TITLE:  The First Time
AUTHOR:  salliejohns
CATEGORY:  MSR
RATING:  Strong R
SPOILERS:  Everything through season six
FEEDBACK:  [email protected]  Good feedback is cherished,
negative stuff will make me cry, so please don't bother  
DISCLAIMERS:  Still not mine, dammit
AUTHOR'S NOTES:  At the end of the story
DEDICATION: This sequel to Katie Phillip's "Murder In The Capital"
was written in honour of my darling Kimberly, in celebration of
her thirty-second birthday.  You should probably read Katie's
story first.  It's not absolutely necessary, but it's a great
casefile, so why not?  It's only on Ephemeral right now, but
here's a link to Part One:
http://www.ephemeralfic.org/read.phtml?idx=1090720156
BETA THANKS:  To wonderful Carol, who did an amazing job
SPECIAL THANKS: To my mentor S, who always wants me to post the
best story possible.  Thanks also to Robin, for looking this over.

The First Time
By salliejohns

The first time Mulder and Scully made love was nothing like
Mulder's dream.  True, Scully had just recovered from a
life-threatening injection of poison, and Mulder wondered--to
himself and out loud--if she was indeed up to the rigors of
lovemaking.  And like the dream, Scully reassured him that she
was, as always, "fine."  They weren't in a hotel by the sea,
however, and there wasn't much talking.  
 
The reservations for the seaside inn had been booked, and
Mulder and Scully would be there in two days.  The picture on
the brochure showed a quaint place nestled on the edge of a
rocky cliff, overlooking the ocean. The route they would
travel was already plotted on the map; the car had been
serviced.  Everything was ready for the trip that promised to
forever alter their relationship.

But this night found them together in Mulder's apartment, a
familiar sanctuary to which Scully had come after being
released from the hospital the day before.  It felt safe,
and right to be there, and that first night, Scully slept
on Mulder's soft bed with her partner wrapped around her,
keeping the nightmares at bay.   She slept well for the first
time in weeks, and looked forward to five days of sun and surf,
Mulder by her side.  
 
The next night was different.  During the day, Mulder packed  
their clothes--he had gone to the trouble of gathering all
Scully's things from her hotel room and having them cleaned--
and got ready for their get-away.  Scully, still weak from
the lingering effects of the poison, remained close by,
either reading on the sofa, or propped up by pillows on
Mulder's bed, offering suggestions or discussing some
aspect of the case they had so recently solved.  
 

The case was classified as "Solved" and not "Closed" because
the killer had never been caught.  They had identified him,
and it appeared he had elected to leave town to avoid arrest,
but there would always be a niggling fear in the backs of
their minds that he might one day return to finish off Mulder
and Scully as he had tried so diligently to do before.  He
had almost been successful, and there would never be a sense
of closure to the case until he was apprehended.   
 
Still, it was not so much a sense of unease that kept the
former partners on the topic of the Capital Murders as it
was of avoidance.  What they were avoiding was any kind of
personal discussion, although there were most certainly
some personal matters on both of their minds.  As of yet,
there had been no real resolution of the issue of Scully's
abrupt departure from The X-Files, and from Mulder, almost
three years before.  It would have to be addressed sometime
before they arrived at their hotel the next night however,
because it seemed very likely that once they checked into
the single room Mulder had booked--with Scully's knowledge
and permission--they would be facing a discussion of a more
intimate nature.  
 
There was no denying that there had been an immediate
reconnection almost as soon as Scully walked into Skinner's
office where the task force assigned to catch the 'Capital
Killer' was gathering.  There was no denying that toward
the end of the case, Mulder and Scully were working together
almost as if there had been no three-year hiatus in their
partnership.  Furthermore, there was no use denying the
strong physical attraction that had developed by the end
of the case.  Mulder and Scully had worked together, and
they had worked apart from each other.  There seemed to be
a tacit understanding that together was better, and there
no longer appeared to be any reason to avoid taking their
relationship to a higher level.  
 
