Tami: Welcome to Sailor Myth Monthly Babe, otherwise known as an excuse to wear even shorter skirts than normal. After the rank humiliation of Sailor Myth Monthly Hunk, the guys are packed into the judging box ready to see all our prize beef.
Judges: *Twitch*
Tami: I won't make any further ado, since I know you're all panting to see these lovely specimens of womanhood... remember, no drooling, okay?
*crickets chirp*
Someone in the judging booth shouts, 'NOT LIKELY!'
Tami: Don't make me fill that chamber with nerve gas again. So, what do you think about tonight's line-up, Angie? Anyone you've got your eye on?
Angie: Tonight's line-up? Well, I guess I'd be excited if I were a hormonal male... Oh, wait! *holds hand over mouth* Did I just insult the entire panel of judges? *shrugs* Oh, well. They'll get over it. Go on, Tami. Bring on the, uh, ladies...
Tami: Hah. First, an announcement to make - Romanus Gwyn Kelly has been ejected from this competition. She was sadly caught backstage with three kegs of moonshine, heavy artillery, a plastic jug labelled 'Cocaine' but with no cocaine in it, and naked photos of Zach Albright. It is a very sad moment for this competition but I think we'll all sleep better knowing we won't have to see her in a whipped-cream bra. Anyway, here they are - THE GIRLS!
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Tami: The funnest section and our starting point, and the one where we're least likely to see anybody nude, the pajamas section. What DO these girls wear to bed? And if anybody says 'Nothing' again, I would like to warn them that I have a handgun in my pocket. Prepare for teddybears, flannel and ruffled hair - it's the BEDWEAR SECTION!
First up, pretty in pink and without a brain in her head, LETALIS FORMAAAA!
*Leta comes out, grinning with confidence. She is wearing a pair of hip-hugging sophies, rolled up, and colored a bright pink spotted with white hearts. As a shirt, she is wearing a short tanktop, stopping right before her belly button with a heart in the center. She is wielding a stuffed, pink, fluffy teddy bear that she clings onto cutely, as if for dear life, strutting to the end of the catwalk in her pink bunny slippers. She is sucking slightly on a blowpop, and a non-permanent tattoo of a bear is place next to her belly button. She winks, blows a kiss to the audience and judges, and walks back to the wings, beaming.*
Zach: Oh ... she must KNOW I can't resist a girl with a lollypop...10.
Casper: She got a little cutie thang goin' on...I think that's hot...9.
Tibby: That wasn't too bad... She's quite cute. An 8.
Perdix: That was rather adorable. Hmm... I'll give Leta an 8. It covered too much skin for a 9.
Jack: *looks up from sketch pad* Hmm... Uh, okay... 6.
Angie: What is it? The whole pedophile vibe?
Jack: Nah, just... *shrugs*
Julius: Idiot. Give her an 8. A 9 if I get a taste of that blowpop.
Amir: Pink? How much pink do you think a guy can take at one time? OK... pink and a fake heart tattoo. The bunny slippers are redeeming, though... they're kinda cute. 7.
Rick: I'm going to be ill. 3.
Wade: Aww, I liked the pink'n stuff. 7.
Tami: Oh, gee, to be six years younger - and a man!
Angie: Um, Tami? Was that actually considered legal? I mean, with the whole... Oh, never mind...
Tami: Okay. Next up, for those of you who like a little more bite, a little more spunk, and a little more gangrenal infection, it's SOPHIE DUUNN - stop drooling, Perdix! You're getting your notepad wet!
Perdix: *wipes his face* Hey, don't bug me!
*Sophie walks out wrapped in a light green towel with a matching turban on her head and fuzzy white slippers on her feet. As she walks, her gait is straightforward and plain. She has a determined look on her face. She pauses before the judges, turns around so her back is facing them, and opens the towel in front. Unfortunately (or luckily), nothing can be seen.*
Sophie: Give me a ten and you can see the rest of it.
*Her mission complete, Sophie closes the towel and returns backstage.*
Zach: Wha....you .... tease.... can't resist ... 10 .... now LEMME SEE!
Casper: C'mon now, that shit probably ain't even worth it. 7.
Tibby: *sits in shocked silence*
Perdix: *immediately gets an anime-style nosebleed* A 10! A perfect 10! No, a 10 does not do my Sophia justice! She must have... an 11! No! Why stop there!? 50! 100! 1000! 10000! *faints from sheer joy*
Emiko: *waves smelling salts under Perdix's nose.*
Tibby: ... *blinks* I don't have to give that a score, do I?
