your wife. He sighed, deeply, wondering how things had ever become so
superficial between them. With a guilty start, he realized that that was the way
things had always been; he'd just never noticed before.
Grabbing a blanket from the storage closet, he walked sedately back up the
stairs to his retreat. There was a nice, plush couch in there...
After wrapping himself up in a soft, comfortable blanket, his last thought
before drifting off to sleep was, "Duo would've cared. Duo would've cared
that I'd broken my writer's block."
TBC