The Transformation of JC

JC had changed. Lance was sure of it. It was quite noticeable to those who knew him and cared about him on more than a business level. Lance knew as Joey and Chris did, even though both pretended they didn’t. Lance wasn’t sure Justin even gave a flying fuck. But Lance... Lance knew. He saw it happening and felt powerless to stop it no matter how he tried to.

JC had always been strange, in his own small ways. He had been dorky and sleepy-eyed for the longest time after Lance had met him. He loved music and he was skinny and bony and tired looking. He had a dopey kinda smile though that made his blue eyes light up. He was also fiercely protective of his “brothers”. He’d watched Justin grow quickly from a 12 year old brat to a full grown piece of smooth muscle and charm. Lance had watched him change too. But the transformation seemed much more natural then JC’s had. Justin had been growing up. JC hadn’t started really changing until he was well into his twenties and completely in love with Justin.

Lance wasn’t homophobic. If anything he was the most open-minded of them all. But Justin who had once seemed as completely enraptured with JC as JC had been with him had stated to them all very plainly that he was not gay. But it had been nearly a year later that he explained just what that had meant. He called a meeting after a concert one night.

Chris and Joey had spent a good portion of the day ribbing on the two ‘lover birds’ about the ‘love-bite’ they had noticed on JC’s neck. He had pure hatred in his eyes as he stared down at the three of them and stated again that he was heterosexual. He didn’t like boys and he didn’t under any circumstances take it up the ass like a ‘faggot’. JC had sat crouched in the corner of the couch. His arms were wrapped tightly around his knees and one hand clutched at his neck through the big fuzzy turtlenecked sweater he was wearing. Lance had focused on JC through out the argument that ensued. Just insisting they weren’t being funny. Chris and Joey saying that it was and that it was their right to joke about it if they wanted to.

Lance had watched a single tear fall down JC’s cheek and Lance’s own heart seemed to ache in his chest. Justin was screaming at the two of them that what he and JC did together was their business and no one elses. Lance had watched JC slink from the room quietly as to not be noticed. He had paused at the door and forced a smile at Lance. It didn’t quite reach his eyes anymore.

A lot of things weren’t the same anymore. It seemed as if Justin had shaved off aspects of his personality along with his curls. He no longer joked with Joey about stupid stuff that didn’t really matter, or sat curled into JC’s lap letting himself be petted. In fact he had started distancing himself from JC all together as though to reaffirm to himself that he wasn’t gay and didn’t need JC to hover over him. It was when sweet innocent Britney became more then just sweet innocent Britney that things really went down hill.

Britney had always been around. She knew about JC. Yet she wanted Justin, even though he hadn’t seemed all that ‘interested’ in her. Then she started belly dancing and baring her breasts and hips and thighs all at the same time. Suddenly Justin was no longer just her friend and JC was being shipped off to ‘his’ room whenever she came to town so they could fuck like bunnies. JC had looked tired again, and more vulnerable then Lance had ever seen him. Lance had knocked on his hotel room door late one night to find JC smiling lazily at him when he opened the door. The room smelled strange and bitter to Lance and JC seemed not so concerned that he was wearing only his underwear. JC had always been very shy about body image. JC was high and Lance was disturbed by the sight of it.

“JC?” he had questioned moving into the room hesitantly. JC had seen the disgust crossing his face and seemed to sober somewhat almost immediately.

“Yeah Lance..”

“Are you okay?” Lance asked quietly.

“No not really... but I will be eventually...” JC attempted another smile and failed once again.

“Stop this... stop hurting yourself over him... he isn’t worth it...” Lance whispered. He reached up to brush a finger down the side of JC’s face. JC flinched away and sighed. Lance watched him pick up a small plastic baggy and walk to the bathroom. He watched through the open door as JC flushed the marijuana down the toilet. JC moved gracefully back into the room again and sat down on the couch. “Josh...” Lance tried again. JC shook his head.

“Don’t... don’t say something about him. You won’t be telling me something new...” he looked up from his lap. “I can’t okay... don’t try and make me.. I’ll be okay...” he whispered and nodded as if to verify the words leaving his mouth.

“He doesn’t deserve you Joshua...” JC’s eyes dropped and he didn’t look up again until the door had closed shut tightly again.

