Title - Recognizing Love
Author - Donna
Email address - [email protected]
URL - http://www.donnas-stories.com/
Rating - R
Category - MSR, angst
Spoilers - None
Keywords - MSR, angst
Summary - He loves her, how scary is that?
Feedback - Please
Archive - Anywhere, just let me know so I can visit

Disclaimer - Mulder, Scully, the Lone Gunmen and Skinner
all belong to Chris, 10-13, and Fox - Bless them for it!!  No
infringement intended.

Author's Note - This one is for my friend, Sallie.  Get back on
your feet soon!!

Recognizing Love  

He stirred and reached for her.  Finding only cool sheets he
opened his eyes and looked around.  He spotted her at the
door to his bedroom.

"Scully?"

"I can't.  I'm sorry, I . . . I can't."  She turned then and hurried
from the room.

Can't?  Can't what?  He was on his feet, racing after her.  
The door to the apartment was closing as he got there.  
That's when it hit him; she was completely dressed.  He
couldn't follow her, he was stark naked.  What?  What the
hell had happened?

He darted back into his bedroom and jerked on the clothes
she had removed from his body earlier in the evening.  He
shoved his feet in his shoes and took off after her.
 
There was no sign of her as he approached his car at a full
run now.  He peeled out and headed for her place, trying to
keep all thoughts at bay.

He didn't see her car as he pulled into a slot outside of her
building, but didn't search thoroughly.  Where else would she
go at this time of night, well, morning?

Using his own key he entered her apartment.  The only light
on was on the desk.  It was the little one she kept on a timer
for when she was out of town.  The light was dim, but
enough to see that she wasn't home.

She would be.  He had broken more than a few traffic laws
getting here.  He found himself in her bedroom and nearly
retreated.  No, they were together, lovers; there was no
reason not to come in here.  He sat tentatively on the edge
of the bed.

Where was she?  Had she changed her mind?  Returned to
his place?  Should he . . . No.  This was her home, she'd
come here.  There was no reason to go looking for her and
miss her again and again.  He would wait.

The anger was leaving his body, being replaced by fear and
insecurity.  What had happened?  What did she mean, 'I
can't.'?  He shied away from that, shivering slightly though
he didn't notice.

He took a deep breath and slipped off his shoes, forcing
himself to recline on the bed.  The scent of her calmed him
slightly.  Whatever this was, they could work it out.  Surely
they could, he would accept nothing less.

The sound of the door opening sometime later roused him
and he rose from the bed, waiting.

She entered the bedroom without turning on the lights either.  
From the streetlight he couldn't read her expression.

"What happened?"

She jumped violently.  "Jesus, Mulder.  What are you - "

He was in front of her then, adrenline pumping into his
system.  He grabbed her upper arms in a tight grip and
opened his mouth to demand answers.

He saw her flinch at his actions and he realized what he had
done.  He released her as though his flesh was scorched.  
He backed away, horrified at his actions.  He stumbled back
until his legs touched the chair near her bedside table, and
he sank into it.

"I'm, Scully, I'm sorry.  I never, I wouldn't hurt you."

She had been nearly as startled when he released her as
when he grabbed her, and now looking at his face, she could
see the disbelief that he had manhandled her that way.

Scully moved toward him.  "Mulder, you didn't hurt me."

He shook his head, afraid to look up at her.  "Just scared the
shit out of you, right?"

She knelt in front of him then her hands resting lightly on
each knee.  "Mulder, you didn't hurt me.  But yes, I guess
you did scare me tonight."

A low moan escaped him before he could stop himself.

She ignored it, looking into his eyes, forcing him to meet
hers.  "You do scare me - your intensity, your commitment . .
.. your beauty."

He gave a harsh, startled laugh.  "You think I'm beautiful?"

"I think you are the most beautiful man I've ever known."  
She took a deep breath.  "You're in love with me, aren't you?  
I mean, I know you love me, you have for a long time, but it's
changed.  You're in love with me now."

After a long moment he nodded.

"That's what scared me tonight Mulder.  I lay there, in your
bed, watching you after we made love and . . . the realization
panicked me and I ran."

His eyes closed at those words, blocking out the sight of her.  
From behind those closed eyes, he spoke.  His voice was
low and rough with pain.  "Is this where you tell me we've
made a mistake, but you'd like to remain friends?"

"No."  She spoke softly.  "This is the part where I drive
around DC for a couple of hours before dawn to try to tell
myself that it's not a good idea and that it couldn't work out
for us."

*****

She pulled into the diner.  She wasn't sleepy, but she wasn't
safe driving either.  She took the back booth.  There was
only one other patron and he was asleep in his booth, head
back and mouth open, snoring softly.

Scully didn't look up when she saw the white shoes stop
beside her table.  "Just coffee please."

The shoes moved away and she couldn't get the sight of his
face, the look of confusion and then hurt come over him as
she escaped from his apartment.

A cup of coffee and a piece of chocolate pie appeared
before her.  "I'm sorry.  I didn't - " She looked up.  The
woman was older than her, the makeup too heavy, the hair
too brassy and teased too high.  There was enough
hairspray to withstand a tornado.

