Title: Shrinkage

By: Char Chaffin

Category: MSR, Humor, mostly fluff

Rating: Strong R

Spoilers: Nah

Disclaimers: Somebody should warn CC about the way his clones always seem to have a hell of a lot more fun than his 'real deals'... and when was the last time he let Mulder and Scully go on vacation, huh???

I rest my case... <g>

Note: This is the first in a possible series of IWTB birthday fic- gifts... and this one goes out to Sallie and to Jennifer - our two September Babies! Jennifer's is on Sept. 23 and Sallie's is Sept. 27 - Happy Birthday, Darlins!!!

And now, without further ado...

"Shrinkage"...

Under the bright sun the lake glitters, almost blinding in its shimmer. The day is very hot; July in Upstate New York. The water temperature of Lake George is a bit too cool, especially with that hot sun - but they've been floating long enough and their bodies have acclimated. Far enough from shore that their feet don't touch bottom; face to face on either side of an inflatable float shaped like a hand. A very large hand, bright green with pink fingernails.

"Where on earth did you get this ugly thing, Scully"? His amused voice breaks into her contented reverie, as she drifts with her head cozied down on her crossed arms and kicking her legs in a lazy pattern. Scully replies in a voice muffled by her warmed skin.

"Charlie sent it to me from Mexico. I didn't ask where he'd found it; I was just thrilled to see it could hold air, the first time I inflated it." The silly-looking float buoys them up as they turn in a slow circle; the sun beats down on their wet heads. Mulder sighs and rests his cheek on the hot rubbery palm, happy to be doing nothing more than drifting. Thinking about nothing in particular; just enjoying the day and the silky lakewater and the delightful company of his partner. Life on vacation is damned good...

"So, Mulder." Her soft tones bring him out of a semi-doze. "Got shrinkage?" He snorts and mumbles at her, one eye open and squinting at her balefully.

"Wouldn't you like to know." She chuckles a bit and lets her foot slip through the water, underneath the float, reaching out with a toe until she comes in contact with his submerged bathing trunks. Her foot wriggles against his groin and he stifles a groaning laugh into his side of the float.

What a brat...

"Find anything interesting, baby?" Snicker from the opposite side, as her foot continues probing. Mulder bites off another soft groan. Her comeback is delivered in deadpan.

"Oh, yes. I found a hair snake."

Her cheeky grin is aimed right at him when he raises his head indignantly, ready to protest at the insult and defend his waterlogged masculinity. He glares at her and she laughs aloud, then shakes her head, adding, "Well, maybe thicker than a hair... but definitely suffering from shrinkage."

Mulder props himself up on both elbows, causing the float to pull to one side, and regards her with a mock-frown.

"I don't shrink in lakewater, Scully. Never have. If anything, I always rise to the challenge of retaining my full stature." Her eyes roll at the blatant fib. Mulder smirks once at her, then tucks his head down against the green rubber. Scully pokes at him one final time and her retort is meant to poke, as well.

"Mulder, the only thing rising around here at the moment is the humidity. My original observation stands. Undeniable proof, Partner - thanks to the superb investigative skills of my big toe. Shrinkage." This said, she rests her chin on one palm and waits for him to retaliate. She doesn't have to wait long... for suddenly, under the bobbing float, his legs coil around hers and yank her wet center into contact with his nicely-heated groin. Their eyes lock and their hands clutch together for balance across the green expanse of rubbery palm.

With a hard toss of her head Scully flips wet hair out of her face and stares hard at her watery captor. Her voice comes out in a rasp. "Okay, I take it back. Not a hair snake. Maybe an eel. A long, charged-up eel... I'd need to take a closer perusal, of course - just to be sure."

She gazes hotly at him and her next words are low and fierce and meant to stir him up. "Let's head in, Mulder. I feel the scientific need to check this out." She tugs at his hand but he won't let go. His equally-low, negative reply makes her shiver under the blazing sun.

"Nope. Don't wanna. If you feel the need to measure the stature of my Johnson, you'll have to do it here. Now."

The dare in his hazel eyes is unmistakable. In reaction Scully's baby blues widen comically and she sputters. "Mulder, we're out on a lake in broad daylight with boats and water- skiers zipping by. There's no way I'm going to climb on this damned float with you and play 'Bury the Little Head'. We could drown!" His rusty laugh sends more shivers over her, and the narrowed stare he flashes her way is now heavy with daring.

