Becky the Biker Chick

Clad in leather from head to toe and perched on her hog, Becky the Biker Chick roars down the long, lonely Arizona road with her motorcycle buddies toward her indefinate destiny. Wild and free, she roams the country with her gang, seeing the grandeur of America and making trouble wherever she can. Of course, it didn't used to be this way.

Becky the Biker Chick used to be Rebecca Harmon, an innocent little red-head whose dreams weighed more than she did. Rebecca was a truck driver for Sticks N' Stuff but wanted more. She was in search of the missing Roanoke Colony. One day, while she was in Virginia at a truck stop, she was kidnapped by a group of thugs called Purgatory's Cherubims and held for ransom. Sticks N' Stuff, though, could've cared less about a bony little truck driver. They had better things to spend money on, like Tina Gordon and her Sticks N' Stuff race car. So poor Rebecca was out of luck. She was forced to travel with them wherever they went, forced to live the life of a nomad, traveling across the country with a gang of ruffians. But gradually, the strange lifestyle grew on her, and she began to enjoy the thrill of not knowing where her next meal would come from or where she would sleep night after night. One day, she bought a leather jacket with a giant American flag on the back and told everyone to call her Becky. She was one of them now.

And so began her journey. From city to city she rode, looking for trouble and finding it. In San Fransisco, she started a brawl in a gay bar. In Bismark, she put sugar into the gas tank of a waiter just because he didn't give her enough cinnamon in her applesauce. In Boston, she overturned the mayor's car. In Seattle, she farted in a micro-chip factory clean room. In New York, she spit off of the Empire State Building. In San Diego, she killed two rare African birds with one stone. In Salt Lake City, she she was chased by Mormons. In Kansas City, she played "chicken" with an asphalt truck. In New Mexico, she tried to play "Cowboys and Indians" with real Indians. In Washington, D.C., she hid in the White House after the tour and secretly spent the night in the Lincoln Bedroom. In Philidelphia, she tried to ring the Liberty Bell, but it broke into pieces instead. In Charleston, SC, she almost suceeded in making the South rise again. In Nashville, she stole the Dixie Chicks' fiddle. In Huntsville, TX, she freed two of her friends from jail. In Huntsville, AL, she hung her pants at the top of the Saturn V rocket. In Las Vegas, she won the jackpot on three machines and stole a wax sculpture of Brad Pitt from Madam Tousaud's. In Portland, she took pot shots at Britney Spears at one of her concerts. In Denver, she threw rocks at skiers. In New Orleans, she commondered a float during Mardi Gras and drove it to Texas.

Undoubtedly, Becky lived life to the fullest, until one night when everything was turned upside down. While Becky and her buddies were crusing down Route 66, she spotted a jackalope in her headlights. But it was too late. She hit the jackalope, sending her bike end over end down the road, but she was thrown clear right after the impact. As she lie face down in the dirt, she wondered if anyone would find her before she died of thrist. Of course her gang would look for her. They were like a family. Well, she did cheat Big Pete out of $422.50 at a game of poker. And Stinky Lou still hadn't forgiven her for wrecking his bike. And she did get Fats O'Neal arrested by daring him to climb the Washington Monument. She did trick Little Billy into jump starting her bike by licking the posts on the battery. And she gave George the nickname "Apple Dumpling" because he reminded her of a friend she had back home. And Sid almost rode off the edge of the Grand Canyon because of her. And she left Jimmy at a "Gay Pride" convention. All in all, she had made everyone's lives a living hell. She began to hear the rest of the bikes ride off into the distance. Now she was alone.

After she recovered from the spill, she tried to get her bearings, but she really was never good at navigating so she decided to go in the direction of the sun, like in the movies. She walked and she walked across the barren desert lands. For days she walked, getting water from cactuses. She became a child of the desert, living off the land. Eventually, she went crazy, ranting and raving to herself and her pet lizard Gunther. One day, she stubbled upon a ranch house in the middle of nowhere. The friendly people living there had no children so they took her in as their own. But the people living there were as crazy as her and tried to make her put on clothes and use forks and spoons, so Becky grabbed Gunther and ran off into the darkness. A few weeks, later she found a hippie commune and was gleefully welcomed into their society where she lived happily ever after.

The End