HERE WE ARE:
unedited, unrevised, and NAKED FACE DOWN IN A SNOW BANK.
THATS HOT!
Word up, dog, and welcome to the page dedicated solely to.. how to bake cookies (and your mother). Or, as the process is commonly referred to as SAM AND JES, the two punk rockahs in Lewiston, Maine. You ever been to Maine? No? I didn't think so. Wanna know why? It's because THERES NOTHING HERE. It's a big fat moose ridden whore house. That's ALL. No music scene, no cool homeless hippies living on the side of the road, no decent downtown to walk around. NOTHING. It's terrible. So this is what we do.. Make a web page dedicated to cookie baking (and yo' momma).
About Sam ">About Sam
Sam I Am: That's me. I'm the younger one - 14, it sucks, but I can't do a whole hell of a lot about it, so who cares. I busted into Lewiston High School claiming punk rock, and pissed a whole bunch of people off, including the people I'm most fond of, the WHITE G THUGS. They hate me. They parade around in their little homie doo rags, talking about how much of a dyke I am (really only half, but I suppose people will think what they're gonna think), and spreading oh-so-terrible rumors about how I'm "talkin' shiznit" about them. PFFFFT. I'm boring as hell and just as rude. Get over it before you read much more of this, cause it's not changing. At the moment, my hair's kinda.. blue and purple, or something, and CLEAN (oh my god, it's one of those once-in-a-lifetime things..). I like punk. Even though it's dead (like yo' mutha). Punk, computers, photography, and.. some other boring stuff.. Yea, I'm done.
Jes (who is not Sam I am): Why am i not sam? because Im jes. Im older--HAHA SAM- IVE PAID MY DUES IN HIGH SCHOOL. that means college next year. No one hates me, unless they do hate me, but it doesnt matter much cause they dont get to talk to me as much as i talk to me so im the only one i have to live with, so somehow i come out on top...of what though? AAHHH! never mind. So, so...so what? danm good question. I tend to go on tangents, tangents that don't make much sence but a few people understand anyway, and usually i understand, but sometimes...well, sometimes i dont.CLICK HERE TO SEE THE AMAZIN' CANTALOPE MAN <
Collective SAM-i-am-not-SAM-im-JES: -- sam be typing this shit -- Ok, so, we're a sucky freshman and a just-as-sucky senior. Big deal, right? No. Little itty bitty deal, so get over it. You don't mind anyway. Chances are, if you're here, you're lying face down in the snow without your shirt on (and you can see my tit in that picture, damnit.. Chad was having way too much fun with the camera...) AHEM. Yea, chances are, if you're here, you're bored anyway. So how the hell do a freshman and a senior get off hangin out listening to punk rock together? They clone each other (and your mother). NO. I waltzed into the glorious LHS (lewiston HIGH SCHOOL, nigga!) in my skanky bondage skirt and punk rock ge-ah (erm, gear). It just so happened that our dear friend Jesica was wearing her skanky ass bondage PANTS, and nearly the same goddamn thing as me. So she was a little frightened. Just kinda stared at me, didn't say anything. Needless to say, I was a bit upset. I mean here I was, this hot punk rock chick (what the hell? That doesn't make sense..) walkin' into some shithole highschool, REPRESENTIN tha PUNK ROCK SCENE, yo, and this OTHER completely hot punk rock chick in the same damn shithole highschool didn't even talk to me.
(jesica speaks) my story-yeah, all i could think was uhh...whend she get the cloths off my fuckin floor and steal my glue? that and something about the floor having spit on it, probly my spit, i dont remember...that was theblank stare she refers too. (back to SAM i am): So yea, we met. It was an odd occurance. "Hey, Samantha." The first thought that went through my head: Where the FUCK does this BITCH get off calling me SAMANTHA? BULL SHIT. Second thought: Hey, I got those shoes.. And shirt.. And.. hair.. FUCK YOU! But yea, we met, and pretty much the first night I knew her we got drunk and walked around town. Drunk. Holding hands (so I wouldn't fall off the bridge or wander off into traffic. We looked a little like this..
It was my first time hitting the bottle). We had to prevail through a million crazy cat calls about how we were such dykes and blah blah blah. You know it's just cause we're so hot. And smell funny. But SHUT UP. So that was the meeting of SAM i am and SAM i am not im JES. Ever since, people have been confusing us and fucking our lives up worse than we ever could (even though Jes has fatter feet.....)So here we are. Ugly, torn, tattered, ok I'm sounded emo and melodramatic AS FUCK, so I'll stop. (Cheer up, emo kid, or I'll CRACK YOU IN THE FACE). Fuck you, fuck me, fuck it all.
(jes sez)
Alchoolic parents suck...Where the hell am I supposed to go? Hmmm....haha...its ok..im not gonna bitch about this shit...no reason too, i got it easy and i know it.
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Sam snickers from the background.. Hey.. If you put love in one hand and shit in the other, guess which one fills up faster? (Credit to Dustin Day. "I COULD BE YO' HERO, BABAY" .. Except you won't give pants a chance, BIZNOTCH.. Jesus f'n christ..)
And if you still want to know how to bake your goddamn cookies, look on the back of the box, you stupid fuck.
.. "I'd do 'em." "I'd videotape you doin' 'em."