Chapter 9 Clare: When we had last left our young heroes they were?f***. I can?t remember. I?m sure it wasn?t that important. But two things are for certain: 1) Gohan and Remus were looking sexy, and 2) Trunks was being an ass, mule, any animal of the four legged variety really. Someone needs to kick him?HARD. Ahh! Yes! Trunks had gotten a well deserved ass whooping! Mia, seeing him in such a pathetic state, was moved to make him eat her banana bread (and she thinks *I* hate him). Anywho, wackiness ensued, and wackiness, being the great worker upper of appetites, left our heroes starved and in dire need of nourishment. There?s also some stuff about monkey tails and whatnot, but that was just wack. So, back to the story! Kristina had just arrived in the door with Sirius in hand, on his usual leash. He was wearing a black dog collar with a tag inscribed with the name "Snuffles." It did look rather lovely with his black wizard robes, though Kristina gave Sirius quite a fight when he first insisted on wearing it in public in his human state. She looked at the group in the kitchen, and choosing to ignore what she saw, turned her thoughts to her rumbling belly. "IM HUNGRY!!!" she exclaimed, abruptly throwing down Sirius? leash. In three quick strides she was at the fridge, rummaging through its contents. "GRRR!" she growled, realizing that her search was yielding nothing more than canned whipped toppings and a variety of syrups (which is really strange, considering our heroes disdain waffles and don?t really care that much for ice cream) She turned to the others, and stomped her foot on the ground. "ME HUNGRY NOOOOOWW!!!!!" Gohan, who was trying out new poses for his Saiyaman routine, looked up in shock at Kristina, as if seeing her for the first time. Gone was the goofy expression he had worn on his face only moments earlier; his brows were furrowed and, Clare took care to note, his muscles tensed visibly under the layer of thin, black spandex. "Damn," Clare thought idly, "spandex has it good, really good." Completely oblivious to Clare?s leering, Gohan moved into attack position. "BUU!" "What?!?! Her?" Trunks looked at Gohan with confusion written on his face, right under pussy, cock sucker, and ass. "She?s 18! But, don?t worry, she?s cool now guys. She won?t hurt anyone anymore, she already hurt enough people..." Trunks clenched his fists and looked down at his shoes. In less than a fraction of a second Mia, sensing her "angst-dar" go off, was by his side caressing him. "GOOD LORD!" Clare yelled, highly exasperated, looking in disgust at the two of them. "SOMEONE GIVE THAT BOY SOME PROZAC!!!!" "You guys are all dorks," Kristina shook her head. "And I?m STILL HUNGRY!!!!" "No more from you, BUU," Gohan said steadily, keeping eye contact with Kristina. "You can?t hide anymore, I know your magic." "But wait Gohan!" Trunks interjected, as asses always do, tears still fresh in his eyes. "Didn?t you defeat Buu?!?! OH WAIT! YOU DID SHIT! IT WAS YOUR DADDY!" "TRUNKS!" Clare exploded. She was always quick to pick up any fight with Trunks, especially over her beloved?s honor. "Remember Cell? OH YOU CANT! YOU WERE DEAD! Thankfully, an 11 year old was STRONGER THAN YOUR SORRY ASS!" That silenced him. "I didn?t think I?d have to unleash my power again, but?I CAN?T ALLOW YOU TO HURT MY FRIENDS!" cried Gohan, battle aura raging around him. "OOOO! UNLEASH IT!!!!" Clare wailed, as she danced in circles, dragging Remus along with her, who she had forgotten was chained to her, let alone existed. The room was now shaking, sending dishes and debris flying to the floor. Sirius, being the loyal dog that he was, ran back to Kristina?s side to protect her. Mia jumped to her feet, releasing Trunks. "OH NO! My collection of Trunks action figures!!!" There was a crash, and then a thud. "NO! KARATE KICKING TRUNKS AND WORTHLESS PRETTY BOY TRUNKS, VOLUME 3!! STOP NOW! Oh? and Kristina isn?t Buu!" "IM NOT!!!" Kristina yelped in agreement, dodging the kitchen light that came crashing down at her feet. "Huh?" Gohan blinked. "You sure?? Well, if you