Fears...a “Lexie” Story (M/f)

chapter 7

(c) 2001 by Sampast

(with a lil help from D Landhill and Huggedlots...thanks, guys!)

 

 

Days were getting shorter.  The summer was almost over.  I was sad and excited at the same time.  Sad because I loved summer and swimming and no homework, but excited because I was going to be starting a real school soon with real friends.  Also the adoption thing was getting closer.

 

So far it had all been paperwork and Daddy going to meetings and stuff.  But soon he told me I would have to meet with the social worker.  Not “my” social worker, the one I’ve known forever, but a different one.  I was scared.  I was nervous.  But at the same time, I was excited.

 

Sunrise Children’s Home was having its end of summer carnival and sleepover.  I was going mostly to say good-bye to my friends, but also because it was a tradition and I had never missed one.  The kids and staff of SCH ran the carnival and people from the community always came out to help raise money for the Home.  There was always a good turnout.

 

Mr. Trent said I could invite one friend to sleep over.  Of course, I chose Jenny.  She was excited about going.  I had told her all about my other home and all my friends there and she couldn’t wait to see it and meet everyone.

 

Daddy, Uncle Steve, Lissa, Jenny and I all went to the carnival during the day.  I helped run the ring toss game with Jamie.  Lissa and Jamie became very friendly and hung out the whole day.  Daddy let me play lots of games too, and I won a teddybear.  I was so excited because I had never had one before.  I named it ‘Teddy’.

 

After dinner, which was a barbeque, Jamie asked Uncle Steve if Lissa could be her guest to sleep over.  We were all so excited when he said yes.

 

Daddy bent down to kiss me.  “You sure you want to sleep here, Lexie?” he asked.

 

I nodded.  “It’s all right, Daddy.  I have Zam with me and now Teddy.  And I know you’re going to come pick me up tomorrow,” I said confidently.

 

He smiled.  “You bet I am.  And Lexie, you can always call me to come get you earlier if you want to.  Don’t be afraid.  Okay?”

 

I nodded.  I think he knew I needed that extra reassurance.  Daddy hugged me again and kissed me all over.  I giggled.  Then Uncle Steve kissed and hugged me too. 

 

“Be good, Lexie,” he said.  “And maybe you could show off your piano playing skills for the kids.”

 

I smiled and said, “Okay.”  I waited as Lissa and Jenny kissed their dad goodbye.  He again reminded us to behave.  Then we all went inside.

 

Alex, Mr. Trent, and Ms. Sandy were setting up the sleeping bags in the new playroom.  It looked great.  I hadn’t been inside it since the day we had painted on the walls.  Alex had painted white over our mural, and then they had different toys painted on.  It looked much better than what we had tried to do.

 

We watched a movie and talked, and then Ms. Sandy told us some stories.  Finally at about 9:00, she left the room and turned off the lights.  I giggled as we all took flashlights out from under our blankets and shined them on each other. 

 

We were talking quietly when all of a sudden I heard a noise.  I jumped and looked around.  “What was that?” I whispered.

 

“What was what?” Jamie asked.

 

“Didn’t you hear that noise?” I asked.

 

Jamie and Lissa shook their heads no.  Both Jenny and Erin grabbed my hands and squeezed.  “I heard it, Lexie,” Jenny said.

 

We waited and listened.  Then I heard it again.  Jamie said, “I heard it this time.  What was that?”

 

“Maybe Alex is closing up?” Erin asked, hopefully.

 

“Maybe,” Jamie said quietly, “but I don’t think so.”

 

Next thing we knew the lights flicked on and then off again.  I looked wildly around.  Everyone was in their sleeping bags where they were supposed to be.

 

“Sharon?”

 

“Yeah, squirt?” she said, sitting up.

 

“Did you and your friend hear that noise?” I asked.

 

“What noise?” Hettie said.  Hettie was Sharon’s friend from one of the foster homes she had been in.  Hettie was eleven and a big bully.  I was afraid of her.

 

Then the noise came again.  And the lights went on and off again.  I jumped onto Jamie’s sleeping bag.  “I’m scared,” I said.

 

“Me, too,” she whispered.  She looked at Lissa not knowing what to do.  Jamie knew she was older than me, but she was afraid also.

 

Lissa said, “It’s probably just the wind or something.”

 

“It’s the middle of the summer!” Jenny exclaimed.  “There’s no wind.”

 

“Well, then it’s probably just that kid, Alex, like you said,” Lissa replied.

 

There was another noise and I heard footsteps.  Erin was now sitting next to me, almost on top of me.  Andie had gotten up too and was sitting on my other side.  Me, Jenny, Lissa, Jamie, Andie, and Erin looked wildly around.

 

“Hey!” Hettie exclaimed.  “Maybe they’re ghosts!”

 

“G-g-ghosts?” I stuttered.

 

“Yeah, ghosts,” Sharon said.  “That makes sense.”

 

I looked at Lissa.  “There’s no such thing as ghosts, are there?”

 

“No, of course not,” she said.  She glared at Sharon and Hettie.  “They’re just trying to scare you.”

 

“Hey, we didn’t make the noises or flick the lights,” Hettie said.  “There probably are ghosts here.  This place is old, and it’s creeeeeeeeeeeepy!”

 

Sharon pointed and said, “LOOK!”

 

We all turned to stare where she was pointing.  The curtains were moving by themselves and the windows were completely shut.  I was really really scared now and didn’t know what to do.

 

Erin hid under my sleeping bag.  Andie and Jenny just stared at me.  I didn’t know what they wanted me to do.  I was only six and just as scared as they were.

 

Then I heard giggling.  I looked over at Sharon and Hettie.  “What?” I asked.

 

“Nothing,” Sharon said.

 

“No, tell me,” I said.

 

“It’s just that I heard somewhere that if you giggle, you might scare ghosts away!”

 

“Really?” Jenny asked.

 

When Sharon nodded, we all started to giggle a little bit.  Soon we were laughing.  But we all stopped when the lights flicked and the curtains moved again by themselves.  This was nothing to laugh about.

