Week 4 - Bad Movies II, the Attack of the Bad Movies
Okay, people, I�m going to be perfectly honest here. I�m writing this on the same night as week 3. It�s not that I�m trying to do the work when I have time and so that I don�t have to do it later. It�s just that I�ve got spare time now, and I don�t want to have to do this later.
Beginning of the End � giant grasshoppers. Yes, you read that right, this movie is about giant grasshoppers. It�s a hideous movie that involves giant insects spawning so much that they pretty much take over the world. The movie is brought down from its climax in about the last minute and a half or so, so this is definitely a must have if you�re planning on a bad-movie fest. I�d say two and a half out of five stars.
The Tingler � at least it�s Vincent Price. This is a movie about a parasitic creature that lives in your spinal column and feasts off of fear and is killed by screaming in some way that�s never fully explained. This movie gets bonus points for a couple great innovations. First and foremost amongst which is the color sequence in an otherwise black and white movie that�s used to add a touch of madness to the death of a character�s deaf-mute wife. Another great invention was only used in the theaters, in which the seats would vibrate when the tingler would �get loose in the audience� or during �frightening� moments. I�d give it a 1.6 out of 5.
Star Wars, Episode II: Attack of the Clones � I tried to like this movie, I really did. And I must say that I am grateful for a few things, such as the vastly reduced role of Jar-Jar. But there were a few parts that I just couldn�t stand, such as Anakin�s incredibly sappy �I don�t like the sand� line. I mean, come on folks, that was just plain bad. Of course, the movie had some cool parts, like Jango Fett. I�d say 1.5 of 5.
Jesus � okay, so Jesus isn�t a movie. I want to complain about Jesus anyway, so you have to listen. God, I love being able to say that. Jesus bothers me because of extremist Christians who get offended if you tell a joke that has the word Jesus in it. I mean, with all the crimes committed in the name of Christianity. I mean, there have been the crusades, the Spanish Inquisition, the burning of the Druids while they were still alive, the hanging of the �witches� in Salem. I mean, it just doesn�t make sense. Jesus was nothing more than a liberal Jew who got himself nailed to a big wooden letter �t�. I�d give him a 97 out of 5.
The Monster that Challenged the World � AHHHH! MY EYES STILL STING FROM WATCHING THIS MOVIE A WEEK AGO! It has to do with giant slug/snail things in Southern California. I don�t understand how it was that this monster �challenged the world� but it didn�t do it very entertainingly at any rate. 5 out of 5.
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