That was when things really went hay-wire. JC had become steadily more quiet but Lance was sure he wasn’t getting high anymore. He watched silently as JC was treated like trash and Justin walked like a proud peacock with Britney on his arm. He watched JC get softer and more relaxed and it didn’t seem right to him. JC started reading and listening to weird shit he hadn’t really liked before. Ani and Enya and weird Irish munk chant cd’s that made Lance’s body feel sleepy and calm. JC was becoming beautiful. Well he always had been but now he was glowing with it and his skin was smooth and soft whenever he brushed against Lance on the bus. His hair was long and he dyed highlights into it. He liked it, Lance kept dreaming about feeling it trailing across various parts of his anatomy. He watched Lance a lot too. Lance thought he might be imagining that though.

Lance liked the new slightly foreign JC though. He liked the soft smiles that suddenly seemed more real then ever before. His eyes brightened when he talked about his knew CD or the book he was reading. Lance thought he was watching JC more often now too...

It was until Lance found himself pressing up against JC that he realized he had fallen in love with the older man. JC was making this little whimpering keening sound in the back of his throat that made Lance’s heart skip a beat every few seconds until he had a completely new rhythm pumping blood through his veins. JC was long and sleek and slick with muscles that moved with the slightest motion of his torso. He had JC beneath him and JC was sucking on his tongue. Lance was suddenly glad they were on the bed in his room where no one disturb them. JC stretched and pulled at Lance’s shirt smiling up at him with lion mane hair and a bright happy gleam in his eyes. Lance was hard and pressed right up against where he wanted to be.

He found himself clutching JC up tight against him as they rocked together. His arms were threaded under JC’s pulling JC up to his mouth and nose. He smelled like vanilla and strawberries. He tasted like velvet cake. He felt like warm silk. JC’s legs were wrapped around his waist and he arched up against his thrusts in a natural easy way that proved he had a dancer’s body. They were twined tightly together, JC’s head swiveling on his neck straining toward and away from Lance with each move of their hips. He groaned and sighed and laughed quietly over and over again. He looked down suddenly at the exact moment that Lance looked up and they seemed to freeze in that moment. Their bodies seized against each other. JC blinked slowly and smiled a little genuine smile. He laid his dead down and pulled Lance up higher against him. Their lips met in a passionate kiss and they began again. Their foreheads were equal to each other and their noses grazed with each thrust in and back out. They were panting into each others mouths and sighing sweet words every few breaths. “God... love... beautiful... grace... so good... there... faster...” they both listened to the words neither sure who had spoken what and when, only that the words were uttered and true and they listened to each quiet command that was made.

They lay tangled together, close and intimate afterward. Lance rested his head on JC’s bony shoulder. JC’s hands were flowing down and across his back and over again. Lance sighed and looked up at him. JC opened his eyes and smiled at him. Lance moved up the bed so they were nose to nose. He touched a hand to JC’s cheek, tracing his lips and nose and cheekbones. He kissed him on the lips for a second before moving away a few inches.

“Talk to me...” JC’s voice was musical in the dim lights.

“What changed you so?” Lance asked, running that same hand through JC’s soft hair. JC’s smile faltered a little. He paused a moment before answering.

“You...” Lance must have looked confused. “You did... you liked me Lance, even when I didn’t like myself... and I thought about it... if someone like can give me the time of day and can know me the way you do and find something worth his time and emotions then there must be something in me worth keeping. And I wanted to be with you... but I had to wait...”

“Wait for what?”

“I had to wait until I got to the point that I could love myself before I could ask you too.”

“You were wrong about that then...” Lance whispered touching his forehead to his own.

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve loved you for a long time. It just took us both waking up and noticing it for things to change...” Lance answered. He felt JC’s forehead ripple up in a smile.

“Really?”

“Yeah...” he whispered. JC giggled against his mouth as they kissed.

“I love you too...” JC whispered.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah...” JC sighed. He seemed to sober some. “Will you help me?” he asked quietly. “He’s not going to be happy Lance...”

“I know... he’s not gonna do this anymore.... he’s not gonna keep you from being happy... you deserve better than him..”Lance whispered. JC smiled again.

“I know... I deserve you...” he tilted his head up again and kissed him again. Lance grinned licking into JC’s mouth and pulled him closer.

Justin didn’t know what he’d had, but it was gone now and Lance was gonna let him go ever again.

Fin