Title: Before There Was Ezra

Pairing: Taylor/Natalie

Rating: PG

Summary: Natalie can’t sleep at night. There are too many things weighing on her mind.

Author’s Note: I don’t pretend to know what goes on in Taylor and Natalie’s marriage. I don’t know the reasons for their marriage, I try not to even gossip about it. But I have a certain respect and love for all of the Hanson brothers. That makes me wish that this is how it really is. It’s just a possible scenario. So please don’t write and tell me you think differently. I don’t want this to be a pissing contest. If you have something constructive to say, I welcome it. Thanks for reading.

Disclaimer: This is a fictional story depicting real live people. No disrespect or hurt feelings were meant. I make no money from this venture. It’s fiction, not fact.

Natalie lay beside Taylor, unable to sleep. His arm was around her waist. He was quietly snoring behind her. She was exhausted, pregnancy and marriage taking more out of her than she had thought it would. They had only been married for 3 months, and were both adjusting well. But, she still worried.

She worried and she feared. She doubted her ability to pull it off as a wife and as a mother.

And as much as she hated to admit it, even if only at night in the quiet of her mind, she sometimes doubts Taylor. But, just a little.

He was just so different from her. She loved him so much. But she feared that she wasn’t good enough for him and that one day he would wake up and realize it. She mentally slapped herself. It was the former teeny in her that fueled these thoughts. She knew they weren’t logical. Taylor wouldn’t have married her unless he had wanted too. No matter what his parents or her parents had thought about the baby.

But still part of her wondered. They’d been together for over two years. But it was only after they had learned of the baby that “someday” had turned into “3 months from now”.

It had happened so fast: accepting it, telling their parents. First there was the shock, then the anger, and then eventually the excitement at being grandparents. Before she knew it he had proposed, and she had accepted. But she had still had to finish high school, while planning a wedding, and dealing with morning sickness, weight-gain, and dizzy spells.

But, that was all behind her now. School, the wedding, and the first trimester with all of the bad pregnancy symptoms that had come with it. Now she was getting more and more scared again. She had nothing to do but think and worry. Worry about giving birth, of losing Taylor, of never being more than the ‘lucky bitch who snagged THE Taylor Hanson’, of being anything more than a wife and mother.

Still unable to sleep she carefully moved Taylor’s hand and climbed out of bed. She pressed a hand to her aching back and walked quietly from their bedroom.

Natalie found herself heading towards the nursery. It was done in a rainbow of colors. The walls and ceiling painted to resemble a beautiful blue sky, fluffy white clouds dispersed through out, a rainbow cutting across it all, stretching from one corner of the ceiling to the opposite corner. The room had been painted for their baby to enjoy, boy or girl. And so that it could be reused for their second and even third. Taylor wanted a lot of kids. Natalie wasn’t so sure.

She sat down in the sunshine yellow rocking chair, relaxing into the blue a white check pillows her mother had sewn for her. She closed her eyes, and sighed. It took tremendous effort to will away her tears of frustration and fear. The baby had woken, and begun to shift and kick inside her. She pressed a hand to the side of her belly trying to sooth the restless child inside. She leaned her head back and hummed quietly to herself and to the baby.

The door creaked open to her left. The hinges not screwed into the wooden frame as tightly as they should. Taylor poked his head inside, rubbing the sleep from his eyes in the moonlight.

“Nat? What are you doing up? Are you okay? Is it the baby?” he asked. Natalie smiled at his concern.

“No, I’m fine, Taylor. We’re both just fine,” she replied. He sat down on the small footstool in front of her and took her hands in his. She smiled again at the relief in his eyes.

“I was worried. Is the baby kicking?” he asked. She nodded. He pressed one hand to her swollen belly, feeling the baby kick gently.

“Just started. I couldn’t sleep..” she trailed off.

“Is something bothering you? You’ve been getting more and more quiet lately. I figured it was just hormones or something.” She glared at him a moment before responding.

“Taylor! Not every mood and emotion a woman feels directly tied to a hormonal imbalance!” her exasperation made him laugh. His voice was hoarse with sleep, but also held true affection when he spoke again.

“I know. I know. You’re supposed to be able to talk to me, Natalie,” he whispered. Natalie’s eyes fell, looking away from him.

“I’m just,” she paused, “scared I guess.”

