Disclaimer: I don’t own Saiyuki or any of its characters. The song quotes are from the song Slide, sung by Dido. Jeez, the title was thought up from a sentence in another song by Dido, All You Want. The full sentence is ‘I’d like to watch you sleep at night, to hear you breath, by my side.’
Warnings/Genres: sap-ish, with slight hints of 39 and 58 if you want to see them, PG, Goku-centric, one-shot, no plot at all, also, bad grammar because English is not my first language.
Notes: I know this kind of pwp-without-sex oneshots are not what most people like to read. But at least *I* like to read them, and I greatly enjoyed writing this. So I hope at least some of you will enjoy it somewhat as much as I liked creating it.

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By My Side by Maaya

Lie here and rest your head and dream of something else instead. - Slide by Dido

Goku always felt somewhat lonely whenever he wasn’t together with Sanzo. It didn’t matter whether or not the older man was nearby, even in the room next door, he felt strangely lost and empty anyway. A surge of…something both pleasant and distasteful in his belly, added with what Sanzo was feeling at the moment often turned out quite frustrating. Especially since Sanzo wasn’t one to feel happy very often.

They didn’t question it anymore, him and Sanzo. They had a shared bond leaping between them like a link that wouldn’t let go. ‘No matter how much they tried’, Sanzo would add dryly, but without real distaste in his voice. It didn’t allow to read each others’ thoughts or something similarly fancy, but Sanzo’s emotions…feelings…they were as natural to feel as Goku’s own.

It was bizarrely reassuring to ‘feel’ him that way.

He knew that at least sometimes, Sanzo was comfortable with the whole arrangement too, maybe even appreciated it. That was good. It would be quite a pain for Goku if he didn’t.

One might think that with such a connection binding them together, Goku wouldn’t feel as lonely without his caretaker close by.

But he did.

Without the monk close, his emotions served as nothing more than a teaser. And, most often, knowledge of that Sanzo was feeling down or depressed and Goku couldn’t be there with him and take care of him.

Take care of him. Ha. The monk would snort and mutter something rude if he ever heard the assertion that Goku was *taking care* of him. He didn’t need someone to do that. Of course he didn’t. But Goku needed it. To feel that he somehow was of use to Sanzo was the best thing he could think of, after all.

Therefore, it was always a pain in the butt that Sanzo preferred to share motel-rooms with Hakkai rather than Goku.

It was not *only* painful because it meant he would have to share with Gojyo.

And it was raining.

The boy could hear how it smattered against the roof and gushed down the downspouts in small rivers. He could even make out the sounds of it steadily hitting the grass outside if he listened very carefully. One of the joys of being a youkai was the improved sense of hearing compared to humans. From how he understood it, Gojyo didn’t hear as good as he did, nor was he able to smell things from long distances. Sanzo had to be even worse.

But he didn’t need to have a good hearing to make out Gojyo’s too short and uneven breaths from the bed next to his that meant the water sprite wasn’t asleep. It was annoying, and quite stressing to hear someone breathe like that when he was trying to sleep. Unsuccessfully trying, because of Sanzo’s bad mood in the room next door, but whatever. It was much easier, and less life-threatening to blame Gojyo.

“Hey.” He muttered. “Stop being awake.”

Gojyo’s answer, when it finally came, was almost hidden in a long-winded, genuine groan. “What’s your problem?”

“You’re keeping me awake, idiot.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

Oops. An unpleasant hint of true frustration had sneaked its way into the water sprite’s voice. Maybe it was fatigue from travelling the whole day in a jeep, but it made Goku suspect that frustrate Gojyo even further wouldn’t give the desired result of heated argument. Rather, it would probably start a ‘real’ fight between them. Goku might be uneducated in some areas, but he wasn’t dense, especially not where his friends were concerned.

“Nothing.” The boy inelegantly side-stepped the subject and began to get out from bed. Sanzo’s bad mood was *really* beginning to annoy him! It was kind of scary to realize he was starting to act like the corrupt monk. He slipped out in the dark hallway, leaving Gojyo alone to brood.

It was chilly out there, even more so than in the motel room. It wasn’t a big surprise though, the building was old and he assumed the walls hadn’t been made properly airtight. He could even feel a draft of wind go right through his thin cotton t-shirt and shorts he wore to bed. Due to the late time, no one was out in the corridor either, not even to visit the bathroom.

That surge of loneliness came again, this time stronger.

He sighed and rubbed his chest idly, not sure where he was supposed to go. Back to his room wasn’t a very good idea; Gojyo would either annoy him, or be annoyed. Besides, what was he supposed to do there? It was already made clear he wouldn’t be able to sleep for as long as Sanzo stayed awake and brooded.