Simply put,  Mulder wanted Scully, and Scully wanted Mulder.
Neither doubted that the night they checked into the hotel,
they would achieve the intimacy they both so strongly
desired.  Getting to that point from where they were now,
however, was not going to be an easy path.  Neither wanted
to be the one to begin the discussion, yet the longer they
avoided it, the more ill-at-ease they both became.
 
It came as no surprise to either one that they would both
reach the figurative breaking point at the exact same time.
 
"Mulder, I..."
 
"Scully, why..."
 
They began to speak simultaneously, and surprising each
other, stopped talking at precisely the same time as well.  
Each looked at the other and they both broke into wide
grins.  
 
"Neither of us says a word for two hours, and then we're
suddenly compelled to speak at the same time.  Go ahead,
you first," offered Mulder, nodding slightly at Scully.
 
"No big deal, Mulder.  I think you started first.  I can
wait." Scully watched Mulder's face as she spoke, but
ended up casting her eyes downward in what was now a
familiar defense mechanism.
 
Mulder had seen that particular form of intimacy avoidance
too many times from his former partner, and he knew that
this time they had come too far to retreat to their old
familiar dance.  He straightened from where he'd been bent
over his dresser, and walked to where Scully was now sitting
upright on his bed.  He took her by the shoulders
purposefully, yet taking care not to alarm or distress
this woman who meant so much to him.
 
When Scully met his eyes, she was briefly startled by
Mulder's intensity, but forced herself not to turn away.  
She too, sensed that
they had progressed beyond that point where one or both
would back away when it appeared that friendship might
progress to something more.  Startled to realize that she
truly wanted something more, her whispered "Oh," was
almost a gasp, soft and breathy against Mulder's face.
 
It was Mulder's turn to be struck by what was now
happening between them, and when he spoke, his voice was
low and hoarse.  "No Scully, you're wrong.  It *is* a
big deal, and I don't think it *can* wait. I think we
waited far too long as it is, and I'll be damned if I'll
let you go before we've both had a chance to say exactly
how we feel."  
 
Mulder sat on the edge of the bed and turned to face
Scully once more.  This time he took her hand and
squeezed it gently, while his other hand went to her face.  
His thumb brushed lightly over her cheek, as he spoke
from his heart.  "Scully, I'm still not sure what
happened between us after Texas, but I know I never should
have let you go.  I guess I was hurt that you would even
consider leaving, and pride kept me from trying to stop
you, but I want you to know, that I missed you every single
day you were gone.  I'm glad, so glad you came back, and
I want you to stay.  Stay with me, please."  
 
Tears threatened to spill from her eyes as Scully stared
at her best friend, and felt his words touch her heart.  
She clasped his hand and placed her fingertips on his chest.  
"When we sit here like this, I'm not even sure what made me
leave, Mulder.   I remember my mother begging me not to
leave in anger.  And I remember telling her that I wasn't
angry--I had to leave because the trust between us had
eroded somehow, and the pain of that was just too hard
to face on a daily basis.  I know I felt like something
was broken, but I'm not at all sure, at this moment, why
I didn't fight to fix it.  I guess I convinced myself
that you didn't believe in me anymore, and I couldn't
accept a partnership, much less a relationship, on those
terms.   I know that I wanted you to come after me, to try
to change my mind and bring me home, but I also know that
I probably would not have come."
 
"Scully, I..."
 
"Wait Mulder, let me finish.  I may never have this
much courage again."  Mulder twined the fingers of their
joined hands together, and waited for her to continue.  
Watching her intently, worrying his bottom lip with his
teeth, Mulder nodded slightly, urging her on.
 
"I...I needed the time we spent apart to learn who I was,
and what I wanted.  It wasn't easy and I changed my mind
more than once while I was figuring it out.  I did well
professionally right from the start in Salt Lake City,
though.  I didn't know a soul, so I threw myself into
the work.   I made a few educated guesses that turned
out to be correct, and they helped solve some pretty
high profile cases.  Important people in the Bureau
started noticing my work, and their praise and respect
was flattering.  It was more than flattering, it was
heady stuff, and I learned to relish it.   I spent all
my time either working, writing about my cases, or
being wined, dined, and toasted by Bureau brass and law
enforcement alike.  I'm not bragging--I only want you
to understand how it was for me.  I never forgot you,
but gradually, over time, I finally stopped aching
for you."  