 

“Wow!” Hettie exclaimed.  “Look at that!”

 

We all looked to see where she was pointing.  The lid on one of the toy boxes was moving up.  Almost as soon as we looked over, it started to creak.  Someone screamed.  Then I realized it was me.

 

Ms. Sandy came running.  “What’s wrong?” she asked.  She flipped on the lights and looked around.  “Girls, what’s going on?”

 

I jumped up and ran to her, as did Erin, Jenny, Jamie, and Andie.  “Ms. Sandy, there are ghosts in here!” I cried.

 

She sat down in a chair and pulled me in front of her.  “Ghosts? Lexie, what are you talking about?”

 

“There are, ma’am, we heared them,” Jenny told her.

 

Then Andie and Erin described all the weird things that had been happening.  Hettie and Sharon were giggling uncontrollably.

 

I looked over at them.  I said, “That giggling thing isn’t working!”

 

“What giggling thing is that?” Ms. Sandy asked, suspiciously.

 

“They said if you giggle, you might scare the ghosts away!” Lissa told her.

 

“Hmmmm!” Ms. Sandy said.  She looked at Hettie and Sharon.  “Do you girls know about these strange noises and things moving by themselves?”

 

“Us? What do you mean, Ms. Sandy?” Sharon asked.

 

“Yeah, we didn’t do nothing!”

 

Alex came in then.  “Everything okay, Ms. Sandy?” he asked, looking around.

 

“Yes, Alex, thank you.  The girls just got a little spooked.”

 

He turned then to Hettie and Sharon.  “Oh yeah, how’d your haunted house thing go earlier?”

 

Sharon said, “Oh, uh, ummm.”

 

“What haunted house thing?” Ms. Sandy asked.

 

We all turned to look at Sharon and her friend.  “Yeah, what haunted house? There was no haunted house at the carnival today,” Jamie said.

 

“Well, we, uh,” Sharon began again.

 

Everyone was staring at her.  “Sharon? Didn’t you ask me to help you set up a haunted house in here?” Alex asked.

 

Ms. Sandy said, “I think I know who the ghosts are, Lexie.”

 

When I looked up at Ms. Sandy, she was pointing at Sharon and Hettie.  I nodded in understanding.  The big girls had tried to trick us.  And it had worked too.  We had really been afraid.

 

Ms. Sandy sent me back to my sleeping bag with a kiss on the cheek and told me, “Remember, Lexie, ghosts aren’t real.”  Then she called Sharon over to her.  “I’m very disappointed in you, Sharon, teasing the little girls like this.  I think tomorrow you should come see me in Mr. Trent’s office so we can speak about your punishment.”

 

“Uh, yes, ma’am,” Sharon said quietly.

 

Standing up, Ms. Sandy said, “But right now it is very late and I don’t want any crank pusses tomorrow.  Get right to sleep.”  She noticed Alex was still in the room.  “You coming?”

 

“Yes, ma’am, in a minute.  I want to unhook all the ‘haunted’ things so the girls don’t get any more ideas.”

 

“Good thinking,” Ms. Sandy said.  She left the light on as she left the room.

 

Alex sat down in the chair that Ms. Sandy had been in.  He beckoned Hettie and Sharon over.  “That wasn’t very nice what you did to these girls!” he said.

 

“Oh, come on, Alex, we were just fooling around!” Sharon said.

 

“Yeah, like you’ve never pulled a stunt before?” Hettie challenged.

 

Alex looked at all of us.  We were staring at him.  “Not when little kids could be scared or hurt.  I think you both should be punished.”

 

“Yeah, well, I’m sure Ms. Sandy and Mr. Trent will find some chores for us to do tomorrow!” Sharon said flippantly.

 

“Well, I actually had something else in mind,” he said.  “I’ll start with you.”  He took Sharon by the wrist and put her over his lap, with her bottom in the air.  Before she could realize what he was doing, he had raised his hand and brought it down on her pajama-clad bottom over and over again.

 

“Owwwww!  Alex, stop that!” she screamed.

 

But Alex didn’t stop.  He kept smacking her bottom over and over again, all in the same spot.  I watched in awe.  I had never actually seen someone being spanked.  Sure, I peeked sometimes when Uncle Steve was spanking Lissa or Jenny, but this was different.  He was doing it right in front of us, and we were allowed to watch.

 

“I’d lay off that screaming if I were you,” Alex told Sharon.  “Because if Ms. Sandy comes back, you’ll really be sorry.”

 

“Owwww, Alex, stop!” Sharon said in a loud whisper.  “Pleeease, I’m sorrrrry!”

 

“I don’t think you’re really sorry, Sharon.  You’ve been bullying these kids for far too long.  It’s about time someone took you in hand.”

 

The whole time Alex and Sharon were talking, Alex was smacking her bottom again and again.  I looked at Jamie, Andie, and Erin.  It was obvious they had never seen anyone getting spanked before.  Me, Jenny and Lissa just watched and were glad it wasn’t us.

 

“Are you going to bully the little kids anymore?” Alex asked, punctuating each word with a spank.

 

“Nooooo, no, Alexxxx, I won’t, I promise.  I’m sorrrrry!” Sharon cried.

 

Finally he let her stand up.  “See that you don’t!” he said.  Then he hugged her and kissed her cheek.  “You’re a good kid, Sharon.  But don’t be a bully.”  Then he looked over at Hettie.  She had been standing by the far wall watching and not saying a thing.  “Your turn.”

 

“If you touch me, I’ll kick your ass!” she stated.  We all gasped.  Cursing was strictly forbidden at SCH.

 

“Excuse me? Did you just curse?” Alex said.  “Get your butt over here before I count to ten, or you won’t know what hit you.”

 

We all turned to stare at Hettie.  Sharon sniffled and said, “You better go, Het.”

 

Hettie walked over to Alex.  “Don’t think I’m scared of you, cuz I’m not.”

