Review #1
by Em

Problems here from the start. Let's take them piece by piece, though,
hm? Starting with her name. Eadlin "Surina" Jelinek. I have never
seen a stranger name attempted in Roanoke, and that includes Haydn
Cyninglingsleighwhatever. "Eadlin" I might have bought in England. Not
so much the good ole US of A. Why must every roleplayer give their
character some totally bizarre, never before seen name? Furthermore,
Jelinek? Given that you've only given us the meaning, not the language
of origin.... is that a surname? A real one, I mean.

And after a paragraph, I'm still not done with the name section. You
list a nickname, "Surina," but don't give its meaning? And then down
in the history you give a middle name, which you left out of the Name
section?

It's the name section! It should have her full name! "Tara" has a
meaning, too, after all.

Henceforth, I shall refer to your illustriously named character as
Princess Stag, or PS. (That is, by the way, one of the most
pretentious name meanings I've ever seen.)

You give mom's and dad's and grandma's and adopted sister's eye and
hair colors, but not brother? He goes to Roanoke College. As he hasn't
left the Roanoke-Salem area, why isn't he at home much? (Roanoke
College, according to my brother, is located in Salem, but Roanoke and
Salem share borders, and it's not like they've put up a miniature
Berlin wall or anything. We go to Salem frequently for events, movies,
dinner...)

Slight issue when reading about Vivian. "The Craft." Alas, this makes
me wonder if we are about to get the Hollywood version of Wicca and
witches. I'll be very annoyed if this happens. I know Wiccans in
Roanoke. I assure you they have very little to do with Hollywood's
idea of what witches are.

"Skills: Writing-creative (Stories/poetry), Music-Guitar player (self
taught), singer/song writer (self proclaimed), Tech-HTML, 2nd
Language-Russian, Cook-self taught, Swimming- she's an all right
swimmer.
Likes: Writing, Reading, Computers, cooking up recipes.
Dislikes: Bell peppers, mushrooms, anchovies, annoying people, people
who don't respect others."

Those are REALLY, REALLY BLAND skills, likes, and dislikes. That's an
extremely Mary Sue-ish set of skills. Writer, musician, computer whiz,
speaks second language, self taught everything. Every girl in
Sparklypoo has those same exact skills. And don't bother listing
that's she's an "all right" swimmer. That basically means she's an
average swimmer, and we assume as much without your stating it.

EVERYONE hates people who are annoying and don't respect others! Bell
peppers, mushroom, and anchovies -- those are foods! Your likes and
dislikes tell me NOTHING about Princess Stag, except perhaps that she
is Princess of the cookie cutter people. In addition, the likes and
dislikes are basically a repeat of her skills. Furthermore, the
English/Math thing is THE SINGLEMOST OVERUSED FAVE/LEAST FAVE SUBJECT
CONBINATION. And I don't even know many people (outside of us writerly
bunch) who liked English the best. Heck, I love writing, and I hated
English! English is mostly about writing papers on Shakespeare and
correcting grammar mistakes in sentences. I -much- preferred Ancient
World History and US History.

Okay, her dad is a translator, and spends 80% of his time abroad?? He
couldn't find a job with a company in this country? Does he work for
the UN or the government or something? Because I don't know of many
translators who are married, have two small kids, and choose to work
outside of the country 80% of the time. There's plenty of work
translating stuff in the US. Work for a Russian company with an
American branch, or vice versa, and work in the American office.
Honestly.

And then there's the detail about Yuri's working. Okay, Dad for some
reason takes a job that keeps him 80% of the time out of the country
yet doesn't earn enough money to support his family!?!? Who does he
work for that he's flying on $1000 flights across the oceans yet isn't
paid a lot of money? Why would he decide to spend 80% of his time away
from his family if he's not making enough money when he could hold a
job locally that would pay enough? He'd be better off managing a
grocery store! Working as a party clown! Being a waiter! Selling used
cars! Furthermore, Yuri is only two years older than Princess Stag. At
what age did he start working to support the family? Child labor laws,
anyone? Why doesn't mom's veterinarian job pull in enough money to
support them? If she's a vet, she's a type of doctor who's gone
through college, and have you seen the kind of money we lavish on our
pets these days and how high our vet bills go?

