Salamandertron Personality Test

So who are you? Why are you here? Do you secretly desire to be abducted by aliens? The answers to these questions probably won't be found by completing the following questions, but give it a go anyway! Salamandertron's personalized response may not be ground-breaking, but hopefully it'll make you giggle. Just like the following 30 simple questions...

1. Are you a member of the First Church of Salamandertron?

Yes No, but I will be You must be joking

2. Which Star Wars film is the best?

The Phantom Menace Star Wars

The Empire Strikes Back The Return of the Jedi

3. Which Star Trek series do you prefer?

Original Series The Next Generation

Deep Space Nine Voyager

4. Can you sing Spandau Ballet's "True" without wanting to sing "Gold"?

Yes No Who?

5. Venus Williams, Marion Jones, Chyna or Gabriella Lombardi?

Venus Marion Chyna Lella

6. Which version of "American Pie" do you prefer?

Don McLean Madonna

7. Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Britney Spears or Jimi Hendrix?

Wolfgang Britney Jimi

8. Mark Williams, Denis Bergkamp, Sergio Garcia or Carl Foggarty?

Mark Denis Sergio Foggy

9. Would you rather be a tree or a fridge

Tree Fridge

10. Which of the following films has the best soundtrack?

Flash Gordon Titanic Labyrinth Withnail and I

11. Who was the best Bond?

Sean Connery Roger Moore Timothy Dalton

George Lazenby Pierce Brosnan

12. Who pulls off the 'turban look' best?

Arnie (in "Total Recall")

Harrison Ford (in "Raiders of the Lost Ark")

The forklift truck driver from Bertha

No preference

13. Are you:

Male Female

Transsexual Transvestite

Hermaphrodite Other

14. Can you visualise Sean Bean running through a field, rifle in both hands, wearing his green uniform, accompanied by his troop of gorillas (yes, I do mean gorillas...) in brightly coloured bandanas, also armed with rifle-type equipment, to the tune of "Scarborough Fair"?

Oh yes No Only in my nightmares

Who the Hell is Sean Bean? Wasn't it a raven?

15. Which would you rather be?

An Eskimo A crocodile

16. What is your moral status?

Moral Amoral Immoral Balmoral

17. As a child, which did you prefer?

Thundercats Tom and Jerry Samurai Pizza Cats Henry's Cat

18. Which is your favourite vacuum?

Henry Dyson Deep Space Housework Sucks

19. What is your favourite position?

Left back Goalie Sweeper Wing Attack

20. Ironside or Perry Mason?

Ironside Perry Mason What? No preference

21. Hercules, Xena, The Legend of William Tell or the Robin Hood one?

Hercules Xena William Tell Robin Hood

22. Black Sabbath or Black Beauty?

Black Sabbath Black Beauty

23. Who would you rather find in your crisps?

Liz Hurley The Queen Shirley Bassey

Prince William Joseph Fiennes Tom Jones

24. Neil Armstrong or Uri Gagarin?

Neil Uri

25. Did you have sexual relations with that woman?

Yes

Depends how you define sexual relations

I wouldn't go near that with a really big cigar

26. Which Python do you prefer?

Michael Palin John Cleese Terry Gillam

Eric Idle Graham Chapman Bill Oddie

27. How should Timmy Mallet die?

Slowly and painfully

Mallet's Mallet-ed to death

Strangled with an itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini

Oh no, let him live

28. Integrate the following: ?xe^2x dx

e = mc² ½e^2x [x-½] + c xe^2x + c e^2x [2x+1]

29. Are you:

Immortal Invincible Irresponsible Bored Other

30. Having answered this test, have you changed your mind about Question 1?

No Yes I'll wait for the results on that!

Thank you for completing our personality test. Unlike some cheap and soulless websites, we do not provide instant results. Instead the Great Council of Salamandertron convenes to create a personalized response to your results. Therefore, the following information is required.

Your name:

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This Personality Test was created by Lamby, Keeper of the Creatures with the contributions of The Most Reverend Dr Jenna; Ayatollah Generallissimo Gifford; Muldoon, Keeper of the Inner Sanctum; and She Whose Name Must Not Be Spoken.

Form created by She Whose Name Must Not Be Spoken

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