Live, Love, and Hate – by Orpheus

Week 60 – Spark

(3/6/05) Okay, before beginning, I’d like to say that the views expressed in the following VItalis episode and menagerie do not express my current views and/or opinions, they are meant as an alternate way of telling the story presented in Herald of the Storm, thank you for your time.

The schoolyard was empty. Orpheus sat in the shade of the ghostly reflection of the tree by which he’d eaten lunch when he still went to the school, when he was still alive, back before he [no, don’t think about that]. He looked around and saw nobody, no one living, no one dead. It was sad, in a way, but it also seemed some how to be very appropriate, a fitting end.

The Passion seemed to be waning again, most likely because the amount of time spent with his Fetter seemed to be going steadily downward. It was as if there were something hollow, something cancerous, growing and welling up deep within him. He contemplated pushing his voice to the Other Side, but dismissed the notion (still entertained it at the back of hi mind), as he knew he would just end up making an idiot of himself again.

Orpheus got up and moved back to the wall, sitting on top of it as he had every day during his waking hours. He sighed inwardly and cast another quick glance about the school, not really expecting to see anything. His expectations were wrong. He saw a spark of life (unlife maybe?) over by the school gym, by where the snack machines used to be. Now, those machines looked as if someone had managed to set off an incendiary grenade inside of them. Then, in the moment it took him to notice the snack machines’ appearance, the spark was gone.

“Chase after it” that other, darker part of the soul commanded him. “Chase after the spark of life, give up-” then Orpheus waited for the thing that would tell him that it was Eurydice and not someone else, if it really was her, she would say ‘that filthy whore’, “your old Passion.” Then, Orpheus realized that this really was a new part of the soul, and not Eurydice. So with that, and the declining presence of the Fetter, Orpheus felt as though he’d truly been left alone, then he whispered, “If I go crazy…”

(3/8/05) Okay, people, now onto the menagerie part, we’re gonna start with a song that should’ve been in here a long time ago, Hurricane by Ego Likeness. Oh, I’d like to say that many of these songs address different people (i.e. “As Above, So Below” and “Land’s End” do not relate to the same person), thank you.

“I feel your ever present spirit in my ever-changing world I feel your consecrated arms entrap my desecrated soul.

It's like the ocean seeping in over arid scorching land, It's like a hurricane I caught between my calloused tired hands.

YOU HAVE DEVESTATED ME AND CLEARED THE PAVEMENT OF THE PAIN

AND TORN THE WRECKAGE DOWN FROM USED-UP BARREN PLAINS YOU'VE
WASHED THE HUMAN SICKNESS OFF THE ROOTS AND SEEDS AND PURGED MY GROUND OF
ALL THE EVIL YOU HAVE DEVESTATED ME

You have devastated me and blown my house of cards apart. You lifted me up off the ground and thrown me miles from my home.

YOU LEFT ME NAKED AND ALONE TO CONTEMPLATE THE LIFE I'VE LED.

YOU BUILT A GOLDEN TEMPLE WHERE I USED TO STAND YOU RESURRECTED ME AND LET ME BREATHE AGAIN.

I feel your ever present spirit In my ever changing world I feel your consecrated arms entrap my desecrated soul.”

Next up, “The Hanging Lake” by Sunshine Blind

“Today, put lillies
The rose is gone
The flowers line the walks,
and the mourners come...

The House of Kings and Queens, has stood so strong
But tonight, tonight, the Temple comes down...

It's time that we replace the idols that have pulled us down
It's time to burn so we can build again, tonight the TEMPLE comes down

Now look at the stars, in their flickering light,
How bright they burn, after they've all died
We reach for their heights, and they pass us by
So tonight, tonight, the temple comes DOWN

It's time that we replace the idols that have put us down,
It's time to burn so we can build again, tonight the TEMPLE comes...

THESE hands of MINE, are gonna scale your walls,
Shake your foundations, and TEAR your 'Temple" DOWN.

We come to be, to flourish and fade,
Not to leave dead rituals in our place...

We're the rats and you're the piper,
We're the lambs led to your slaughter,
When we wake up, when we look 'round,
Gonna tear your temple down

It's time that we replace the idols that have pulled us down
It's time to BURN so we can build again,
Tonight, the Temple comes down

It's time to REAP so we can sow again on fertile ground,
It's time to BURN so we can build again, tonight, the temple comes down

The TEMPLE comes DOWN”

And now “Afterglow” by the same band

“Out of caring, Out of laughter
Can't remember what comes after,

Out of love and of compassion,
Used all my reasons for in-action.

