Title: Without You Author: Marianya Lyrics By: Jonathan Larson Rating: G Date Developed: 2 October 2001 Date Revised: 4 October 2001 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Author's Note: Okay here's another song fiction that came about while listening to my collection of CD's. I am STILL writing that fanfiction, don't expect it to come out until the upcoming summer. This song fiction is set during the time of the Mamoru/Usagi separation, which means... OH MY GOD! The anime version. This song fiction is strictly descriptive; dialogue will be reduced to very very few lines, and more thoughts. This is to show the pain and emotions that both characters are feeling. 'Without You' is from the musical Rent. Disclaimer: I do not, will not, own any part of Sailor Moon. The characters and story line belong to that talented writer, Naoko Takeuchi. I simply take a piece of the story line and show the emotional side for the purposes of this story. I do not own the musical Rent or it's songs. They belong to the late Jonathan Larson, may his soul rest in peace and prosperity. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Without You *********** Without you The ground thaws The rain falls The grass grows Without you The seeds root The flowers bloom The children play *********** Tokyo was blessed with a light rainfall this night. The rain pitter-pattered against the rooftops throughout the city. The sky showed hues of the continuing sunset with indigo, violet, red, pink and orange; the clouds were hovering above the horizon as the rain began to let up. The fallen raindrops lingered on the rose petals in the park, giving them a teary complexion. Many of the roses were beginning to bloom as the spring slowly changed to summer. Other fallen raindrops lingered on the leaves of various trees throughout the park, weeping willows, when brushed by the still warm breeze, weeped in sorrow and in pain. It would seem that the entire natural life in Tokyo was in mourning, mourning the pain and loss of one girl's heart. The girl, whose smile would brighten the cloudiest of days, who's laughing eyes could melt the iciest of hearts. No longer felt the need to laugh, no longer felt the joy that was once the centerpoint of her character. Now, all she felt was pain, sorrow, heartbreak emotions that should never have touched her, that should never darken her light, if it were not for a dream. *********** The stars gleam The poets dream The eagles fly Without you *********** Every night, the dream would come, and every night he would awake to the same conclusion. Could he possibly live with that dream if it were true? The answer, he thought was quite obvious, so he left her. Pushed her away from his aching heart in the only way to save her from... from him. How many days has he spent wide awake in his bed wondering if he was deserving enough of her, wondering why was he the special someone in his beautiful rabbit's life? He never felt that he deserved her, she did not deserve him, did not deserve his pain, his darkness, his sorrow. But her mind and spirit were unyielding. Refused to give up on him, refused to let him go. In the end the barrier broke, and after a thousand years they were back together, like they should have been long ago. But then the dreams came, and in order to save her, he must let her go. The hardest thing that he could have possibly done, to himself, to let go the only light in his life, to let go of the one thing that he held closest in his heart, that he held in his heart. After so many minutes, lying on his cold, unforgiving bed, he stood up and walked over to his balcony. He knew that will always regret what he had done, but she would live through it, in the end she always come out on top. Why should this be any different? that little subconscious whispered to him . She didn't have me before she met me . The same inner argument every night. The same fight that Mamoru had with his subconscious and in the end his mind won out. The logic always wins at the end . Mamoru looked out the window, and saw the glimmering stars, the brightness that always shown out in the night sky, never fail to come out every night. For some reason, lately, especially tonight, the same brightness was dulled somewhat, as if all the stars have been in lamentation. The birds no longer sing when they were in the sky, their flights were just a bit lower, a bit more sorrowful nowadays. *********** The earth turns The sun burns But I die Without you *********** The sun was peeking out the window, allowing it's bright hues to glaze over the still figure on the bed. The figure was not asleep, she was never able to sleep for more than a few minutes. The sun's futile attempts to lift her spirits every morning since their breakup always ended in more pain. The sunbeams then grew to slightly darker shade of golden yellow. No bright warming sunlight this day, no more happy smiles, no more joyous laughs, just tears, and pain. Almost as if that sunshine died the day of their breakup. *********** Without you The breeze warms The girl smiles The cloud moves Without