The Many Pains Of Christmas Sung to the tune of: The Twelve Days Of Christmas Sung badly by the usual gang of idiots The first thing 'bout Christmas that's such a pain to me - All: The partridge eats all our twinkies! The second thing 'bout Christmas that's such a pain to me - Angelus: *shuffling about* Decorating the house, All: And the partridge eats all our twinkies! The third thing 'bout Christmas that's such a pain to me - Rayya: *with an icepack* After-party blues, Sorcha: I think I'm allergic to tinsel. All: And the partridge eats all our twinkies! The fourth thing 'bout Christmas that's such a pain to me - Jace: *grousing* Buying presents, Gwyn: *collapsing next to Rayya* After-party blues, Leah: I can't find the holly! All: And the partridge eats all our twinkies! The fifth thing 'bout Christmas that's such a pain to me - Regina, Eva: *holler* CAAAROOOLLING! Jace: I mean, it's not like anybody expects anything out of me anyway! Lissie: Hangovers are like communism. With more pink elephants. Casper: *being rounded upon by angry girls* I didn't smoke it, okay?! That's crazy shit! All: And the partridge eats all our twinkies! The sixth thing 'bout Christmas that's such a pain to me - Wilma: Wrapping up the gifts, Regina, Eva: *holler* CAAAROOOLLING! Jace: Except coal. Gwyn: Shut up and get me some aspirin! Amir: Rainbow-coloured lights? How gauche. You had better put a sign outside warning people of epileptic fits. All: And the partridge eats all our twinkies! The seventh thing 'bout Christmas that's such a pain to me - Jack: Seeing family. Wilma: Sophie, do you have any scissors? Regina, Eva: *holler* CAAAROOOLLING! Jace: Maybe there's some designer coal on sale. Rayya: *whimpers* I'll never drink again. Felice: Ana, I put up some mistletoe... ^______^ All: And the partridge eats all our twinkies! The eighth thing 'bout Christmas that's such a pain to me - Veta: Crappy Christmas songs, Jack: Think I'll call in sick. Wilma: Arrrgh! Fold! Fold! Regina, Eva: *holler* CAAAROOOLLING! Jace: I should get Tally something, though. Gwyn: I thought you never got fraggin' hangovers. Anastasija: Get AWAY from me. All: And the partridge eats all our twinkies! The ninth thing 'bout Christmas that's such a pain to me - Leta: All the weird food! ;_; Veta: If I hear 'Winter Wonderland' one more time... Jack: Dad won't notice anyway. Wilma: I should have just bought a lot of boxes! Regina, Eva: *holler* CAAAROOOLLING! Jace: Some birdseed! Hah, hah! Rayya: Nothing can stand up to your eggnog. Felice: You'd do it if I was Rufus. *sulks* All: And the partridge eats all our twinkies! The tenth thing 'bout Christmas that's such a pain to me - Zach: Nothing's on TV, Leta: Why do they call them mince pies? There's no mince! Veta: Metallica should bring out a festive album. Jack: Too long to travel. Anyway. Wilma: I'm going to impale myself on the tape dispenser. I mean it. Regina, Eva: *take a breath* Jace: I'll get Teaboy some tea. Not like I care, though. Lissie: *sniffs it* Isn't anything over 50% alcohol poisonous? Sorcha: *sobs hysterically* All: And the partridge eats all our twinkies! The eleventh thing 'bout Christmas that's such a pain to me - Sophie: No paganism, Zach: "It's A Wonderful Life"?! Leta: Unless... it's fruit-flavoured meat! EWW! Veta: Hell, -I- should bring out a festive album. Jack: I'll send her a card... Wilma: I mean it! I totally mean it!! Regina: *drinks a glass of water* Jace: 'Cause, I mean, I don't. I'm buying him something out of pity. Gwyn: You know that's the way I wanna go. Leah: *glares daggers at Casper* Um... I'm sure he'll come back some day, Sorcha. All: And the partridge eats all our twinkies! The twelfth thing 'bout Christmas that's such a pain to me - Tami: Writing crappy parodies! Sophie: I should make Rick go naked. Just for the feel of it. Zach: What - wait! Charlie Brown!! YEAH! Leta: *sobs* Those poor cows! Veta: Wait. What'm I saying? *smokes a cigarette* Jack: *relieved* That'll do. Wilma: *hides under some wrapping paper and refuses to come out* Regina, Eva: *bellow* CAAAAAAAARRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOLLLLLIIIIIIIING! Jace: Screw it. I'll just wrap myself up for him. *smirks* Rayya: What, that or being found at the bottom of a lake with concrete boots? Amir: *as Sorcha cries harder* Well, -that- was tactful. You know what the doctor said. All: *in harmony* And the paaar-triiidge eats all our twiiiin-kiees!