say so.." He powered down and looked at Kristina apologetically. "I?m sorry. I think I got carried away." At that moment his stomach growled, shaking the room once more. "Well, now I almost wish you were Buu, I?m hungry. You could have turned Trunks into a cookie, and made him useful," he laughed. "Great." Remus got to his feet and dusted himself off, with some help from Clare, who finally remembered him and his?sweetness. "Now that thats settled, lets get something to eat. I?m starved." He stopped and smiled at Clare, who was still patting him down. "Clare, I?m quite sure the amount of dirt on my ass doesn?t warrant the time and attention you?ve given to it." "Right!" Clare hastily removed her hands from Remus? sweetness. "D-Hall then???" "Fine. Whatever. I?m hungry, can we just go??" Kristina said. "Wait?there?s no D-Hall here!" "Haven?t you heard?" Mia chimed in, "It has EXPANDED! Its a chain now? even bigger than Popeye?s Chicken! The food is just that quality!" "They better serve Kibble ?n Bitts or I?m leaving," Sirius huffed. Kristina shot Clare a knowing look, a wry smile playing on her lips. "I think I remember all of the food tasting like dog food." Is Trunks really a candy ass?? What would happen to Mia's love for Trunks if he decided to seek medical help for his depression? Why does Sirius prefer a dry dog food brand over moist and delicious Gravy Train ?? Damn, Gohan IS sexy. Chapter 10 Kristina: Our young heros were out eating dinner at D-Hall. I'm not sure why, since D-Hall is "like crap through a goose". The waitresses wear pins that say, "Ask me about our choice of laxatives!" while carrying around trays of week-old beef. Clare was in her man-sandwich, happily gnawing on some stale Lucky Charms she found on the floor. Remus and Gohan stared at her, hoping she would brush her teeth before any fun started. Kristina and Sirius were still looking for edible food in the establishment. Good luck to them, and God speed! We'll not see them for a while! Mia and Trunks sat across the table, Mia attempting to console Trunks in his newest depression. "Trunks, please eat something. I don't want you to konk out early tonight!" Trunks just sighed sadly and stared at the congealing gravy covering his salad. This was the last time he would let Mia get his food. "Mia, I just can't eat right now. Please understand....." He couldn't continue as he was about to burst into tears. Clare looked up from her cereal and groaned. "Trunks, you really are pathetic! Just suck it up and deal with the fact that you're a candy-ass!!" Trunks didn't even look up. A plan began to form in Clare's mind....an evil plan.....one that would bring her many much joys...... Later during the dinner, she took the Prozac pills that she happened to have in her pocket ("I swear I don't know how they got there!"). While Trunks and Mia were....distracted, she slipped the pills into Trunks' glass. She cackled to herself, greatly disturbing Gohan and Remus. "Um, do we even want to know?" Remus glanced at Gohan. ".....I sure don't!" Gohan cringed at the thought of what could come to pass with Clare at the wheel. Or whatever. During a break for air, Trunks hurriedly grabbed his drink, and gulped it down. He felt strange, slightly calm. It was almost frightening, but oddly pleasing. He looked down at Mia, who was waiting for him. She noticed that the depressed gleam in his eye was gone. "Trunks!! What's wrong? Why aren't you depressed? I need to take care of you!!" She clung to him, on the verge of tears. Trunks did something completely unexpected. He smiled. "Mia, it's okay! I feel good! Better than I've felt in years, aside from nights in your bed! I can sing! I can dance!!! I can-" Mia cut him off, "You will do no such thing!! I have to console you! It's what I do! Now get sad NOW!!" Trunks merely grinned at her. "And STOP SMILING!!!!" Clare, Remus and Gohan somehow found a bag of popcorn and sat back to watch the show. Trunks grabbed Mia and started waltzing around the restaurant, singing showtunes. Mia had had enough. She wrenched herself from