Angie: *ROCKS BACK AND FORTH, MUTTERING, BLINKS* OH, YEAH. LOVELY. GREAT. *WHISPERS* YOU'RE STILL PAYING FOR MY THERAPY ABOUT THIS, RIGHT?

Tami: Cringalicious. Now we get to the part nobody gives a damn about; smarts. Here's your question, my pretties. If you had one single wish, what would you wish for?

Leta: Well... I suppose to live happily ever after. With my dream guy, in a nice house, and just lead a happy life and be a model, y'know? Oh! And world peace! ^___^

Zach: Aww ... 7. World peace?

Casper: 6 for being cookie cutter.

Tibby: *looking cross* Did she have to quote every blonde-ism in the book? That honestly deserves a 0. She was doing quite well before she opened her mouth.

Perdix: Um, gee. A 3. I guess I should have expected it. That is Leta, after all.

Jack: Sweet girl. An 8.

Julius: Ho-hum. Well, you can't have looks and brains. A 6.

Amir: Heh. Let me guess-- your grandma is June Cleaver? 5.

Rick: The utter depths of shallowness. I love it. 10.

Wade: I like it! 8!

Angie: *SCRIBBLES DOWN SOME NOTES* I'VE GOTTA GET THIS STUFF DOWN FOR WHEN MY FOLKS GET MAD AT ME...

*Sophie takes a second to think about the question, then leans down into the judges' booth and stares at Perdix.*

Sophie: I'd wish for a chance to kill Perdix and get away with it.

Zach: 8 being a bad mutha shut yo mouth.

Casper: 5. Who gives a shit about a bird?! You could do it!

Tibby: I'm going to give that one a 2.

Perdix: She mentioned me! *stares into space* She mentioned me! *drools* She mentioned me! *finally regains some cognitive thought* A perfect 12!

Jack: Um, okay. That's pretty mean there. A 1. Murder is bad.

Julius: EVIL GIRL! Perdix may be a prat but how could he be cursed with you! A 0. No points for you, wicked witch of the west!

Amir: Kill Perdix? Hmmmm... I can see why... 9 points for originality.

Rick: Practical. 8.

Wade: Poor Perdy... I'm goin' with 5.

Jace: World domination and a lifetime's supply of extra pickles on my McDonald's hamburgers. God, I love me.

Zach: 6 for making me fear that you might actually rule the world one day.

Casper: I like pickles. 9.

Tibby: *laughs and scribbles down a 10*

Perdix: *still drooling* Sophie mentioned meee...

Emiko: *slaps him* Snap out of it!

Perdix: *blinks* Oh, what did Jace say? Um... I'll give her an 8.

Emiko: ~_~;

Jack: Scary but true. *shrugs* A 6.

Julius: I like the way this girl thinks. Give my lady friend a 7!

Amir: World domination? Scary... yet honest. 10.

Rick: You eat pickles? eww. 1.

Wade: I like pickles too. And I specially like the note you slipped me beforehand saying you'd kill me if I went below six, y'know. Can I have Mexico? 8.

*Rayya re-enters, calm again and smiling gently. She's switched to her normal fare, a baby t-shirt and a pair of low-slung flared jeans, just low enough to expose a petal or two of the daisy tattoo high on her left hip*

Rayya: Well, that's easy. No more senshi teams. Then we could all just be friends and I could finally throw that big party I've been wanting... *Suddenly, she grins evilly.* Or as a back-up, I could always wish my creator into outer space for that air vent stunt.

*Offering a final smile and blowing kisses to the judges, Rayya walks back off-stage, swinging her hips happily.*

Zach: But then Emiko would be out of a job. 5 for being inconsiderate.

Casper: 9 if you throw that party anyway. I need to get crunked up.

Tibby: Well, I can agree with that. 10.

Perdix: NO MORE SENSHI!? How can you say such a thing!? 2!

Jack: Yep, that's her. *shrugs* A 6.