 

Alex turned her over his lap and gave her much the same spanking as Sharon had gotten.  She got a lecture too, but I don’t think it would make much difference.  At the age of eleven, Hettie had learned about the real world more than any of us lil kids put together. 

 

I stopped watching after a while.  It had been a long day and I was getting sleepy.  I crawled back into my sleeping bag, and tried not to think of ghosts.  I guessed it worked, because I was soon fast asleep.

 

The next day we had some fun at SCH.  I played piano for everyone and they all clapped.  Even Sharon.  When Daddy and Uncle Steve came, Erin, Andie and Jamie came over to hug me goodbye.  I promised I’d visit them and that they could visit me.  Sharon came over, too. 

 

She hugged me and said, “Sorry about last night, Lexie.”

 

I smiled because she said it like she really meant it.  I hugged her tight.  “It’s okay, Sharon.”

 

“Be good, squirt,” she said.

 

“Yeah, you too,” I replied.  Then I walked out with Daddy.  We were going home, and I couldn’t be happier.

 

Until that night, that is.  Daddy and I had had a nice dinner and played some games.  I practiced piano and he gave me a standing ovation, which means he clapped for me a lot.  Then after my bath, Daddy read me three books and tucked me in.  Everything was fine until he went to turn the lights out.

 

“No, Daddy, wait!” I cried.

 

He came back over to my bed.  “What is it, baby?” he asked.

 

“Don’t make it dark.  Then they’ll come out and get me.”

 

“Who will get you?” Daddy asked, looking around.  “There’s no one here.”

 

“The ghosts, Daddy.”

 

“Lexie, there are no such things as ghosts,” Daddy said, taking my hand as he sat back down on the edge of my bed.

 

“Are you sure, Daddy?”

 

He nodded.  “Of course, I’m sure.  Ghosts are not real.  Why would you think there were any here anyway, Lexie?”

 

So I told them what the girls had done the night before.  He frowned.  “I’m sorry they frightened you, honey.  I hope Mr. Trent punished them.”

 

“He did, Daddy, and Sharon apologized to me.  And I know there weren’t any real ghosts last night, but I’s still scared.”

 

“Well ghosts are not real.  We don’t know for sure what happens to people when they die, but they don’t hang around here and scare people, or anything like that.  Ghosts are just stories.  Does that make you feel better?”

 

I started to nod but then shook my head.  “It still scares me, Daddy,” I said honestly.  “I can’t sleep thinking about it.”

 

Daddy pursed his lips together and started to think about it.  Then he said, “How about this?”

 

I listened.

 

“If you start to get scared, you just say to yourself, 'Daddy promised me that there are no ghosts, and there’s nothing to be scared of.'  Will that help?  It is true, I promise.”

 

I shrugged.  “I guess I could try that.  But Daddy, what if you’re not there when I get scared?””

 

“Lexie, remember that I love you, and will do my best to keep you safe, and my best is pretty good.  But if you are ever scared and I am not around, you have permission to find me or call me and tell me -- or any other adult who is taking care of you right then.  Will that help?”

 

“What if other things scare me, Daddy? Not just ghosts?”

 

Daddy squeezed my hand.  “You can still remember what I told you, or, hmm, I have just the thing, maybe.  I’ll be right back, baby.”

 

I waited while Daddy left the room.  When he came back, he held out a seashell with a little hole at the top.  He was stringing it on a fine chain so it made a necklace.

 

“Here, take this shell.  When you hold it, think of me, and of the good times we have had playing on the beach, and remember that there is nothing to be scared of.  Seashells used to hold the bodies of living things.  When they left the shell, they left something beautiful behind, not something scary.”

 

I looked at the shell and traced the smooth inside and the raised outside.  “Oh, Thank you, Daddy.  I will wear it always.”

 

Daddy smiled as he helped me put it over my head.  I tucked the shell into my pajama shirt to keep it safe and close to me.

 

Then Daddy tucked me back under the blanket.  I fingered the shell.  “Daddy?”

 

“Yes, baby?” he asked, still patiently.

 

“I love you.”

 

“I love you too.  Now good night.”  He kissed the tip of my nose and my forehead and closed the lights as he walked out.  I touched my shell and went to sleep.

~

School was starting in a week and Daddy and I went shopping for clothes and supplies.  He was buying me so much stuff.  Never before in my life did I own so much.

 

“Lexie, you know what tomorrow is?” Daddy asked at dinner one night.

 

“Yes, Daddy, the social worker lady is coming over to talk to me,” I stated.

 

“That’s right,” he said.  “You don’t have to be nervous, baby.  You just answer her questions and behave yourself.  Okay?”

 

“Yes, sir,” I said.  But it wasn’t okay.  I was scared to death.  I didn’t know what kinds of questions she would ask and I was afraid I might answer them wrong.  Daddy had said there were no wrong answers, but I was still scared.

 

The next morning, I couldn’t eat breakfast.  Just the thought of it made my tummy hurt somethin’ awful.  Daddy seemed to be trying hard to look relaxed, but I could see he was nervous, too.  He didn't even tell me to finish my eggs.

After breakfast, Daddy told me to get cleaned up and put on the clothes he had left on my bed.  He wanted me to look neat and pretty to meet the social worker lady.  Daddy told me not to worry, that she was just coming to meet us and see how things were, but I knew from my experiences at SCH all about social workers and how they could ruin things for Daddy and me or send me back, or even send me to another family!  

 

Suddenly I ran for the bathroom; my tummy hurted so much I had to go, BAD.  Daddy stood outside the door and asked if I was okay.  “Yes,” I told him, even though I knew it was a lie.  I just didn’t want him more worried than he already was.  

 

When I was done, I washed my face and came out of the bathroom.  Daddy saw right away how pale I was, and he took my hand.  “Sweetie, you need to relax,” Daddy said.  “You have to just be you, my sweet, baby girl, okay?”  

