Title:
Close Enough
Author:
Sammymc 83 @ comcast.net (remove the spaces)
Pairing:
None
Summary:
Lance isn’t close to the rest of the guys.
Lance
isn’t close to the rest of the guys. He’s not always 100% sure why. But he has
his ideas. He hasn’t known them that long. They’d all known each other for
months, if not years before he came along. Justin and JC since the MMC. JC and
Joey for even longer. Joey had been one of the first people JC had met upon
first moving to Orlando. Justin and Joey had known Chris through local
auditions, and the Universal circuit respectively, and Lance was the outsider.
Lance was the one who had been recommended by a third person. They’d been a
pretty well established group before. And then Jason had dropped out one day
with no warning. ‘N Sync was out an N, and they’d needed a bass voice to round
out the sound.
So
Lance had been invited to come down and audition, and they’d sung “I Thought
She Knew”. It’d been magic. It’d been perfect. Lance’s voice fit with theirs
just the way it was supposed too. It was like fate. The guys had all smiled,
and nodded, and then they were all trying to convince Lance’s Mama that this
was the best opportunity for him. “Once in a lifetime!” they said. It was his
only chance for something like this. Lance had been right there, big green eyes
pleading with her too. And she’d relented, and called Jim back in MS, to tell
him they’d be staying longer then they’d planned.
Everything
had been great up until they’d asked Lance to dance. That’s where smiles had
frozen in place, and Lance had felt his heart sink in his chest. Because Lance
was not a dancer. He didn’t like to dance, he hadn’t done much of it in the
past, and he wasn’t sure he could learn. That had been the down turn in their
upward momentum toward true friendship.
So
here he was six months later, toiling in the studio, that Lou had rented for
them, watching the choreographer go over this particular dance routine for the
52nd time that day, and watching himself stumble in the same spot
*again*. Lance hung his head, wiping the sweat off his forehead, as he
watched Justin finish the song, with his eyes half closed, not even fully
awake, but finishing the song anyway. Chris was rolling his eyes, and heading
for the side of the dance studio where his bag was located. Joey was talking to
JC, both of them trying to smile, when his eyes caught theirs, and failing
miserably. Lance turned to Darren instead.
Darren
had *that* smile on his face again. The very displeased, and exasperated smile,
he usually showed Lance when he was having this kind of rehearsal. Lance was
afraid he would run out of that smile eventually and give up on him. Darren
walked up to him, and patted his shoulder.
“You
need to relax, Lance. Just let it flow. You can do better than this, I know you
can.” Darren said confidently. Darren was wonderful at trying to make Lance
feel better about himself. They heard a quiet scoff from the other side of the
room. Lance didn’t look, though he knew Darren did, his face darkening in response.
Darren stepped a fraction closer, lowering his voice. “We’ll work on it. Okay?
I’ve got a few hours.” Lance nodded quickly, fighting back tears. He was too
old for this that shit. He told himself. He walked to where his bag was
located, and found his bottle of water.
“That’s
enough for tonight, guys. Get out of my hair!” Darren called, shutting down the
stereo, and fiddling with his own bags. Lance let himself slide to the floor
then, back to the mirrored wall. He watched the other guys start packing up
their bags. Justin had slid down the wall, already mostly asleep.
“Come
on, J.. I’ll drive you home, you’re on the way..” JC said, pulling him to his
feet with little resistance. Then JC was looking at Lance. “Lance, your Mom
coming?” he asked. Lance looked at him a moment before answering.
“Yeah,
she should be here soon.” Lance said quietly, too exhausted to be loud just
then. JC smiled and nodded, pulling Justin from the room. Followed closely by
Joey and Chris, who were arguing about the small braids, Chris had had put in
his hair the week before on a dare. Joey thought it was time to remove them,
but Chris said that he kinda liked them. Lance returned the absent waves they
sent his way, before letting his head fall back against the cool glass again.
Darren was still moving around on the other side of the hall. He let Lance veg
for a few more minutes before walking over with a fresh bottle of water.
“Come
on, Lance. I know you’re tired, but we can’t let your muscles cramp up. A few
more hours, and some cool down, and you can go home and get some sleep. Now go
call your Mama, and tell her you’ll be late.” Darren ordered. Lance nodded,
finishing off his old bottle of water and twisting the cap off his new one. He
pulled himself up off the floor, and went out to the bank of pay phones to tell
his mother he didn’t need her for at least 2 or 3 more hours. She didn’t sound
pleased, but at least she didn’t argue with him for more than a minute. Then he
was back in the studio, and that damn song was being played once more. And
Lance was dancing again.
It
was a little over an hour and a half later that JC made it back to the studio.
Justin had left his notebook sitting in the corner, the one with all his
homework in it for the next morning, and he’d asked JC to please run back and
get it for him, please?? JC had given in, because he’d always given in. Because
Justin was just a kid, and he’d been working so hard to make everything
perfect. Justin was only 15 and he was working his ass off, doing school in the
morning, practicing all day, and doing homework at night and during what few
breaks they had during rehearsal. So yeah, JC had agreed to go all the way back
to the dance studio, even though it meant a 45 minute drive each way in the
Orlando tourist traffic. He’d agreed. Though he was surprised, when he pulled
his beat up old car into the parking lot, to find all the lights on inside, and
Darren’s car still parked in the side lot. He’d thought he’d use his key, and
the security code they’d all memorized to sneak in and get the binder, and then
get out before the security company even noticed his presence. He did not
expect to find the main doors unlocked, and their music, echoing down the hall
a good hour and a half after they’d all left for the evening. He moved silently
as he headed down the hall toward the studio. He could hear movement inside,
and Darren offering quiet encouragement, but he was still shocked when he got
close enough to see inside.
