Disclaimer: I don't own Gensomaden
Saiyuki, which rightfully belongs to Minekura Kazuya.
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Sanzo/Goku, hinted Gojyo/Hakkai
Warnings: language, shounen ai/yaoi, some violence
Notes: And now the end. I apologize if it seems too abrupt. ^^;
I’m delighted everyone seemed to like the last chapter, though.
^_^ I ought to write more about Seiten Taisei, huh?
Constructive criticism and feedback always appreciated. Thanks for
all the support for this fic!
'...' indicates thoughts
*...* indicates italics
The
Becoming by D-chan
Part 6
The aftermath of being Seiten Taisei
was never pleasant. It wasn't just that Sanzo always yelled at him,
called him an idiot, and hit him repeatedly for acting so stupidly.
No, those were normal occurrences with even small matters. It was
the tension beforehand, the brief period of indifference that made
Goku both frightened and sick.
He was woozy, and the feeling reminded him of the
one time he had gotten drunk, only without the overhang. His head
did hurt a little, but that was probably because he had a new diadem
to get used to. He knew it was a new one, because when he had reached
up to push away the hair in his eyes he hadn't felt any of the scrapes
or cracks his other diadem had. He never knew what happened with the
old one, but never asked questions. What was important was that he
was back to normal; he was sane, and everyone was safe.
Still, he hadn't seen Sanzo all day, and he was tense.
By noon the dizzy feeling had faded and he was feeling
oriented enough to bound downstairs for lunch. He and Gojyo launched
right into another one of their squabbles, which Hakkai humored and
Sanzo bluntly ignored. Once the blonde excused himself from the table,
not once looking Goku's way, Goku felt his sudden burst of energy
spend itself. He sat quietly eating, which seemed to disconcert Gojyo,
and when asked he said that he still felt a bit sick. He hurried back
upstairs to lie down.
Sanzo wasn't in the room.
That was something he had actually noted when he had
woken up. Even without his asking, Hakkai had explained that a few
rooms had become vacant that morning and Sanzo had moved into one
of them as soon as he heard about it. That wasn't unusual. Goku had
nodded, but couldn't help but feel a stab of hurt anyway.
That night, during dinner, Sanzo told them it was
far past time they left this village. Everyone readily agreed; they
had spent nearly a week there and it was only going to hurt their
chances of completing the mission the longer they stayed.
Sometimes it was that easy to forget they even had
a mission. It was easy to just think that all they were doing was
traveling west, no real destination in mind. It was a lie, and Goku
berated himself for even thinking it because it was like running away
from the problem.
But he wasn't running. He was just trying to enjoy
life while it lasted, and he couldn't do that if he was forced to
think depressing thoughts-- or if Sanzo was dead. That was why, despite
all they said, he would jump to Sanzo's aid if it meant saving his
life.
He had to pause in the hallway, stilled by a passing
image. He stepped back, peering at himself critically in the mirror.
It was normal for him to come out all but unscathed after one of his
rampages; usually whatever injuries he did sustain were just bruises,
hidden by his clothes. This time, however, there were four large,
visible gashes on the side of his face. They would stop hurting in
a few day's time, and maybe by the end of next week they would be
gone. Until then, he would have to put up with the physical reminder
of what had happened.
That hurt.
Tired but not really sleepy, Goku finally made it
to his room, shutting the door without bothering to light a candle.
He was more emotionally tired than he was physically... and the constant
ache in his heart was throbbing intensely, the way it always did after
he went berserk-demon-mode on everyone. There was one thing that could
alleviate the pain, and that was...
... Something he knew he would have to get over eventually.
That train of thought was the reason why he came to
an abrupt halt halfway into the room, nearly toppling over in sheer
surprise when he saw Sanzo sitting on his bed. The monk didn't stay
there; once Goku noticed him he got to his feet, brushing past him
to go outside. Since he was obviously meant to follow, Goku did. He
didn't know where they were going or why Sanzo wanted to speak to
him, but he also knew that if he didn't follow things would only end
up getting worse before they got better.
Even before they came to a stop, Sanzo was speaking
to him. "You lied to me."
Taken aback and puzzled, Goku's steps faltered momentarily.
