The importance list...

The Screaming... I am so very tired of the screaming. The shouted ‘I love you’s’ and empty marriage proposals. They don’t understand love. They don’t understand devotion, and strength, and a love so powerful, so beautiful that it’s mere existence keeps the universe in motion.

They don’t know true love, true bliss, true happiness. They don’t have a fucking clue what they are talking about. The media. The Fans. The whole world thinks they know the five of us. That our lives and hearts are open books. To be read about and photographed for public record. They don’t see the long nights on empty highways. Or cold unfamiliar hotel rooms. They don’t know shit about us. What it is like to be us! To live our lives! To live in their televisions and radios.

They don’t see the sleepless nights filled with nightmares of disappointing our fans, our management, our families.... ourselves. That has to be the worst. We spend so much of our lives catering to what others want, that our own emotions and expectations get thrown to the bottom of the importance list. Who cares if Chris wants to marry Dani? Or that Josh hates being photographed over and over again. They don’t care that Joey isn’t a flirt. That HE’S the one fucking Britney each time we meet up with her. That they want to spend the rest of their lives lost in each others eyes.

All they see is what we ALLOW them to see. They don’t see the heartache. The pain of fitting their standards 24/7. They really don’t give a fuck. Because they got our piece of flesh. They got their wet dream, their bedroom wall poster, their sweet lullaby.

They don’t understand love and lust and true beauty. They see only what we put out for them to see, and hear, and think. Yet, they are still to blind to really understand what is right and true.

They tell me I am beautiful... are they insane? Do they not see the beautiful creature standing beside me? With his flawless skin and soft soft voice. Do they not hear the passion when HE sings, see the sincerity when HE speaks? Are they blind? I am nothing compared to him. Nothing...

He is beautiful. He is Perfect, and sweet, and intelligent. He is the one that keeps me going. He keeps us all sane and together. He makes this life of lies and fake smiles liveable, bearable. He keeps me from falling apart at the seams.

No one knows.. Of the sleepless nights, where he holds me close, running his fingers through my hair and soothing my anguished cries. Where he sings me soft promises of love and forever. Where I am the be-all and end-all of his world, of his existence. No one hears his moans of pleasure when we make love. Or the way his lips sigh my name after he comes inside of me. No one sees his face so beautiful after a night of pleasure. The easy smile of satisfaction and contentment that crosses his features. The way his arms keep me close in sleep and make me feel so damn SAFE and LOVED.

That ladies and gentleman is love. That is devotion and strength. Giving over every dream and wish to that one person, who knows you better than they know themselves. That is Lance. That is my life. My reason for living and breathing. He is MINE and I am HIS and that is the only reason the world spins. He is the center of my universe. Without him I am nothing. I am simply a skinny white boy form Tennessee. With the curly hair (which I hate.. But he loves..).

They say I am beautiful. That I am innocent and angelic and irresistible. They obviously haven’t met Lance. For he is perfection personified. He is a living breathing God; sent to this miserable little planet to make it not-so-bad-after-all. He is love. And I will never forget that. So ten years down the road, when ‘N’Sync’ is no more a household name, when some other boy is making little girls scream... he will still be mine... and I will still be his... and nothing in this god-forsaken world will ever steal that from us.... He IS my Importance list.