Out of hope and of conviction
Can't fulfill simple addictions

Out of patience out of fire,
No use for wishes or desires

You see the things that will be
Helpless to change what you see
You see the things that will be
Won't you help me Cassandra

Without fear for my own safety
Without thoughts that FAITH can save me

No words or conversation
Just alcoholic consolations

WIthout pride and Without shame
No way out, no one to blame

Without WILL in isolation
Extra-sensory DEPRIVATION

You see the things that will be
Helpless to change what you see
You see the things that will be
Won't you help me Cassandra

All you see, all you know, and you can't erase it
All you see, all you know, and nothing can change it.

You see the things that will be
Helpless to change what you see
You see the things that will be
Won't you help me Cassandra

All you see, all you know, and you can't erase it
All you see, all you know, and nothing can change it.

Won't you help me Cassandra?”

Here’s one that I’ve put in here before, “Land’s End”, also Sunshine Blind

“Soulmate

So distant

I’ll wait

I know, you locked the door

Behind you

I ache too

I’ll wait

The things we said were cold

Soulmate

Bed’s empty

I’ll wait

Forgive, forget and come to sleep

I ache too

You’re not the only one who’s cold

Stalemate.

Everything’s so quiet

(Like the snow in the forest)

Soulmate

So distant

I wonder

I wonder if you’re sleeping

Are you dreaming

Then I hear you

I hear you come to bed

Come hold me

Come warm me

Forgive me

Come home

Stalemate”

Alright, next up is Genitorturers’ “Lecher Bitch”

“I am the Lecher bitch and I wear the X of castigation

I am the whore of the extreme

I am the heretic and I crave your excommunication

Look in my eyes

Get a little star struck and a little insane

Tell me your story. Don't worry, I won't care

Cuz I'm the incomparable

Got a mission impossible

Just say that you love me

(Chorus)

I say HEY! You're coming all the way

I've got some hell to pay

I'm diggin' all the way

All the way down

I say HEY! You're coming all the way

I've got some hell to pay

Gonna rape you every way

On the way down

Again

Well I am the Lecher Bitch and I call on all who feed on danger

Taste of the whore suffer my seed

Crawl with the heretic and the world outside gets a little bit stranger

Look in my eyes

Wanna little star fuck and a little good pain

Tell me your story. Don't worry, I've been there

Crown me your savior

Don't worry I'll be there

(Chorus)

Don't belong lording above me

Won't be hard to pull you underground

It won't be long till ya love me

Then I'll be coming at your back

To break it down

(Chorus)

Crossed your heart but still I lied

Stick this needle down inside

Leave you with an open wound

Left to die alone

Like an animal”

Now, “Symbiotic” by Living Sacrifice

“Symbiotic.  Conceived in fire.

Panic strike.  I cannot breathe.  Piercing me.

Conscience deep.  Consuming like.  Embrace this heat.

Like love.  Complete in me to see what I could not see.

This life inside.  Symbiotic.  Conceived in fire.

Amniotic suspension.  Heart rate rhythmic.  Surround by sound blood.

Nourished, blood nourished.

This union by love destroys the pain and changes everything.

This life inside.  Symbiotic.  Conceived in fire.

Waves of emotion.  Lifted.  Defeat.  Consuming fire.

Burning sin like wheat.  This union by love destroys the pain.

This union by love changes everything.

This life inside.  Symbiotic.  Conceived in fire.  Symbiotic.”

Next, “Stripped” by Depeche Mode

“Come with me

Into the trees

We'll lay on the grass

And let the hours pass

Take my hand

Come back to the land

Let's get away

Just for one day

Let me see you

Stripped down to the bone

Let me see you

Stripped down to the bone

Metropolis

Has nothing on this

You're breathing in fumes

I taste when we kiss

Take my hand

Come back to the land

Where everything's ours

For a few hours

Let me see you

Stripped down to the bone

Let me see you

Stripped down to the bone

Let me hear you

Make decisions

Without your television

Let me hear you speaking

Just for me

Let me see you

Stripped down to the bone

Let me hear you speaking

Just for me

Let me see you

Stripped down to the bone

Let me hear you crying

Just for me”

Now, “Insekt/Angel” by Brainclaw

“What if you could rule it all? What if you could make it? What if you could become God? Would you love to break it? Would you want to be on high? Would you spread your wings? Or would you join us in the shit and crawl like Insekt-Things? Insekt/Angel/Insekt/Insekt/Angel/Insekt. Humans can have halos. Angels fall from Grace. Parasitic tyrants plague the human race. What if we could be on high? We would spread our wings. We'd descend and it would end with pain and blood and stings! Insekt/Angel/Insekt/Insekt/Angel/Insekt.”