Julius: No more senshi teams. Hmph. What we all do then? But it's my girl so... A 6.

Amir: No more senshi teams? *eyes Casper* Hmmmm... I might go with you on that one... but then Leo would throw a fit. Perhaps that's where June-- er, Leta's-- world peace would come in handy. 7.

Rick: She deserves it. 7.

Wade: Isn't she jus' the nicest person ever? 10!

Kanene: I would wish that every one of my friends would get their heart's one true wish fulfilled. In the case of Tycho that would mean he would be able to resort back to humanoid form.

Zach: So do I get Britney Spears and a tub full of cool whip? 9 for the mental image.

Casper: And I'd get plenty of weed! 10!

Tibby: Very thoughtful. 10.

Perdix: Does that mean I get a wish, too? 9.

Jack: *frowns* Am I a friend? *shrugs* Oh, well. Good one. An 8.

Julius: *misty-eyed* My heart's desire... She gets a 10 for selfless thinking...

Amir: Heart's true wish fulfilled? Isn't that, like, several billion wishes instead of one? But if it came true, then I *would* be able to afford that new 80 gig/1.5 Ghz computer and the 64MB DDR Creative 3D Blaster GeForce2 GTS Ultra---- um. But. Tell you what... I'll give it a 5 for now, and when it shows up on my doorstep, I'll happily up it to a 10. Heck, I'll up it to a 100.

Rick: aww, how sweet. 4.

Wade: I like wishes. ^_^ 8!

Rhiannon: If I had one wish, and it could be granted, I would wish for unlimited free consultations with Miss Cleo. And for those of you whom do not know of the wonderful Miss Cleo, I suggest you watch her infomercials, especially her show at 3:30am on most local stations. My one true wish is for this only. I love you Miss Cleo.

Miss Cleo: *in heavy Jamaican accent* I love ya too, child. Take care, ya hear?

Kia: To clear up anny confusion, she's no relation to our Cleo.

*popping out of nowhere into the Judges' booth*

Miss Cleo: Me know dat too, child.

Kia: WOW! She really IS psychic!!!

Miss Cleo: And ya were bein a skeptic, eh? No doubt lie in Miss Cleo, me gift is for all da childs.

Kia: Wha? I don't get it.

Miss Cleo: Ah far-get it, child.

*Kia-chan dies!*

*Rhiannon bows*

*Miss Cleo visits Leta*

Miss Cleo: Me is gonna tell you bout all da men you have for ya, child. Me just flip da cards of da Tarot... AH! da Empress card...

Zach: 10!! Miss Cleo rocks!

Casper: 2. Miss Cleo tried to tell me I had an identity problem...what da deal with dat?

Greg: I seriously want Miss Cleo to be the nanny of my children when I get rich and married. That would be so ill!! Sorry ... back to judging...

Tami: *Shakes her head* This is just getting more and more screwed up as time goes by...

Angie: HEY, DON'T LOOK AT ME. I'M BUSY MAKING MY NOOSE FOR THE FINALE OF THIS TRAVESTY.

Tibby: *deadpan* 0. And I still haven't forgiven her for that robe incident.

Perdix: Ooh! Ooh! Miss Cleo! COme visit me next! Oh, and Rhiannon, you can have a 7.

Jack: *blinks* Um, I'm not into that, thanks. A 4.

Julius: What a rip. *snorts* Give her a 3.

Amir: Ahh, Miss Cleo. My ex-suitemates used to tape her shows. Not because they weren't up at 3 AM, but because they were usually watching Something Else on the other VCR. They didn't get much sleep... go fig. Ah, well. 10. Miss Cleo is tres cool.

Rick: Miss Cleo. 'Nuff said. 10

Wade: MISS CLEO! Um... not like I watch her infomercials or nuthin'. 9.

Briony: A mallet to hit my mun.

Zach: No hitting mothers. 3.

Casper: 10 if you track down my mom and give her some of the same.

Tibby: That's not a very good reflection on Briony. 4.