Emiko: *whispers to Tami* I think that's a 0.
Jack: *turns page on sketch pad* 6.
Julius: Lucky Perdix. That girl has absolutely no shame. *sighs* Rayya has started going into the closet to change. *pouts* She gets a 10.
Angie: *shivers* He's scaring me. Really, really scaring me.
Amir: Huh. A green towel is supposed to do... what? Now, if it was something clever-- like, say, a Snoopy towel-- that would get you extra points. As it is, ehhhh, 6.
Rick: Uh, okay. 6.
Wade: *blushing absolutely magenta* She mus' be gettin' cold. Um... 5?
Tami: ... I have this feeling it's going to get worse. Next up, everybody's favourite little assassin, JAAAACE!
Angie: *seen sobbing into her hands in despair*
*Jace stalks out, dark-faced, cheating rampantly; she has her Heph legs primed... wearing a green kerchief on her head so that her red bangs peep out, riding-high champagne boxer shorts, and a greyish vest stating, 'Shut up, I'm sleeping.'; struts up the catwalk slowly, then pauses when she reaches the end, stretching langorously then rolling her eyes*
Jace: I don't do pajamas.
*Jace struts back*
Zach: Oh c'mon now, Jacey wacey ... be that sexy nympho I know you can be ... oh wait. Don't. 6.
Casper: Yo, them legs is metal yo, but she works it. She ain't takin' no shit! Go on GIRL! 8!
Tibby: Um... After that earlier debacle, I'm inclined to give Jace a 10 for not offending my sensibilities.
Perdix: *sighs* Jace can never compare with Sophia, but you have to think that her lack of legs would allow easy entr--
Emiko: Hey! This game is PG-13!
Perdix: Erm, too bad she had the legs on. I'll give her a 7.
Jack: *turns another page* 6... Eh, 7 for being honest about the whole nightwear thing.
Julius: What a misuse of senshi powers. Giving herself legs indeed... Hmph. Miss Show Off gets a 4.
Amir: Oooh, nice legs. Kerchief's a bit dowdy, but the rest is fine. 7.
Rick: She's right. 10.
Wade: *Giggles* Poor Jace. Have a 7.
Tami: *Grumbles* I should get her for cheating. Let's bring on RAYYA!
*Rayya steps out gracefully, her thick hair pulled back in a neat braid, wearing a pair of royal
blue, heeled mules, and covered by an oriental patterned dressing gown belted tightly around
her waist. She grins as she moves down the catwalk to stand opposite the judges.*
Rayya: Hi, guys. Since I know this is payback, you're all forgiven for the humiliation that will happen tonight.
*She winks dramatically and drops her hands to undo her belt. Releasing it, she lets the
robe slide down her shoulders, catching it in one hand and allowing it to rest on the ground.
A royal blue, crushed velvet tank top and matching silk tap pants (aka short shorts) are
revealed. Rayya grins again, performs a neat spin, and then walks back into the wings, the robe
trailing behind her. And, yes, the blasted girl is putting some twitch in that walk...*
Zach: Oh lord have mercy ... Rayya ... come to me ... *remembers Leta* I mean uh ... 9. Casper: She's bangin' ... do I get the contestant's numbers after this? She's getting a 10 by me. Tibby: *buries his head in his hands* How did I get this job? She can have a 7. Perdix: Nice job on the stripping bit, but was it really worth the wait? She had too much clothing on, as my darling Sophia showed us all. *spots Emiko giving him angry glares* On second thought, I'll just give her an 8. Jack: *turns another page* Honest again. She actually -does- wear that stuff... Angie: Hey, no using shared headspace knowledge! Jack: Okay, then. *shrugs* 7. Julius: *sighs* 10, of course. Such style, such grace, such poise... Damn that tease... Amir: *grudgingly* Not bad. Mules aren't my thing... but hey. Cute and simple. I like it. 10. Rick: Dressing gowns are a plus. 7. Wade: *Stares openmouthed a long while before muttering something that sounds like '10'* Tami: Mrrowr! You have to say something for Romanus girls. Let's see if the Astronomia hold it up with KANENE! Angie: Let's hear it for some good wholesome nightwear, huh? Huh? Please? *Kanene enters the stage, looking as though she truly were about ready to hit the sack. Her feet are bare and are treading softly, her toes peeking out below her fleece pyjama bottoms. The waist is rolled down once to show off a bit of her abdomen. They are of a plaid patten of various shades of red and faint traces of thin dark blue lining framing each check. Her loose wavy hair falls past her shoulders which are clad by thin straps. Her blue tank top, which is a mite bit lighter then the blue on her pyjama bottoms, is fitted to show off her trim athletic figure and just covers her belly button. With a smile she stretches her arms up with a yawn, which causes her shirt to shift enough to shore more stomach.* Kanene: Mmm, time to sleep. But I don't have any stuffed animals to sleep with but I still want company.
