Saiyuki does not belong to the author of this fic.

---

Through the Looking Glass by Mitsima
Part 8 - Crossed Nights

The ground sunk beneath him, soft, cold, and invitingly supple. He was hot. But that heat, in turn was driven away from something rough, cold, and gentle above him and all around. A cold cloth, driven by a cold hand worked his face; on his forehead, down his nose, above his eyelids, beneath his chin, under his lips. Hakkai’s mind and closed eyes traced the path dumbly as he felt his skin liberated from suffocation little by little. The healer finally got it into his head to speak and even he himself was surprised at the astounding clarity with which he was thinking.

“I do recall you saying that you would ‘do no more for me.’ A change of heart?”

The hand stopped, if not in surprise, then in amusement, and lifted. Hakkai could hear the water stream down as the cloth was soaked and wrung, the sound echoing off the walls of the bedroom. The freshness was pressed again to his face, traveling down to his neck.

“I took pity on your stupidity.” Shien replied, his words as swift and gliding as a paper cut. Hakkai opened his eyes and found that the world had transformed into a dim watercolor; which was made clear again once the other man took the time to replace Tenpou’s glasses. “You seem to take your immortality too lightly, allowing your trite display of affection to be transformed into a political statement.” he paused thoughtfully. “A dangerous man who does not fear death is a very strong threat.”

“I fear death.”

“Then you must act like it.” the other nearly snapped. There was something behind what Tenpou did that unnerved him and stuck something hollow in the depths of his bones. Unthinking devotion. How he had always struggled to understand why it had more strength behind it than a thousand of Heaven’s armies. Why not even a thousand of Heaven’s armies could free a mere boy from his imposed and bloody adulthood while a simple paper crane had accomplished the task in a heartbeat. “You truly don’t know how much power you wield.”

Hakkai kept his eyes fixed to the ceiling, so that Shien was only a voice. The pain in his chest throbbed gently and he had enough sense not to move the injury. It would have killed him, he knew that, but somehow he felt that Mercy was smiling upon him once again. Shien was a voice, nothing else, a comforting un-presence as if he were merely a specter floating beside him- and the gods knew that his ghost has haunted him before.

“Will you not get in trouble for being here?” he asked aimlessly. His body was craving nicotine, but Hakkai sternly told it to shut up.

Shien shook his head slowly and shifted himself slightly, calling to notice that he was now sitting on the bed- or probably had been there the entire time only Hakkai failed to pay attention. “Apparently there is a rumor that I am your new lover, Marshal. Nobody finds it unusual that I have headed towards your quarters. How do you feel?”

“Very human.”

“How belittling,” the other chided blandly, “but perhaps that is what loss of blood does to one. In all honesty, I never expected you to go that far.”

Where’s Kenren, he wondered though he didn’t bother to voice it. “How far is far?”

“Resorting to human carelessness.” the reply was automatic and well programmed- courtesy of Heaven’s grooming.

“Who’s careless?”

“Risking your life for a subordinate...anyone, it reveals a dependence kami should be above feeling. To debase yourself in this manner...” He was just a voice.

“It makes me feel like myself. Perhaps debased. My face rubbed in the dirt, perhaps. Perhaps with the terror of feeling mortal.” A quirk of a smile lifted the sides of his lips. Shien could feel it. “I like it.”

“You’re nothing more than a human in a god’s body.” Nataku’s soldier replied soberly, without the full knowledge of his words, before standing up and taking a seat by the closed window. He opened it a crack, letting the cool night air waif inside. It ruffled the blankets and the papers of nearby books Hakkai was sure he had shelved earlier that day. Shien must have been here for a while.

“Oh, I think my case is worse than that, but I’m not very interested in talking about myself at the moment. The soldiers...”

Shien was looking out into the distance now. “In the barracks, probably doing as they please. Playing with women most likely. Very animalistic, revolting. I hesitate to speak openly in the court about this...situation. It is not my place.”

“This can’t end well.” Hakkai said.

“It is not my place to think of how it will all end. I take orders from Nataku-sama who, I fear, might not be capable of handling the situation. The farthest I go is informing you.”

“So that I can end it.”

“If you can.”