Next, also Brainclaw, is “When The Dark Rains Come”

“Try to put the past behind you now, but then you get reminded of that shrieking pain. You must go beyond that same old-fashioned make-believe. Why won't you... Walk a mile in broken glass, take a bullet meant for me. Then I'll know you're ready, be my one and only. Throw the love of things away. We're the gods of all we see. Let it go and then we'll find we're young and strong! Look me in the face, I say! Stare me down and face the Truth! If you want to make-believe, you will do the things I say. Sky is falling down on me, hold me close, the end is near, if you want to make-believe, you will do the things I say, When you want to make-believe, I will be the one you please. Give up control of what you can't defend. Find someone you trust to watch your ass. Backs to the fire, we face the Fear dead-on. Let's see you try to... Walk a mile in broken glass, take a bullet meant for me. Then I'll know you're ready, be my one and only. Throw the love of things away. We're the gods of all we see. Let it go and then we'll find we're young and strong! Look me in the face, I say! Stare me down and face the Truth! If you want to make-believe, you will do the things I say. Sky is falling down on me, hold me close, the end is near, if you want to make-believe, you will do the things I say, When you want to make-believe, I will be the one you please. Look me in the face, I say! Stare me down and face the Truth! If you want to make-believe, you will do the things I say. Heaven crashing down to Earth, stay with me, the end is now, if you want to make-believe, you will do the things I say, When you want to make-believe, I will be the one you please”

Next, yet another Brainclaw tune, “Incessant Surveillance”

“Everything I do. Everything I say. Everything I want. Everything I was. Dreams of disease. Dreams I recall. I cannot hide. You see it all. I try to hide from this thing inside of me. It's a disease and I don't like what I see. Nothing you did. Nothing you said. Nothing you need. Nothing you were. Dreams of release. Dreams you defy. Hurts you to see? Just close your eyes! I try to hide from the thing inside of me. It's a release but I think it's killing me.”

Now, we have “Famine” by Paralysed Age

“Pour your tongue down my throat
And dig your fingers in my neck
And plant your thoughts upon my cheek
So that they can grow
And feed me later on

My tongue my cheek
I’m talking tongue in cheek
But anyway I mean what I say

I mean what I say
when I say
I’m starving”

Now, Hunger, also Paralysed Age

“Let the dogs come
And gather about my corpse
Let them lick my blood
Tear my flesh
Gnaw my bones

The body is ruined
Torn and broken
The deed is done
Conceived and spoken

And the body lies there
Like an ill clod of blood
Growing into the ground

Dead”

Our next Paralysed Age song is “Exile”

“The underground fell to the ground and fighting made no sense
I laid down my arms and took my legs in my hands
I had to walk away
I had to walk away
I dream of coming home

Blood I can smell and tears in my coat
A burning burning dream
My past is present always there
Scars left in my heart

The mirrors fighting not to lose the sense
I hold my head up high
The winds are chiming like the ones at home
Against the north I cry

I dream of coming home
The exile burns my brain
The exile eats my heart
The exile tunes the sound
The exile cuts me down

I dream of coming home”

And now, Ocean by Paralysed Age

“I’m feeling safe and warm now
But just as much betrayed
Your attraction drowns me in now
Although I’m feeling driven away
You take from me what I call my own
And you pour out what you call love
And this eternal up and down
Just like your mighty waves
Again and again

The ocean takes the ocean gives
And I’m entangled in my dreams
The ocean takes the ocean gives
My heart grows cold as cold as ice
The ocean takes the ocean gives
The deepest longing never ends
The ocean takes the ocean gives
And I’m in love with the fatal blue

Got the illusion swimming on the crowns
But landing soon in the deepest trough
I’m thinking just like you want me to do
But losing myself in a dangerous stream
Thoughts of happiness come out like drizzling rain
And you taught me to brighten a raging sea
Your endless beauty wearing the same face
The same face as your cruel storms
Again and again

Forgive my own tears
They shall not remain
Both bitter and sweet
In the driving rain
Forgive my own fears
They shall not remain
Hopeless in love
I’m in love with the fatal blue”