As if this admission was simply too much, Scully broke
eye contact briefly, but quickly regained her composure
and offered a small smile.
 
"You ached for me?"  Mulder's eyes were wide with
astonishment, causing Scully's smile to widen a tiny
bit.  
 
"Yes Mulder," she whispered.  I ached for you for a
long time."  The smile was replaced by a look so earnest,
Mulder felt his heart clench.
 
"But you got over it.  You don't ache any more."  He'd
said it as a statement, but his tone was so wistful that
Scully recognized it as a question as well.
 
"I *thought* I did, but maybe I just got numb.  Maybe I
was only fooling myself."  Blue eyes met his, and they were
so honest they stole his breath.  She held his gaze.  "I
ache for you now, Mulder," and bowing her head, "I ache
for you still."
 
To say 'I ache for you, too' didn't seem adequate to
express the depth of his gratitude and an eternity of
longing, so Mulder leaned forward and touched his lips
to hers.  Electricity fueled by love and lust and
empty years apart, turned their kiss to fire, and
they opened their mouths, so hungry for each other they
could barely breathe.  Mulder pulled her close to his
heart, until her breasts were crushed against his chest,
until the line of heat between them became almost
unbearable.  When they separated minutes later, their
foreheads came together as they gulped lungfuls of
fresh air.  The deep cold that had pervaded Mulder's
soul had disappeared, replaced by something that was at
once calming and euphoric.  
 
"Welcome home, Scully.   This is where you belong--I'm
sure of it. I'm not a whole person without you, and I
don't ever want to feel that alone again."  

Pulling back, Mulder kissed her forehead, her nose--and
made her giggle--and with his eyes locked on Scully's,
he moved to reclaim her mouth.  This kiss wasn't fierce
and desperate--this kiss was tender and so full of love
that they groaned against each other's lips.
Fingertips brushed against temples and fingers tangled
in hair. Hands clutched not with awkward ferocity, but
with the calm assurance of promises unspoken but louder
than the furious pounding of their hearts.
 
"Mulder, I feel..." she stopped, unable to find the
words to describe the way their mutual declarations
had reached a part of her that had been buried long ago.
 
"*How* do you feel, Scully?  Tell me how you feel right
this minute."
 
"And then you'll tell *me*?"  
 
"And then I'll tell *you*."
 
"I feel joy, Mulder.  Now I know what joy feels like.  
And calm, like I'm finally at peace.  I feel like I found
a treasure I didn't know I'd lost."  Scully's face held
a serenity he'd never seen there before, and she was
so beautiful he wasn't sure he could speak. "Now tell
*me*, Mulder.  I need to know this is right for both of
us."
 
"This is right, Scully.  I've never felt so right or
sure of anything in my life.  I've spent years searching
for the 'Truth,' but I couldn't find it because I'm broken
without you.  You fix me; you make me whole.  There are
truer truths than those I've searched for. Maybe I *will*
find out the truth about government conspiracies, and
alien invasions, and spaceships, but I can't do it without
you.  I *won't* do it without you."
 
"You won't have to Mulder, I'm not going anywhere."
 
"That's good to hear, Partner."  Mulder's smile was a
thing of beauty, and Scully found herself remembering
how she melted inside the first time she laid eyes on him,
now so many years ago.
 
"It is, isn't it?  You know Mulder, I spent all day
worrying about what's going to happen when we finally
arrive at the hotel tomorrow.   I mean I know what you
want to have happen..."  Scully twisted the comforter
from Mulder's bed in her hands as she spoke.
 
"You don't want it, too?"  Mulder's forehead creased
with concern, and doubt clouded his eyes.
 
