| Thoughts Thought After a Bridge Party By Ogden Nash |
| All women are pets, But most women shouldn't be allowed to open a pack- age of cigarettes. I call down blessings on their bonny heads, But they can't open a package of cigarettes without tearing it to shreds. Of the two sexes, women are much the subtler, But the way they open a package of cigarettes is com- parable to opening a bottle of wine by cracking it on the butler. Women are my inspiration and my queen, But as long as they can rip the first cigarette from the package they don't care what happens to the other nineteen. Women are my severest friend But the last nineteen cigarettes in packages opened by them are not only bent but sere and withered and the tobacco is dribbling out at either end. Women are creatures of ingenuity and gumption, Which is why when they finish one cigarette they leave the mutilated nineteen cigarettes for some man and go to work on a fresh package, thus leaving thirty-eight mutilated cigarettes for masculine con- sumption. Women are ethereal beings, subsisting entirely on chocolate marshmallow nut sundaes and canta- loupe, But they open up a package of cigarettes like a lioness opening up an antelope. |