This was conspiracy, if nothing else. And if nothing else, he was absolutely the wrong person for the job. This was Tenpou’s field entirely, a man a trillion years wiser than Hakkai was. Infinitely more skilled in underhanded diplomacy, and an infinite other things that would make way for an infinite number of reasons why the healer should give a flat out: No, do your own dirty work. It was a typically Sanzo-esque reaction, yes, but the priest was, if nothing else...extremely practical and wise in an alcoholic, chain-smoking, and sullen sort of way.

But the thought of Sanzo triggered other things in Hakkai’s mind. Made him think of rainy nights when the blonde would sit by the window staring, just like Shien was doing now, waiting for nothing, yet expecting everything to implode at any moment because that was just how he felt because the rain did that and the rain did many things and the rain made many things become remembered even though they shouldn’t be remembered. And he remembered how hard it rained that night and how it pained him so much to hear it thundering in his ears like some omnipotent doom that would first seduce him then burn him to ash. Kanan was ash. Burn, burned and then he noticed that it never seemed that heaven would ever ever ever have rain because heaven is perfect and heaven is nice, and heaven is peaceful and heaven is completely oblivious of anything that the humans would suffer down below. Apathetic heaven. Sweet and charming...apathetic...and just for show. Slutty heaven. You deserve your share of heat...

He stopped himself, jerked himself from that train of thought as if he were forcing himself out of an impending nightmare before sleep had completely taken over and he would be rendered helpless. “That’s not me either.” Hakkai whispered, bringing his hand to touch the uncuffed ear. He suddenly felt like a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Hungry like the rest of them. “But still...how can you get rid of the rotten pillars of a pavilion without sending the entire structure crashing down?”

“We’ll salvage what we can. Heaven tends to survive that way.” Shien sounded nonchalant, as if by giving Hakkai the responsibility, the sacrilege was off his chest. “Heaven itself is incidental. Break it right through the middle. I hold no concern for it for I only serve Nataku-sama and he is not of it.”

And it reminded Hakkai of his university days...

The noble human being does not sin, the profound poet wants to tell us: though every law, every natural order, even the moral world may perish through his actions, his actions also produce a higher magical circle of effects which found a new world on the ruins of the old one that has been overthrown.
- Nietzsche in “The Birth of Tragedy”

...he never really thought about it too much. Not until now. But he wasn’t noble. Kougaiji was noble. Yaone was noble. Pure hearts, he could sense. But never in himself. Nobility easily shifts into carelessness, giving no indication of the transformation until the final deed is executed. By that time, it is already too late, the world destroyed.

“But what if...by my human carelessness of course...you end with the end?” Hakkai prodded, pushing himself up higher on the pillows in order to meet the other’s almost-glare that said, ‘are you threatening me?’ Through the darkness, he noticed that Shien balked. “I warn you now. There are some situations, destinies which I cannot control. I hold no grudge against you, Shien and I can only admire your loyalty- which makes it all the harder for me to accept your blessing of....” he hesitated to say it. “...power.”

Silence as Shien digested the honest words. And Hakkai counted a good three minutes before he received an answer floating in the dim. “I would admit defeat to no other person.”

Hakkai nodded with grim satisfaction as he bit his lip. It wasn’t what he wanted, but in some absurd sense, he felt like he was granting a dying man his last wish- despite the fact that he already knew which of the two would die first.

“Shien...”

“Hm?” He hadn’t moved.

“Find me some paper, a pen, and my seal. I believe there are some new orders I wish to issue...but...” He never issued orders before. He didn’t know the etiquette. Worst of all, he didn’t know how he was going to get his arm to move.

Shien nodded with partial understanding. “I will write them for you.”

***

Day 1: Preliminary investigation

“Who was with Marshal Tenpou before the parade?”

“Me.”

“During?”

“Hell if I’d pay attention.”

“You are before the military council, Kenren Taishou. Please show more respect.”

“My apologies.”

“Accepted...”

“Okay then...as the gates were opening...”

***

Day 2: Post-preliminary investigation

“Would you know of anybody conspiring to do this?”

“Let me get the book.”

“Taishou.”

“Sorry.”

“Direct witnesses?”

“Nataku-sama.”

“He cannot be interviewed.”

“Why?”

“He was just sent to Under Heaven yesterday on assignment by Tentei.”

“Mh.”

“And Konzen where was he?”

“I don’t know. He came later...”

***

Day 3: Follow up investigation

“How is the Marshal’s condition, Kenren Taishou?”

“Still unconscious.”