Now, Self-Control by Raf, I must say, I’ve heard three different versions of this song, and the one by Paralysed Age is definitely the best, just something about the vocals…

“On the night is my world
City light painted girls
In the day nothing matters
It’s the night time that flatters
In the night no control
Through the wall something’s breaking
Wearing white as you’re walking
Down the street of my soul

You take my self-control
You got me living` only for the night
Before the morning comes
The story’s told
You take my self-control

Another night, another day goes by
I never stop myself to wonder why
You help me to forget to play my role
You take my self-control

I, I live among the creatures of the night
I haven’t got the will to try and fight
Against a new tomorrow
So I guess I’ll just believe it
That tomorrow never comes

A safe night I’m living in the forest
Of my dream
I know the night is not as it would seem
I must believe in something
So I’ll make myself believe it
That this night will never go”

Alright, this’ll probably be the last Paralysed Age song in this time, it’s Mine (this was quoted once in an earlier column…)

“And now she’s standing there
God’s own creation
A shining in the darkest night
So innocent and pure
She’s like an angel child
Naked and bare
Her blood red lips and crystal eyes
With a pale skin and black hair

And now she’s dancing dancing
With beauty and grace
The moon is shining down on her
She’s dancing with herself

I watch her turning around
With arms outstretched
I see her face to face
And I feel her embrace

She moves close and drags me down
She strikes and pushes me around
She makes me suffer makes me blind
And now she’s mine

She holds me tight like no one does
Sometimes she nails me to the cross
She rapes me many many times
And now she’s mine”

(3/11/05) Alright, figure I should throw this out there, to understand the placement of some of the songs in here, you might have to think of multiple meanings of some of the words, alright, next is “Schwarzes Glas [black glass]” by Rammstein:

“A small wish, oh if you were blind

we are victims of a bad trick

black glass is everywhere

we are guilty because we are horrible

Black glass, the light blinds me

a small wish, oh if you were blind

black glass, and I see my face again

what can I do since we are horrible?

In front of the middle of a deep fall

and under masks, fades smooth

black glass is everywhere

how beautiful you were is forgotten

Black glass, the light blinds me

a small wish, oh if you were blind

black glass, and I see my face again

what can I do since we are horrible?”

Now, Das Modell [The Model], more Rammstein-y goodness:

“She's a model and she's looking good

I'd like to take her home it's understood

She plays hard to get she smiles from time to time

It only takes a camera to change her mind

She’s going out to nightclubs drinking just champagne

and she’s been attracting all the men

She’s playing her game and you can hear them say

She’s looking good for beauty we will pay

She posing for consumer products now and then

For every camera she gives the best she ca

I saw her on the cover on a magazine

She is a big success and I want to meet her again”

Such a pretty little plaything, no idea that she’s a toy, but I suppose that’s all she is, *sigh* and all the blood… Now, “I Shot Tomorrow” by the Crüxshadows:

“Usually I get real pissed off and wonder if anyone's really listening to me... 



Bring em back on the dead feathers 

We once left for the falling birds 

Bring them back all of the others 

Someone fed them some holy words 

I stare rigid and stony 

At the hand that holds the sky 

write out, spare me the money 

That bleeds out of your lies 



Someone took a gun 

Now I shot tomorrow 

Someone took a fall 

I think I killed tomorrow 

Someone took a gun 

Now I shot tomorrow 

Someone took a fall 

I think I killed tomorrow 



Throw them back on the dead corpses 

We once held close in our arms 

Throw them back, back where they started 

We danced naked for the stars 



I stare rigid and stony 

And the hand that holds the sky 

write out, spare me some money 

That bleeds out of these lies 



Someone took a gun 

Now I shot tomorrow 

Someone took a fall 

I think I killed tomorrow 

Someone took a gun 

Now I shot tomorrow 

Someone took a fall 

I think I killed tomorrow”

Now, also CXS, “The Sentiment Inside” (made me think first time I heard it, was it R or K?)

“Rewind - I only want to listen to you sleep 

Do you dream of places close to me? 

I don't know how to make this right 

I never thought I'd ever breathe so tight 

Confusing, the issues underneath 

I don't know how to find this place 

locked in a box inside a cage far away,

Singing songs for rainy days 

And I want to tell you 

But words so clumsy are not my friends 

They starve these thoughts when they begin 

And I still need you to know 

But my lips are tightly holding back 

The sentiment inside is lying trapped 

Higher, higher than the skies above 

And deeper than the cells within 

I love you more than these 

And I love you more than they 

Three splinters hide below this shell 

Where yesterday provided me this hell 

And left me, lifeless, empty 

And you're asking for more than I can give 

But it takes so much air for us to live 

Completely, I understate my haunted dreams 

I really don't want to sleep just yet - 

I think about this... as I lie in bed 

Let me forget, the color of my death 

I know it's not fair to live this way 

Still I've said about as much as I can say 

And I would, take it all back if I could...”

