TITLE: Honesty
AUTHOR: Jenna
E-MAIL: [email protected]
SPOILERS: Elegy
CLASSIFICATION: Vignette, Scully POV, angst, cancer-arc
RATING: G
DISCLAIMER: Not mine, never was, just borrowing.
ARCHIVING: Yes
SUMMARY: Scully reflects on the impact her cancer will have
             on Mulder in the future.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: To Sallie on her birthday.  Happiest of birthdays,
                      sweetie!  Thanks for all the prayers!
AUTHOR'S WEBSITE: http://jennasxffic.com
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I'm fine, I tell him.  I wonder how many times
that lie will actually work, especially now.  
I've used that line so many times in the past to
hide my true feelings.  However, this time, I
can't lie to him.  I have to tell him the truth,
but only in so many words.  Mulder can read
between the lines.  After all, he's a brilliant
man.  It's one of the many qualities I love about
him.  He knows I'm anything but fine.  I'm
frightened and so is he.  We're scared of what
the future holds for both of us.  Cancer is so
final, so definite and such an ugly word.  I
cannot imagine how Mulder will cope without me
there.  My mother had told me how devastated he
was when I was missing.  Mulder will not talk
about it, but I know what my eventual death will
do to him, and that's what frightens me the most.  
Can he stand the loss of one more person in his
life?   He has lost so many already.  My sickness
is just one more blame heaped upon his defeated
shoulders and I cannot stand to see him in
emotional pain.  My illness may just be the thing
to push him over the edge, and if so, I'll be
there standing guard, simply because I love him.