Live, Love, and Hate – by Orpheus

 

Week 74 – Fall to Zero (breakfast)

 

                (8/11/05 7:55 A.M. *gasp!*) Um, okay, first off, the first part of the title is a reference to As We Wept, by Demon Hunter, and the second part has to do with my eating breakfast for the first time in something around a month and a half this morning. I haven’t slept in roughly twenty hours, more on that later. I’ve got a dentist appointment coming up at 3:30 or 3:40 or something today, that’s gonna really suck. Dentists are my natural enemies, in much the same way as spiders are to bugs, fish to sharks, snakes to mice, and haggis to gorillas.

 

                In the last forty eight hours, here is a list of some of the things that I have done, it is by no means exhaustive, and it is probably going to be more than a little out of order: written a (relatively) long, rambling e-mail to R, written a suicide note, took 9 of a pill that you’re supposed to take a max of 3 a day (and that was all within 3 hours), tried to convince Amy not to kill herself, talked with C, read a book cover-to-cover without putting it down except to be confused about my life or to get some water or relieve my bladder (a short book, mind you, only 401 pages), finished another book that I was already mostly done with (probably 100 pages or so had been left in it), contemplated a much more decidedly lethal overdose, showered (but I do that everyday), taken some pictures for a music video of Mad World that I’m kinda idly working on, watched Donnie Darko (best move EVER) and all the deleted scenes on the DVD, laughed at strange moments for no discernable reason, had a constant headache, listened to 80s music, told two different non-R girls that I loved them and meant it full-well, drank Mountain Dew, gotten a new thing for the top thing that I never fucking want to ever have to hear again, been very confused, had an itch on my chin, played Doom 3, decided that what I want isn’t to die but rather to have a chance to start over, been very bored, translated the song Ohne Dich by Rammstein into English from German, worn a pirate hat, watched TV, read a lot of webcomics, heard the new version of Brainclaw’s Dead Monsters, and eaten four meals (lunch, dinner, Jeff, and breakfast, in that order).

 

                And I know I’m missing a lot from the above paragraph, as you can tell, I’ve been rather busy. Well, not really, I’ve found a lot of time to slack off during all this. You’re probably wondering who those two girls are, at least, I’d hope you would be (god, my head hurts). They’d be Amy and C. Yes, C, one of the least used Letters (right up there with L), which is kinda funny considering I’ve been nursing a soft spot for her since last summer, I mean, it didn’t really take off and become, well, what it is now until quite recently, though. She was, ironically, not referred to as C in what was probably her most important appearance in LLH, that being Herald of the Storm, wherein she played the Fish. Ah, irony on multiple levels.

 

                (resumed, 8/11/05, 11:14 P.M.) Oh, by the way, that thing that I never want to have to hear again, it was something along the lines of “I love you, too, [Orpheus], but I don’t think in the same way that you’re talking about”. Y’know, I suppose the reason that I waited so long to tell those two what I did yesterday was that I was, like, expecting the world to end when I did, or something. Not, like, a literal apocalypse or anything of the sort, but rather that it would be like a very much sped up version of what happened between myself and R where we just kind of got torn apart. And seeing as how those two are pretty much the only people I talk to anymore, it might just as well have been the end of the world if I’d lost them. But it didn’t, and more importantly, I didn’t.

 

This is Orpheus, signing off for Week 74, send topics to [email protected]