Song Fic: Angels Would Fall

Josh crept quietly into the recording studio situated on the first floor of his home. Joey and Justin were asleep upstairs. He didn’t want to wake them. He shut the door behind him. He had to record this, tonight. Melissa Etheridge was outstanding but he needed to here his own voice singing the words. Maybe then he could follow his own advice.

He squared his shoulders before setting up the sound board. He had specifically designed the studio to be workable with just himself running the show. He triggered it to be controlled by the remote before stepping out into the recording booth.

He sighed trying to relax. The melody floated through his mind before he started to sing the all too familiar words.

The rope that’s wrapped around me

Is cutting through my skin

And the doubts that have surrounded me

Are finding their way in

I keep it close to me

Like a holy man prays,

in my desperate hour

It’s better that way

He sung clearly and soulfully. His eyes fluttering closed in a mixture of emotions. Sadness at how true the song was, relief that the words provided a release, pain of loving someone so much it hurt. The deep feelings of love and lust poured out through *his* voice and *her* words. His thoughts automatically slipping to the one he loved unconditionally. Of Justin.

So I’ll come by and see you again

I’ll be such a very good friend

Have mercy on my soul

I will never let you know

Where my mind has been

Angels never came down

There’s no one here they want to hang around

But if they knew

If they knew you at all

Then one by one the angels

Angels would fall.

His fists balled up at the chorus. He loved Justin. He lusted for him. But he could never tell his best friend how he felt.

To JC, Justin was as perfect as any man could be. He understood why 90% of their fans screamed Justin’s name the loudest. He himself liked Justin the best. Not that he’d ever admit to that aloud. He was their all American golden boy, with a head of blond curls to match. He was sweet and so damn innocent.

I’ve crept into your temple

I have slept upon your pew

I’ve dreamed of the divinity

inside and out of you

I want it more than truth

I can taste it on my breath

I would give my life just for a little death

Tears battled with his self-control as they built up behind his eyes. He blinked a few times before letting them fall steadily once again. He hated crying. But crying had become a frequent pastime recently. He kept his cries from corrupting the smoothness of his voice as he sang the chorus again.

So I’ll come by and see you agin

I’ll be such a very good friend

I will not look upon your face

I will not touch upon your grace

Your ecclesiastic skin

He could just picture Justin in his mind; laughing at a corny joke, frowning at bad news, smiling widely at his little brothers. Jumping around and living up to his nick name of ‘Bounce. He could also see the disappointment Justin tried to hide when their free day was cut short or they arrived home in Orlando to find Lynn gone out on tour again. The way his face turned red when he cried, How only Josh was allowed to witness the moments of weakness, where he wanted to sob and scream in frustration. He even remembered how he would fall asleep alone and wake up with the blond adonis wrapped around him in sleep.

Angels never came down

There’s no one here they want to hang around

But if they knew

If they knew you at all

Then one by one the angels

Angels would fall

Josh bit back a sob pulling his head back up from it’s slumped position. His eyes opened slowly and he felt every muscle in him tense. There standing on the other side of the glass, tears cascading from his eyes watching and listening. Josh’s eyes never wavered from Justin as he finished the last lines.

I’ll come by and see you agin

I’ll be such a very good friend

If I whisper they will know

I’ll just turn around and go

You will never know my sin

Silence....

“Curly?” JC whispered. Justin’s brow furrowed. He pushed the door open moving inside. His face held both compassion and sadness.

“Oh Josh...” he whispered. “You never told me..” he suddenly smiled softly. “You never told me... so that I could tell you...” he whispered moving closer to the older man. A new emotion filled his features that JC recognized immediately. Love... real love shined form the boy and he felt his heart jump in reaction.

“Tell me what?” he whispered. Justin continued moving closer. He stopped when he reached the brunette. He smiled wider his tears ceasing to fall. He leaned forward pressing his lips to Josh’s in a sweet and gentle kiss. He pushed Josh back on the bench moving to straddle his thighs. Justin broke the kiss to rest his forehead on JC’s.

“That I love you too....” Justin answered folding his arms around Josh in a close embrace. Josh let a sob break free burying his face in Justin’s curls. He wound his arms around the blond holding him closer.

“I do love you... God, I really really do Justin....” he confessed breathing in the boys fresh scent.

“I know Josh... I know you do...”Justin replied comforting his friend as he cried. “Now I know.. Things can be better now... I promise...”

“Angels Would Fall..” ~ sung and written by Melissa Etheridge.