WHERE I LIVE
Firstly, I was born in Southampton, in the UK, on the 21st September 1983. It's not a bad city really. Sure, theres not a lot to do, most of the people suck, and theres a weird smell when its sunny, but hey, it could be worse, I could live in Portsmouth. The bit I live in is Bursledon, a quiet little craphole where the main attraction is a big Tesco and many pubs.
EDUCATION/ LACK OF
I went to Bursledon Infant and Junior schools before going to Hamble Comprehensive, where I met all my friends, a lot of people who took the piss out of me for 5 years, and a few people who I dont really remember. I'm now at Itchen college, studying Politics, Electronics and Spanish. Last year I did Maths and Physics as well, but they were a waste of both my time and college resources. After a year out Im going to University of Wales Aberystwyth to study politics and intelligence studies.
CAREER
I want to be in the Army and kill things. Dont even bother asking why, because I really dont know.
FAMILY
Not a bad lot really. I get on well with my dad (probably because we dont live together) and extensive step family on his side. I live with my mum, whose idiocy is only outweighed by her total lack of regard for my wishes or feelings. I wouldn't say that shes the worst person in the world I could have for a mother though. Oh no, that would be slanderous. If I had my friend Nigels mum, I'd probably be dead already. I don't have any justification for this except that whatever she thinks, I usually think the opposite. And shes a psycho. Seriously, if she read this part, she'd probably sue me just to teach me a lesson. Or have me killed by her network of spies. Unfortunately I havn't seen her in quite a long time, and I really need reminding to make me thankful for what I've got. Anyway...
FRIENDS
Mostly people I've met at Hamble or in college. Possibly the strangest mix of people ever to be thrown together. You see, whilst most groups of friends share most of their opinions, my lot are so divided its on the brink of hilarity. They range from a very effeminate Marxist bass player with hippy dress sense, to a Conservative-bordering-fascist with a rather scary obsession with projectile weaponry. However, the differences in the group have torn us apart, and some of the people whose friendship I miss the most are those who I've estranged through my own social ineptitude. (You know who you are, and I really am sorry.)
WOMEN/ LACK OF
My life was a romantic wasteland until fairly recently. No matter what women I fell for, they just werent interested. I cant blame them, or the guys they eventually hooked up with. I was emotionally closed off, and could never tell any of them how I felt. Except for one, who instantly confirmed my fear that it wasnt worth the trouble anyway. Actually make that two. My current girlfriend Kate is probably the best thing thats happened to me ever, and for some reason is deluded enough to think that I might be worth a go. She's great!
LIKES
Music, most types except pop, classical and anything where you cant make out the lyrics or melody because of the noise.
Chocolate. MMMmmmmmm.......
Kate (better than chocolate and music put together!)
Sleeping
Cats, except that one who comes round my house pretending he lives there and starts fights with my cats. Hes a bit of a hairy feline tosspot. It's weird how animals sometimes develop personalities and quirks. Some are affectionate, kind and loving. Some are stuck-up and aloof. Some have serious mental difficulties. And then some are the little furry versions of Satan whose only purpose in life is to attack your windows at 3.30 in the morning and then shit on your car. Bastards.
DISLIKES
Health food. Its not real food. Its a way of making you feel better about yourself.
Public transport, which should be renamed public waiting around for non existent transport, or public crashing and death.
Communists. (Except for Tom)
Fascists.
Rugby League. Americanised woosy crap for people who cant hack a 500 pound fat bloke landing on their head.
Portsmouth. Theres a story I once heard about how Portsmouth was founded, and I maintain that it is historically accurate. During the time when God flooded the Earth, and Noah was on his ark with all his animals, there were no land masses, and everyone had been drowned (except the fish and ducks and really good swimmers). After a few weeks on board the Ark, Noah had noticed it was day by day getting lower and lower in the water. What had happened is that all the animal shit had been piling up, and was beginning to sink the boat. To solve this problem, all of the horrible, disgusting excrement, faeces and crap was pushed over the side. They called it Portsmouth.
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