Now we find out "Surina" is for some reason a bastardized version of
"Serena." About a bajillion questions here. Why were her classmates
calling her Serena? That makes nooo sense. Furthermore, why did the
spelling become "Surina?" That makes even less sense. "Serena" really
isn't a nickname in the way you're using here. Nicknames have reasons,
generally. I was called "Link" at school because I wore a little Link
key chain on my jacket. There was an administrator at our school who
was called "Killer," as his name was Miller and he had a well-deserved
reputation for being an ass. Never can I recall anyone just being
given another name. We didn't go around calling Jennifer "Elizabeth."
We didn't call John "Alfred." So why would anyone call Eadlin
"Serena?"

Ah, the school bully. Why? Why? Bringing in the school bully makes
this sound like the plot of a bad Young Adult novel. There's an easy
reason why.

I attended middle school and high school and no bully ever made more
of an impression on me than my teachers. Furthermore, I never saw a
lot of bully tolerance around. Nor was there a lot of picking on
people with accents, and those who did pick on accents were tolerated
even less. As it states on the website, Roanoke's a multicultural
center and an immigration destination. I went to school with students
from Vietnam, the former Yugoslavia, China, Sudan, and South Africa.
And those were only the students I recall having classes with. Roanoke
City's schools are a very healthy mishmash of various cultures and
ethnicities. Does teasing of foreign-born students and residents
occur? Probably, yes. But I can't imagine a scenario like your bully
event. Why didn't they tell any teachers, anyway?

And then the part that makes me laugh. Reverse physiology.

"phys•i•ol•o•gy (n).
1. The biological study of the functions of living organisms and their parts.
2. All the functions of a living organism or any of its parts."

So, did she reduce the bully to a pile of protoplasm?

Ah, now your Wiccan element. She announced in high school she wasn't
going to be Christian any more. Why, oh why, did she announce this?
Why, oh why, did she decide to go Wiccan? Furthermore, why did she
decide that because she was going to practice Wicca she couldn't be a
Christian any more? Ignoring the fact some people on both sides find
it impossible to accept, there are people out there who consider
themselves to be both Wiccan and Christian. They're some of the nicest
Wiccans I've met because they're really, really tolerant. And anyway,
why Wicca instead of going from being Christian to agnostic or atheist
or maybe just some other denomination of Christianity? Actually, what
denomination are her parents? Did they come from the same Christian
background? (Doubtful, as he's from Russia.)

What the hell? They all went Wiccan? Anya was a secretly practicing
witch the whole time? I find that EXTREMELY doubtful. See previous
note on app sounding like bad young adult novel. Furthermore, where is
Princess Stag's precious mentor Vivian?

Eadlin should not be a composite of different traits. She should be a
fully-conceptualized character. You start off saying she's shy, but
everything after that would suggest she's not shy at all, and is in
fact quite outspoken.

What words and feelings don't feel right in English? English is her
first language. Furthermore... you haven't got enough study time with
grandma to justify Princess Stag as being fluent in Russian. Passable,
I could work with. But I will not buy Princess Stag speaking fluent
Russian, teaching herself to cook (cooking would have been more
sensible for princess Stag to learn from grandma than Russian and
witchiness), teaching herself to play guitar, being a great writer,
and knowing HTML.

Actually, aside from the speaking Russian thing, I would guess those
are things you think you can do, or wish you could. By the way, I
"taught myself" how to "play the piano." I can pick out songs note by
note. I'm pretty good at it. But I'm not so delusional as to think
playing piano is one of my skills. I've never seen anyone self-teach
themselves an instrument to the point where they could call it a skill
unless they spent all their free time on it or were just incredibly
good at music.

I also taught myself how to cook. See, the packages come with
directions on the back...

Wait a frelling minute. She has long, shiny ebony-black hair. Her eyes
are almond-shaped. Is she Asian!?!? Furthermore, her eyes are green?
Mom's eyes are blue and dad's are brown! Dad's hair is dark chocolate!
(It doesn't say what mom's is, but as mom has blue eyes, I'm doubtful
she's the person Princess Stag gets her Oriental features from.) Where
does she get the black hair and green eyes from? Our shy girl stands
with confidence? She has a random scar? How'd she get the scar?

Oh. My. GODS. The classic "looks frail but is actually strong" cliché.
NO! NONONONONONONOOOO!!!!!! *bashes head on keyboard*

Besides hair color, eye color, and that horrible cliché I will never
again mention, you've told us very little about your character's
appearance. I can't picture her at all.

As I'm not a masochist but a narcissistic sadist, I am sorely tempted
to stop reading, but I'll finish doing my duty anyway, however much
this pains me.