Perdix: Hrm... 5. I guess I don't really have an opinion about that one way or another.

Jack: Can I borrow the mallet for my dad? *frowns as Angie pokes him and hisses* Oh, fine. A 5.

Julius: That is... Bizarre... A 3.

Amir: A mallet. Why wouldn't you just wish for, say, that you had a better mum? 7 points for violent thoughts without considering better alternatives. And we wonder why senshi have such problems coping...

Rick: To hit your what? 3.

Wade: That's sad! ;_; More violence! If y'hadn't guessed, I don' like that stuff. 4.

Rian: Eh...for all the world's traffic problems to be solved!

Zach: Hey that's ... wait, I don't have a car ... but good effort. 6.

Casper: Good looking out. 8.

Tibby: An admirable goal. 9.

Perdix: Traffic!? TRAFFIC!!?? I don't even drive! ... On second thought, I do have to cross the street an awful lot. 7.

Jack: Sensible. A 7.

Julius: Boring. A 4.

Amir: Now, *that's* functional. And worthwhile. Although we're in Virginia, you can start in the DFW area. *Author in Authorspace coughs, wondering if freed-up parking meters in strategic downtown areas would be included in the wish* Automatic 10.

Rick: Original. 10.

Wade: That'd be cool. ^_^ I hate it when people honk at me... 7.

Leah: *glares* My clothes and the death of the person who took them.

Zach: 7 for being a psycho.

Casper: You can get new clothes. 5.

Tibby: That's a bit disturbing. 7.

Perdix: Well, at least she wished for somethign that might actually occur... or not... 7.

Jack: Clothes, I can see... A 6.

Julius: But why would you want clothing? You do well without. *grunts as Angie hits him* Okay. A 6.

Amir: Clothes... death... so many vendettas! 5 for wasting your wish.

Rick: I agree. 10

Wade: More violence? 5...

Veta: A cigarette. * reaches in her pocket, pulls one out, and lights it* Oh look. Good for me. *bows*

Zach: Hey, no fair! 2!

Casper: *laughs* 8 for keeping it gangsta.

Tibby: ... 6.

Perdix: *cover his face with a wet cloth* Fweero!

Emiko: That's a zero, for those of you who can't tell.

Jack: Do we vote on that? She just answered her own wish. *stares at his own cigarette and stubs it out* Oh, well. 5.

Julius: Easy to please, isn't she? She should start dating *gets muzzled*

Angie: His vote is for a 5.

Amir: Hey! Points for the first wish to come true, although you might've wished for something that was a little more expensive. And no, I don't mean a pack. And no, I don't mean a carton. And no, I don't mean the whole freakin' tobacco plantation... 10, though.

Rick: that's rather selfish; 5

Wade: Smokin' kills, y'know? 5.

Priscilla: I'd wish for all of the liquor in Ireland.

Zach: You like to drink? Good enough for me. 9.

Casper: As long as you let me get down, 9.

Tibby: ... 4.

Perdix: I'm not really into alcohol, but okay. A 6.

Jack: *shakes head* Nope. A 4.

Angie: Just because you don't drink... Jerk.

Julius: I'm behind that. Everyone get drunk!!! An 8.

Angie: *CRINGES* I MOST DEFINITELY DO -NOT- WANT TO KNOW WHY HE WANTS EVERYONE INEBRIATED. I'M SURE IT'S ILLEGAL OR IMMORAL... OR BOTH.

Amir: All the liquor in Ireland. Let's see... that would be whiskey and Irish creme, right? You're a big coffee fan? But original. 8.

Rick: that's nice. it'd run out, though; 6

Wade: Silly, you shouldn't drink! 4!

Cleo: One wish? Hmmm... That I had a better life where I didn't spend the last eleven years wandering the country OR living with that abusive jackass of a father of mine.

Zach: Awww...I'll kick his ass!! Where is he?! You get a 9 too.

Casper: You could've stayed at my crib. 8.

Tibby: Quite sensical, though a tad disturbing. 10.