"I do--at least I thought I did."  Mulder's anxiety
was evident, and she hurried to allay his fears.  
"When we were investigating that case together, it got
to feel like old times so quickly.  When you wanted to
stay the night, I realized that I wanted you to stay.  
It was like I suddenly understood that there was no
reason to fight the attraction that I started feeling
for you a long time ago."
 
Mulder's expression was now one of quiet amusement.  A
smile tugged at the corner of his mouth, and he went
into full Innuendo Mulder mode.  "Just how long ago
did you start feeling for me, Scully?"

"Stop making a joke of this, Mulder!" she chided, but
he could tell from her smile that she wasn't angry,
just comfortable.  This was safe.  This was familiar,
and yet different at the same time.  She took a deep
breath and dived in.  "I realized that you weren't just
kidding around.  And I realized that I wanted you to
make love to me."

"God, Scully.  Pinch me--or better yet, don't."  Mulder
was smiling, but his eyes were serious.  "Do you know
how many times I dreamed of you saying that to me?"

"Tell me, Mulder.  How many times?"  Scully's smile
was playful and easy, and her eyes sparkled when she
looked at him.

Mulder felt his throat close up briefly, and he coughed
a little as he realized that he was responsible for that
sparkle.  "A lot of times, but they never felt as good
as this does now."  His voice was ragged and hoarse,
but his eyes were shining now too, and his smile was
confident again.

"Gee Mulder, if I want you, and you want me, maybe
we should, I don't know, do something about it?"  
This time when Scully smiled, it told of love and
certainty, and the promise of something new about
to begin.  

"Oh yeah, let's 'do something.'" His words mimicked
hers. "Let's do lots of things.  I've waited for years
to make love to you, but I don't think I can wait
much longer."  

"That's OK Mulder, I don't want you to.  Wait, I mean.  
I know we were both thinking about what will happen
tomorrow, but I think tomorrow is too far away."  

Looking in his eyes, Scully knew Mulder wouldn't argue.  
He was gazing at her as if she held the answers to all
the questions he'd ever had, and perhaps she did.

Reaching out, they wrapped their arms around each other
and fell back onto the bed.  Their kiss was long and
deep, and sweet and hot, and it re-ignited the fire that
had smoldered while they made their declarations of hope,
faith, and desire.  As they lay there, Scully's free hand
went to Mulder's head, and she threaded her fingers
through his silky hair.  His hand moved to caress
Scully's back, first touching that spot low on her spine
that he had long ago claimed as his own, then moving up
as their passion increased.  

Pausing for a second, Mulder brought his hand to the
front of Scully's sweatshirt, and lightly cupped her
breast.  She opened her eyes and found Mulder looking at
her intently.  He broke their kiss to ask, "Is this okay?"

Scully smiled and nodded, granting permission.  Too
reserved to say that she wanted very much for Mulder
to touch her everywhere, she showed him how she felt by
arching into his palm.  A soft sigh escaped her lips,
and Mulder grinned.

"You like that, Scully?"  His mouth was so close to
her ear that his breath tickled her, and she returned
his grin.  She nodded again,this time more emphatically,
and Mulder swiped his thumb across the precise spot
where her nipple hardened beneath the heavy fabric.  
"I can't feel much through this sweatshirt, Scully.  
I think you should lose it."  

When she made no protest, Mulder reached for the hem
of the shirt and began to pull it upward.  Scully sat
up to facilitate its removal and began pulling on
Mulder's shirt.  They managed to remove each other's
shirts without tangling their arms completely,and
Mulder cupped Scully's breasts through her lacy bra.  

"This is nice," he breathed, hooking an index finger
beneath each strap, and sliding them down over her
shoulders.

"I wore it for, for you, just in case..."  Her voice
was so soft Mulder knew she was still wary of what was
to come, and he wanted more than anything to reassure
her.  He tilted her chin with his finger until she was
looking directly at him.

"I appreciate that, Scully.  I do.  Would it seem
like I was being ungrateful if I wanted to take it
off?"

When she smiled, Mulder could see some of the tension
leave her.  "I guess I'd be worried if you didn't want
to, but I'm feeling a little awkward here."  

