I Won't Be Home For Christmas
Sung to the tune of: I'll Be Home For Christmas
Sung by Jack Reilly 

*Lights come up on Jack who is seated at a desk, drawing. He looks 
up and almost frowns. The music starts, he shrugs, and spins his 
chair to face the audience* 

I won't be home for Christmas
That I guarantee.
Just won't go.
Dad will blow
But you can't make me.

Christmas eve will find me
Where the pizza's kinda stale.
I'll be here for Christmas.
I guess it's a lonely tale.

Christmas eve won't find me
Where Dad will scream and shout
Not where Mom is all knocked out.
I'll be here for Christmas.
Will someone visit me?

*frowns* Okay... That was beyond pathetic. *shrugs* Oh, well.

Jace: *rolls out, gruffly* Stupid git. *hugs him* That's my only hug 
this year, and I'm keeping it that way!

Angie: *standing offstage with roll of numbered tickets* Okay, 
ladies, get 'em while you can. Get your place in line to comfort 
poor Jack! *grins*

Jace: *immediately puts on her accountancy hat* And I get ten percent
or I'll break your kneecaps.

Tami: Ah, Jack. Relish the attention!