you The tides change The boys run The oceans crash *********** The girl walked slowly to the temple of her closest friend. The fiery priestess always had ways of reassuring her or giving her a shoulder to cry on, which happened more frequently. The girl continued walking with her long silver blond hair pulled up in twin buns, dragging along the sidewalk behind her. A warm late spring breeze swirled from the sky and danced around the solemnly walking girl, lifting the ponytails from the ground in an attempt to raise the girl's spirits. The breeze tried to caress the girl's face in order to soothe her spirit, but nothing worked. The breeze slowly diminished in distress not knowing if this was truly the end. The priestess spotted the silver blond girl walking up the many stairs, and felt her own heart break in pain. There was nothing that any of her friends could do to lift their closest friend's spirits. She was the glue that kept them together, she was their sunshine, and without that sunshine, their own lives grew increasingly colder. This day the four of them were attempting to take the little bunny to the beach, in hopes that the ocean and waves would take her out of her darken trance. The sound of the roaring waves could be heard from afar, but that didn't stop the girls from making their closest friend go with them to the beach. Laughter was heard from the sand as young boys started running back and forth throwing Frisbees in every which way. Older boys walked around the beach with swimming trunks and well-defined muscles, and girl were swooning over them. Nothing could take the poor rabbit out of her pained trance. No matter what happens around her, nothing could keep her out of her trance, "Mamo-chan" was all she said with a river of silent tears beginning to flow. *********** The crowds roar The days soar The babies cry Without you The moon glows The river flows But I die Without you *********** The girl was walking, once again in the park along the lakeside. She watched as the ducklings swim from the edge to the center and back. She saw the fishes underneath the mirror and how they seem to be oblivious to everything around them. Her friends' attempts at the beach ended when she started to cry, so they left her alone, allowing shoulders to be cried upon every now and then. No one felt like enjoying themselves, not when someone was weeping as their Usagi-chan. Usagi gave up watching the ducklings go by and instead decided to walk over to the benches, and watch the moon rise over the night sky. As she reached the park bench she contemplated actually sitting on the bench or on the wet grass. After the long seconds she sat on the bench and raised her head towards the full moon. Usagi closed her tear stricken eyes and prayed that something would help her raise her spirits. There Usagi sat, her long ponytails pooled around her feet, the glow gone, her eyes again began to fill with tears as she continued to pray to the Moon Kingdom, to her mother, in hopes that something would give her strength. *********** The world revives *********** Mamoru glazed over the street below his feet. He had taken a walk around the city that day, he had wanted to go to the beach as well, but during his walk that morning he over heard two of his bunny's friends talking about taking his bunny to the beach in order to lift her spirits. His heart jumped at the thought of seeing his Usako once again, but then his mind reminded him about the dreams that he had been having, and before his heart could protest, his logic won out. Mamoru's gaze wandered at the various cars that went back and forth beneath the street lamp, and wondered why was the world so cruel to him. Why after waiting for so long would he have to leave her again? It was as if all the stars and all the fates were working against him against his heart. He knew that his Usagi might be able to live without him, but would he be able to recover from this ill-fated tragedy? *********** Colors renew *********** Usagi looked at all the blooming roses around her and tears started to fall again from her already red eyes. The colors were vibrant and beautiful, but it's beauty did not hold for long, soon after the petals dropped in sorrow at the sight of the tear stricken girl that gazed above. *********** But I know blue Only blue Lonely blue Within me blue Without you *********** Usagi thought solemnly. Usagi continued to gaze upon the brightly colored moon, her emotions taking on a more depressing outlook. Nothing to help her hope for the future, nothing to assure her that their love would ever come back, nothing to help her see the pain that her Mamo-chan was going through as well... Usagi gave up searching for answers and instead tried to clear her mind. She had been in this state for weeks, and it was getting worse by the minute. She had to move on, for the sake of her family, for the sake of her friends, for the sake of the planet that she sworn to protect. So Usagi slowly stood up from the stone cold, park bench and walked to the bridge that went across the lake. She would look at the reflection of