Trunks' grasp (gasp!) and picked up a puppy sitting on a table ('cause every table at D-Hall has a puppy on it!) and held it up to Trunks. "I will kill this puppy right now if you don't stop being happy!!!" She was trembling with rage. She didn't have anything else in common with this man...I mean action figure, besides his angst. "Don't think I won't do it! You WILL be sad again, even if I have to kill everyone in the entire world!" Clare, Remus and Gohan let out a collective gasp, among other things. "She can't be serious!" Clare whispered. Remus snorted. "Of course he's not! Sirius is still out looking for food!" Gohan and Remus dissolved into giggles while Clare stomped her foot in exasperation. Finally, Kristina and Sirius came back, trays still empty. Sirius saw Mia threatening Trunks with the puppy, and something in him snapped. No one would threaten an innocent puppy while SIRIUS was around. He raced towards her, while yelling at Mia. "You evil witch! I KNEW you were evil!!!" He lunged for Mia, grabing the puppy and giving it to Kristina. He would have beaten Mia to a bloody pulp if Kristina hade not grabbed his robes. No one knows what she said to him, but he backed off and played with the puppy. Throughout this exchange, Trunks was dacing with a watiress, her moldy meat products sliding off of her tray. Clare, Remus, and Gohan merely exchanged bemused glances. "Geesh." Chapter 11 Mia: Trunks had to pull away from the waitress when she suddenly grabbed his luscious plump, yet firm ass in the excitement of dancing with such a fine piece of man. "What's wrong?" The sorority sister asked, batting her eyes and sending more flakes of caked on makeup flying than was in the tubs of cereal to her right. "Hey, hands off, I'm happily committed." He smiled and pointed at Mia, who had resorted to sulking at her peanut butter and jelly sandwich at the table. "To THAT?" The sorority sister's silicon filled boobs bounced in surprise. "Look at her! What a mess!" she said, referring to her lack of a rack, makeup, toothpick body frame, and all things cool. Trunks only grinned in response and joined his woman at the table. "You gonna eat that?" ".Eventually.after I get over being sick to my stomach!" she snapped. "How about if I feed it to you?" He winked. Her eyes popped in arousal, but her bad mood returned when she remembered that she was mad at him. She unsuccessfully attempted to put a band-aid on Trunks' smooth iron face. Only to have it slide off. "Nope! No scars" Trunks said. "This is horrible Trunks! Why are you so happy? What about all those nights we held each other and cried about how our parents suck?" Clare snorted. "You two did more than that! Come on, Mia, just accept him. I think he is just a tad more tolerable this way. I think he's gone up from pussybitch to cocksucker." Mia glared at her friend across the table. But a smile spread on her face when she saw something out of the corner of her eye. "Oh look! It's Joe!!!" "WHAT?" Clare screamed. A prick with dark hair and glasses approached the table. "Hey Clare!" he cried. "Um.hi." Clare squeaked. "Yo wassup jigga! This is G-dog in da hizzy-house!" Gohan introduced himself in his own unique 'iwishiwereathugbutimjustapussy' way. Sirius emerged from sniffing the puppy's ass. "I thought I was the only dog here!" he barked at Gohan. "Not unless you count that waitress bitch too" Trunks added. Sirius and the puppy resumed to licking each other. Kristina smiled to herself, hypnotized by the rhythmic motions of his tongue. Joe could only stare in shock as he saw the woman of his dreams sandwiched inbetween a man resembling his father, and who he thought was Little Bow Wow. Not until he was poked in the ribs did he return to normal breathing. He turned to see that his friend, Little Blue Boy, was grabbing at his overall suspenders and tapping his foot in his impatience. "Um, well, gotta go!" Joe said as he grabbed Little Blue Boy's hand and darted toward the other side of D-Hall to cry and drown his sorrows. Sirius and his new friend were now in an intense game of chasing each other 's tails. Kristina noted how odd it was that Gohan and Trunks had tails too, but weren't chasing them as well. 