 

All my fears came up to the surface then.  “But Daddy, what if?” I began. But Daddy didn't let me finish; he just pulled me up into his arms, and shushed me and rubbed my back.

 

“Come on, baby, let’s get you dressed.  You don’t want to meet Mrs. Sage in your jammies, do you?”  Daddy tickled me to make me laugh and started making funny faces.  I took his hand and let him lead me to my room to get ready.

 

Daddy brushed my hair and put it in pigtails.  He even let me brush his hair.  But he didn’t have enough hair for pigtails.  Not even enough for a single ponytail.

 

I practiced a little piano while we waited.  It was starting to relax me.  But when the doorbell rang, I jumped and started looking pale again.  Daddy stood up, took my hand, and together we went to answer the door.  I think he knew I needed his touch and reassurance.

 

We opened the door to a very tall lady.  She had long curly brown hair, and she wore a navy suit.  She had on high heels and carried a big bag.  She put her hand out to mine and shook it.  “Hi, you must be Lexie.  I’m Mrs. Sage.”

 

“Nice to meet you,” I mumbled.  Daddy said hello and they shook hands.  We led her into the living room and she sat down in the big chair.  Daddy offered her coffee but she said, “No thanks.  We have a lot to do, so we should just get started.”

 

I watched as she got out her notebook and a pen.  She looked so scary and mean that I started to get teary-eyed.  Daddy had sat on the couch opposite Mrs. Sage.  I immediately went over and climbed up into his big, safe lap.  He cuddled me close to him and murmured in my ear that everything would be okay.  

 

Mrs. Sage finally had her papers all arranged, and started asking Daddy questions.  I listened as Daddy answered the lady.  He was very calm and I wondered how he did it.  My stomach was churning inside and I thought I might throw up.

 

Suddenly Mrs. Sage turned to me.  “Alexis, would you like to show me your room?” she asked.  

 

I froze and looked up at Daddy.  He squeezed my hand and said, “Lexie sweetie, it’s okay, remember we talked about this?”  

 

“Yes, Daddy, but,” I started to say out loud, but then leaned up and whispered in his ear, “I's scared of her.”  

 

Suddenly, Mrs. Sage was kneeling down in front of me and whispered, “You know, if I were you, I would be scared of me too,” and smiled.  

 

My eyes opened wide.  I looked up at Daddy and he was smiling.  I looked back at the lady and said, “You would?”

 

“Uh huh, I would.  But you know, I really am a nice person.  Will you give me a chance to show you?”

 

I looked up at Daddy.  He was nodding his head.  So I smiled, stood up, and took Mrs. Sage’s hand.  “Come on, my room is upstairs,” I told her.

 

Daddy had told me that the social worker lady would want to talk to me alone and that I shouldn’t be scared.  He also told me just to answer the questions honestly.  I felt so scared that I didn’t want to say anything.  My tummy was still hurting as I walked Mrs. Sage up to my room.

 

She looked around and said, “Nice room.  Did you help decorate it?”

 

I nodded.  I wanted to tell her that I had picked out the wallpaper, and that I had told Daddy where to put the stars on the ceiling.  I would have said all this if I weren’t so scared to say something wrong.  I didn’t want to make any mistakes with something this important.  

Mrs. Sage looked around and asked me to tell her the names of my stuffed animals.  I figured that was safe and pointed out Zam and Teddy and the few others I had.  I even told her how I got them, and which ones Daddy had bought for me.  Then she asked me about being at Sunrise Children's Home, about my friends there, and about new friends I had met since being with Daddy.  

 

The questions weren't hard at all.  I started to relax a bit as I showed her all the stuff in my room.  I even showed her the art room and the playroom.  I think she was impressed that I had three rooms of my own.  I told her about Uncle Steve and Lissa and Jenny, and the different babysitters Daddy had tried, and all the neat things I had learned on the computer and about my piano lessons.  

 

I was getting used to talking to this woman, but was still being careful.  I was afraid to say something bad.  Then she asked me a strange question.  She asked if Daddy had ever done anything to make me feel uncomfortable.  I frowned, trying to figure out what she meant. 

 

Then Mrs. Sage asked me if Daddy had ever touched me in a way that made my tummy hurt, or anyplace I didn't want him to.  I thought of all the spankings I had gotten and how they sure made my tummy hurt, but I wasn't sure if that’s what she meant.  Also I remembered that Sharon had said Daddy could get into trouble for spanking me.  So I didn’t say it.  

 

“Okay, Lexie, has your Daddy ever asked you to touch him anyplace you didn’t want to?”  

 

Again I frowned, not really understanding what I was being asked, but after thinking about it, I told her, “No, Daddy doesn't have to ask me to hug him, I do it cause I want to.  And he hugs me all the time, too.”

 

Mrs. Sage smiled and nodded.  Next they started to talk about my daily routine, as she called it, what time I got up, when I went to bed, all kinds of boring questions, until she got to what happened when I did something that my Daddy didn't like.  

 

I blushed a bit and thought carefully about what I was going to say.  “Well, my Daddy and me have lots of talks about things like that.  But even if I’m in trouble, he always forgives me and tells me how much he loves me.”

 

Mrs. Sage nodded and smiled.  “Can we go back to Daddy now?” I asked.  I didn’t want to answer any more questions.

 

“Just one more, Lexie.”

 

I waited.

 

“Do you want to live here?”

 

“Oh yes!” I practically shouted.  “Forever and ever and ever.”

 

“Okay, then that’s all I need, Alexis.”

 

We finally went back downstairs.  I found Daddy in his library and ran to him.  He scooped me up and held me tight.  I clung to him.  Mrs. Sage came in then and smiled as she saw me in Daddy’s arms.

 

“How’d it go?” Daddy asked her.
 

“Fine, no problems at all,” she said.

 

“And?” he asked.

 

I was still in Daddy’s arms.  I noticed his grip got a little tighter as if he never wanted to let go.  I never wanted him to, either.  I looked between the two grownups.