"We don't serve ice cream, which is the accepted remedy for
man problems.  Did he dump you?"

"Excuse me?"

"Did you find out he was married?"

"What?  Uh, no."  Who did this woman think she was?  
Scully's annoyance was leading her toward rudeness
rapidly.

"Cheatin' on you?"

"No."  She answered shortly and then wondered why she
had answered at all.

The woman slipped into the booth across from Scully,
startling her.  The nametag on her uniform read 'Rita'.  "He
didn't hit you, did he?"

"Of course not!"

"Good."  Rita relaxed slightly.  For the first time Scully really
looked into the woman's eyes.  She had been worried, still
was, but less than before.  Why would this Rita care if some
strange woman had problems with a man?

 "So, does he look like a toad?"

"No."  But a small smile was teasing her lips now.  The sheer
audacity of the woman -

"Lousy in bed?"

"Definitely not."  Scully felt her cheeks grow a little warm at
that.

"So why are you here?"

This was none of her business, but surprisingly Scully felt
like answering.  She deflated slightly.  "He's in love with me."

"Well, that explains . . . nothing.  What's your name?"

"Um, Dana."

"Okay, Dana, let me see if I've got this straight.  He's not
married; he's faithful to you and doesn't hit you.  He's
gorgeous - "

"I didn't say that."

"Your eyes did, and he's a jackhammer in bed.  And your
problem is that he's in love with you."

Scully sighed.  "He's . . . he consumes me.  I've never been
loved like this before."

"You think it will burn out, that he'll quit lovin' you."

Scully was quiet for a moment, then shook her head, "No.  
He'll love me as long as we live."

Rita nodded.  "But there's someone else, better, in your life?"

"No.  I mean . . . what if . . . what if I can't love him enough?"  
Tears formed in her eyes.  "What if I do it wrong and . . . and
mess things up?"

The man in the other booth shifted, coughed, closed his
mouth for a moment, then was back asleep.  In just a
heartbeat, the light snoring resumed.

Rita looked back at her, then leaned forward.  "Do you know
why God gave men a Y chromosome?"

"No."  Scully's eyebrow was high at that question.

"So they wouldn't be perfect, like us."

Scully gave a startled chuckle.

"Honey, if you didn't love him so much, you wouldn't be
worried about this.  You need to cut yourself a break and get
home to him.  Tell him you're afraid.  Sounds like this man
would be willing to wait, even help out."

Again the woman's words startled her.  Of course Mulder
would help her with this.  Who else would she turn to?  And
look how long he'd already waited.

The worry lines seemed to smooth out on Dana's forehead.  
She nodded, "yes, he would."  And he would understand
better than anyone what she was feeling.  Like always -
better in tune with her than she was with herself.

"You drive careful now," Rita stood.  "It's late."  Essentially
tossing her out.

Scully nodded, then pulled her purse to her and pulled out a
ten, placing it on the table.

"Sweetie, the coffee's fifty cents and you didn't touch the
pie."

"This is the most practical therapy session I've ever had.  
Thank you."  Rita had put it in perspective.  They would
never be like other couples, not being who they were, but
together . . .

Rita nodded, "Listen, you bring this guy by, let Rita check
him out and see if he's really worth you."

Scully blinked, "I . . . I will."  She moved toward the door and
let herself out.

*****

The tear slipped from his closed eyes, bringing her back to
the present.

"The problem is I couldn't do it."  She started to smile.

His eyes opened then, puzzled.

"You see, Mulder, it's not true.  It was a good idea, it is a
good idea, there's no reason it can't work and . . . and I'm in
love with you too."

His mouth fell open, but he couldn't seem to move the rest of
his body.  She took care of that for him.

*****

The diner door opened and Rita looked up from her romance
novel.  The snorer was no where in sight this time.  "Dana,
Sweetie."  Her eyes moved to the man behind her.  "This has
got to be him.  Um um um!  He is gorgeous."

Mulder blinked and looked over at Scully, uncertain.  Who
was this woman and why had Scully insisted they pulled in
here?  They were almost home.

Rita scanned his body, then sighed.  "So, no chocolate pie?"

"Uh, no."  Scully was grinning.  "We're on our way back to
DC, but I wanted you to see what I meant."

"I do.  You'll need two coffees to go."  Rita poured two cups
and set them on the counter, then leaned closer to Scully
and whispered, "velvet jackhammer, huh?"

Mulder watched in confusion as pink tinged Scully's cheeks.  
"Yeah, something like that."

"Well," Rita leaned back.  "You need to come by when you
have more time."

"I will, I promise."  Scully smiled and picked up the cups.  
Mulder took her elbow and nodded a 'pleased to meet you'
to Rita, then led her toward the door.  

He leaned over, and Rita heard the question, "jackhammer?"

"I'll explain later, Mulder."

=====
Donna
http://www.donnas-stories.com/

"The trouble with writers is that they become writers."

Gertrude Stein