"Oh, but what a way to go... However, who said anything about humping in the ugly green hand, baby? Not that I wouldn't be worried about your tender bits suffering from major burn, but it'd be my ass pointed skyward, in danger of getting fried by the sun. No, I have other ideas." He ignores her mutter of, "Oh, I bet you do -" and adds, "We can just hang out on our respective sides, and smile at each other - while the bulk of the action goes on under the water."

Her exasperated retort causes him to grin from ear to ear. "Mulder, you and I aren't trained aqua-acrobats. I'd like to know how you think we can maintain balance, tread water, hang onto the hand and still fuck with any measure of grace and accuracy."

Mulder's delighted laugh rings out over the lake; he adores hearing her say the word 'fuck'. She doesn't say it often; she's just not the type to get into heavy cuss words, even in the throes of emotion, sexual or otherwise. But that word coming out of her pretty rosebud mouth - uttered in that cultured-yet-sexy voice of hers...

He reaches across the green float and grabs at her other hand, tugging her upper body over the palm until she is within kissing distance of his mouth. He whispers outrageously into her sun-pink face. "Sometimes you gotta forego the grace, baby - and you can let me worry about the accuracy. You have challenged my manhood, woman. That's a very serious offense. I demand satisfaction - right here. Right now. Nothing less will do."

Scully bites hard at her bottom lip to keep from laughing at him. He can see the effort she is putting forth not to erupt with it; trying to maintain her typical stern-Scully routine. Good thing he can see right through her act... He wiggles his eyebrows at her and she loses it; lowers her head onto their joined hands and giggles while he drops nuzzling kisses in her wet hair and deftly sets the final trap.

"I dare you, baby. No, actually... I double-dog-dare you. To take off those little bottoms of yours and store them dead-center of the ugly green hand -affording yourself readily accessible - and smile into my face as, under the water, we fuck with accuracy if not grace."

When she raises her head he punctuates his dare with a soft bite to her lips, catching them between his teeth and swallowing the moan she can't hold in. He laps up the tiny sound with a hot tongue, and murmurs into her mouth, "Come on, Scully. Be daring. Lemme refute the charge of shrinkage... I got a rep to protect."

He releases her mouth and draws back, enough to see the smiling resignation in her face as she finally gives in.

"Well, when you put it like that, Mulder - far be it from me to ruin your 'rep', as you so earnestly proclaim it -" And she tugs at her left hand until he loosens his grip; her fingers dip under the water and she comes up with a fistful of suit-bottom, five seconds later. She places it carefully into the center of the float, and one damp eyebrow ascends as she sweetly commands, "Your turn..."

Two minutes later their bathing bottoms are snuggled side by side in the big green ugly hand with the pink fingernails, while under the surface of Lake George a new sort of watery creature is being spawned. This creature has four legs and two sets of sexual organs; this creature coils around itself with sparse grace and much enthusiasm. Long muscular legs wind around the hips of the owner of the shorter legs, which are slender and strong. Above the rim of the float their eyes remain locked on each other, on either side of their rubbery support. They can't reach across to kiss and most of their body parts remain submerged, fighting to maintain precious balance.

One of Mulder's hands dives beneath the float and assists in the proper alignment of their hips; stays behind to guide himself in. The contrast between the cool lakewater and his lover's hot, tight inner clasp is not to be believed; he groans into green rubber beneath his mouth and imagines it to be Scully's lips, as he slips deeper within her and searches for the best thrust-rhythm.

Their eyes cling to each other as fiercely as their lower bodies fight to stay connected, and with each awkward push Scully's breath hitches in her throat; her words teasing at his ears.

"I NEVER let a dog-dare go free, Mulder, oh GOD, right there, just like that..."

His reply is as breathless, and maybe just a little superior. "I'd like to see anyone else on the lake try this, with or without shrinkage - SHIT, Scully!" - For she has suddenly clamped on him hard, and her shivering groan tells him she was more than ready to be double-dog-dared...

Yes, vacation life is good. Even in ownership of a damn ugly green rubber inflatable hand with pink fingernails.

end