How Do You Say Ha-Ha in French?
By Ogden Nash
There are several people who I can claim I am glad
       I am not, without being accused of pride and
       effrontery,
And one of them is the bartender of a French res-
       taurant in an English-speaking country.
The conversation of the customers isn�t calculated to
       keep a bartender young,
Even when they converse in their mother tongue;
How much more dispiriting it must be when after the
       second Martini
They request a third because the first two are, not
       finished, but finis.
They select a Maryland, or cigarette,
And instead of Gotta light? it is Avez-vous une
       allumette?
When they cry Gar�on after the school of Stratford
       atte Bowe or New Rochelle or Nineveh,
It is moot whether they want the waiter or Mrs.
       Minniver.
Somehow, in a bistro, or French eatery,
Everybody suddenly discovers they can talk like Sasha
       Guitry,
But they really can�t,
And if I were the bartender I should poke them in the
       �il with the plume de ma tante.
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