“He seemed to come just in time to save you, as if he knew what was happening.”

“I don’t think-”

“You have not been given leave to talk.”

“...m...” for the umpteenth time “...my apologies.”

“It is rumored that you were planning on asking for a transfer from his command. To what extent is this true?”

“None of it is true.”

“None?”

“It is an absolutely false claim.”

“Where do your loyalties lie, Taishou?”

“With heaven.”

“Or is it with Tenpou Gensui?”

“...” His teeth clenched. “Fu-”

“Don’t answer, Taishou.” Goujin ordered, cutting in after a long day’s contemplative silence, staring hard at the committee of interogators in tacit derision, purposely overlooking his general’s almost-transgression. “That is already out of the scope of the investigation. Thank you. You are dismissed Kenren Taishou. We will call upon you if needed.”

He puttered around the Western Army’s housing complex, turning from one corridor into the next and when Tenpou’s unguarded door caught his eye, he passed into another corridor to push it from his sight. Stark hallways would give way to elaborate balconies overlooking the central garden and its gurgling waterfall. Balconies would give way to endless stairways which would give way to more balconies that gave a view to the same garden and same waterfall from every conceivable angle. A labyrinth that had only one true destination: his own room, Kenren concluded as he stopped his wanderings to kick his idling mind to some semblance of resolution.

And so he puttered, smoking, in the direction of his room when a disgustingly overly energetic major crossed his path and saluted as if it were 3 p.m. and not 3 a.m. Give him a few more centuries and he’ll start to get lazy, Kenren concluded.

“Kenren Taishou! I’m glad I found you!”

Kenren offered him a cigarette, which was (obviously) refused due to the fact that in the “In the Military Manual given to us during training it is stated specifically on page 5834, paragraph 3, lines 4 through...”

It’s always the fresh young ones.

“Cut the protocol and just tell me what the hell’s gotten you so riled up.”

“We’ve been called to duty!” he seemed unnecessarily confused.

“You’re not *that* new, kid.” Kenren scratched the back of his head, looking down at the young major with a look of growing exasperation. He shouldn’t have had to deal with the psychological traumas of green soldiers who were still scared shitless when it came to youkai, battlefields, and fast women (poor souls). “March bravely for the glory and honor of heaven and all that crap but remember, if you’re ever disarmed, rip their eyes out.”

The boy visibly cringed. “But that’s just it, sir.”

“What’s it?”

“We don’t know whose eyes to rip out. We don’t know where to march. Divisions six, eight, and thirteen were just advised to arm themselves as preparation for a code blue which according to the Military Manual on page 4 lines twenty-eight to thirty, signifies....”

He rolled his eyes before sparing the boy a good lung cramp. “Preparation for oncoming invasion.” Kenren lifted a slim brow and crossed his arms. “And what drunken idiot told you to do that?”

“Why...Tenpou Gensui did. You didn’t know, sir?”

*****

“You bastard.” It was just a voice. Devoid of anger, fear, sympathy, or anything. It was just a voice that floated over his head coming from the open doorway where the lights flooded into the dark, empty save for the two of them room. His eyes were closed and he breathed deeply, half in a world of dreams, half in an unlikely reality where a certain stubborn general was cursing him from ten feet away.

And so at this moment, two things were existing at once.

The door closed and there was darkness again. Footsteps got louder to his right where the door was. And a haze materialized that made the left side of his room- the side with the window- waver as if he were trying to see through a curtain of rain. Hakkai tried to focus his eyes as a figure was fluttering there like the dying flames of a setting sun.

He squinted and before long he was looking into a pair of deep amethyst eyes, deeply disapproving and deeply relieved.. “Found you, idiot.”

“Sanzo!” The name sounded strange to him as if it had been an eternity since he’d said it. He wanted to get up and reach for him, but his body was drugged with sleep. He was dreaming this. Or at least half dreaming it since Kenren was still there, oblivious. And so Hakkai looked with a tinge of longing and envy towards the monk who sat by the window as if both of them were still back in the hotel. “How did you...”

The blonde shrugged. “There were only three places where you could have been: Earth, Heaven, or Hell.” he looked out the window, boredom gracing his face as ever. He went as if to reach for a cigarette then refrained. “You pamper the monkey too much to go to Hell, not that I find this place to be much of a better alternative.” Hakkai wondered if he could actually see his surroundings.