Scully had a tendency to lick her lips when she was
nervous.  Mulder had always found the habit slightly
arousing, but now the arousal factor had been turned
up a notch or two.  He found himself staring at those
lips in fascination, wondering what it would feel like
to have them pressed to his body the way a lover might
do.

"Mulder."

"Sorry, Scully.  I was getting a little ahead of myself
there."  His smile made him look boyish and almost
innocent.  "I don't want you to feel awkward.  Do you
trust me?"

"With my life."

"Then you know I won't do anything you don't want me
to do, and you have to know I'd never do anything to
hurt you."

"But we did hurt each other, Mulder.  I don't know if
I can go through that again, especially not if we take
this relationship further."  Scully's eyes were wide
and Mulder could see both hope and fear in them.  

What he wanted to see was desire, raw desire, the
kind he felt rising within him.  This was Scully,
his Scully, sitting on his bed in a lacy black bra
and a pair of soft well-worn jeans, and he wanted her
so bad he could almost taste her.  Mulder wanted to
taste her--every inch of her--but he needed to be sure
she was comfortable with that before he started
something that might be impossible to stop.  

"No more hurting each other, Scully.  If I'm doing
something that hurts you, that makes you feel
uncomfortable in any way, from now on I want you to
tell me.  And if I feel like we're not being honest or
up front with each other, I'll let you know.  We can
make this work, because we know what happens when we
don't have each other in our lives.  I know I don't
want that again, and I don't think you do either."

"No, you're right. I don't"

Mulder leaned in for another kiss, and the instant heat
surprised them both.  While their tongues explored each
other's mouths, Mulder reached behind Scully to unclasp
her bra.  Feeling her press herself further into his
embrace was the assurance that he needed to tug the
frilly garment from her body, and when her breasts
molded against his chest, he moaned softly into her
mouth.  He reached between them with one hand, and
cupped her right breast, swiping his thumb over the
taut nipple.

Scully broke the kiss inhaling sharply, and as she
moved back slightly she brought her left arm up and
across her chest.  Her head down, she seemed to be
retreating again.

"Scully," he whispered into her neck "it's just me."

"I know, Mulder, but that's what makes it seem so odd.   
We're partners, and partners don't do things like this.  
I've been in sexual relationships before, but never
with a friend--never with my best friend."

"What better person for it to be with?" As he spoke
he reached for her arm.  "Scully, let me look at you."  
He pulled gently at her arm, keeping his eyes locked
on hers.  When he felt the resistance lift, he nodded
slightly and looked down at her now-uncovered breasts.  
One word, "Scully," before he bent forward to take her
perfect nipple into his mouth.  He caressed first one
breast and then the other, hands switching places
with insistent mouth.  

Scully's chest rose and fell sharply as Mulder
continued his ministrations, and she clutched at his
hair with surprising strength.  Spreading kisses over
her chest, Mulder worked his way up her neck to her
mouth once more.   Her kisses were intoxicating, and
her impassioned response spurred him on.  

Hands reached between them, stroking and smoothing and
claiming new territory.  Soon the weight of their jeans
became almost unbearable, and without a word, each
moved their hands to the waistband of the other.
Popping buttons open and lowering zippers, they
continued to kiss, slipping hands into the newly
exposed territory.

When he had reached the elastic of her panties, Mulder
again pulled back to gauge Scully's reaction.  She
blinked and the tiniest of smiles said "Yes" without
voice.  He might have continued had Scully not begun a
struggle to slide her hand beneath the elastic waist of
his boxers.  The mere thought sent shots of electricity
through his body, and he had no choice but to stop so he
could remove the jeans that were now unbearably tight.  

As he stood by the bed and divested himself of both
jeans and boxers, Scully watched in wide-eyed wonder.  
Mulder's obvious arousal seemed to have an equally
arousing effect on Scully, and she made no protest
when Mulder dragged her jeans down and off
her legs.