Oh gods... and you're using the classic fuku!?!? All the freedom we
give you for fuku design and you're just recoloring the plain fuku?
Have you looked around our game at all? There's scarcely a standard
fuku to be found! The only time we allow fuku close to the original is
with the Astronomia, really, as they're closest to the original show
senshi.

Ah, and now start the Pentagrams. Double yuu. Tee. Eff. As you will
shortly show us in your explanation area, there's no connection made
between the Pentagram and the moon-goddess Selene. We'll tackle that
in a minute with that section, though. You say, "oh, but I'm using a
two-piece bodysuit unlike the traditional," but Sailor V had a
two-piece bodysuit.

There's no such thing as a "chocker." You'd know that if you'd run a
spell checker.

More pentacles in the transformation. A new moon generally can't be
seen. See
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&lr=&ie=UTF-8&c2coff=1&safe=off&oi=defmore&q=d\
efine:New+Moon
. How transformation elements come out of something that generally
cannot be seen is beyond me, as you don't offer any sort of method for
this effect. Also, transformation is overall a little too much. Make
that a lot too much. It's too pointlessly complex.

Now onto Powers. Or, in her case, power. Involving a bow and arrows
and a random owl. Have you perhaps confused Selene with Artemis and
Athena? This power makes absolutely no sense for Selene. Since archery
isn't among Princess Stag's skills... the bow and arrow are worthless.

Explanation. Or lack thereof. Given Princess Stag's name and her bow
and arrows, it sounds like you've confused her with Artemis. Yet you
did actually supply Selene's most widely-known myth in this section.
Why, if you were aware of the myth, did you discard it in favor of
Wiccan stuff? You haven't made a Graikos Senshi at all. You've just
created a generic Moon senshi. Your logic behind the Selene/Wicca
association is totally flimsy. The Graikos are senshi based on Greek
myths. They're not based on Wicca. It might have been okay if you'd
incorporated some Wiccan elements, but you cannot ignore all the Greek
myths with a Graikos.

And speaking of those Wicca elements... and looking at your writing
sample... I don't think you know a single thing about Wicca.
Throughout this app, you've done nothing but say, "my character is a
Wiccan" without indicating you know what Wiccan rituals or beliefs
are. The details you supply are sketchy at best.

Since when is moonlight warm?

Verdict time, though I would think it's obvious by now. Reject.
Flat-out. This character is far too Sparklypudlian. The application
reads like a bad young adult novel, perhaps titled "Princess Stag and
the Very Bad Bully." You managed to include nearly EVERY Mary Sue
cliché in the universe. The only one you were missing was naming your
character "Kristin Hunt." You had practically no research on anything
Greek or Wiccan. Nothing was well thought-out. Rampant mistakes in
spelling/grammar. I didn't bother to point most of them out. In fact,
even after all the things I did point out... there are enough problems
left for another two reviewers.

If you're read over any of our application results, you would have
known everything you did in this app was a big no-no. Once again,
REJECT.

By the way, random piece of info some Astronomia applicant might find
interesting -- did you know the Earth has a second natural satellite
in addition to the Moon? It's called Cruithne. Nifty.
_______________________

Review #2
by Deanna

Hi. I'm Deanna. I technically have a Graikos in Roanoke, but Megan
sucks too much to be allowed out in public, so I'm going this one
alone. Let's take a look at what you've done.

Name's okay, though that nickname's a little puzzling. Hope you
explain it later. For future reference, it usually helps to give the
language of origin for names, too, so that the curious can check their
meanings more easiliy. For example, Eadlin is Anglo-Saxon and Jelinek
is Eastern European/Czech, but I had to look that up myself to find
out. I'm lazy. Make things easy for me.

Age, birthdate, ect. looks good, since you could give her a sign and
blood type that means she's destined to be a psycho serial killer and
I wouldn't know the difference. Erk! I take that back. The Roanoke
Results page says "No more April or May birthdays." You're going to
have to change that birthday.

5'7" isn't tall for a man. In fact, it's a couple inches below
average for the US, though for all I know it might be average/tall for
Russia, given the general quality of living there for the past few
forevers. The mother looks okay as far as she goes, but I'd like some
notes on how Evelyn and Serge relate with Eadlin specifically. Their
ages would also be nice. Flesh them out a little more -- since she's
sixteen and living at home, parents are extremely important.