*winks to the judges with a cute smile*
Zach: You guys are such BELLY TEASERS! JUST SHOW YOUR DAMN STOMACHS! I wish she'd fixed up her hair, but a 7 nonetheless. Casper: She's actually got some nice feet ... NOT that I'm down that sorta thing ... *ahem* 8. Tibby: *looks up* A 6. *scribbles this down on his notepad and puts his head back in his hands* Perdix: That was very honest. I'll give her a 9. 10 if I can be her stuffed animal. *stares dreamily* Jack: *turns another page and then hands a stuffed animal to Kanene* Here you go. Hope you like. Go on and keep it, too. She's a 7. Definitely. Julius: Boring. Not enough skin. A 6. Amir: Hum. The plaid pants are kind of cute, actually. That's the one thing I miss about dorm life... okay, apart from this tres cool undernet that I rigged up for the whole floor--- okay, forget that. But the girls who would wear their plaid pants to the cafeteria... I kind of miss it, in a weird way. 9. Rick: A touch young, eh? 4. Wade: *Enthuses* Aww, I like stuffed animals too! 8! Tami: *Mutters* Skank. Angie: My mistake. Beware, boys. The girl-next-door may very well be the girl-on-the-corner, too. Tami: Rhiannon, come on down! *Rhia is wearing a long dark green and backless/strapless silk gown with a silver see-through robe [which has a shiny boa trim] over it*
Rhiannon: *staring into the full length mirror as the other girls present themselves on stage* DAMN it! I look horrible.
*Rhiannon stands in front of the mirror and rips off the gown, revealing her iridescent satin undies beneath the translucent robe*
Rhiannon: I am missing something...
*Rhia reaches back behind her head and unclasps the chain from her wine-colored hair. The curly ringlets and tresses flow over her shoulders and as she stares into the mirror she winks* Rhiannon: Knock 'em dead ^.-! *Rhiannon walks out onto the stage and steps with surprising grace. After a turn,
she recognizes a judge as the guy from her Language class.*
Rhiannon: Pervert! * -Tibby*
*As a change from her prior elegance, Rhia wads up her robe and harshly throws it at him. Rhia turns away and storms off of the stage, still in her shiny.. iridescent..
satin undies ^^*
Zach: Ah, the first flash of panties! Made my day. You get a 10, you sexy thing! Casper: You get 9 for not throwin' me a piece of clothing. Tibby: You can have a bloody 0 you little-- Thomas: Bint? Tibby: Thank you, Thomas. *mutters and grumbles as he scribbles a big, fat "0" for the next five minutes* Perdix: *blinks* Why is she pandering to Tibby? That girl has no class, throwing clothing at him when I'm sitting right over here... It's not like Tibby appreciates womens' garments, anyway! Emiko: Shut up and give her a score. Perdix: 5. Jack: *pauses before turning the page* Um, yeah. Okay. That was, uh, too much there... 5, I think. Julius: Ooo, I like a girl with spirit! Give that lady an 8. Amir: @_@ C'mon... you need to learn to build up to it better than that. You don't just cut to the chase... or cut to that close to the chase... you've got to work your audience better. 6 for a cheap attempt that might work on hormonal kids fresh out of junior high... but then there are those of us who are-- and who can afford to be-- a little more discriminatory. Rick: Iridescence. wow. 10. Wade: ... I thought there wasn' gonna be anything like this. You tol' me there wasn't, Tami. Tami: ...I lied. Wade: Well... um... 5... Tami: ... ye gods. *Angie is seen fashioning a blindfold out of Azrael's handkerchief* Tami: Briony? *Briony comes out wearing her underwear and a camisole*
Briony: Where am I?? *looks at judges* OH CRAP!!
