Live, Love, and Hate – by
Orpheus
Week 69 – Lunch, dinner, Jeff
(7/7/05) Tonight, I ate Jeff
alone. Not that I’m not normally alone when I eat Jeff, but usually Amy and/or
C is/are online at the time and I’m talking with them. Okay, let me back up and
explain what I’m talking about. With the way my schedule is these days,
breakfast just isn’t practical; during the weekdays I just don’t have enough
time when I’m getting around in the morning, and on the weekends, I sleep
until, 11 or noon usually. However, I try and still eat three meals a day, so I
have one between 10:30 PM and midnight, I call it Jeff.
I keep forgetting just how
awesome these two bands (Tiamat and Genitorturers) are, I need to get some of their CDs. Tiamat’s got good music and lyrics (and their cover of
Sympathy for the Devil kicks SOOO much ass), Genitorturers,
on the other hand, have awesome music, but the lyrics tend to be a bit on the
perverse side (I’ve used their song Lecher Bitch in a menagerie or two, so if
you want, you can go back and check that, and I’ve also used Tiamat’s Cain). Seriously, people, if you like metal, you
owe it to yourself to check out these bands.
Now, if you weren’t totally
asleep while reading last week’s column (which I apologize for the poor quality
of), you probably noticed a comment about R squeezed in the middle of the
paragraph about my returning to writing. I believe it was something about how
we seemed to be drifting. Sadly, I suppose this is true, but it’s not the
entire problem, and I guess I should get around to discussing that.
I am perfectly aware as I am
writing this that I will regret writing it later, much as I regret what I said
in fennRis, my first continuation, and decidedly
shorter than intended. However, I think that if I hadn’t written them, then I
probably would have snapped, that my relationship with
R wouldn’t have lasted (as writing these always helps me sort these things out
in my head).
Okay, thing is, I just don’t
feel like I’m important to her anymore. I feel like the imaginary friend who
got left behind when she made real friends. Twice now, she’s just gone away for
two weeks without even saying goodbye to me on the day she leaves, but that’s
not really what’s bothering me (though it does to an extent). Nor is the big
issue the comments of hers that seem like when she said them she had no purpose
in mind but to try and make me uncomfortable (such as two tales of other girls
grabbing her chest).
What’s really bothering me is
that it seems like, while she doesn’t mind spending time with me, it always
seems like there’s a hundred things she’d rather be doing. Like, she’ll say
she’ll be right back, then not return for an hour because she got caught up
watching something on TV, or she’ll be too tired, or sick, or too busy burning
a CD, or drawing, or something. And then there’s
always the parties and the movie going. Here is more-or-less a bit of
conversation between myself and her on the matter.
O:
“It seems like there’s always a hundred things you’d rather be doing”
R:
“It’s not that there’s something I’d rather be doing, but there’s all these
parties I had to go to”
Yeah, there was more to what R
said than that, but is it just me, or does that kind of say that “It’s not that
there’s something I’d rather be doing, it’s just that I’d rather be going to
this party”. I mean, if the parties are such a problem, then with all the
movies she goes to see, listening to music, and the drawing, how DOES she find
time to have a little fun every now and then? And then there’s times when it’ll
take her twenty to fifteen minutes to respond to anything I say. And the real
kicker here is that she acts like I’m being unreasonable when I say that it
seems like I’m not important to her anymore.
Oh, and the Small and Wicked One
has gone missing.
This
is Orpheus, signing off. If you have any questions / comments / rants / raves /
topics please send them to [email protected]