For Yuri, what do you mean by "he knows how easily things, and dreams
can be manipulated for people's cruel ends"? That's an odd sentence
-- how does he know that? Is there some  past event that taught him
that? How did it affect Eadlin? What's the story with Leena? Why
did Evelyn and Serge adopt a twelve year old from Russian? Is she
Serge's illegitimate daughter? You get one free act of sin if she's
Serge's bastard. How did the family afford to do that? I know a
couple who just adopted two babies from Russia, and it cost them a
mint. Maybe adopting adolescents is different, but you'll need to do
some research and make sure.

"The person with whom she identifies with among the older set of
people in her family." That's a horribly mangled sentence. It's far
less of a crime to end a sentence with a preposition than to get
yourself tangled up trying to avoid doing so. Almost-70 isn't
particularly old, the way 5'7" isn't particularly tall. Sure, Anya is
a senior citizen, but you talk about her like she's ancient. When did
Anya come to the US? Why did she and her family relocate?

Witch, huh? This should be interesting? I'm predicting a fluffy,
poorly-researched brand of neo-paganism, just going by Eadlin's age
and what Vivian calls Wicca. Mind you, that's not a bad thing in a
character, as long as you've done *your* research. I'd like more
detail on Vivian, too, since she seems to be an important part of
Eadlin's life.

Skills need some elaboration. How good a writer is she? How
prolific? Has she been published anywhere? Same with the guitar.
Does she had an aptitude for music, or does she just screech out the
opening to Stairway and call it a day? I like how you say she's a
"self proclaimed" singer/songwriter. From that, I'm assuming she
thinks she's a lot better than she really is.

Likes are a problem. For one thing, they're mostly rehashes of
skills, and for another, they're bland. Bland bland bland. Go
farther into her head. Find something interesting. Talk about it.
That's how this game is played. Dislikes suffers a similar problem.
*Everyone* dislikes annoying people; most people dislike disrespectful
ones. Also, the foods should go in the "Hated Food" section, not
here. Likes and dislikes are a total wash and need to be rewritten
completely.

Loves
english/hates math is a very cliched combination, right up there with
loves art/hates science (which is odd, because most of my artist
friends enjoy math and/or science, but that's neither here nor there).
What is it she loves about english? What is it she hates about math?
Why?

Hobbies are pretty bland, though I bet you could get something
interesting out of the band practice. Elaborate on them. Maybe add
some more interesting ones. Aspirations are good, very teenagery.

Why is emerald her gemstone? Is it her birthstone, or is it linked to
her senshi form somehow?

On to History.

She has a middle name? That needs to be up in the Name section. How
did Serge and Evelyn date those three years? With him in Russia and
her in the US, either they stretched the definition of "long distance
relationship," or someone ran up a huge bill with plane tickets. In
fact ... *quick math* ... Sailor Myth is set in 2001-ish, I think, so
Eadlin was born in the mid-80s ... parents were married four years
before that ... met three years before *that* ... so they met in the
late seventies or early eighties ... Which means that Russia was still
the Soviet Union. *How* did an American veterinarian meet, date, and
marry a Soviet citizen during the Cold War? Yogi, I don't think Mr.
Reagan's gonna like this.

Why was Serge out of the country most of the time? Yes, I understand
that there could be reasons for a translator to work abroad, but
surely there would be work for him in the US, too, especially if he
hired on with a multinational corporation, or with the government.
Why would he chose to spend most of his time out of the country when
he had a wife and children at home? Of course, if Leena's his
illegitimate daughter, we know SOME of what he was doing on those
trips :D. I have to ask again: when did Anya move to the US? If
Eadlin speaks Russian fluently because of Anya, then Anya would have
had to have been around from very early in Eadlin's life. Else Eadlin
wouldn't have managed fluency, not without someone speaking it to her
every day, and letting her speak back. What do you mean "the family
survived mostly by Yuri getting odd jobs"? Why did he have to get odd
jobs for the family to survive? If his father was a world-travelling
translator and his mother was a veterinarian -- which is a fairly
well-paying and steady job, on the whole, though not usually something
one gets rich off of -- they'd have to be either extremely greedy or
really stupid to be hurting for money.

Okay, *why* did her schoolmates call her "Serena"? This is a BIG HUGE
warning bell. I'm sure you're aware that "Serena" is the name of
Sailormoon in the American dub. You're making a moon senshi. There's
no reason given for her to have the name. See the problem? Mangling
her nickname to use for a character is good, but where did the
nickname come from to begin with? It's got to go.