There
was Lance, little bumbling Lance, sweaty and exhausted and still dancing, well
after they’d all gotten home and into bed. He was dancing better than he had
ever danced before, JC noted. Like he knew what he was doing, like the steps
were ingrained in his very muscles. He was dancing, really dancing for the
first time since JC had known him. He got to the part where he’d been screwing
up all day, and kept right on going, danced right through the usual bumble and
straight through to the end, holding the last position a beat longer then
normal, and then wilting to the ground in a mess of shakey limbed exhaustion.
“I
told you, you could do it, Lance!” Darren said, grinning, squatting down beside
Lance’s head, and dropping a hand towel over his face. “You just needed to
relax!” Darren was laughing, as he stood up once more.
“Yeah,
Dare, sure. I’ll just spend 14 hours working myself into exhaustion everyday,
so that I’m relaxed enough to get it right when it really matters!” Lance
snarked back, letting the white towel rest there, shielding his face from the
bright studio lights. “I don’t know if I can keep doing this,” Lance said
quietly. Darren froze in place and turned back to look at Lance.
“Where’s
that coming from, Lance? This is your dream. You’re getting better. You just
have to learn to relax. Your body can do the moves, you just have to not think
so much and let it do its job for once. It’s just a bit more practice then the
rest of the guys are getting.” Darren was trying to be encouraging. Lance shook
his head, face still covered by the towel.
“It’s
not just the dancing. So, what is a few extra hours a night of rehearsal? I can
deal with that, Darren. I have been since week one. That doesn’t bother me. We
both know I need all the extra time you can give me.” He paused. “It’s the rest
of it that I’m worried about.” He trailed off then. Darren frowned.
“Did
one of the guys say something, Lance? Because I’ll talk to them, you know I
will. They have no business saying you don’t practice hard enough.” Darren
shook his head, then, tone changing when he spoke again. “If you’d just let me
tell them about the extra practices..” Lance cut him off.
“No,
Darren! We both know that would just make it worse. Instead of being introduced
as Lance the worst dancer in Nsync, I’d be introduced as Lance the worst dancer
in Nsync even though he gets extra practices every week like a big baby!”
Darren laughed at that.
“I
doubt that any of the guys introduce you to people like that!” he crowed. Lance
grinned, his smile just visible under the towel.
“Well,
no. Not exactly. But close enough,” he trailed off again. “But I don’t think
we’ll have to worry about that much longer, any way Darren.” He sounded like he
was about to cry.
“Come
on, kiddo. What’s goin’ on?” Darren asked, moving to sit beside Lance’s head.
Lance reached up to pull away the towel.
“I,” he paused taking a deep breath before
continuing. “I had to go down to the office last night, with my Mama. Lou
wanted to talk to her about something. I don’t know what. Anyway while we were
waiting, I heard Lou and Johnny talking in his office. I was going to use the
restroom, you know you have to go half way down that hallway to get to it,
almost to Lou’s door, and they didn’t have the door closed all the way. And..”
Lance paused again and swallowed hard before talking once more. “Lou said the
guy from BMG Germany who was here last week, really liked the group, and the
songs and everything, but that he would only consider signing Nsync if I wasn’t
part of it. Lou said that I was too far behind, and that I couldn’t dance. And
that was half of what they were looking for. Lou and Johnny agreed to let the
guys make the decision, and that they would ask them tomorrow night when we go
down to the office, for the biweekly meeting.” Lance had tears flowing down his
face, but he kept his voice from shaking. “I don’t know why we bothered
tonight, Darren. By tomorrow night I won’t even be a part of Nsync anymore.
What was the point of all this, if I’m never going to be good enough?”
“Lance,
what makes you so sure the guys will just toss you out on your ear, anyway?
Sure, you’re not the best of friends yet, but that’ll come with time. Vocally
there is no match for the five of you when you sing together.” Darren said
quietly. Lance shook his head.
“That
doesn’t matter, Darren. You know it doesn’t. Dancing is half the requirement of
being in Nsync and you and I both know I will never be the dancer Justin and JC
are. I can barely keep up with them as it is, and I still screw up nearly every
single time. The guys don’t like me. I don’t know why they haven’t kicked me to
the curb a long time ago. I never should have thought this was going to work.
Who would want me, to be in a pop group anyway?” Darren sighed before
responding.
“You
just need to have a little faith. They’re good guys. If they knew how hard you
were working, they wouldn’t treat you the way they have been. Now, get up,
Lance, you have some stretching to do before your Mama gets here,” Darren
ordered, standing effortlessly up off the floor. Lance groaned but followed suit,
pulling himself up off the floor at a much slower pace.
JC,
ducked back down the hall and out of sight, momentarily forgetting about the
notebook he’d come all this way to get. He blinked back unwanted tears as he
leaned against the wall in the entrance hall and remembered everything he’d
just seen.
Lance. Little floppy haired Lance, who couldn’t dance. Lance with the amazing
voice, and the quiet personality. Lance who had apparently been working much
harder than any of them had thought, or even suspected. Lance who COULD dance
when he let himself, when none of them were there watching and making him feel
horrible about his dancing ability.
JC
ran a hand through his hair. Get rid of Lance? Have Nsync without Lance? Lance
who was working soo hard everyday to be good enough, and who made their sound
perfect and whole? No way. Not if JC had anything to say about it.
Heading
out the door, and back to his car, he headed for Chris’ house. They had some
stuff to talk about. And a meeting to call first thing in the morning. There
was no way, JC was going to let Lance get kicked out of the group now. Not when
they’d come so far already. Not when Lance was so dedicated and fit with them
so well. He meant too much to them.