the Moon from the top of the bridge. *********** Without you The hand gropes The ear hears The pulse beats *********** As Usagi reached the top of the bridge she leaned over the railing and watched the crystalline lake below her. Slight ripples began to form as her tears hit the water, one by one. Slowly she closed her sky blue eyes, in an effort to stop the tears form continuing. Instead of the darkness that she had hoped to see, she saw the face of the one that she loved. His smile, his jawline, his eyes, his beautiful ocean blue eyes that she fell in love with in twice in two lifetimes. His whole face there in front of her eyes. With trembling hands she reached out slowly towards the image of her Mamo-chan and tried to caress his cheek. She saw how lovingly his eyes looked at her, how beautiful they were, how sad they seem to be. Her pulse quicken slowly as she 'thought' she felt the warmth of her love's cheek brush against her fingertips. Her heart continued to pump faster as she slowly fell in love with the image of her love in her mind's eye. So spellbound she was with her mind's image of Mamoru, her ears failed to give her a warning of a presence nearby that was watching her every move through ocean-blue eyes and a melancholy expression. *********** Without you The eyes gaze The legs walk The lungs breathe *********** He did not know why he felt that urge to be at the gardens. His heart wanted him to be there that night, since his mind has been winning the past few times, it only seemed fair to follow his heart this night. So Mamoru was at the park, walking ever so slowly towards the lake, Mamoru continued to walk the path towards the lake, his legs walking on their own accord, allowing his mind to wander towards other things. So enthralled he was in his own mind that he failed to take notice of another figure upon the bridge. His mind was able to register the other person as young, and beautiful, two streamers of silver blond hair flowed all around her in a pool of spun gold. Her posture was not what caused Mamoru to feel such discomfort, it was the way her hand was reaching out the air, as if reaching out for someone, for someone that wasn't there. His heart broke as his eyes took in the picture before him. How lovingly her hand seemed to feel the image in front of her, how beautiful she always seemed to be no matter what emotion she's feeling. His breath stopped as he watched the angel before him continue to caress the open air in front of her. He stood there for several long antagonizing minutes watching as the angel continued to caress and feel the air over the bridge, a small smile shown on her face, a smile of love, of longing. *********** The mind churns The heart yearns The tears dry Without you Life goes on But I'm gone Cause I die *********** Usagi never felt a presence close by, all she knew was the face of Mamoru swimming in front of her closed eyes. Her left hand still by his cheek feeling the warmth, the love that she wished would be there always. Mamoru saw this yearning and his mind almost broke under the strain of her pain. Almost, he still had the dreams to go back to each night, as long as those dreams continue, he must do everything in his power to have her live no matter how intense the pain was for the both of them. Usagi slowly opened her eyes, hoping, praying that seeing Mamoru's face wasn't a dream, but in seeing the empty air in front of her, her heart broke again, and the opened wound poured forth once again. She wasn't crying though, she refused to continue crying. Instead she let the previous tears dry as her heart yearned for the love that was no longer there. Mamoru watched with a broken heart as his love struggled against her forthcoming tears. All he wanted to do was take her in his arms and brush away her tears with his fingers never leaving her side. His heart yearned for her as it always will, while as his mind shouted at him for continuing to pine over her. "I love you, my dear Usako. If I have to die for letting you go, so be it. It is but a small price to pay to see you alive and safe." Mamoru whispered to his angel before turning around slowly and walked hesitantly towards his apartment. In his trek towards his apartment he failed to hear the voice of his angel who seemed to have answered his proclamation. "It does not matter, my dear Mamo-chan, if you dream of my death on our wedding day. For without you, I have already died vulnerable and alone." *********** Without you Without you Without you Without you *********** ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Author's Note: So how do you like it? Was it over emotional? No emotion? Too descriptive? I think I like giving everything around Usagi and Mamoru a sense of life. How else would you describe the pain without using dialogue? Was this a little longer than you were expecting from a song fiction? I only hope to please and amuse. As always compliments, criticisms, or even a note saying that you read this and have no feelings for it whatsoever are all fine. E-mail at AsnBluRse@aol.com Until my next song fiction... ja ne!