*Why* was Leena adopted? How did Eadlin and Yuri take it? Bullying's
okay, since kids are horrible little creatures on the whole and will
act like sharks scenting blood the minute they find a difference to
mock, but what's this about "reversed physiology"? First, that's one
of the most entertaining typos I've ever seen. Second, what did
Eadlin *do*? Why did the bully stop bothering them entirely?

"She announced it midway through her freshman year, her parents, both
Christians, were not exactly shocked for Eadlin had always had a way
with finding interesting facts." Huh?

"They fought a little bit when she announced her choice of religion,
Wicca, being that they thought it was not exactly wrong." Double huh?

I'd like to comment on the content of those sentences, but I'm not
sure I understand what they *say*. Please rephrase them in a way that
makes sense.

"But, by way of reasoning, information gathering and using the skills
she had acquired in her Freshman year, with putting together charts
and graphs, she showed them using various books and information on the
subjects, which she had been
buying over the years when her Yuri, Leena and herself went out
shopping as the sometimes did to reconnect with each other."

She showed them *what*? I had been meaning to save comment on the
writing style of this app 'til the end, but we're getting into rough
water here. It's very ungrammatical and rambling, and there are a lot
of misused, misspelled, and missing words. I've been able to read it
until now, but this paragraph is incomprehensible. You're going to
have to edit this app heavily to make it readable. Read it carefully
yourself and correct any mistakes you find. Then run spellcheck and
correct mistakes it finds. Put it away for a day or two, then reread
it again to correct any mistakes spellcheck made. *Then* give it to a
friend who is good with grammar and spelling, and let him or her read
it and correct it. Then read it again, to catch any mistakes your
friend made. As it is, this is utterly unacceptable. I'm going to
continue with this review so that you'll have a list of things you
need to fix before resubmitting, but understand that as of right now
I'm going to have to vote REJECT on this. The writing is grounds
enough, and, honestly, the nickname is grounds enough all by itself.

Anya was a witch? Um. How did her son not *know* that? Are you
trying to say that she was Wiccan? If she was a Russian folk witch of
some sort, I might be able to work with you here, but if you're trying
to say she was Wiccan, when did she convert? Do you realize that Anya
is actually older than Wicca? You're going to have to elaborate on
the kids all converting. Teens going neo-pagan isn't difficult to
believe, but how did they come to that plan? How devout was their
Christianity to begin with? How did their parents take ALL their
children turning pagan?

On to Personality.

"Eadlin is composite of different traits." Well ... yeah. Everyone
is. That's a bad way to start out. Rest of the personality is okay
as far as it goes, but there needs to be a LOT more of it. It also
needs heavy editing for readability. I know three paragraphs is
listed as the acceptable minimum, but those have to be three very
concise and well-written paragraphs. Write more.

Her mom's blue-eyed, her father's brown and brown. How did she get
ebony hair? True black hair is EXTREMELY rare in most racial types.
Even Africans more often have dark brown than anything that can be
called true black. Emerald eyes? For one thing, that's a horribly
over-used adjective for eyes; for another, emerald eyes and ebony
hair? Nah. Green eyes are actually a shade of blue, so I can see her
maybe getting them if her dad's genotype is Bb, meaning one of his
parents was probably blue or green-eyed. But "emerald eyes" and
"ebony hair"? I say again, nah. Of course her face contains her
eyes! Where is she going to keep them, the palms of her hands? Wait,
her eyes are almond-shaped? How come she's so short? Is her mom that
short? Almond eyes ... black hair ... very short ... she's east-Asian?
How? Yes, Russia is technically in Asia, but most Russians are
Slavonic -- *especially* ones with Eastern European surnames.

"Looks weak but is strong" is a cliche. Where'd the scar come from?
If she's shy, why does she hold herself with an air of confidence?
The physical description is very sparse and doesn't make much sense.
Rewrite and expand.

Traditional fukus aren't really encouraged here. Universalis has one,
but ... she's Universalis. She gets a pass. Selene is not
Universalis, so she does not get a pass. You can do better. Why is
her fuku riddled with pentegrams? Are pentegrams a moon symbol? Her
religion really shouldn't have any bearing on her fuku. The Angelus
team kinda tends to be overtly Christian in civilian life, but not
always ... Sailor Amazarak was raised New Age/pagan, turned agnostic,
is a Judeo-Christian myth, and has a wand covered in *Chinese*. The
moon symbols are good, since she's a moon senshi, but the
Maiden/Mother/Crone stuff has to go. Selene wasn't a triune goddess.
I don't care what modern pagans say; it's the opinions of the ancient
Greeks that matter. They didn't worship Selene as
Maiden/Mother/Crone. In fact, I can't think of anyone they *did*
worship as such, aside from *maybe* the Fates. Maybe. Find a copy of
Bullfinch's and so some reading. Non-academic sites on the Internet
don't count as research. pantheon.org does not count as an academic
site.

