Camera focusses on Kento after panning around the scenery of a humongous Japanese fairytale castle.

Kento: (half whispering) This is Kento Fuan reporting from deep in the heart of the Netherworld. Rumour has it that the Dynasty
leader Talpa is recruiting new warlords. I've been com... commi... Damn, what is that word? I can't pronounce that!

Sai's voice: (whispering) It's commisioned and we're on the air.

Kento: (blinking) Right. (clears throat) Yes, we've been commissioned by an anonymous group of Ronin Warriors to...

Sai: Don't you know what anonymous means?(angry whisper)

Kento: ...to spy on the proceedings.

(Camera follows Kento into the castle and bounces violently as he runs down the hall. Kento ducks into corner. Camera films
wall for a moment, then two guards walk down the hall.)

Guard 1: So, this guy says to me that I lied about my hand in poker.

Guard 2: What did you say?

Guard 1: I didn't say anything. I pulled out my sword, cut off his head, took my winnings and looked for another guy to play
poker with (shrugs).

Guard 2: (laughs hysterically until he turns corridor when laugh fades. Camera follows Kento down many corridors avoiding
soldiers and servants. Suddenly, Talpa's voice is heard from an easterly direction. Kento follows the sound to a half-opened
door.)

Talpa: Let's see our second candidate.

Sai: Oh no, we missed the first part!

Kento: The guys still owe me for this... um, I mean here we are in the depths of Talpa's castle. As you can see we are just
outside of Talpa's throne room.

Sai: Actually, it's an auditorium.

Kento: (rolls his eyes skyward) Whatever. C'mon we've gotta get in closer.

Sai: Right. (The two scramble into the room and find a place under a table.)

Talpa: C'mon Clarence, get him in here!

Kento and Sai: (snickers)

Clarence: Yes, lord. (Clarence motions someone to come onto the stage. Two guys saunter on. One is wearing a green cloak
and sporting really poofy blond hair. The other is in a blue cloak and has spiky blue hair.)

Blond guy: Hey Clair! Didn't know you were interested in this stuff.

Clarence: What?

Blue haired guy: You know, the play (Blue haired guy bows to Talpa) Milord, this is Dareth and I'm Kamion. We're auditioning
for the parts of Rowan and Sage in "The Day the Ronins Died".

Kento: The hell?

Talpa: The Ronins aren't dead.

Dareth: (stepping forward) Yeah, we know, but the 53rd legion doesn't, so it keeps up their morale. (shrugs and clears his
throat) Okay, here's Sage. (grits his teeth and begins shaking his fists) Dammit, guys! We need a plan!

Kamion: (shoves Darreth wout of the way) Now, me. This is Rowan. (puts a stunned expression on his face) You, you're a
human! (points at Clarence. Darreth elbows him)

Darreth: It's man, not human. What a line. Who writes this stuff? And Rowan's supposedly (makes quotation with fingers) the
most clever and dangerous of the ronin. (The two men laugh).

Darreth: Well, are we in?

Clarence: (smiling apologetically) Uh, guys, that audition was postponed until after the warlord applications. It's kinda important.
We're running low on warlords.

Kamion: Ugh, you've gotta be kidding. I put my whole heart and soul into that line. I'll get you later, Clair. (curls lip and stalks
off the stage.)

Darreth: I can't believe I have to wear my hair like this until after the applications (mumbles to self as he leaves).

Talpa: Clarence, go beat your mother for giving such a pansy name. Get a real one.

Clarence: (frowns) Um... can't beat her. Mom's got a huge sum of money for me in her will, but when the bat dies, I'll get a new
name. Something really butch like... like Rambo, or something.

Talpa: (waves his fingers in a shooing gesture and turns his head) Just get the next applicant. I can't believe that's the second
group of actors for the play. Maybe I should see this thing.(Camera turns to focus on Kento.).

Kento: All right, folks. It seems we haven't missed any of the important stuff. Keep your eyes peeled, your ear to the ground,
your nose to the grindstone and... hey! (The camera goes back to applicant on stage and focuses). I wasn't done my
monologue!

Sai: Shut up and do what you're paid for.

Applicant: Um... hi. I'm Gary. Is this for the warlord job?

Talpa: (nodding) Yes, Thanks for coming, Gary. Now, to begin. What's your weapon of choice?

Gary: (pulls out weapon) This is it, my metal staff. Really heavy and made of well-tempered iron. She's a sweetie, she is. Had
her since 1840 when I joined the army. Call her Sheryl. Yup, Sheryl and me do really well together. We like to clobber the
guards of the 53rd legion.

Talpa: (whispers to Clarence) What's with this 53rd legion?

Clarence: Don't know, sir.

Gary: ...and that's why I never married sir. Couldn't bear to leave Sheryl alone. It's hard to believe she gets so jealous when I
use other weapons. So, she's both my weapon of choice and I'm her guard of choice.