 

“Well, I am not supposed to say anything official, but I think everything is just fine here.  There will be a few more visits, some announced, some unannounced, and then we’ll just have to set the paperwork in motion.  I don’t foresee any problems, Mr. Rifler.”

 

Daddy smiled.  He put me down and put his hand out to Mrs. Sage.  “Thank you so much.  Here, let me walk you out.”

 

Once she was gone, Daddy picked me up again and swung me around.  “You must have really impressed her, baby.”

 

I told Daddy all about the questions and he said I did a great job.  As a reward, he took me out for pizza.

~

Everything was good.  Daddy had finally found a babysitter who was reliable, as he called it.  That meant that she did her job right and he could count on her.  She was an older lady.  Her name was Mrs. Drucker.  Her kids were grown and out of the house.  She had a car and she didn’t steal nothing.

 

I met her the weekend before school started and she helped me pick out something nice to wear the first day.  She even came to the house that morning to help me get ready.  And Mrs. Drucker said she’d be there when the bus dropped me off.

 

Both Daddy and Mrs. Drucker waved to me as I climbed up on the bus.  I was so excited.  I was going to be in first grade at a real school.  I held my lunch box in my lap and left my bookbag on my back.  I smiled at the other kids as I got on.

 

When I got to my classroom, my teacher let us sit wherever we wanted.  Her name was Mrs. Foxe.  She seemed very nice.  We played some games to help us learn each other’s names.  We sat in a circle and told about ourselves.

 

When it was my turn, I said, “My name is Lexie and I live with my Daddy in a big house.”

 

Some of the kids giggled, so I laughed too.  Later on, Mrs. Foxe sat us at the table, and made nametags so we could learn to write our names.  I already knew how to spell and write ‘Lexie’.  L-e-x-i-e.

 

I looked at my nametag and frowned.  It said ‘Alexis Philips’.  I picked it up and brought it up to Mrs. Foxe.  “This isn’t my name,” I told her.

 

She looked at the nametag and then in her record book and frowned.  “That’s what it says here, Alexis.”

 

“You can call me Lexie,” I told her.  “No one calls me Alexis.”  Well, only Daddy when I was in trouble, but I wasn’t gonna tell her that.

 

“Okay, I can change it to Lexie Philips, if you want,” she said, putting her hand out for the nametag.

 

“No, it’s Lexie Rifler,” I corrected her.

 

“I’m sorry, Lexie, but it says ‘Philips’ here in my book.  Did you used to have that last name?”

 

“I guess, I don’t know.  My Daddy’s adopting me and his name is Sam Rifler,” I explained.

 

“Oh, I see.  Well, let’s just use Philips until the adoption goes through.  We have to use your legal name in school.”

 

I didn’t understand what legal meant.  I tried to reason with Mrs. Foxe, but she warned me not to keep arguing with her.  After she made me a new nametag that said Lexie Philips, she pointed to my seat and told me to sit down.

 

I was so mad.  I wanted to rip up the new nametag so bad.  But it was the first day of school and I wanted to make a good impression, so I stopped myself.  I didn’t want to get in trouble and have Daddy be mad at me on the first day.

 

At lunchtime, some of the kids made fun of my lunchbox.  I had gotten a Scooby Doo one.  I loved Scooby Doo.  I just stuck my tongue out at them.  On the playground, I tried to play with some of the girls, but they said they were friends from kindergarten and didn’t know me.  I felt very sad.  I found a rock and kicked it around the playground.

 

I hated school.  It was nothing like I thought it would be.  The teacher called me the wrong name, the kids made fun of my lunchbox, and the girls wouldn’t let me play with them.  Suddenly I wished I were back at Sunrise Children’s Home.  At least I knew everyone there and was liked.

 

True to her word, Mrs. Drucker was there when the bus dropped me off at the end of the day.  I was so glad to be at my house again.  I threw my bookbag on the floor and ran up to my room and slammed the door.  I didn’t even care that that was against the rules.

 

Mrs. Drucker came up a bit later and knocked on the door.  “GO AWAY!” I shouted.

 

“Lexie, I brought you up some cookies and milk,” she said through the door.

 

I picked my head up.  Usually Daddy didn’t let me eat snacks in my room.  I got up, went to the door, and opened it.  There stood Mrs. Drucker with a tray.  On it was a plate of cookies and a glass of milk.  I smiled at her.  She smiled back, came in and set it down on my desk.

 

“Thanks,” I said.

 

“You’re welcome, sweetie.  Do you want to tell me about your first day of school? Do you have homework?” she asked, grabbing a cookie and sitting down on my desk chair.

 

I took a cookie, sat on my bed, and looked up at her.  She was real nice.  I wanted to just gush out that the day had been wonderful, but it hadn’t.  I didn’t know what to say so I just started to cry.

 

“It was awful,” I told her.  She took me in her arms and I told her about my day.  I couldn’t believe how quickly I had come to trust this woman.  In my short life, I had learned quickly that trust was hard to come by.  But Mrs. Drucker was very sweet and seemed to want what was best for me.

 

She told me that everything would be all right.  Why did grownups always say that?  She said it was only the first day and that I had to give the other girls a chance to get to know me.  She said they would ‘come around’, whatever that meant.

 

I thought the day couldn’t get any worse, but it did.  When Daddy came home, he said he had to pack a bag and go out of town overnight.  And he was leaving right after dinner.  I ran to my room, crying.

 

Daddy knocked and when I said, “come in,” he came in and sat on the edge of my bed.  “Sweetheart, I’m sorry I have to go away.  But I’ll only be gone for one full day.”

 

“But two nights,” I said.

 

“Yes, that’s true, but tomorrow night you can stay at Uncle Steve’s.  Then on Saturday morning, I’ll pick you up, and we’ll have a great weekend.  I’ll really only miss your second day of school.  How did it go today, by the way?” Daddy asked.

 

“Don’t ask,” I said.  “It was horrible.”  I retold him the events of the day and he said the same thing Mrs. Drucker did, that it would all work out all right.