Transformation has the same issues as the fuku, as far as pentegrams
and triune goddesses go.

Why is there a bow in her power? Why is there an owl? Selene was not
the same as Artemis, who was identified with archery; neither is she
the same as Athena, to whom owls were sacred. How much damage does
each shot do? How can the attack be countered? How good is her aim?

What monsters? There are no monsters in Sailor Moon, aside from the
fully human kind (also the space aliens). She's going to be fighting
other senshi.

Okay. The explanation, paired with the rest of the app, shows that
you didn't do nearly enough research, and you didn't understand what
you read. First you say that she was known for falling in love, then
you say that she didn't go after men. Which is it? Was she a
heavenly ho-bag or not? Making Eadlin Wiccan is okay, since many,
though not all, Wiccans do tend to do a lot of moon-worshipping.
Making *Selene* Wiccan is *not* okay.

Writing sample ... First, I don't need a primer on Wicca. I know what
it is. You don't have to instruct me. Show me how you write; show me
how you write *Eadlin*. Let her be herself. What happens in this
scene? How is she being initiated? How much did you pay Silver
Ravenwolf for the rights to this?

This is a REJECT. Bad ju-ju on the nickname, horrible lack of
editing, major problems in history, sketchy personality, problematic
appearance, misuse of Wicca, misunderstanding of myth ... Rewrite it.
You have my AIM name; I'm willing to help you as far as I can, though
I can't wave a magic wand and make your character approvable.
__________________

Review #3
by Chris

Hi, everybody! The other two reviewers have already done most of the
work for me. This is sort of just mopping things up.

I really like how random words are capitalized. It's what I'm doing
in one of my works, too. But something tells me that in `life in
General', General isn't a virtue or vice of some sort?

Wow, honey. Skills, likes, dislikes, favorite food, and hated food
are all sort of one large mishmash. If she hates peppers and
mushrooms and anchovies, why aren't they in her hated foods? Or does
she dislike the concept of peppers, mushrooms, and anchovies?

She has a band. Called "Twilight Stars". And she wants to write
romance novels. And also, apparently, fantasy novels with a fantasy
twist (The Fantastic Magical Jewel of Fantasy of the Mermaid-Dragon-
Princess?).

Is Jelinek a Russian surname? Because it doesn't sound like one.
Also, he came from the USSR. They were Communist. They'd have a bit
more troubles with immigration than you'd think. Especially since he
was marrying an American woman.

... Wicca charts and graphs. The whole family becomes
Wiccan. ::DIES::

Ian: ... ::pokes Chris::

Chris: ::DEAD::

Ian: Umm... I guess I'm reviewing now, or something? You keep
telling me that she's `your average tomboy' and `your studious and
observant student'. I don't -have- any tomboys or students. I have
a dog, and a weasel who's really Saint Clare.

Ian: ... If English is her first language, why would she use
Russian in random places? She's not a fluent English speaker?

Ian: She sure does look pretty perfect, and she has a standard
fuku. With pentagrams? Because they're related to the moon... how?

"The Pentacle is forms when the pentacle she is standing one shrinks
and becomes the centerpiece of her from bow." Ian: What? This
transformation is a million hours long, by the time she transforms,
the fight will be over.

Ian: An owl comes from where for her power? Why?

"She was a part of a Coven, a Circle of witches, of those who
practiced Wicca."
Ian: I feel Sad inside, now. Because it Hurts so Much, it's Painful.

Chris: ::hands a note to Ian, then DIES again::

Ian: ::reads::

It's my fault Blackleaf died. I can't face life alone!
-Marcie

Ian: ... Yes.

FINAL VERDICT

Ian: ::pokes Chris again:: Well, it looks like the player is still
dead, or something. So, I'll just say it. No. REJECT! Chris had
problems with the history, and her name, and the likes and dislikes
and the skills and the hobbies. Then I had problems with fuku, and
powers, and um... bad grammar and random capitalization? Thanks for
trying!