It All Comes Back
By Piper Sargasso

Rating: PG

Feedback: [email protected]

Archive: Gossamer and Ephemeral b Yes.
Anyone else wouldbe great. Please let
me know where.

Keywords: MSR

Category: V

Spoilers: Nothing specific. Set between
Existence and
The Truth

Disclaimer: Characters within were created
by CC. No
infringement intended.

Summary: Sometimes it only takes the
small things to make it all come back to
you.

Author's Note: For Sallie, who gave this
vignette a soul.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

This afternoon, I encountered a woman
wearing your perfume. She smiled as we
passed on the sidewalk.

It was a simple thing, really, but it
unleashed a flood of memories that brought
me to my knees, dissolving my pretense
of strength and resolve.

I remembered the way you hum in the back
of your throat, the sound barely audible, as
you take your first bite of cake; the way
you savor the flavor of your wine. I recalled
your exact method for dissecting a salad,
carefully quartering the tomato wedges and
cucumbers, picking out the onions if there
were too many before sprinkling it with a
precise amount of vinaigrette. It's almost
an eccentricity, the way you do this. One
of the little things about you I've come to
love.

Vividly, I saw in my mind the way you
smack your lips gently when you wake in
the morning; the way sunlight streamed
through your hair the thousands of times
we stood outside a suspect's house. At
those times I liked to think the sun was
made only for you, to make the copper
strands dance with life, to enhance your
beauty. And sometimes I'd selfishly
imagine that maybe - just maybe, the sun
was created for me, so that I could see
you in all your brilliance.

Perhaps it was a challenge. It was never
easy to concentrate on my words, when I
was privileged to gaze at you in that light,
glowing golden. You never knew that, did
you? How hard it was to speak at all when
my mind wanted to focus only on how
incredibly amazing you looked.

I miss the taste of your sweet mouth, the
salt of your skin as I nibble it gently, my
tongue sneaking out to sample your flavor.
I need the feel of you in my bed,
surrounding me with your warmth, and
healing me with your unconditional love. I
can't look into the sky without recalling the
liquid blue of your eyes, staring up into
mine, or focused on a book.

When was the last time I indulged in the
simple pleasure of walking by your side,
silently taking in the scenery on a spring
day? How long since we looked up at
one another, knowing, as the answers to
a case just b fell into place?

These things, all these seemingly
mundane things, suddenly overwhelmed
me on that sunny sidewalk in that
nondescript town. It hurts so much to think
I might never see you again, that our son
may never know me as anything but a
photograph. More terrifying than the
prospect of dying for this cause, is the
knowledge that you may never know for
sure. Will you think that I've changed my
mind, that it all became too much and I
chose a different path, leaving this old
one behind me? Will you go to your grave,
never knowing if I was killed for my
single-minded pursuit of the truth?

No, we're connected, soul to soul, forever.
You'd know. You've always known when it
came to me. You knew that day when I
couldn't bear the distance between us
another minute, and I risked it all for a few
stolen moments. You looked so beautiful in
that simple dress, the gauzy fabric swirling
softly around your legs in the breeze as
you pushed our son in his stroller. You
sensed my presence that day; I'm as sure
of it as I am of my own name. You'll sense
me forever, just as you always have.

I swallowed the bitter tears that threatened
to spill over. They have no place in our
happy memories. Walking faster, I put all
my energy into moving forward. It feels like
an end may be in sight, and if I hurry, I can
finally make it happen. Armed with sheer
will, I'll fight to find closure.

Give Will a kiss for me, Scully. I'll be home
soon.

 ~ The End ~

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