Perdix: Ooh! Miss Cleo! Can I have a reading now?

Emiko: *kicks him* Wrong Cleo! Give her a score.

Perdix: ... *thinks deeply* I very much understand her wish. I give her a 10.

Jack: I hear that one. She gets a 9.

Julius: Whiney thing, isn't she? Give her a 5.

Amir: How about, instead of wishing that something *didn't* happen, you thought of something positive to replace it with? You need to think your wishes out a bit more... it's not like they asked you how you would save the world. 7.

Rick: it almost made me cry; 7

Wade: That's so sad. ;_____; 8.

Tami: *wipes away an inserted tear* This has been such an amazing competition, folks, and now it's over. However, now the happy time has come to crown the new Sailor Myth Monthly Babe, with the hopes that we won't have another one of these for at least ten months because I've contracted RSI from copying and pasting in your votes! Can we turn to the scoreboard?

Leta scored 53 out of a possible 90.

Sophie scored 48 out of a possible 90.

Jace scored 65 out of a possible 90.

Rayya scored 62 out of a possible 90.

Kanene scored 73 out of a possible 90.

Rhiannon scored 55 out of a possible 90.

Briony scored 44 out of a possible 90.

Rian scored 68 out of a possible 90.

Leah scored 58 out of a possible 90.

Veta scored 46 out of a possible 90.

Priscilla scored 58 out of a possible 90.

Cleo scored 73 out of a possible 90.

Tami: Which makes Cleo and Kanene co-winners of this round, with Rian coming second and Jace third! But whilst we're tallying, I'd like to award two prizes - firstly the Sailor Myth Stupidity award, which goes to the girl whose answers and clothing would be most likely to win her the competition in real life; can we have a big round of applause for MISS LETALIS FORMA!

*Leta waltzes gracefully onto the platform, beaming and waving to the audience. Leta, dressed stunningly as usual, is wearing a sheen black dress, a deep purple slip under it. The sheen bit is decorated with some sequins, and the thing is rather low cut, much to male half of the audience enjoyment. Sniffling a bit to keep away happy tears, she approaches the podium and practically shoves Tami out of the way*

Leta: Ohmygodohmygodohmygod! I was, like, sooo not expecting this award! I'm, like, honored, and, like, stuff! I-I'm so happy! *Breaks down crying, clutching the award.* This is for, like, all of my, like, girlfriends! I love you all! Like, ohmygodmohmygodohmygod! I cannot, like, believe this! *Babbles on for another five minutes before being shoved off-stage* Thank you all! I love youuuuuuu! *Blows a kiss and skips back to her seat*

Tami: I rest my case... for the second award, I'd like to present the Sailor Myth Sweet God My Eyes They're Burning award, for the contestant who took off her clothes the most. This award goes to Miss Rhiannon Austen, and will be presented privately after the ceremony as per requested by presenting judge Felice Ina. Congratulations, Miss Austen!

*applause*

Tami: Now, the moment you've all been waiting for... Angie, hand over the pretentious white envelope, and a lame drumroll, if you please...

*drumroll!*

Tami: *opens it up* Our second runner up with a total of 202 points, Kanene Duka Reese!

*wild audience applause, cheers as Kanene comes out, once more in her evening gear, to be crowned second runner-up*

Tami: Our first runner up with a total of 206 points, Rian Arleigh Saied!

*more wild audience applause with cheers and some screaming as Rian, dressed likewise, comes out to recieve her own crown*

Tami: And the Sailor Myth Monthly Babe, with a grand total of 214 points, is... RAYYA VERITAS!

*Amazingly, no one appears at Tami's clarion call. Angie sighs in a rather martyred fashion and stomps backstage.*

Angie: Back in a mo.