 

“Come, let’s go have dinner together,” he said, offering my hand.  I reluctantly took it and went to eat.

 

It was hard to fall asleep that night without Daddy there to tuck me in.  But I have to say; Mrs. Drucker did an okay job.  The next morning after pancakes for breakfast, I had to climb back on the stupid old school bus.  I didn’t want to go to school, but Mrs. Drucker said I had to.  She told me to show the girls at recess something I was able to do and then maybe they would like me.

 

But it backfired.  That means it didn’t work out so well.  When I showed them I could jump rope as well as they could, they called me a showoff.  When I showed them I could hang upside down on the monkey bars, they said any baby could do that, and then walked away.

 

I walked over to see what the boys were playing.  One of them said teasingly, “Hey, Lexie! So you live in a big house with your Daddy, huh?”

 

“Yep,” I said, smiling.

 

“Where’s your Mommy?” another one sang.

 

I shrugged.  “I don’t gots a Mommy,” I told them.

 

“Lexie don’t gots a Mommy.  Lexie don’t gots a Mommy!” they teased.

 

I knew they were making fun of me.  I had heard it before.  I was never teased at SCH; everyone knew better.  I was pretty tough.  But here, they didn’t know what they were up against.  My first instinct was to ram right into that Ricky and pummel him to the ground.  I even raised my fist at him.

 

Then I thought back to something that had happened a few weeks before at Jenny’s house.  This boy, named Sean, who lived around the corner had come by and made fun of us.  Jenny had said he was certifiably crazy, which meant that he was really nuts.  She said we should beat the crap out of him.

 

Uncle Steve overheard her, though, and scolded us.  He said that if he found out either of us had hit anyone, he’d spank us with the hairbrush.  Both of us knew that Lissa often got the hairbrush for big offenses, but neither of us ever had.  And we didn’t want to.

 

But here I stood facing down Ricky and Billy on the yard.  They were making fun of the way I talked and the fact that I didn’t have a mommy.  I loved Daddy so much and couldn’t imagine sharing him with anyone else, but it was the principle of the thing.

 

“Oh shut up!” I finally said.  I lowered my fists and walked away.

 

The other boys laughed.  “Oh, she’s chicken!” they said.

 

That was it!  I couldn’t be at a new school and have them think I was a chicken.  I was far from a chicken.  I didn’t think of what Daddy would think about me getting into a fight.  I didn’t think about Uncle Steve’s warning.  I just ran straight for Ricky and smacked him hard.

 

“Oh, oooh!” the boys yelled.  Ricky looked at me, shocked.  Billy raised his hand and was about to smack me, when I ran into him and pushed him to the ground.

 

Before I knew it, a teacher came over and pulled me off of the boys and held me to the side.  “That’s enough, little girl.  All right, you two boys!” she said, pointing at Ricky and Billy.  “You come with me!”

 

I glared at Ricky and Billy while we were sitting in the principal’s office.  This was all their fault; getting me into trouble like this.  All I was trying to do was make a good impression on those girls and they had had to start with me.

 

I won’t go into the boring details about the principal speaking to me.  He reminded me that young ladies with manners didn’t fight.  He told me that it was only the second day of school and that I didn’t want to get known for being a hoodlum, and that I would have friends too.  He also said he didn’t want to get to know me too well, so I had best stay out of trouble.

 

I hadn’t known if I was going to go back to class or not when the principal led me out of his office.  But as soon as I saw Uncle Steve, I knew I was in even bigger trouble.  He put out his hand and said very sternly, “Let’s go!”

 

He had my bookbag and my light jacket with him.  I looked at Uncle Steve’s face and he was not smiling.  I didn’t say a word; I knew what was going to happen when we got back to his house.

 

The ride there was quiet.  I wondered if Uncle Steve had called Daddy on his trip.  I wondered what Daddy would say.  I started to cry.  I already knew what Daddy would say: that he was very disappointed in me.

 

“I’d save those tears if I were you, young lady.  You’re going to be doing a lot of crying by the time I get through with you.  I can’t believe you got suspended for fighting.  And on the second day of school, no less!”

 

I repeated Uncle Steve’s words in my head.  “Suspended for fighting.”  I didn’t even know what that meant.  So I asked.

 

Uncle Steve regarded me in the rearview mirror.  “It means, Alexis, that you got sent home.  You can’t go back to school until Monday.  And then you will have detention at recess for three days.  Then of course, you will have to show them that you can behave yourself on the playground.”

 

“Oh,” was all I said.  I had a feeling I wasn’t going to have such a fun weekend, after all.  Maybe it was a good thing that Daddy was away.

 

Uncle Steve led me into the house and right to his office.  He pointed to the corner, which I went right into.  It seemed like I was there ‘thinking’ for a very long time.

 

The house was so quiet.  It was weird not to have Jenny and Lissa there.  But they were in school, where I was supposed to be.  I wondered where Mrs. Drucker was.  Then I remembered that Daddy had given her the day off cuz he was away and the bus was going to take me to Uncle Steve’s house.  Well, here I was, but not where I wanted to be.

 

“Come here, Alexis,” he said sternly.

 

I turned from the corner and went over to Uncle Steve.  He was sitting in his chair-the one he used for piano instruction.  He pointed to the couch and I sat down on it, glad I could at the moment.

 

“Tell me what happened,” he requested.

 

“The boys were teasinggggggg me!” I cried.  “It made me mad, so I hitted them.”

 

“What did I tell you about hitting?”

 

“Not to!” I whined.  “But it happened so fast.  I didn’t think.”

 

Apparently Uncle Steve was overlooking my whining.  “And what did I tell you would happen if you hit someone?” he asked.

 

I bit my lip and looked over at his desk.  I could see the big wooden hairbrush just lying there.  Who knew if he had just spanked Lissa with it? Maybe he had brought it in when I was in the corner.  It looked like it weighed a hundred pounds.  I stared at the brush and then looked away.

 

“What did I tell you, Lexie?” he repeated.