'Must be a dog thing, not a monkey thing'. Trunks was still trying to console Mia. "I know!" His beautiful shaven face lit up. "Let's do yoga!" "Trunks! We're still in D-Hall!!" Kristina pointed out. "That's ok!" He chimed as he began kicking the tables and chairs out of the way. "Yo dat shit is TIGHT!" Gohan emerged from his seat. "I gotsta check this out!" "Not again."Remus sighed as he swished and flicked his wand to undo the chains around Gohan. Mia's eyes just so happened to meet with Remus' momentarily before Trunks pulled her from her seat. "No, Trunks! I want angst!" she cried as he was dragging her away from that brief asthetic moment. "But you love yoga!" he said. "This will free you from those shackles of despair, I just know it!" ****** The dining hall was quite a scene. Kristina was busy chasing Sirius who was chasing the puppy for snatching his beloved collar. Trunks was sitting in front of Mia and Gohan, his yoga students, who were also sitting in lotus position. Clare was feeling back pain and was trying to explain to Remus how his massaging techniques with his manly, calloused hands would be more effective than Trunks' yoga lesson. "Now concentrate on your breathing." Trunks soothed, "Forget about your worries and pains. All that matters is here and now. Breathe in and out. In with the good air, out with the bad." Slowly the popping veins in Mia's head were subsiding. She eased her mind and was letting go of her anger. "Now, stand up and put your arms over your head.Gohan, what the hell are you doing?" Gohan was doing saiyaman poses instead of yoga forms. "YEAH! This is how we do it in da hood!" Trunks shook his head "We aren't doing that, this is yoga. You'll have to dance somewhere else." "This is mad whack yo!" he huffed as he went to go stand by the window and finish his posing for the rest of the onlookers. "How do you feel?" He turned to the sexiest woman alive. "Better!" Mia wrapped her arms around his massive warm and hairless chest which was just barely peeking through his black flattering tanktop. "Thank you, Trunks. I realize now that our love is based on more than just sharing angst stories." Trunks pulled back with a gleam in his eye. "Lets go get some popsicles." Chapter 12 Clare "DAMNIT! Its been so long! The fuck if I can remember what happened last!!" Clare cried. "It has been awhile." Remus agreed. "Was I even in the last installment? I just can’t recall." "Don’t be silly my tea time scrumpet!! You had to be in it! What would it be without you?" "Crap, I’d dare say!" Remus beamed, surprised at his own candor. Clare laughed at Remus and then, remembering her frustration, threw her hands up. "OOOH! I should have reread the last one! But I have to start now! I can’t wait any longer!" "For the love of all that is holy, just start already!" Kristina interjected from her corner of the room. She was sitting with Sirius picking the flees out of his hair. "Before I do!" She flicked a flee to the floor and looked at it with distaste. "As if I’ll ever have the time…" *BAMF* "DUDE! I can’t believe Sirius DIED! That’s totally WACK!" "KURT!" Clare, Remus, and Kristina yelled in unison at the blue fuzzy dude, who had just appeared in the room. Clare threw down The Order of the Phoenix in disgust with a loud cracking noise as it smashed through the floor to Mia’s room bellow. Trunks, who was in Mia’s room trying on her clothes and giggling, looked up at the hole in the ceiling with big eyes. He finished tying Mia’s favorite magenta scarf around his neck, which looked oh so lovely with her white capris that he had on, and pranced towards the book. "Yooo hooo! I think you dropped something!" he called to Clare, who ignored him. "YOU RUINED THE BOOK!!!!" "Whaaaa? I’m DEAD?!?!" Sirius exclaimed dubiously, getting to his feet. "Yeah, dude! You ate a big one! Flew through a curtain of death!" Kurt jumped through the air to demonstrate to the group. "Ooooh! Curtains!" squealed