Watashi-no
A Hana Kimi Fanfic
Nakao turned restlessly in his sleep. "Kazunari..." He murmmured.
"What are you saying? You don't love me anymore?" The tall boy asked him with a scowl.
"You're leaving and you have the nerve to aske ME that?" Nakao responded.
"It's where I want to go. Why don't you come with me?"
"I already had plans laid out too, Kazunari."
"You didn't include me in them."
"Well, you didn't exactly include me in yours. You think I'm just going to do whatever you want me to to? I have my own mind. My own future!"
"I thought we, together, was part of our future."
"So did I. So much for that." Nakao turned to storm away."
"Senri." Kazunari reached for his arm.
"Let me be! I never want to see you again!" Nakao dodged and ran.
"Senri!"
Only a few blocks away Nakao hid in an alley, and collapsed crying. "Kazunari..."
Nakao opened his eyes, a single tear escaping one. He glanced around the hotel room, and ran a hand through his hair. He wouldn't have signed up for the school trip if he'd known this city was on the stop list...He left his bed to go slowly to the window. What had been the chances of running into Kazunari? His lips twisted. He didn't know the odds, but somehow they hadn't mattered...
"Senri?"
"Kazunari?" Nakaos eyes widened in recognition.
"What are you doing here?"
"I'm on...my school came here on a trip." Nakao replied, looking down at his shoes - unable to meet the other boy's gaze. "What are you doing here?"
"I work here." Kazunari admitted. Hie eyes slowly took in Nakao's appearance. As attractive as ever. The same soft hair, the same soft eyes. "I've been working here for almost two years."
Nakao nodded mutely, glancing around the theater. "You always loved the stage."
"Where's your school group?"
"I gave them the slip." Nakao smiled proudly.
'Damn...his angelic smile... ' Unable to resist, Kazunari reached out a hand to stroke his cheek. "Isn't that just like you?"
Nakao blushed, and stepped back. "How have you been?"
"Well...you?"
"Well."
"..."
"..."
"Senri, I did mean to say goodbye..."
"Did you?" Nakao asked so quietly it was barely audible.
"Yes!...But when we argued you said you never wanted to see me again. I must have picked up the phone two dozen times the morning of the flight...but I didn't have the courage to tell you what I really wanted to say..."
"I don't think I'd have had the courage to listen. We were too young, Kazunari. We didn't fully comprehend what we were feeling...and now -"
"Kazunari!" A voice called excitedly, before someone slammed into the handsome teenager, and gave him an excited hug. Another teenage boy, dainty in appearance and slightly younger than the two conversing, looked up at Nakao. "Hello." He said, puzzled. "Oh! Are you from that school group? If you're lost, they're in the prop room. Back wall, far right."
"No, I'm not lost. Just terribly lazy. I never cared for guided tours." Nakao answered.
"Can't say I blame you." The boy grinned and held out his hand, one arm still around Kazunari's waist. "I'm Kono Takeshi."
"Nakao Senri." Nakao shook his hand, managing his signature smile.
"Nakao's someone I knew before I moved here." Kazunari told the boy attatched to him.
"Uso! What a funny way to bump into eachother again." Takeshi opinioned.
"It is." Nakao nodded. "I better head back to my group before I get into really big trouble. A pleasure to meet you, Takeshi, and Kazunari...I was glad to see you again..." He walked away.
"Are we going to dinner now?" He heard Takeshi ask.
"...Yes, let's." Kazunari replied.
Nakao was surprised to find he was shaking as he reached the prop room, just as the group came out. Nobody seemed to have noticed his disappearance. He glanced back at Takeshi and Kazunari, walking with their amrs around eachother. His eyes were locked on them as they left, and on the door even after they'd gone. He missed the fact that the tour had ended and the group was splitting into their designated groups to head back to the hotel. His mind was filled with confused thoughts that whirled about like autumn leaves on a windy day...and most of them surrounded the boy who was now long gone. Gone from the theater, and gone from his life. And with another boy who was obviously more honest with his emotions than Nakao had ever been to Kazunari...
Had it been easy for Kazunari to forget him and move on? Or had it been difficult? Why did it matter? He no longer loved him, did he? He didn't suppose he could after all this time, but perhaps he did. Kazunari and he had never really had a closure to their relationship, and sometimes things did make him think about the outgoing boy with dyed red hair and laughing eyes who'd given him his first kiss.
But what about Nanba? Didn't he love him? But Nanba never even looked at him, while Kazunari had flirted and spouted poetry...it was little wonder he'd fallen so hard for him. And he could understand why Takeshi could love him, could understand anyone loving him. He was simply amazing...but was he still in love with him himself? Or was he just caught up in the memory of what it had been like to be loved like that...