She flinched just a bit, though, when he reached for her
panties, and he stopped to lie down next to her on the
bed.  He scooted down to where he could easily place
open-mouthed kisses on each breast, and then continued
a winding path down her body, sometimes  kissing,
sometimes sucking gently with his soft, full lips.  

Mulder's tongue swirled around her navel, and drew a
wet line down to the elastic waist of Scully's lacy
bikini panties.  He raised his head briefly to look
at her, and the hunger in his eyes was unmistakable.
Scully's legs were crossed demurely at the ankles, so
he bent his head to kiss her where her thighs met.  
She could feel the heat of his mouth through the cool
satin material, now moist as her desire  rose to
meet his own.

Scully's hesitancy to be naked in front of her former
partner and friend was fast becoming less of an issue,
and when Mulder reached inside her panties, her sharp
gasp startled them both.  "Do you wantme to stop?"  
His voice low across her belly only served to fan the
fire she felt building within her body.
 
"No."  It was barely audible, but Mulder knew for
sure that she wanted him to continue.  He touched her
ever so lightly, and watched her squirm and writhe
on the bed beside him.  

Grasping the elastic, he told her "I'm going to take
these off now," and he watched as she closed her eyes
and bit down on the corner of her lip in assent.  

Mulder pulled the scrap of satin and lace down ever
so slowly, trailing tiny kisses behind it in its path.  
Settling next to her, hot against her nude body, he
reached over, tenderly opened her, and slid a long
finger deep inside.  The sensation cause her hips to
buck, and he waited for her to settle before adding
another finger.

She was so wet and warm, yet after less than a minute
of gentle stroking, they were both surprised when Scully
arched her back, cried out something that sounded like
it might have been his name, and squeezed his hand
between her thighs. Mulder watched in awe as
Scully's orgasm washed over her, wave after clenching
wave, and her body took on a distinct rosy glow,
finally going limp for several moments.  

"God Scully, you are *so* beautiful."  

"That was...that was amazing."

"Care to try for 'incredible'?"  Mulder's voice was
soft and low, rasped by raw desire and need.  He was
right there with her, holding her close as she calmed.

Eyes opened slowly, and she squinted up at him.  
Her face serene, his beginning to twist in an agony of
self-control, their gazes locked onto one another.
Mulder dipped his head to drop a tender kiss on her lips
before moving into position above her.  Scully brought
her hands up to where Mulder's rested on either side of
her head, and twined her fingers into his.  Neither
closed their eyes or even blinked, as slowly, slowly
Mulder poised then entered her--the finality of that
moment could only be met with eyes wide open.  

Deep inside the woman he loved beyond all else, Mulder
fought for control, as heat and passion threatened to
overwhelm him.  Still he did not look away, nor did she,
finding in his regard not only sexual fervor, but
unconditional love and the promise of forever.  In her
eyes, Mulder found the Truth he had always sought, and
lust of an intensity he'd never before imagined.

They began to move together as an unspoken vow was made,
and groans low and guttural, escaped their mouths.  An
intensity born of deepest aphrodisia and want, softened
and strengthened by total adoration and devotion, carried
them to climaxes one after another, breathtaking in their
intensity, perfectly satisfying their mutual hunger.  

Spent, they slept, secure in each other's arms.  The
future of the world might still be uncertain, but for
these two, partnered now in every sense, their future
together felt sure and strong.  From that point
on, they would face all things together.

Fin

AUTHOR'S NOTES:  In addition to being Kim's birthday fic,
this story is an answer to the Beyond the Sea Vacation
Fic Challenge.  The challenge elements are:  water
(any manner, or form), a map, and a picture or photo.  I
have the ocean, a map, and a brochure with a
picture.  I'm good to go.

NOTE ON WORD USAGE:  There has been some discussion as to
whether the Capital Killer (from "Murder In The Capital")
should have actually been the Capitol Killer (from "Murder
In The Capitol").  This matter was researched thoroughly,
and this might help clear up the confusion:  "Washington,
D.C., is our nation's capital. Congress meets in
the Capitol Building."  The murders in question occurred
in Washington, DC, not the Capitol
Building.