Say My Name, Say My Name - Epilogue

“Who Do You Love?”

Josh Chasez had continued to be a successful man. Justin Timberlake, his business partner, was also his lover. They had come out two years after Nsync died. Their production company was considered the next big thing in the music industry. They were well liked and well respected.

But Josh, wasn’t happy...

~~~`~~~`~~~`~~~`~~~`~~~` ~~~

I watched him, watching someone else. He was my best friend, my lover, and he was watching some eighteen year old dick-head. A new recruit from our publishing division.

It seemed that my whole life was intermingled with his. We worked together, lived together, slept together, traveled, and even vacationed together. You’d think after so many years we have spent loving each other that we would be closer then ever before... it feels like the opposite. I would give up everything and anything to know that he was mine. To know in my soul that I was all he longed for, craved for, lusted for.

Here we are

You tell me I’m the only one

That makes you feel alive... again

And there you go

I see you watching him

When you don’t think I know

Should I let you go?

So who’s it gonna be?

Is it him or me?

I couldn’t watch this anymore. I hated him at that moment, I hated the lust in his eyes. I startle him when I wrap my arms around him. I kiss his neck and he tenses against me. He glances at me over his shoulder before offering a smile, even I know is forced.

“Wanna go home?” I question, smiling in a way I know drives him crazy. He nods, easing away from my embrace. He doesn’t want to leave the company party. It’s written across his face. Another fake smile and we’re on our way again. The limo ride is silent. He sits as far away from me as he can get while still sitting on this side of the car. He stares out the window. I stare at him.

Who do you love?

Who do you need?

You’re messing up my mind

And wasting all my time

Who do you love?

What do you feel?

Stop playing with my heart

You’re tearing me apart

Am I the one

Who can make you fly up above?

Is it me who can take you higher

Than you’re dreaming of?

Now who do you love?

Who do you love?

He is quiet in the elevator and in the hallway leading to our apartment. He is quiet as he stares out the window, staring at the streets below. He holds a glass of brandy, a frown clouds his features. I watch him as I undress. A frown clouds his features as he sips the dark liquid. I approach him again. His frown deepens. I lean against the wall beside him. Silence.

“What’s wrong Justin?” I whisper. His brow furrows.

“Nothing...” he lies. I scoff making him turn to look at me.

“You miss him....” I say softly pushing off the wall. I walk away from him toward the bathroom.

“What are you talking about?” he calls following me to the bathroom. I roll my eyes.

“Lance!” I sputter. He looks away from me. “You can’t have him back.... never again... you do know that... don’t you?” I whisper. He looks away from me.

Turnaround

Do you really think

You’ll play me like a fool

For you?

“You’ve lost him Justin... forever...” he looks up at me with tear filled eyes.

“No...” it is a half whisper, half whimper.

“He’s with Joe now...they got married eight months ago Justin... they adopted a little girl... she’s two... Emily Rachael Fatone...” I continue. “It’s over with him J... and if you don’t wake up and pay attention... you’re gonna lose me too... I won’t let you play around... I won’t stand for it... it hurts to much...” I whisper.

And then I realize

That when you touch me

It’s like nothing I have known

Could I let you go?

And then he’s on me again. His arms snaking around my back. Lips teasing mine, hips pressed up against mine tightly. I whimper into his mouth allowing his tongue inside.

So who’s it gonna be?

Is it him or me?

He pulls me to the bed shedding his clothes as we went. He pushed me down on the bed before climbing up to straddle my waist. My eyes slid closed. He’s licking at my neck and I shudder pulling him down on top of me. I hold him close. I don’t want to let go.

He’s my addiction... I don’t know if I could live without him, without his eyes, his smile, his laugh. I love him too much. He’s too much a part of me. He kisses across my chest and I can’t help but moan.

Who do you love?

Who do you need?

You’re messing up my mind

And wasting all my time

Who do you love?

What do you feel?

Stop playing with my heart

You’re tearing me apart

Am I the one

Who can make you fly up above?

Is it me who can take you higher

Than you’re dreaming of?

Now who do you love?

Who do you love?

Who do you love?

Who do you need?

You’re messing up my mind

And wasting all my time

Who do you love?

What do you feel?

I arch up as he enters me. I’ve missed this, missed him. It’s been forever since we’d been together like this. I’ve longed for his touch, his kisses. I feel his hand touching my face. He tilts my head up. I open my eyes to look at him. He’s looking at me... his eyes fixed to mine, as he thrusts inside of me. And suddenly I see it.

Stop playing with my heart

You’re tearing me apart

Am I the one

Who can make you fly up above?

Is it me who can take you higher

Than you’re dreaming of?

Love. His eyes are full of love, and sincerity, compassion. A longing for me I hadn’t seen in the longest time. He leans down brushing my lips with his. He wants me... only me...

Now who do you love?

I love you Josh... only you...” he whispers, spilling his seed inside of me.

For the first time... I believe the words..

The end.