"Nakao." Reality came back in a whirl. In a very annoyed Nanba standing right in frotn of him.
He started, and took an involuntary step back. "I-I'm sorry, I..." He glanced around. "I guess I phased out."
"Well, as long as you're back in reality, perhaps you'd like to join your group so we can be on our way." Nanba told him, a bit testily.
Nakao nodded numbly, and slowly joined his group, blushing. 'What a day...' He thought.
Nakao glanced around, then at his temporary roommate to make sure he was sleeping before he slipped out of the hotel room. He wandered the hallways, slipping downstairs and outside for fresh air. He paused when he saw Mizuki sitting on a bench. 'Just the person!' "Hey, Ashiya. Can't sleep either?"
Mizuki turned, and smiled. "Hello, Nakao. I guess it's a restless night."
"Can I join you?"
"Certainly." She nodded.
Nakao sat on the bench, looking up at the sky as a moment of silence passed between them. "Did you have another fight with Sano?"
Mizuki sighed. "Yes."
"Over Shin, right?"
"Is it that obvious?" Mizuki asked, worried. She didn't want the whole school knowing what was going on.
"No. I'm usually pretty observant." Nakao tried reassure her.
"So, what happened this afternoon?" Mizuki queried.
"Oh." Nakao blushed. "Well...It's like this..."
"So, what do you think?" Nakao asked her when he'd told the whole story.
"Harsh." Mizuki whispered quietly.
Nakao nodded. "It was, but I don't think I'm really still in love with him. It was a couple years ago. We're both different."
"I suppose."
"What should I do?"
"I think you should talk to him one last time." Mizuki replied. "Admit what you meant to say then now. Talk about everything...and end it." She layed a hand on his arm. "There will be someone else."
"I'm beginning to think that would take a miracle." Nakao replied.
"I need a miracle." Mizuki sighed.
"Sano, Nakatsu, and now Shin..." Nakao listed. "And Sano's not taking Shin's affection for you very well, is he?"
"Shin's his younger brother." Mizuki reminded him.
"He's a cute kid."
"I know he's not much younger than us, but...you're right - he's just a kid." She shook her head. "I don't know how to tell him -"
"You like older men?" Nakao suggested. Mizuki blushed, than began to laugh. Nakao joined her. "Don't worry. It will all work out."
"You think so?"
"Things always seem to, don't they?"
"I suppose they do." Mizuki brightened.
"What are you two doing out here at this hour?" Nanba asked from behind them.
Mizuki and Nakao jumped and turned. "Nanba-sempai!" They were both startled. Nakao blushed, looking down.
"Um...we couldn't sleep? Mizuki suggested.
"We are leaving town tomorrow after lunch." Namba reminded them.
"Well, um...we were about to head back." Nakao excused. "Weren't we, Ashiya?"
"Of course we were, Nakao." Mizuki caught the hint. "So, see you tomorrow." They bowed and made their escape, laughing when they made it safely into the hotel.
"Where's Nakao?" Nanba turned to Mizuki.
"Forgot something." Mizuki gave the excuse Nakao had given her. "He swore he could make it here in time."
Nanba checked his watch irritably. Mizuki bit her lip, and looked over her shoulder.
"I didn't mean it." Nakao told Kazunari. "When I said I never wanted to see you again? I didn't mean it."
"I know. A part of me knew back then, too. That's why I thought about calling you. The reason I didn't wasn't because of what you said, either. It was because I was scared. Scared of how much you meant to me." Kazunari explained.
"I was scared, too." Nakao lowered his gaze. "You meant so much to me. I did think of not going to Osaka Gakuen, but of coming with you. Of dropping everything for you, and that made me terribly afraid."
"I thought about not getting on that plane. I thought about giving up my plans for you. I loved you...Watashi-no Tenshi...."
Nakao smiled, reaching up to brush a piece of Kazunari's hair up. "Watashi-no Akki...I loved you, too. But I wasn't ready to. You have someone else now. Someone who's ready to love you...and who you're not afraid to love in return."
Kazunari lowered his gaze. "And you? Do you have anyone?"
"...There will be someone else."
He nodded in response, understanding. "You'll always have a special place in my heart. I could never forget the angel who smiled when others frowned."
"Nor I the rebellious red-haired demon who gave me my first kiss." Nakao replied. "Goodbye, Kazunari."
"Goodbye Senri."
Salmon 2002
AN: I wrote this before I got ahold of Hana Kimi 1 & 2 actually. All I'd read was on-line translations. Now I'm really not so sure it works, but I like the story, so I had to put it up even if it's a little off.