*runs off to put some clothes on* Zach: *pauses* Not enough hanky panky show show! 6. Casper: Word up. At least shake ya ass a little! 7. Tibby: *sighs* I'm starting to get used to this. At least she didn't throw things at me. *gives Rhia's robe to Thomas* I'll give her a 4. Perdix: *laughs* That was fun. An 8. Jack: *grins as he turns the page* Cute kid. A 7. Julius: Too quick! Come back! Come back! *whimpers* If she comes back, she can have a 7... But right now... The best I can do is 5. Amir: Ahhh! And we're back to the casual look. Ahhh... a little *too* casual. Maybe if you threw on a pair of shorts... and *then* took 'em off... that would have gotten you more points. A sympathy point for the embarrassment. 8. Rick: poor thing. 6. Wade: *Giggles in sympathy* Poor Briony. Have a 8. Tami: ... that was quick. Angie: Mercifully quick. Tami: Next up, a little bit of country and a little bit rock and roll, RIANNN! *Rian shambles out in an oversized gray t-shirt with a faded emblem of the Zodiac on it. Her royal blue, 100% cotton sweatpants fit nicely but they too are rather faded, and there is a conspicuous hole in the left knee. On her feet are huge white fuzzy-comfy house socks. Under one arm is a medium-size stuffed Pikachu. She holds it out to the judges and gives it a defiant squeeze, at which point the Pikachu burbles and shouts its own name. Yawning, her orange hair askew, Rian shambles away again.* Zach: Ugh ... c'mon, you're dressed like my aunt. 5 with one point for Pikachu. Casper: *rolls his eyes* BOOO! 3. Tibby: Points off for the Pikachu, but that was decent, so I'll give it an 8. Perdix: You know, I'm cuter than that rat any day. Also needed more flesh. 6. Jack: *turns the page* Honesty. A 7. *pauses* Just let me give her a better stuffed animal. That thing is annoying. Julius: Boring. Not enough skin. A 5. Amir: Points for having a stuffed animal, even if it *is* Pikachu... and an extra point for not clinging to it like a life preserver. Mussed hair is kind of cute... mmm... ahem. But you need a new pair of pants... how do you manage to wear holes in one knee if all you do is sleep in 'em? *muses silently for a few minutes to consider the possibile explanations* 9. Rick: She's conservative. 10. Wade: My little brothers used to like Pikachu and she didn't throw anythin' at me. 9. Tami: I want orange hair. And a pikachu. *sulks* Angie: You get a pikachu and be warned. I'll sacrifice it on the altar of good taste and then... I shall lock you in a room with Jace to cure you of it... But you may have the orange hair... Tami: *easily pleased* Orange hair! Yay! Well, let's see us a LEAAAH! *Leah wanders onto the stage looking incredibly angry. She is wearing butt-short red jogger shorts with white trim and a skimpy leopard-print velvet bra. Her silky white hair is down. She walks to the end of the runway and gives the audience death glares and promptly walks off the stage.* Zach: Um ... 8 because of ... um, I'm just scared to give you anything less. Casper: 2. That'll teach you to throw shoes at my head! Tibby: That girl seemed genuinely unhappy. I understand that. An 8. Perdix: Death glares are such a turn-on. Sophia gives them to me all the time... *drifts off for a minute* Whoops, I'll give her a 9. Nice bra. Jack: *turns page, deadpan* She didn't look happy. A 6. Julius: Grrrr, yeah, baby! *ducks a pillow thrown by Angie* Okay, okay. Give the wild woman a 7. Amir: Go with leopard spots or the red... but don't mix and match them. Geeze... even a tri-Delt could tell you *that* much. If you synchronized your outfit better, you'd have gotten a 9; but it's an 8 for clashing patterns. Rick: Spelling issues what? 4. Wade: I hope that wasn' real leopard. 6. Tami: *sighs, shakes her head* Anyway... a lady who needs no introduction because of police protection, VEEEETA TIERNAAAAAY! Angie: That warrant is still out? Huh. I thought they expired after a while... *obediently claps for Veta* *Veta walks onto the stage in bare feet, wearing nothing but wifebeater and a pair of Powerpuff Girls boxer shorts. Her hair is tied back in a sloppy bun, with strands of auburn dripping from all sides. She takes a drag of a cigarette as she faces the audience, glancing from one side to the other. She stretches her arms above her head, cracks her neck with a very audible pop, and trudges backstage.* Zach: Yikes. Someone's NOT a morning person ... hell, someone's hardly a person. *a random middle finger pops out from behind the curtains* Yeah, and that's why you're getting a 6! Casper: She is keepin' it real, though ... 