Trunks from bellow. "Were they sheer or lace?" "LETMESEETHATBOOK!" Sirius barked. "It’s heavy! You get it yourself!" Trunks whined. "IF YOU DON’T COME UP HERE WITH THAT BOOK I’LL GNAW ON YOUR FLESH AND LEAVE THE SCRAPS TO-" Remus shot Sirius "the look", silencing him. "Sirius, your temp-er!" "What’s going on?" Mia burst through the room, Gohan closely behind her. "Our champion sense was tingling!" Remus opened his mouth to explain, but was cut off by an overly eager Kurt. "Sirius is dead man! Flew through a curtain! WOOSH!" "Simmer down!" Mia said forcefully, giving Kurt a stern look. "How can Sirius be dead? That doesn’t make sense. He didn’t die." "Obviously.." muttered Sirius, who was careful to avoid eye contact with Remus. He knew that another "look" would really mean the end of him. "Apparently JK Rowling thinks that it does, in fact, make sense." Remus pulled his wand out of his pocket, and with a flick of his wrist, the book appeared in his hand. He stumbled under its weight for a second and then turned to Mia. "I have this under control, so you can be on your way then! Thanks for stopping by!" Mia looked at Remus dumbfounded. "But, but, I’m your champion!" "And I’m the man with the plan!" Gohan chimed in. "Lovely, really." Remus said absently, his attention on the book. "Kurt, on what page does Sirius die?" Kurt hit his head in frustration. "OH DUDE! I can’t remember!" "This kid is a bigger spaz than me!" Gohan said. A huge sweat drop was forming on his brow, threatening to drown him. "And me!" Trunk’s voice asserted from bellow. "Who’s a SPAZ!" Kurt exclaimed. Gohan opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out as Kurt continued, "I’m no spaz! Dude, your judgment is totally lame!" When Gohan finally regained his voice, so to speak, he could think of nothing to say. He just stared at Kurt, utterly shocked. "Ah! At last!" Remus said happily. "I found it!" "DON’T READ IT ALOUD!" Clare wailed. "I still want to read it!" Remus smiled at Clare. "I understand." He turned back to the book and began to silently read as Sirius and Kristina hovered over him anxiously. "So? Did she kill me?" Sirius asked, holding on to Kristina’s hand for support. Remus looked up at him gravely. "I’m afraid so. Though it was written quite well. She made me sound quite brave and manly!" His face brightened with his last comment. "Your death makes for quite a good story!" "I DON’T GIVE A SHIT!" Sirius bellowed. "That’s not how it happened! That bitch is spinning lies!" "You know how authors are, Sirius. We knew what we were getting into when we told our story." Remus sighed. "Besides, to the muggle world you are as good as dead anyway." "Thanks, buddy," Sirius said bitingly. "I just don’t get this business about the curtain…" "Wait, didn’t you tell her that the Department of Mystery was drab and needed some curtains?" "Oh right! The place did need some work. A veil of death would fix it up, I’m sure!" Remus laughed. "Hey! Mia!!!" Trunks shouted through his hole, no, not the one in his head, the one in the floor. "Should I wear a blazer with this scarf? Or is that too much?" Mia walked reluctantly to the hole and peered down at Trunks who smiled up at her, her best blazer in his hand. "No, its too much…" Mia said meekly, grimacing. "Well," Remus beamed, "I guess a champion was needed after all!" WOW! Who would have thought that this chapter would take such a "sirius" turn! Get it? Sirius! HA! HA HA! Chapter 13 Written by Trunks “18! 