“Tenpou.” Kenren whispered only a little harshly, reaching out his hand in order to wake up the sleeping marshal, only to have second thoughts and pulling back.

Sanzo didn’t see him.

“Hakkai, get your ass back here.” the monk grumbled, but despite the language, he sounded sincerely concerned. He knew. For a long time he knew. Maybe he was even aware of the exact, the exact moment when it happened because sometime in the middle of the night when they had shared that room, the entire air above them was suddenly washed over with the scent of cherry blossoms before dying out less then a breath later. “I don’t like him.”

Point: “You don’t like anybody.”

Counterpoint: “I dislike you less.”

“There’s nothing much that I can do right now about it. You should at least realize that.”

“I realize it.”

“Then why are you here, hm? You didn’t have to call my attention in order to locate me. Where’s the trust?” Hakkai smiled because he knew he was forcing from the monk an answer the man was too proud to vocalize. A sense of satisfaction- knowing that no gun could be pointed at his head. No threat for Sanzo to hide behind. Exploitation of vulnerabilities was not Hakkai’s style at all, but then again, where was Hakkai?

“Reminding you to come back.” Stone still features glowed eerily beneath the moonlight, the pond below casting reflections up into his window which pierced right through the monk as if he were air. Sanzo’s features blurred. His concentration was breaking. “Because you’re an idiot and might forget to.”

“You want me to come back?” The thought amused him. Are you afraid that I’ve abandoned you? Afraid enough that you’d starve yourself fasting, torture yourself by abstaining from your precious cigarettes, and then jumping headlong into a reckless...dangerous...meditation... just to say...

“You’re coming back.”

“When I can. There are a few loose ends I must tie up before I leave.”

“You’re not on a fucking business trip, Hakkai. You have one day. Just one day and then I’m taking you back.” He didn’t say how, but knowing Sanzo, there was always a way that made things more convenient, at least for him.

The blonde turned away from him, hiding what Hakkai could only assume was a pout. But even with that last ultimatum, he still didn’t leave, lingering drearily out of many nights’ habit. Not saying anything at first, then nodding to himself. “This is you.” A quiet silence. A Hakkai silence. He still lingered.

“Sanzo?”

“Shut up.”

“Ne, Sanzo...”

“What?” He didn’t move.

“Get yourself something to eat then rest some. We’ll be leaving soon and there’s still a long way to travel. Make sure Hakuryuu’s well fed too, please?”

A nod. “Don’t wake up late. I hate leaving late.”

“Good night, Sanzo.”

“Ch.”

And then he was gone. Only Sanzo could make something as simple as friendship into some impossible four dimensional puzzle.

The bed shifted next to him, and all the sensations of cold sweat and high fever dissolved, replaced by a heady musk that could only belong to a certain stubborn general smelling of cologne and cigarettes. The mist next to the window was gone, revealing only shutters and curtains. A cool hand checked the heat on his forehead, the heat on his neck. Ran down to the newly changed bandages and wondered who had changed them and why nobody else had informed him that someone else was tending to the Marshal in his absence. Farther and farther back into sleep, all that Hakkai could sense was the coolness, the warmth, cigarette smoke and musk. And the world congealed in a collective darkness, caressing and full. And something that breathed nice and slow nuzzled the crook of his neck in an apology his body seemed to understand.

“Taishou...”

“My head’s been pounded by every fucking commander in all the fucking armies of fucking eternity.” He felt the words on his skin. “Give me your worst. I can take it.”

Given the liberty to do so...

“Broken and whimpering now? I don’t like.”

“Fuck off.” But Kenren only pulled him closer. Don’t leave.

“Are you going to stay with me this time? Or do I have to take another arrow?”

“Shut up.”

And then he couldn’t resist. “Still jealous?”

“Okay, I didn’t mean it. I can’t take your worst right now. Kick my ass for forgetting who you are. That’s salt in an open wound, Tenpou. Mercy’s a good virtue.”

And he pretended to sleep. And he thought he would finally be able to until a single word pierced their silence.

“Well?”

Nagging wife...

“Okay, fine. Shit. Yeah, I am.”

“So, are you going to stay with me this time?”

“Who the hell said I was going anywhere?”

“Mnh.”

- TBC -

On to part 9
Back to part 7
Back to Mitsima's Fictions
Back to Fictions