7 for that. Tibby: Cigar and pipes are far more respectable. I'll give her a 7 for not doing anything horrific. Perdix: *dissolves into a fit of coughing* Yuck, I'm allergic! *coughs some more, waving his hand through the air in front of him* Phew, get it away from me! A 3! Jack: *turns page, digs in pocket for a cigarette* Suddenly got this craving... Oh. Uh, yeah. Honest. A 7. Julius: Boring. Not enough skin and too much attitude. A 5. Angie: Gawd, you're a pig, Julius! *ducks pillow thrown for the pun* Amir: Powerpuff girls! Mojo jojo! YEAH! *composes himself* Ehhh, but the cigarette and neckpopping are absolute turn-offs. C'mon-- are you going to pick your nose next? Geeze. 7-- but it would've been higher if it hadn't been for those issues. Rick: uh... 3. Wade: Smokin's BAD for you, hokay? 5. Tami: I want a cigarette, too. Angie: You don't smoke so, Jack, put it away. See the sign? *points* No smoking in the auditorium... Let us move on. Tami: PRISCILLA! *Priscilla saunters out, her hair in iddy biddy little pigtails, wearing a powder blue silk robe, as "I'm Just a Teenage Dirtbag" plays in the background. About half-way down the catwalk, she removes her robe, and everyone in audience gasps*
Tami: Finally, some illegal action! *Underneath the robe, Priscilla has on a black sports bra and flannel boxers.* Tami: *sulks* Damn. Err, Priscilla reveals her fabulous abs in this 100% cotton sports bra by Adidas, and her lovely legs in these... flannel... boxers that have Hello Kitty on them. Remember, kids, buy Hello Kitty and Adidas today, or I'll have to turn back to selling my kidneys! *Making her way down the catwalk, Priscilla poses for a few moments, then pivots on her heel, and makes her way off.* Zach: WHY AREN'T YOU NAKED UNDER THERE?! ISN'T ANYONE GETTING NAKED?! You get an 8 and the brunt of my anger. Casper: Yo, she got some nice legs though. You get an 8. Tibby: *groans* It was going so well, too... 6. Perdix: Hello Kitty! Umm... 8. Jack: *turns page* Honest. A 7. Julius: What a tease... I like it. A 7. Amir: Ehhh, can't say much for your choice of music, but the getup is kind of cute in a girl-next-door kind of way. 9. Rick: It's nice that she wears clothes to sleep in. 3. Wade: It was almost scary there. 7. Tami: *shakes her head* I need some alcohol. Angie: Or valium... *hands over a bottle of clear liquid* I'm not saying what it is, either. *waves hand* Go on then. Tami: Gee, thanks. If I fall down, it's all your fault. Finally, our last contender, (thank God) CLEOOOOO! *Cleo's shoved with her hair bound in a heavy plait (if you sleep with your hair plaited, it's easier to brush in the morning-- speakin' from personal experience), and the gold ribbon is still knotted in her hair at her neck. Instead of her normal purple muscle shirt and gi pants, she's wearing a purple tee-shirt and boxers.* Cleo: This is degrading...
*heads back, and the sounds of violence and Sugar-chan's not-so-occasional yelp of pain are heard* Tami: *Beams* Ten extra points for the violence, anyone? Angie: If it keeps them from perpetrating vengeance on us, you bet! Zach: *yawn* 5. Casper: It would've been more if we could've seen the brawl ... 4. Tibby: *shrugs* A 10. It *is* degrading. Perdix: it is most certainly *not* degrading! *pouts* She can have a crummy 5! Jack: *turns page* Honest again. A 7. Julius: Boring. Cute but boring. A 5. Amir: Purple T-shirt and boxers, h'm? It's cute, again... I don't care much for purple, but between the choice o'jammies and the hair in the plait, if I squint my eyes *just* right, it's got that sort of homey FF look that kind of gives a better impact than flaunting flashy lingerie. 10. Rick: She's got a point. 8. Wade: Nice, an' normal, an' everything. 9.
Tami: Well, that was... interesting. Let's see the scoreboard!
Leta scored 66 out of a possible 90.
Sophie scored 60 out of a possible 90.
Jace scored 66 out of a possible 90.
Rayya scored 78 out of a possible 90.
Kanene scored 64 out of a possible 90.
Rhiannon scored 58 out of a possible 90.
Briony scored 59 out of a possible 90.
Rian scored 62 out of a possible 90.
Leah scored 58 out of a possible 90.
Veta scored 43 out of a possible 90.
Priscilla scored 63 out of a possible 90.
Cleo scored 63 out of a possible 90.
Tami: Which means our leading lady of the section is... RAYYA! Wow, who saw that coming?
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