 

I started to cry.  “You said if you heard about me hitting anyone that you would spank me with the hairbrush, sir,” I said quietly.

 

Uncle Steve nodded.  “And did you think I meant it?”

 

“Yes, but,” I started to say.

 

“No buts, Lexie.”

 

“But they started it.  They were teasing me.”

 

“That doesn’t matter.”

 

“But, Uncle, I told you, it happened so fast.  I didn’t think.”

 

“Maybe you’ll think better and faster next time,” Uncle Steve said sternly, beckoning me over towards him.

 

I shook my head.  “I don’t wanna spanking!” I cried.

 

He just stared at me.  “If I have to come get you, you will be very sorry, young lady.”

 

I stood up and walked the few feet to his chair.  I looked up at his face.  It looked so serious.  He reached behind him for the hairbrush.  I put my head into his lap and started to sob.  “Please don’t use the hairbrush, Uncle Steve,” I said.

 

But he didn’t even answer.  He just leaned down, pulled down my pants and panties and lifted me over his lap.  “I’s sorrrrrrrry!” I cried.  Again he didn’t answer.

 

“I not wanna spanking!” I cried.

 

“I told you what would happen to you if you hit anyone, didn't I?”

 

“Yes, sirrrrrrrrr!”

 

Uncle Steve positioned me over his lap.  I tried to wiggle off but he held me tight.  He raised his hand high and smacked my bottom hard. {SPANK!}

 

“Owwww!” I cried.  I tried to move my bottom to avoid the spanks but he held me in place with his other hand.  He continued to rain down the spanks hard and fast.  I think he might have lectured me about fighting, but I was too busy crying out to really hear him.

 

{Smack!} {Spank!} {Swat!} {Smack!} {Spank!} {Swat!} {Smack!} {Spank!} {Swat!} {Smack!} {Spank!} {Swat!} {Smack!} {Spank!} {Swat!} {Smack!} {Spank!} {Swat!}

 

“Owwwwwwwww!” I cried.  “Owwwwwwww, I’m sorrrrrrrrrry!”

 

Uncle Steve stopped.  I hoped he had reconsidered and wasn’t going to use the hairbrush.  Maybe he felt bad because I was in so much pain.  I shouldn’t have even let the idea in my head.  Suddenly I felt something cold and heavy on my bottom.  I craned my neck to look backward over my shoulder.  In Uncle Steve’s hand was the dreaded hairbrush.

 

“Noooooooooo, pleeeeeeeeeeasse!” I wailed.

 

I cringed as Uncle Steve raised the hairbrush and brought it crashing down on my bottom.  My tushie was so small that the giant hairbrush came down across both cheeks at once.

 

{Whack!} {Crack!} {Thwack!} {Whack!} {Crack!} {Thwack!} {Whack!} {Crack!} {Thwack!} {Whack!} {Crack!} {Thwack!} {Whack!} {Crack!} {Thwack!}

 

“I won't {Crack!} have you {Crack!} hitting {Crack!} other kids {Crack!} or anyone else {Crack!}, Lexie.”

 

“Owwwwwwww, yesssssssssir, I’m sorrrrrrrrrrrry!” I cried.

 

“Maybe {Whack!} this {Whack!} will teach you {Whack!} to keep {Whack!} your hands {Whack!} to yourself {Whack!}.”

 

“Yes, sir,” I managed to get out.  This was the worst spanking I had ever gotten.  Even when Uncle Steve spanked me and then Daddy spanked me again at home.  I could barely move, let alone speak.

 

Then suddenly the room was quiet.  I heard a loud thud and realized Uncle Steve had put the brush down.  He used his hand to rub my bottom for a few seconds.  I reached back to rub, too.  It was hot to the touch.  And it hurt so much.  It felt like it was on fire.

 

Uncle Steve helped me up and put me on his lap.  I stayed on my knees and cried on his shoulder.  He rubbed my back and my bottom and hugged me very tight.

 

I was hiccupping and sobbing.  “There, there, sweetie, I know that was hard but it’s all over,” Uncle Steve said, kissing me on the cheek.  “You are forgiven.”

 

I nodded as I held onto Uncle Steve and sniffled and sobbed.  He rubbed my back, and was stroking my hair.

 

“That hurrrrrrrrrt!” I cried.

 

Uncle Steve nodded.  “I know, sweetie.  It was meant to.”

 

I looked at him and said, “I won’t never hit no one again, Uncle Steve.”

 

“I hope not.  Or you know exactly what will happen, don’t you?”

 

I nodded.  I reached back to rub my bottom again.  “It’s hot,” I told him.

 

“It should be,” he said.

 

“Uncle Steve?”

 

“Yes, sweetie?”

 

“Do you still love me?” I asked.  That was always in the back of my mind.  Would I ever do the one thing that would make someone stop loving me?

 

Uncle Steve smiled.  “Of course I do.”

 

“Promise?”

 

“I promise.”  He picked me up and deposited me on the floor in front of him.  “Lexie, you could never do anything that would ever stop me from loving you.  Nothing you did would change my love for you.  I promise.  Okay?

“Okay, Uncle Steve.”

 

He pulled up my panties and my pants.  They hurt so much going over my sore bottom.  I wiped at my tears and Uncle Steve handed me some tissues.  I went over to the couch and climbed on.  I curled up into a ball, on my tummy.

 

“Uncle Steve?”

 

“Yes, sweetie?”

 

“Do you think my daddy will stop loving me because of what I did?” I was so scared.  Maybe he would even stop the adoption.

 

Uncle Steve came over to me.  “Oh, no, baby.  Never.  Your Daddy loves you more than anything.  He might be disappointed in you, like I was, but he would never, ever stop loving you, just as I never would.  All right?”

 

I managed a smile as I nodded.  He let me take a little rest and then later on we talked about what had happened at school.  He told me what I could or should have done instead.  And we talked about how I was going to handle things when I went back on Monday.

 

For now, though, I had to worry about what Daddy would say when he came to pick me up in the morning.

