boysivelovedbefore

Dear Sir,

I am beginning to love you, because you are beautiful. Your manners are polished. Your hands are well manicured and impeccably clean. Your clothes fit well, they do not bag or pull unexpectedly, but fall smoothly, without creases.

I�m falling in love with you because you relish in the elementary things; pieces of bubble gum, toothpicks, new jeans. You enjoy coffee, without milk or sugar and your five o�clock shadow crackles like cellophane.

I am falling in love with you, because you are gentle. You do not care for harsh brutality. Instead violence astounds you. Perhaps you are nauseated by it. You would never throw a tantrum, or a punch. You are calm, and even anger seems different on you.

I�m beginning to love you because you do not smell of gasoline and sweat and laundry detergent, like other boys. You smell like the desert in the morning and even the stale stink of cigarette smoke does not cling to you, as it does to me.

And I have fallen in love with you. Not recently of course, not last week or last month, but years ago in a universe beyond where we are now.

There are strands of feeling, or some such stuff, that tie me to you, bind me to you. These ties are strong, they push and pull me and I move simultaneously, with the wind. Sometimes these lines are smooth and they flow like liquid and I can see right down into your soul. . . but you know, sometimes the lines are jagged and the words do not always make sense.

The words that hang in the air between us are thick like wool sometimes,
and the emotions are muffled. These are walls of words that keep me from explaining myself to you. At other times these walls are thin like mesh, with holes where things can flow through, but they are walls nonetheless.

One day I will knock down these woolen walls and pull on these jagged lines that bind me to you. One day these threads will break and we�ll come undone
and then you see me for what I really am. One day I will knock myself off this pedestal that you�ve got me on and then you�ll see.

One day, someday, I promise.
But not today, there are reasons that. . .
But not today, I just don�t feel. . .
But not today, because I�m. . . yours as always, today.