Talpa: That's great, Gary. Now, could you show us a little of your skill? (gestures to his guard) Clarence, test him. (Clarence
takes a staff off a display and gets on the stage. The two guards begin attacking each other.)

Gary: See, what did I say? We work well together. You can't defeat us. I haven't found a weapon to equal Sheryl and ...

Clarence: Urraaggh! Shut up! (tries to hit Gary in the face. He is blocked and knocked to the floor of the stage.)

Gary: Really, Clair, you've gotta get in shape. I can't believe you've been in the Dynasty for a hundred thirty years. You'd think
you'd have gotten up a little further in the ranks. I suppose it's fine being a palace guard, but you've gotten all soft. You need a
couple of months out in the field to get rid of the flab.

Clarence: (picking himself up) Urrragghh!(attacks Gary again) Would you be quiet!?(once again, he is knocked to the floor.)

Talpa: THAT'S ENOUGH! Now, Gary, thank you for coming. If you're chosen, you will hear from the necessary contacts.

Gary: Hey. Great. Are you sure you don't want to see some more of my killer moves? Sheryl and I really like this one where
you...

Talpa: No, leave. I have other applicants now.

Gary: (looking offended and muttering) Well, he could have at least been polite. It wouldn't have killed him, but then he is a
spirit. He may already be dead. That's no excuse. I still think he could have been polite... (Gary rambles as he leaves room).

Clarence: (shocked) My lord, I can't believe you're even considering him. Why, that nasal voice and that endless banter is
enough to drive a person insane.

Talpa: I know, but maybe we can keep him out of the castle. Hmm... what would I call him?

Clarence: Well, maybe Gary the... (Camera swings to Kento)

Kento: Yes, everybody the first has been confirmed. The first warlord may be Gary the Warlord of Incessant Chatter. He's
enough to drive a person bonkers.

Sai: Hmm... death by chatter.

Kento: Hurry, the next guy's coming in. (Camera sweeps to stage. A big purple dinosaur** waddles into center stage.)

Talpa: No, the play auditions are after the interviews. How many times do we have to tell you people?

Dinosaur: That's okay, but I am applying for the warlord job. (swings arms open wide)

Talpa: (shifts in seat to get comfortable) Oh, fine. So, who are you? You're not part of the 53rd legion, are you? (gives dinosaur
suspicious look)

Dinosaur: Nope. I'm from Earth. I'm Barney, but I didn't want to be a warlord. I thought I'd be a... lovelord. Oh, yes, Barney
the purple lovelord. (hugs himself)

Talpa: (shrugs) You can call yourself whatever you want as long as you serve me by spreading chaos over the mortal world.

Barney: (giggles, then jumps up and down) Oh boy! Oh boy! I love you! (turns to Clarence and runs off the stage to give him a
big bear hug) And I love you, too.

Clarence: (gasps for air) T... Talpa... h... help!?

Barney: Oh, you're so huggable!(squeezes harder) Do you love me too?

Clarence: (beginning to lose consciousness)

Talpa: Yes, yes, he loves you. Let him go.

Barney: Hee, hee, okay big guy. (lets go of Clarence who drops to the floor breathing heavily)

Kento: Did you see that, Sai? Barney almost loved a guy to death.

Sai: That dinosaur is so diabolical. He'll rot our minds. We'll have to fight him from a distance.

Talpa: (grinning as much as his mask can muster) Perfect, you can crush the Ronins in your love. All right, you're in, Barney. Go
forth and spread saccharine sweet happiness to drive the world insane.

Barney: (giggles stupidly) Hee, hee, okay boss. (starts to approach Talpa arms open wide and sings) I love you. You love...

Talpa: On second thought, you're too much of a hazard. (Talpa beckons to Clarence who stumbles over rubbing his back.
Talpa mumbles) Have him taken out and gutted. He's too evil, even for the Dynasty.

Clarence: It shall be done immediately, master. (draws his katana)

Talpa: Before you go, send in the next guy. Oh and if you would, grab me a coffee, black.

Clarence: Right. (Draws Barney aside into the hall)

Barney: Hey, that's a neat toy. Why don't we play together? It'll be...(sound of a thud followed by a second bigger thud)

Clarence: (walks back into room wiping his katana clean) Yeah, fun.

Talpa: (clears his throat) My coffee?

Clarence: Coming up. (sheathes his sword and rushes backstage. Another man stumbles onto the stage as if pushed. He has
incredibly fair skin with shoulder length chestnut brown hair and is carrying a container.)

Sai: (mumbling) Hey, he's skinnier than me.

Talpa: And who are you?

Applicant: I am Mythos. (He opens container and dumps contents on the floor. Clarence brings Talpa a cup of coffee from
backstage and blinks at Mythos.)

Sai: What are they? (Camera focuses on container contents.)

Kento: That guy just dumped worms on the floor. (Camera continues to focus on worms crawling on the stage, then to Mythos
as he begins to speak.)