Now, back to Sunshine Blind, “You Went Away”

“Maybe it was the fog I avoided,

When I stayed in all day,

Maybe it was my will that was broken,

When I couldn’t come out and play.

I took my tea in the vineyard,

When you went away.

Pour it slow,

Contemplate a deeper meaning,

Maybe just for show,

You always liked to play feelings.

I took a walk in your backyard,

When you went away,

I took my tea in the vineyard,

When you went away.

Perfect day,

Sky sure looks blue from here,

Guess I’ll go,

Neither of us in the mood for tears.

I took a walk in your backyard,

(small, british girl: “come back here, you little monster”)

I took a walk in your graveyard,

When you went away.”

Next, more Sunshine Blind, “H4Y”

“Open your eyes…

We are the medicated,

Or the ones who should be,

215 overturned,

Now you can’t even waste away in peace.

No escaping chemical culture,

Advertise on TV,

One more study filed away,

Now we can’t even overdose in peace.

How about a vaccine,

To prevent bureaucracy?

How about a cure,

For the addictive personality?

How to stop the paranoia,

Caffeine or cocaine,

How to start the wheels turning,

And save the toxic living on the street.

Teach every woman how to read,

Give us birth control and make it free,

Wouldn’t have so many mouths to feed,

Little less gender slavery.”

Even more Sunshine Blind, with “As Above, So Below”

“Another few weeks and I’ll be somewhere else,

A few more miles and a few more faces,

A few more nights on a few more stages,

Another few weeks and I’ll be somewhere else,

Another city or another country,

Out of money wearing dirty laundry.

Who forgets who?

Maybe just as well,

I may forget you,

I may forget myself.

Another few words and I’ll be someone else,

I’ll find the keys to the inner places,

Touch the hearts and I’ll kiss the faces.

Another few words and I’ll be someone else,

My face depends on the storytelling,

What I am will be what I’m telling.

A little more cash and I’ll be somewhere else,

I’ll have a place up in the clouds,

Instead of living hand to mouth.”

I think this’ll be the last song, “Rifle”, by Sunshine Blind.

“Quiet your talking,

Silence your chatter,

Your minds been running over,

Things that don’t matter.

The sky is breathless,

And the dusk is fast coming down,

Those thoughts you forge by firelight will drown.

There aren’t words for

All that you’re feeling,

All of your thoughts you seem to be

Empathically stealing.

Your mind is speaking,

Your tongue is helpless,

The less you use your language,

The more it expresses.”

Actually, one more song I want to include, “Kryptonite” by 3 Doors Down:

“Well, I took a walk around the world to

Ease my troubled mind

I left my body laying somewhere

In the sands of time

But I watched the world float to the dark

Side of the moon

I feel there’s nothing I can do

Yeah

I watched the world float to the

Dark side of the moon

After all I knew it had to be something

To do with you

I really don’t mind what happens now and then

As long as you’ll be my friend at the end

If I go crazy then will you still

Call me Superman

If I’m alive and well, will you be

There holding my hand

I’ll keep you by my side with

My superhuman might

Kryptonite

You called me strong, you called me weak,

But still your secrets I will keep

You took for granted all the times I

Never let you down

You stumbled in and bumped your head, if

Not for me then you'd be dead

I picked you up and put you back

On solid ground

If I go crazy then will you still

Call me Superman

If I’m alive and well, will you be

There holding my hand

I’ll keep you by my side with my

Superhuman might

Kryptonite

If I go crazy then will you still

Call me Superman

If I’m alive and well, will you be there

Holding my hand

I’ll keep you by my side with

My superhuman might

Kryptonite

Yeah!!

If I go crazy then will you still

Call me Superman

If I’m alive and well, will you be there

Holding my hand

I’ll keep you by my side with

My superhuman might

Kryptonite

Wo’oh’oh’oh’ohhhhhh

Wo’oh’oh’oh’ohhhhhh

Wo’oh’oh’oh’ohhhhhh…………….”

Alright, for Week 60, this is Orpheus, signing out, and begging you to send topics to rant about to [email protected]