He was hungry, he decided. But when he came down, it turned out that the kitchen was closed.

Jeez. And it looked like he wasn’t going to be able to go out for a midnight stroll either. Those were only enjoyable when one had the moon to look at and with the rain pouring down outside, he somehow doubted that the requirement would be fulfilled tonight.

An idea began to form in Goku’s head, but he pushed it away, snorting at it. It seemed offended, and entered his head again. He pushed it away. It came back, a little more intently and screaming for attention. ‘Fine.’ He gave in, and finally listened to it.

But could he really do what it told him to? Sanzo would probably snap at him if he disturbed him in the middle of the night. And besides, Hakkai was in there, probably sleeping.

‘No’, the idea shouted in his head. ‘Hakkai doesn’t sleep when it’s raining either.’

Oh well – what could really happen, more than that he annoyed Sanzo? He shrugged to himself and went towards the room which Hakkai and Sanzo shared. The lights weren’t on, but he knew his caretaker was awake anyway. He could feel it, after all.

The boy knocked quietly once, just to make sure he didn’t end up shot to death in the belief that he was a youkai sent by Kougaiji, then opened the door. “Sa-”

He blinked at the empty beds. “-nzo?” But as he looked around, he saw that the older man was sitting on the broad window-sill, staring out in the darkness with his normal grumpy expression he always wore when it rained. “Where’s Hakkai?”

Sanzo breathed out, grey smoke dancing up in fascinating eddies towards the ceiling as he did. Goku wrinkled his nose at the smell.

“He went to talk with Gojyo.”

The younger boy grinned at how absurd it was that the room-arrangements seemed to have changed ever so slightly. “Can I stay here ‘til he comes back?”

“Do what you want.”

He wasn’t discouraged by the callous reply. It was just Sanzo being Sanzo after all. Hakkai’s bed looked unused, so he flopped down onto it without feeling guilty that he wrinkled the covers or anything. He could straighten them out later, and if he guessed correctly so was the man going to remain with Gojyo for quite a long time yet. When those two were together, they could talk for hours. Not that he minded. He liked to be with Sanzo.

They sat in companionable silence for a while, and Goku began to shiver lightly in the chilly air. Goose pimples began to appear on his arms when Sanzo spoke up.

“Creep down under the covers before you catch a cold.”

“Huh?” The boy started. “Do you think Hakkai would mind?”

“Tsch.” Sanzo made an impatient sound with his tongue against the roof of his mouth. Reaching out, he squashed the cigarette in the ash-tray on the table before answering. “He’d care more about if you got sick or not.”

“…I guess.” Goku began to crawl down under the covers and snuggled up in a little ball to recapture some of his warmth. More silence followed, until....

“Hey, Sanzo?”

“…What?”

“Why are you always angry when it’s raining?”

Goku held his breath and waited for the snappy reply he was sure would be delivered any second….

“Idiot.”

He knew it. He just *knew* it….

“Bad things happen when it rain.”

…huh? Was Sanzo sick or something? Goku knew his caretaker almost never spoke straight from his thoughts. More than the insults will say. But that didn’t really count. The surprise made it take a while until what the blonde had said registered in his brain. “Bad things?”

“Yeah. Bad things.” The tone clearly said nothing more was going to be said on that subject. Goku wondered idly about that it had rained when he had become the Seiten Taisei after Sanzo had been stabbed by his ex-friend. But the other time it happened, in the desert, it hadn’t rained. So bad things didn’t only happen when it rained. That meant Sanzo’s logic flawed, though he knew better than to say something about it. So he changed the subject. “Sanzo, aren’t’ you freezing?”

He had to be cold. Even Goku was cold, and Sanzo was a human and therefore more fragile than him. In addition, he was also sitting by the window, where it almost surely had to be colder.

“And what should I do about it?” Annoyed, now, Sanzo was. Goku was sure of it. And the tone he spoke in made it feel as if he was talking about another sort of cold. The coldness of the worst kind that Goku could ‘feel’ radiating from the other in steady waves.

“Go to bed.” He suggested mildly, pretending he was still talking about skin-coldness.

Doubt. “As if that would help.”

“I think it would.”

Goku had his head buried under his covers, so he didn’t see Sanzo move. But he heard the covers on the other bed stir as the older man crept underneath them. He smiled.

“Goodnight, Sanzo.”

“Tsch.”

Goku fell asleep.

- The End -

Bet you wanted Sanzo to creep into Goku’s bed, huh? ;-P I would’ve liked that too, but it felt wayyyy too cliché to make that happen. Hope you somewhat enjoyed this anyway. C&C is welcome, enjoyed and craved for, as always.

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