18! Wake up!” Trunks whispered into Kristina’s ear as he tried to shake her awake. “WHAT DO YOU WANT?” A large black dog barked from the foot of the bed. “Sirius?” Trunks raised an intrigued eyebrow. “Why are you like that?” “When I’m in dog form, I can touch every part of my body with my tongue.” “Well, I’m trying to wake up 18. I need to talk to her.” Trunks changed the subject to remove the disgusting image from his head. “We already told you she’s not 18, moron.” Sirius growled. “Trunks! What are you doing here?” Kristina’s muffled voice moaned from her pillow. “Did you write your chapter yet?” Trunks asked. “THAT is what you woke me up for?” She yelled, refusing to get up, but rustling under the sheets. “I’ve been waiting forever! Are you gonna do it or not?” Trunks cried. “NO! I’m gonna go back to sleep.” She pulled the covers over her head. “Sirius, see him to the door.” Sirius’ collar jingled as he rose from the bed. Trunks reached for the curtains on the window he was standing next to. “Don’t make me do it.” Sirius barked at Trunks, his drool foamed at the mouth and dripped to the floor. Trunks slowly inched toward the door, his eyes fixed on Sirius’ big white teeth, which shone through the darkness in the room. But Trunks was moving too slow. Sirius lunged for him in attack. Luckily, Trunks managed to throw the curtains over the door just in time for him to escape. “HA! You won’t catch me now!” Trunks readjusted the scarf on his neck and ran back to his bedroom. Once inside, he shut the door behind him and breathed a sigh of relief. Although not from dog’s teeth, he had quite enough bite marks on his body, and did not want to add another. He glanced at Mia’s bed, where she was fast asleep cuddling with her Trunks pillow. Because of her foolish ethics, that pillow got a lot more play than he did. ‘Crazy Catholics’ he muttered to himself, vowing to some day destroy the pillow of his despair. He sat at the computer in the room and prepared to write. He cracked his knuckles when he noticed the gloves he was wearing. ‘Damn that Clare!’ he thought as he threw them to the ground. He also ripped off the blazer in disgust, but decided to keep the scarf on because he thought it was cool. He then bit his thumb in thought as he planned his revenge. ‘I have to get her back for this! But what do I do? I have become the most hated person in this house. I don’t have the power to do anything.’ Tears formed in his eyes and he twitched in pain. Though asleep, Mia’s champion senses could pick up even the tiniest sign of angst. She awoke immediately and saw Trunks crying at her computer. “Trunks, what’s the matter? Why are you up at this hour?” “I-I…” Trunks was trying to think of the best way to say this without hurting Mia’s feelings. “Clare sucks!” “Oh Trunks!” Mia sighed. “It was just a story. I know that’s not you. She knows that’s not you. But why are you at the computer?” “Revenge.” “Revenge? What are you gonna do, hack into her system? Her computer already sucks.” Trunks paused for a moment. He still hadn’t come up with a plan. But his eyes were transfixed on Mia lying in her bed. So beautiful, so willing, so pure…a filthy idea suddenly popped into his head. But then so did an even filthier idea. “A lemon!” Trunks smiled to himself. “But Trunks, they are in the fridge in the kitchen.” Mia couldn’t believe how slow this boy was. “No no,” Trunks clarified, “I’m gonna WRITE a lemon involving Clare and her boys.” “What? You’re not even in the round-robin!” “Well, I was gonna team up with you for the next chapter, but Kristina is taking her sweet time. So, I just thought I’d do one myself.” “That’s really gross, but funny at the same time.” Mia said. “Go for it. But I’m going back to sleep. Goodnight Trunks!” She turned over and fell back to sleep. Trunks stared at Mia, the sweaty twisted sheets wrapping her body in just the right places. ‘Good night indeed’ he thought as he began typing away. ~~~~~ “Nope, I didn’t hear you at all.” Mia smiled as she poured Trunks a cup of coffee at the kitchen table. “When my champion senses don’t wake me, I can sleep like a log.” Trunks’ bloodshot eyes tried to focus on the cup of coffee in front of him. “You didn’t sleep a wink, did you?” she asked as she flipped a pancake in the frying pan at the stove. “No,” Trunks shook his head. “But that’s because I was working on that lemon. You wouldn’t believe how difficult it is to write one.” “Well, at least it’s over.” Mia assured him, pushing a stack of his favorite chocolate chip pancakes in front of him. “Yeah, I’m gonna send it out after breakfast.” *you'l find Trunks' lemon in the following text document*