A love Affair with Nihongo

Each time I go through the inevitable self-introduction with a Japanese person, I am asked first, "How are your impressions of Japan so far?" to which I answer that I love the culture and I especially enjoy the humid heat. The next question is often, "Do you know Japanese language?" I respondby waving my hand side to side like they do, "tchotto dake." When the secret leaks that in fact I have been studying for 6 years they fake an impressed SUUGOIIIII !!! After coming down from the high I am asked why I like to study Japanese language. I cover my mouth and laugh, but inside, I too start to wonder. Why do I study this bitch of a language? What is it about Japanese that has a hold
on me? In the last month, I've had a lot of time to really savor this question. Usually the why thoughts take place when I am in the middle of a group of native speakers and I, only able to decipher bits and pieces, retreat into my own world…

Don't let the six years of experience in the Japanese sack fool you; Nihongo has never been easy to please. During countless Japanese lessons I have managed to accumulate a mass of grammar structures, random phrases such as "That Japanese wrapping cloth sure is convenient," lists of vocab, and that damn kanji which comes and goes as it pleases. These all swirl about in my memory bank with little rhyme nor reason feeling tension about being called upon for articulation. As I hear the language spoken here in surround sound I slowly piece together the bigger picture of this puzzling language; or else I hear a phrase or see a kanji and think, with no recollection of it's meaning, "You sure look familiar. How do I know you again?" Studying Japanese can be so annoying. "Why do I do this to myself?" I'd wonder as my alarm clock rose me from sweet slumber at 7 am for class my senior year of university. Why?-as I learn yet another counting system. Why?- as I cram for a 50- strong kanji test the night before. Why?- as I sit, my face dead pan, in the shoogakko no principal's office exhausting my efforts to make conversation. But every time I am on the verge of losing it and completely cutting off all ties with Japanese and deciding to chase after something much more romantic like French or Latin… I come to a realization. This realization helps me to understand
my haunting question of why I stay with Japanese.

Sitting on my tatami mat late one night, mildly philosophical from sleep deficiency, my mind is haunted by why again. And in some delirious moment of clarity I realize. I realize that I need Japanese, because studying this language is like learning to live. Sometimes it's so beautiful and logical. I start