Disclaimer: Ohayo! Gundam Wing belongs to Bandai, or whoever owns it, Labyrinth belongs to Henson. This story is mine, and I hold no responsibility for the results of reading this humorous little tale. As a matter of fact, blame Jareth! He's the one who annoyed me, so here's a little payback. ::Insane laughter followed by lightning and thunder::
* * * * *
Once upon a time there was a goblin king by the name of Jareth. He was bored one day, and so he decided to annoy the newest listian. Jareth didn't even know how well he suceeded. As he was congratulating himself on his powers of manipulation, he felt someone being wished away. Looking into his crystal ball, he realized that the summons was coming from a small boarding school in Tokyo. Taking the form of an owl, he winged his way to the Aboveground.
As he approached the school, he easily located the source of the call. With a thought, he whisked the young girl away, and watched as the two boys looked around in panick. When the time was right, he made his entrance.
"K'so! Duo you baka, what have you done now?" the young, spandex clad boy swore, in a voice that was almost devoid of emotion. The girl-no, it was a boy- with the long braid laughed warily, his face a mask of innocence.
"Ne, Heero, I didn't think it would actually work, heh heh." Shrugging, the young man straightened his cap and started to head back into the building.
The other young man straightened. "Duo, get back here! We are going nowhere until we find Relena and--" suddenly, the intense young boy found an owl swooping at him. Dodging, he rolled to the side, coming to a crouch. Duo ran back to his partner, ready to help.
"Gee Heero, this is almost like that camping trip we took." Heero looked at Duo incredulously. "You do remember? The one where we got attacked by the birds?(1)"
"THAT was YOUR fault, baka," Heero replied, a nerve starting throb on his forehead.
"Eh, Heero! That's mean!" the braided boy said, mock tears in his eyes. Meanwhile, the Goblin King was trying to get the two pilot's attentions.
"Would you two shut up for a minute?" Jareth said, crossly. Suddenly, he found himself face to face to face with two deadly-looking guns.
The braided boy took one look at the king and started to laugh. "Hey Heero! We've got a 20th century rock reject!" the boy crowed, doubling over in a laughing fit. The boy, Heero merely narrowed his eyes.
Good gods, thought Jareth, suddenly noticing what Heero was wearing. How the devil does this kid stand wearing spandex all the time? And if that's so, where the hell did the gun come from? came the questions that had been plaguing Heero's fans and enemies for years. "I am Jareth, King of the Goblins. The two of you wished the young lady away, and I am here to allow you a chance to reclaim her." Jareth waited while Heero and Duo looked at each other, then at him, then back to each other. Finally, Duo turned away, a big grin on his face, and Heero turned towards the king, his gun suddenly snapping up.
"Omae o korosu.(2)"
Ducking, the king barely managed to get out of the line of fire. With a wave of his hand, the boy's gun went flying. "As I said," Jareth stated, shaken. "I will allow you to try to reclaim the girl. You have thirteen hours to solve my labyrinth, or she remains my prisoner forever. Do you understand?"
"Ne, what Labyrinth?" Duo asked, looking around. "Heero, I don't think we should trust him. I mean, look at his hair!" Jareth purpled.
"Well, it certainly looks better than yours, child!" he said, outraged. Pointing behind the boys, he continued, "There is the labyrinth, so get going." With that, he disappeared, leaving Duo and Heero staring at the labyrinth. Duo turned to Heero.
"Ne,Heero?"
"Hn"
"You thinking what I'm thinking?"
"You think? That's new."
"Don't be mean! Well, are you?"
"Ninmu Ryokai."
"COOL!"
* * * *
"Heero will rescue me! I know he will, for he and I are meant to be together," the blond little stalker proclaimed for the nth time. "You have no business with me, Goblin King. I am Relena Peacecraft, Queen of the World Nation."
Jareth bowed his head and wished for a little silence. The girl had been complaining non-stop since she arrived. Now, Jareth understood why the braided boy had laughed when he offered them a chance to reclaim the little queen.
"You majesty," Jareth began, an edge of desperation in his voice, "please, could you just shut up? If you don't, I will throw you into and oubliette and leave you!" The Queen of Hell-er, RELENA- looked at Jareth in astonishment.
"You would threaten me with violence? Don't you understand? Violence solves nothing, it is pacifism, as advocated by my true father, King Peacecraft that is the only hope for all humanity. Once humankind stops these endless, pointless battles will they be able to live in harmony and-MMPH!" a gag suddenly appeared over her mouth as Relena found herself inside a one of Jareth's crystal balls.