Mythos: I am the Lord of the Worms! (flops on the floor and begins to inch his way across the floor imitating the worms.
Camera darts to Talpa.

Talpa: Next! (Clarence kicks Mythos offstage.)

Clarence: Yeah, and take you stupid worms with ya! (picks up a handful and throws them offstage in the direction of Mythos'
exit.)

Sai: 53rd legion?

Kento: 53rd legion.

Talpa: Get someone to clean up this mess and send in the next guy.

Clarence: I'm on it. (Drags in guy with a melancholy expression on his face. He has black hair, black clothes and drags his feet
on his way to center stage.)

Talpa: So, who are you?

Applicant: I'm Dumpy.

Talpa: Dumpy?

Dumpy: Yup.

Talpa: What do you do?

Dumpy: (pulls out a stool and sits down) I make everybody feel really hopeless and sad.

Talpa: (twiddling his thumbs) Ah, good, good. That sounds promising. Do you have any special powers?

Dumpy: Um... only one. I sit and stare at the floor, and by doing that, I emit depression waves. (Dumpy stares at the floor.)

Talpa: (looking delighted) I'll give you a test run then. Go to the mortal world. Fill it with depression, then I'll send some troops
to help you to kill people while they're in the depths of despair. (Dumpy continues to stare at the floor) Did you hear a word I
said?

Dumpy: (looks up) Unnhh?

Talpa: (disappointed sigh) Next.

Dumpy: (sighs. Drags his feet as he walks out of the room.)

Talpa: I said next!

Clarence: Uh, there aren't any more applicants, master. (Clarence bows low.)

Talpa: (puts his head in his hands) Oh, that's so depressing.

(stares at the floor) Maybe we should bring Barney back. At least he was cheerful.

Clarence: (apologetic look on his face) I, uh, decapitated him and threw him out to the dogs, milord.

Talpa: Oh, right. (shrugs) Well, I guess it's time for the other auditions. Do you want to stay and watch?

Clarence: If it's all the same to you, I'd rather not.

Talpa: There's one more thing I need. Go talk to the Dynasty shrinks and set up appointments for the 53rd legion.

Clarence: All of them?

Talpa: Yes, I like to know that I'm not leading an army of morons. (Yells) All right, the actors for the auditions can come in
now. (A group of twenty-some guys dressed as assorted Ronin warriors and ex-warlords push into the room.)

Some black haired guy: (clears throat loudly) Your mother wears army galoshes! (Black haired guy smacked upside the head
by Darreth)

Darreth: It's boots, you moron! (Black haired guy and Darreth attack each other falling to the ground in the process. The other
actors gather around.)

Actors: Yeah! Fight! Fight! (camera turns to Kento)

Kento: I think we're done here.

Sai: So, I guess there's a Warlord of Incessant Chatter.

Kento: Aaah, it doesn't matter. We'll send the brat after him.

Sai: (getting out from under table. Pulls video camera toward him) Let's go Kento. We've got the perfect cover. Hey, I thought
you liked Yuli.

Kento: Yeah, well, it's just a rumour. (An imitation Kento walks up to them and sniffs distainfully.)

Fake Kento: Hah, you could never pass for Hardrock. My costume's better (tosses head). You're in civilian garb. You're not
even trying. (lifts his chin and walks toward the stage)

Sai: (pulling on Kento who's glaring at the fake) Okay, why don't we go get Kayura to take us home now?

Kento: That guy couldn't possibly play me. He's too thin and soft. Not like me. I'm the rock!

Sai: (whaps Kento upside the head) Kayura's waiting. Unless you'd like to stay and see if you get the role?

Kento: (eyes squint) Maybe I will. I could show that guy up. Wagghhhhh! (Sai drags Kento out of the room. Many imitation
Ronin are posing and preening. Then Sai runs back in.)

Sai: Damn! The camera's still running. (Closeup of Sai then blank)

                                               End

There you go. Oh, so much fun! ^_^

Kento: Hey, guys where's my payment? (Ryo hands Kento a coupon)

Great! All you can eat at East Side Mario's!

Kayura: (walks in tapping her foot) Where's my payment?

Kento: What?

Kayura: I did get you into the Dynasty world undetected and back home. (hands Kento a brush) Now, that's 500 strokes, then
a facial and a manicure on you.

Kento: Aw, man. You've got to be kidding!

Kayura: (evil glare) Do I look like I'm kidding?

Sage: Elizabeth, I can't believe you had such an incompetent actor playing me. I never shake my fists like that and his hair was
nowhere near the calibre of my locks. (puffs up hair)

Rowan: Yeah, and hinting that I'm stupid isn't exactly winning me over.

Elizabeth: Guys, guys, guys! Sorry, but it's not me. Those guards Darreth and Kamion said those things. I'm no actor and I
could tell it was crap. You could go beat them up. Kayura's still here. (Sage and Rowan eyes light up and they run out of the
room).

Elizabeth: (shrugs) It doesn't take much to please them.

** Sorry, couldn't help myself