*With a flurry of giggles and smiles for all, Rayya appears onstage with only a split-second stumble as the result of Angie's unceremonious shove. She's wearing a green and gold tapestry-patterned mini-skirt and a pair of knee-high black leather boots. Topping it off, she's wearing an emerald green halter top, the low v-neck displaying her, uh, emerald drop necklace, and a black leather motorcycle jacket. Her hair is piled in a stylishly messy bun, tendrils brushing her shoulders.*

Angie: *mutters apologetically* She was in the judge's booth. I think she was organizing a post-pageant-party.

Tami: Shoulda guessed.

Rayya: So what if I was? I think we all deserve it, right? *beams out at the judges, the other contestants, and the players* Geez, I can't believe you picked me. Out of all of those other great girls. I'm touched. Really.

*dark mutterings in the background*

Rayya: *giggles* And, no, Jace. Not in the head... Anyway, thanks again! You guys are the sweetest. *Winks flirtatiously at the judges. Takes offered bouqet from Angie, splits it up and hands out the flowers to the other girls.* For you ladies. You rule!

Angie: *watches as Rayya takes her seat... After bypassing by the judges' booth to give quick kisses to all of the guys there* Hmmm, she behaved rather well, I think. Except for the rampant teasing. Tami? Better get the defibrillator. Wade's going into heart failure there... Or do you want to say goodbye first?

Tami: Goodbye, I think... thanks to all for participating! Rayya walks away with an inordinately high check with which to have many parties with, a voucher for the Mythwear shop (don't take anything with the 'Casperian' label), the Sailor Myth Babe title and a fluffy Perdix plushie! Also, all ladies present will recieve a never-before-seen new edition of Jace's calendar. All Sailor Myth Men, all the time!

*Jace's head rustles around the curtain*

Jace: I created the damn thing. So I walk away with?

Tami: *sighs* What do you want, already?

Jace: *whispers*

Tami: Right. He'll be round the back in your dressing room, tied up, or you have full slaying rights. So - oh, god, we're still on air! Thank you, judges! Thank you, audience! Thank you Froot Loops, those tasty loops o'sugar, our sponsor! GOODNIGHT EVERYBODY!

Angie: Whoa, whoa, whoa! I thought I had dibs on the hog-tied men? *pouts* What do we get, Tami? Huh? *listens to the whispered answer and beams* Oh, right, then. *waves* Thanks for joining us for this enlightening battle of, well, whatever it was. And thanks to Mountain Dew for sedating and enlivening at the same time. Never would've made it without your support! *blows big, smacking kiss* Goodnight all you lovely people! Buh-bye, I love you!

Tami: Stay tuned with us for next time. 'Till then, adios!
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two hours later
_____________________

Lissie: Hello? Anyone there? Jeez, how late am I? *looks at watch* Okay, VERY late!

*sees a custodian sweeping up all the miscellany from the performance, and begins speaking to him even if he doesn't give a damn about what she's saying.*

Lissie: Well, y'see, I got a little worried about Gwyn... I guess it was kinda traumatic for her to finally realize that all of her childhood heros were nazis in disguise... you should have seen me when I found out that Scooby Snacks are meant to be acid in doggie form! Anyway, I ended up attempting to drag her over to the Betty Ford clinic, hoping to get her relatively clean so we don't have any outbursts during the winner announcements... and, well, who would have thought she and Robert Downey, Jr would hit it off so well? Granted they were both smashed and having a long involved conversation about teletubbies... meanwhile, I got to meet Melanie Griffith who was in rehab for popping painkillers, and I sat with her while she told me all about the Spy Kids premiere with Antonio, and then we ended up watching chickflicks for the rest of the night, while Gwyn passed out. It turned out to be just an average Fortuna evening. Anyway, I'm here now, and I have my pjs on underneath...

*strips to reveal a footed pajama jumper like babies wear with Scooby Doo on it*

Lissie: Hello? I'm ready to be judged... anyone still here? *even the janitor is gone.* Oh, well. I'm missing Pinky and the Brain anyway.

*Stalks out to her car, still in the footed pjs, which end up keeping her from being mugged because the guy was too stunned at the randomness of the pjs to do anything.*
_____________________

THE END!