 

I spent the rest of Friday grounded to Jenny’s room.  She was allowed to play with me in her room for a little bit.  After dinner, I had to go straight to bed while she and Lissa watched a movie downstairs.  None of us thought it was fair, but Uncle Steve reminded me that I had been “suspended” from school.  He said he wanted to make sure I didn’t do anything to have it happen again.

 

Saturday morning I was up early.  Uncle Steve let me, Lissa, and Jenny go swimming after breakfast.  Even though September had started, it was still technically summer and still a bit warm. 

 

“THERE’S MY GIRL!”

 

I looked up from doing a handstand in the pool.  It was Daddy.  He was standing on Uncle Steve’s deck.  I swam as fast as I could to the steps and climbed out.  Before thinking about how wet I was, I ran over to Daddy and jumped into his arms.

 

I guess he didn’t care that I was all wet either, because he swung me around and held me tight.  “Oh, baby, I missed you!” he said.

 

“I missed you too, Daddy,” I answered as he put me down.  I looked at his suit.  “You’re all wet.”

 

“Ahh, so what!  As soon as we go home, I’m going to change and we’re going to spend the day together.”

 

Uncle Steve coughed behind us.  I turned to look at him.  He nodded to Daddy and I realized I had to tell him what had happened.  Uncle Steve brought me a towel.  I took it and wrapped it around me.

 

Daddy stood close by, still smiling.  He took the towel and helped me dry off.  “Umm, I’ll just go get dressed, Daddy,” I said.

 

“Okay, baby.”

 

After I was completely dressed and my bag was packed, I came back out on the deck.  Uncle Steve was watching Jenny and Lissa in the pool and talking to Daddy.  I came over and climbed up into Daddy’s lap on the lounge chair.

 

Daddy looked down at me.  I was frowning.  “What’s wrong, Lexie?” he asked.

 

I started to cry and the whole story came tumbling out.  I started with the boys teasing me, went on to say I was suspended, and then to the spanking with the hairbrush and being grounded the night before.  Daddy didn’t say a word.  I think he was in shock.

 

“Alexis, I was only gone one day.”

 

“I know.  I know, Daddy,” I cried.

 

Daddy sighed.  He just stared at me.  “Say good-bye and then wait for me inside.  I want to talk to your Uncle for a few minutes.”

 

“Yes, sir,” I said.  I went over to Uncle Steve and gave him a hug and a kiss.  I apologized again for the day before and he reminded me that I had been punished and forgiven.  Then I went to the side of the pool to say good-bye to Jenny and Lissa.  I grabbed my bag and went inside.

 

A few minutes later, Daddy came in and put out his hand.  “Let’s go, we will have to talk when we get home, Alexis.”

 

“Yes, Daddy,” I said.  The full name thing was a clue to me that I might be in trouble with Daddy, even though Uncle Steve said I had been forgiven.

 

We walked to the car and drove home making small chitchat.  Once home, Daddy walked me to my room and sat down on my bed.  He patted his lap.  I didn’t know whether to bend over it or sit in it.

 

“Come sit on my lap, baby,” he said.  Oh, okay.  I climbed up into Daddy’s lap and snuggled.  He held me close.

 

Before he could say anything, I spoke up.  “I’m sorry, Daddy.”

 

“Tell me what you’re sorry about, Alexis.”

 

“I’m sorry I hitted those boys and got suspended from school.  I told Uncle Steve that it happened so fast; I didn’t mean it.”

 

“I know,” he said.  “And it sounds like Uncle Steve spanked you pretty hard, too.”

 

“He did, Daddy.”  Not that it meant Daddy wouldn’t spank me again, but I wanted him to know it was pretty hard.  “He used a hairbrush, Daddy.”

 

“Yes, he told me.  Hairbrushes are usually reserved for pretty bad offenses.  I’ve never had to use one on you, Lexie, but you’ve come close a few times.”

 

I looked at Daddy.  I hoped this didn’t mean that sometimes now he would use the hairbrush, too.  “Are you going to spank me again, Daddy?”

 

“Well, have you learned your lesson, Lexie?”

 

“Oh, yes, Daddy, I won’t hit anymore.  I promise.”

 

“Then I won’t have to punish you again.  I’ve been thinking about my rule, and maybe it needs to be changed a little.  I think if Uncle Steve spanks you for something, then Daddy won’t need to again.”

 

I started to smile.  Then Daddy added, “IF I think he did a good enough job, that is.  I think in this case, he did.  But Alexis, I don’t want to hear about anything like this again.  Is that understood?  No matter what the reason.”

 

“Yes, sir,” I said.

 

We talked a little more about what had happened on the playground and some other things that had happened at school.  “Maybe,” Daddy said, “those girls are scared.”

 

“Scared of what, Daddy?” I asked.

 

“Scared to make a new friend.  They don’t know you so they don’t want to take a chance that you might not like them.  So they reject you first.”

 

It didn’t make much sense to me, but I decided to think about it.  After a few minutes, I asked, “Daddy? Can we go to the beach?”

 

“The beach? Now? Why?”

 

“I want to find some shells for the girls at school.  They can wear them around their necks, so they won’t be scared.”

 

Daddy smiled and hugged me so tight to him.  “You’re a very special little girl, Alexis.  You know that?”

 

I smiled too.  “Daddy? How come you called me Alexis? I thought I wasn’t in trouble no more.”

 

“Because that’s your name, baby.  I don’t want to use it only when you’ve misbehaved.  Alexis is a beautiful name.  In fact, I think you need a middle name.  Would you like one?”

 

I nodded.  I had never had a middle name before.  We looked through an old baby book that Daddy found in the basement, and we chose the name “Rose” because Daddy said it was beautiful just like me.

 

“Alexis Rose,” he said.  “I like it.”

 

“I like it too,” I said. 

 

I asked Daddy when my last name would be Rifler, and he said, “Soon, very soon, I think.”

 

I couldn’t wait.

 

The end.

 

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