“Oh sweetheart. Of what, exactly?” he whispered. His concern made her chest warm. He took her hand in his again.

“Of nothing… of everything. The baby, motherhood,” she paused again. “You,” she whispered.

“Me?” he smiled, but it faded quickly. “Why would you be scared of me? You have to know that I would never hurt you!” he protested. His hands tightened on hers. She nodded.

“I know that, Taylor. Believe me the thought has never crossed my mind. I just don’t want to lose you,” she felt tears on her face then.

“You’re never going to lose me. You’re my wife. You’re having my baby. I’m in love with you. We’re going to be together forever!” he protested.

“But we’re so young, Taylor. And it was all so sudden. The wedding. The baby. I can’t help but feel that the only reason we got married was because of the baby!” she whispered.

“Oh, Natalie. I’ve wanted to marry you for three forevers. I was planning how to ask you before we even found out about the baby. I even had the ring. I was going to wait until after you graduated. I was afraid to scare you off by asking too soon.” His eyes were shining. Natalie gaped at him.

“But we had never even really talked about it!” she said in disbelief.

“Like I said. I was thinking about it!” he laughed quietly. Natalie’s shock must have shown in her face because Taylor let out a bark of laugher.

“You don’t believe me? Come with me.” He helped her pull herself to her feet, leading her down the hall, and carefully down the stairs to the small den they had converted into a home office. He asked her to sit in the big leather desk chair, and moved over to the filing cabinet that sat in the corner. Pulling open the middle drawer he started to dig through the files. He pulled out a folder and began to search through the papers inside. Finally he found what he was looking for. Stopping at the desk he snatched a small post it note from the dispenser and carefully placed it on the bottom right-hand corner.

Natalie watched all of this in confusion. Taylor turned on a side lamp and then knelt beside where she sat. He held out the piece of paper. It was a receipt she realized. It was from a jewelry store. From the same store where they had bought their wedding rings. The date in the corner was a full two months prior to the date of their engagement. He laughed at her. The baby hadn’t even been conceived yet. Natalie began to cry.

“Oh, Taylor,” she whispered. He wiped at her tears, smiling at her all the while. “All this time, part of me thought it was all just because of the baby.” His smile drooped the tiniest bit at her words.

“I love you. Having this baby was a surprise for both of us. But it was a great surprise. A blessing. I don’t regret this baby. And I’ll never regret marrying you. You have got to believe that!”

“I think I’m beginning too,” she said quietly. Taylor stood again leaning over to press his lips to hers.

“Then lets get you and little Jordan Junior back to bed.” He pulled her up from the chair, his arm sliding around her waist, as he guided her from the room.

“I’ve told you already, Taylor. We’re not naming this baby after you!” she laughed.

“What if we named it after me, and then gave him a really awesome middle name. Like my parents did with me!” he suggested. “It’s like family tradition now.” She laughed at him, as they made their way up the stairs again.

“Family tradition it may be, but I’m not sure I want another Jordan running around the house. And for your information, Taylor is not all that awesome a name!”

“Yes it is! I’ve always preferred Taylor,” he objected.

“Yes, I know,” she laughed. “Taylor makes your eyes bluer!” He made a face at her.

“You’re never going to let me live that one down are you?” she shook her head no.

“No way. I still can’t believe you actually said that!”

“I was still a kid! And I was trying to be clever and witty!”

”You came off childish and insane!” she retorted.

“Yeah, well there’s nothing to be done about it now!” Taylor led her into their bedroom, both of them laughing now. He pulled back the covers and helped her lay down, covering her with the down comforter.

“Never mind that,” Natalie spoke, as Taylor climbed in beside her. “We don’t even know if it’s going to be a boy!” Taylor pulled her close, pressing a kiss to her mouth. He grinned at her.

“I don’t need some test to tell me. I just know!” he laughed. Natalie merely shook her head.

“We’ll talk about it in the morning. I’m exhausted.” She yawned then.

“Go back to sleep then, Sweetie,” Taylor murmured, smoothing her heart back off her face.

“Well I would, if you wouldn’t keep me up all night like this!” she giggled.

“Me! I’m not the one getting up out of bed in the middle of the ni..” he was cut off when she pressed her lips to his in a firm kiss.

“Joke, Tay. Go to sleep,” she said softly, pressing closer to him, using his shoulder as a pillow.