| Gilded Lillies.
Friends my friends Oh have no fears If you wish to have gilder Lend me your ears For too long now Sinister dealings Have conspired to make Flops without feeling And limping lizards You know who you are Who play any old tat Wait for the river You rat. And drown. A new year, A new start Tickles is dead, Muppet is too PK is waiting, XXXX in the loo Darley the joker, no budget to sulk Fester green as the incredible hulk Nathan a bloated runaway train The Jr family riddled with pain Madge? Who he Maybe we should call him she. And then I Majestic and great Waiting for my triple 8 Sweeping all before me Leader of the Northern Army. Spaniard |
| Ode To Ruin
Christmas comes but once a year And so does Andy Darley He cant play cards to save his life Too much hops and barley Wilson is a hairy soul And timid as mousey He needs all that body hair Cos of his cold cold housey 4 X is a drunken fop Aint even got a bint Busking for a living now Thats why he's always skint Nathan's just a sad buffoon Takes roll ups to a party plays the cards so poorly He couldn't beat Russell Harty Pyscho is an angry man Chucks money down the grate Aces were no good you see 'Gainst Tommys triple 8 Then we come to Mountie He thinks he is the besta This coming from a silly man Who looks like Uncle Fester Major likes to rule the roost But has to have the cards Cannot bluff to save his life Should stick to eating lard And as for the rest of you your just not worth my time all to weak please understand you'll never live in rhyme. |
| Misc. Through angry eyes, and gritted Ghnash Rugby boy did take our cash No sooner had he won, the scum, He called his hour, the lousy bum Killer couldn't wait to leave So they drove away with hearts on sleeve Not so this week As we meet again At the place I will call Braggys Den The wandering minstrel muppet's lame And a crying baby will inflame A table that's so set on scorn To beat, a retreat, and be dead on your feet As the witching hour flies by Bring enough money Madge We cry. (cos I have the wheel and I aint leaving early, GOODBYE!) |
| Hmmm Interesting Are the shackles too tight Around your neck Hey Muffin Im talking to you Your plays so weak You limp so well Hey Killer I think that your through Are the ropes, chaffing your wrists Just a bit Hey Judge I'm talking to you Chasing your straights and your flushes all night Hey Jr, just stay in the loo Are you cutting your capers Round the maypole Hey Salvo I'm talking to you Getting too drunk, too high on funk XXXX, a beating is due Are you platting your arm hair On a Friday night Hey Wilson I'm talking to you Braggy is waiting An ashtray pulsating There aint a thing you can do |
| A sickly sweet de.a.th.
One by one, by the star dogged moon Too much to groan or sigh Each turned his face with a deathly pang And cursed me with his eye I know no bounds When the spotlight's on me I'll take your Kings with my kissing Queens There's always another, don't you see? Gambling Pigs I stoop to conquer Jib Jabbing Giblets are mere white noise XXXX? Muppet? who are these clowns Noddy Holder? Don't even try. Madge is awful, Tickles worse Salvador Darley? A victim of his thirst And as for Mountie, I'll raise you your Green Card....too hard? Have your picnic, have your gripes Analysis, paralyisis, you all are ripe Ripe for the plucking, and tittutting-FINE! Your money is mine One by one, by the star dogged moon Too much to groan or sigh Each turned his face with a deathly pang And cursed me with his eye |
| Cut Strings Poor ol Muppet gone away How Jim Hensons son has gone astray E'er since he moved to Bristol fine And spent all spare time with spouse, drinking wine Time after time he declined our invite The forgotten man, hymn and her If you want play You'll damn well call me sir. |
| Out of Hibernation Gadzooks and good Gad Let the beats be bad In Darleys postage stamp sized pad Smoke with the baked beans in the kitchen A pair of 3's got XXXX twitching A mortgage pimp is Andy now Budget for this, dont have a cow Tarry rash wanton oh how ripe in show AK and nodding knaves will grow, Exhale, your last And the globe will cool Open the factory window Fool |
| The Southern Softies Cometh
Cometh the hour Cometh the men Ooop M6 To Tommys den Losing money Losing sleep Jacob howling Sickness creep From too much ale And lack of cards Dont go to Burnley Unless yer 'ard Sleep with one eye open Hold your pillow tight Dont open your mouth And you just might Make it back To towering spires In one piece But dont bank on it Wilson-stay in and watch t'telly No jibber jabber can save your jelly. Wibble Wobble |
| Be silent you gambling pigs
9 around the table Chit followed chat followed jib followed jab I'm delighted to be missing out On ten hands per hour coz you all do shout Greasy fingers on the cards This aint a picnic, but gorge yourself At the trough of life Gambling pigs are all you are I'll sit still, and wait for the results And see myself omnipitant and great My roman empire thrives Heaven can wait Pigs, pigs, you gambling pigs Cant you see the damage you do, All of your talking, and eating and wind Overdose on CO2 |
| Straight from the Bard Of Burnley's mouth, here's some of Tommy's finest... |
| Treehouse of Terror XXIX
The river ran red with blood In that Oxford neighbourhood On the 29th day we all saw A Pyscho Killer at the door Never before have we all seen Emotion bursting at the seam As the river came F****** 'Ell He shouted like the clanging bell (darley you dishonourable fool A lifetime of veg and gruel) An eery silence came to pass Broken only by our lass Singing sweetly past the pile Of passing chips, and ghastly bile The only saving grace that night Was our ol Wilsons deadly plight The prediction came right at the end He said he would neer buy in again George disappeared into the night Howling madly, a sickening sight Eating the grubs upon the leaves Ignoring all fair maidens screams So be warned you sinners And river rat creepers The sewers are full of your kind And I'll be the the first to say My Wilson That I did teach you all A lesson And will again And will. Again. D E At H |
| Bicester Calling
Bicester is calling The siren sounds Time to clock in Eyes fixed on the ground Wilson you eeejit, Mountie you cad Not quite so average, Your just plain bad Andy you bounder, Major you creep PK will join you on lovers leap Barman the newbie, cards looking saggy Why cant we play with my good old friend braggy The Jr family, must be a curse Terrible players who will be out first Take my advice, and keep out of my way I want to win And have t'poll tax to pay DEAT h |
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