Cheers were heard throughout the castle as Relena disappeared, and Jareth was relieved. He had finally found a way to shut her up. His triumph was shortlived, as a violent blast rocked the castle. A little goblin came running in.
"Your majesty, your majesty! Two metallic giants are destroying the labyrinth and are almost to the castle! They are annihalating anything in their paths!" the tiny creature screamed. Rushing to the throne room window, Jareth looked out onto a scene of mass destruction. Standing in the middle of the Goblin city was a metallic creature with huge batwings and a double-bladed, humongous glowing scythe. The thing casually destroyed another portion of the goblin army. Beside it, another giant, but with the wings of an angel weilded two glowing giant sabers, also causing a wide swath of destruction. Then, the two giants both looked at Jareth. As he got ready to throw a crystal, a familiar but distorted voice came from the devilish giant.
"Hey, JARETH! THE GOD OF DEATH IS HERE FOR YOUR SOUL! TIME TO GIVE RELENA BACK!" As Jareth's face paled, the two gundams made their way over to the castle. At the window, the metallic angel opened a hatch, and out popped spandex boy-er, Heero. He even had his gun in his hand.
"Turn over Relena Peacecraft or die," came his emotionless statement. Nodding silently, Jareth tossed down the crystal that had Relena in it. As the Queen re-appeared, she turned to Heero.
"HEERO! I knew you'd come and get me! You do care about me, don't you? I knew it!" The queen immediately glomped onto the intense boy. The devil's hatch popped open and out came the other boy, Duo.
"Hey, ojou-san! How's it going? Sorry we're a little late!" came his cheerful voice. "How about letting go of Heero so that he can breathe, ne?" Relena shot Duo a glare that would have fried gundanium, then ignored him. Heero suddenly shoved Relena away from himself, and towards Jareth.
"I've changed my mind, you can keep her."
Jareth fell backwards, the force of Heero's throw causing Relena to land on top of him, on a VERY sensitive spot. The two boys leaped back into their gundams and flew away from the castle. Before they got back to the school, Heero turned Wing Zero around, and levelled the buster rifle at Jareth's castle. Duo's Deathscythe Hell also came to a stop.
"Ne, Heero?"
"Hai?"
"Relena's still in the castle."
"So?"
"Try to hit the target, okay?"
"Hn."
Heero fired his buster rifle at the castle, which promptly was reduced to rubble, along with whatever was left of the labyrinth that had been in the line of fire. As the two gundams crossed back into the Aboveground, Heero had one final thing to say.
"Ninmu Kanryou."
Epilogue
In the ruins of the castle, a crystal bubble popped through a tiny crack. Expanding, it released a very disheveled Goblin King and those of his goblins that had survived the blast. Sadly, Queen Relena "Psycho" Peacecraft did not survive.
OWARI!
Meanwhile, in her room, Northstar stretched proudly and began to write in the subscripts. A cold prescence came from over her shoulder.
Jareth: That wasn't very funny!
Northstar: ::smugly::Neigther was threatening my poor little laptop. Those crumbs would have done horrible damage to the keyboard.
Jareth: You were right, Hell was going through a cold season. Everything is melting, unfortunately. ::scowling::
Northstar: Now, do you want to be nice and know what some of the words in my little revenge-fic meant?
Jareth: ::tiredly:: Go ahead,then.
Northstar: 'Omae o korosu' means "I will kill you." It's Heero's trademark line. He says that to everyone.
Jareth: Oh, great. Just great. Another psycho. As if Relena wasn't bad enough.
Northstar: ::turning and glaring::Shut up. 'Ninmu Ryoukai' means "Mission Accepted" and 'Ninmy Kanryou' means "Mission Complete". For the major part of the first few episodes of Gundam Wing, those are almost all of Heero's words. He tends to keep to himself,y'know.
Jareth: Fortunately for the rest of the world...
Northstar: Again, shut up. Ojou-san means 'Lady' and is a polite thing to call an unfamiliar girl or lady. Owari simply means, "the end". ::smiles::And there is all the japanese you need to understand the majority of Gundam Wing fanfics, or other crossovers.
Jareth: Aren't you forgetting something?
Northstar: Hmm? Oh yeah! From the prologue! Daijobu ka means "Are you okay?/Is everything Okay?". Daijobu, therefore means, "Everything's okay/It's all right". This phrase is mostly used in the personal sense. Now, the first reference refers to a very funny series by a very talented Gundam Wing fanfic author, which is a retake on Hitchcocks THE BIRDS, gundam style. Did I cover everything? ::looks at Jareth, and purposefully grins::
Jareth: ::blanching::Um, yes, you have. I'll be going now!
The royal tights disappears, and Northstar stretches smugly.