"What? When?" But Sanzo didn't stop, didn't answer, so he
hurried to catch up. "When did I lie to you?" Goku demanded,
stepping in the man's path when he still refused to answer. Narrowing
his golden eyes, he demanded a third time, "When?"
Glaring back, Sanzo fairly growled, "Not telling
me is the same as lying. You're hiding something, therefore deceiving
me. You lied about Seiten Taisei the other night."
The other night... Goku stiffened, but didn't back
down. "Why don't you kill me, then?" he asked, well aware
that Sanzo would be able to detect the slight tremor in his voice.
"You said you would."
Scoffing, Sanzo looked away. "You're not worth
wasting a bullet on, stupid monkey."
Unsure of what to say to that, Goku finally lowered
his eyes. Sanzo always tried to send mixed signals, but Goku liked
to think that he was getting better and better at interpreting them--
and in this case, he was dead certain Sanzo was saying, in his round-about
way, that he didn't want to kill him, all previous threats aside.
The rustle of cloth alerted Goku. His hand shot out
without his thinking, grabbing a fistful of the monk's robes. The
rustling stopped. When he looked up, Sanzo was watching him expectantly.
It was up to Goku to speak, to bring up the subject-- because Sanzo
was the last person that ever would.
Goku took a deep breath to harden his resolve, his
grip on Sanzo's clothes tightening. "About... that night..."
"What about it?"
"Why'd you do it?"
Sanzo tried shaking the boy off, but when that didn't
work, Goku found a surprisingly strong grip loosening his hold. His
hand went lax beneath Sanzo's instantly; resistance only made things
worse at this point.
"Why?" Sanzo repeated, his tone carrying
that note of haughtiness he often used to throw the others off. "Why
the hell do I need a reason?"
Goku's hand clenched into a fist under Sanzo's palm.
"You *always* have a reason," he insisted. "You do.
You don't do things without thinking, especially when you tell me
not to."
As he spoke Sanzo's hand dropped from his. Goku let
his clenched fists fall to his side, tension thrumming through him
like consistent drum beats, fast and intense and causing him to tremble
as he desperately tried to recollect himself.
He visibly flinched when Sanzo's other hand came into
view, but found the man simply tangling his fingers in brown hair,
shoving Goku's head back and forcing him to look up. Sanzo's expression
was set, his lips drawn in a flat line, eyes hard, scrutinizing, and
closed off. Goku was unable to interpret what the man was thinking,
even under the intense stare.
At last, Sanzo said, "If you don't die..."
Goku blinked. "What?"
The hand slid from his hair. "Ask me again later."
Violet pierced him. "After this damned mission is over, ask me
again and I'll answer-- if you live. So if you want an answer, you'd
better not die."
'If I don't die, he'll...' Goku was quicker than he
was normally given credit for; he put the odd pieces of Sanzo's answer
together. It was only half an answer, but it was more than he'd had
before. Grinning, Goku nodded. "Yeah," he agreed. "You
better not die, either."
"Tch. Like I'll let myself be killed before you."
There was nothing else to be said. Goku let the man
walk past him, continuing to his room. The door shut behind him with
a soft click, and only after that did Goku move as well. He didn't
go back to his room; rather, he went straight for Sanzo's, knocking
loudly, knowing it would annoy the man. "Sanzo!"
The door didn't open, but from the cross tone in the
man's voice Goku could tell he was glaring. "What?"
"Until then, can I sleep in your room more often?"
Silence was his only answer, which wasn't surprising.
It was a bold question, one that could easily get him shot down. Part
of him wondered what he was doing, acting so rashly, but another more
curious, more determined part wanted to know the answer.
At last, he heard Sanzo say in an unnaturally soft
tone, "Go to bed, Goku."
Once again Sanzo was avoiding answering with either
a yes or a no. Despite the answer, Goku found himself smiling. "Goodnight,"
he said, turning away. He didn't expect an answer. He wasn't going
to get one. For now he was just going to erase the past few days from
his mind; he wouldn't drag the memories up again until the day he
needed them: the day he would ask his question again.
Goku went to sleep in his own bed.
- The End -
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