Ukyo is watching you.
Beware the spatula.

[School.]
Caroline: Okay, children. It's time for your daily brainwashing.
Children except Scout: Yes, Miss Caroline�
Caroline: I am your master, now�
Children except Scout: Yes, Miss Caroline�
Caroline: You will go out into town and bring me back cheese sauce, gravy, and evaporated milk�
Children except Scout: Yes, Miss Caroline�
[Enter Jem.]
Caroline: Do you have the [stuff]?
Scout: What's going on?
Caroline: Where are my marshmallows? My ketchup packets? My stuffed usagi?
Jem: (pulls out mention comestibles and stuffed rabbit)
Chuck: Miss Caroline� (hands Caroline a paper bag)
Caroline: (grabs bag and smacks Chuck with it) Hahahaha! With the children under my power, I will gather much energy!
Scout: Um, Miss Caroline?
Caroline: Huh? Hey! You don't learn to say my name until the third grade!
Scout: But my father taught me-
Caroline: Let him bite me!
[Scout and Caroline go to opposite sides of stage.]
Scout: (to herself) Wow, that was strange�
Caroline: Wow, that was strange. I hope she doesn't find anything suspicious�
Scout: Something's suspicious�
[Exeunt.]

[Street. Scout and Jem are passing the Radley place.]
Scout: You and 'em other kids 'er actin' real strange!
Jem: What? What're you talkin' 'bout?
Scout: You kept sayin' "Miss Caroline�"
Jem: Huh? You dunno what yer sayin'!
Scout: (looks to her side and sees the Radeley place) Run! It's a big building that's slightly nicer than ours!
Jem: 'Dem Radleys 'er gonna kill us 'er tickle us with a feather duster!
[Exit Scout and Jem, running. Enter Mystery Person.]
MP: Is she the one I've been looking for?
[Exit MP, following Scout.]

[Home. Scout, Jem, Atticus, and Calpurnia are in the dining room.]
Jem: Did you have a good day, sir?
Atticus: No, Jem, I didn't. First, my clothes were all wet and soapy this morning.
Calpurnia: Sorry 'bout that, Mr. Finch, sir.
Atticus: Then, my office was on fire�
Scout: I told you not to leave that flammable liquid and a match in there, Jem!
Atticus: And later, I got called three times by American Telephone & Telegraph, and we don't even have a phone!
Jem: How poor are we, sir?
Atticus: We live in Alabama. What do you think?
Jem: Sorry, sir.
Calpurnia: So, children, how was your day at school?
Jem: Gee, I was so tired I don't remember. It was like I was asleep all day.
Scout: That's because he was asleep!
Atticus: WHAT?!
Calpurnia: SHE SAID, "THAT'S BECAUSE HE WAS ASLEEP!!!"
Jem: Don't go lyin' like that, Jean Louise Bull-Finch!
Scout: Whazit to ya, Jeremy Bob Bull-sh-
Atticus: Enough! No more screamin', no more lyin', no more cursin', no more fallin' asleep!
Scout: Well, Miss Caroline hypnotized everyone at school�except me.
Atticus: Maybe you should listen to your brother and stop bearing this false witness.
Scout: 'Scuse me, sir?
Atticus: Don't lie, Scout.
Scout: Yes, sir. Oh, one more thing, sir.
Atticus: Yes, Scout?
Scout: Miss Caroline wants you to bite her.
Atticus: SCOUT!
Scout: Yes?
Atticus: You shouldn't say things like that, Scout. It looks like you've had a really bad day. Try taking a walk. You need that fresh air.
Scout: Yes, sir.
[Exeunt.]

[Street. Scout stops running after passing the Radley place.]
Scout: (looking back) At least 'dem Radleys didn't see me. Why won't anyone listen to me? Jem won't. Atticus won't. Calpurnia won't. Dill can't since he's somewhere else right now. Almost everyone else is still hypnotized. [Kid passes Scout, sleepwalking.] Am I just dreaming, or is this really true? How can she�take over their minds? (pauses) I know who'll listen to me! Miss Maudie! [Exit Scout. Enter and follow MP.]

[Miss Maudie's Garden.]
Maudie: Oh, hello, Scout. How are you this evening?
Scout: Not-so-well, m'am.
Maudie: Oh, my, what's troubling you? Something at school?
Scout: You could say that. Everyone's acting so strange.
Maudie: Oh?
Scout: Yeah, Jem most of all. He was, well, "asleep" at school.
Maudie: Oh, my. Did he get any sleep?
Scout: Yes, m'am. It's just, he was more�in a trance.
Maudie: Oh. Hypnotized?
Scout: Yes, m'am.
Maudie: Oh, is that the only thing troubling you?
Scout: Why? What do you mean?
Maudie: Oh, well, it seems that something else is wrong.
Scout: Well, it feels like I'm being watched by someone.
Maudie: Oh, my�
Scout: Well, I oughtta be goin'.
Maudie: Oh, well, first let me tell you a story. A thousand years ago, our moon was home to a great civilization, ruled by Queen-
Scout: I really oughtta be goin'...
Maudie: Oh, okay. Try not to fall into the lake. And let me give you cake and steak.
Scout: Cake and steak?!
Maudie: Cake and steak. (hands her a bag marked "Cake & Steak") Good night, Scout.
Scout: Good night.
[Exeunt.]

[Home. It's morning and the kids are getting ready for school.]
Atticus: Jem, did you take anything that might make you fall asleep?
Jem: Um, nooo�
Atticus: Fine. I'd better not get an imaginary call from your teacher.
Jem: Yes, sir.
Atticus: Scout, are you ready for school?
[Enter Scout with a cross and garlic.]
Scout: Yes, sir.
Jem: What'd that y'got en yer hands?
Scout: Just [stuff].
Atticus: [Stuff]?
Scout: I reckon Miss Caroline ez a zombie er a werrwelf.
Jem: Scout! Oo ez a werrwelf!
Atticus: No more namecalling! You kids had better run off to school now.
[Exit Atticus. As Jem begins to leave, Scout spots something in his hand.]
Scout: Jem, why are ya takin' cheese sauce to school?
Jem: Huh? Oh, this here cheese sauce! I just had an incredible uuuurge to take this fer lunch today.
Scout: That's about as stupid as that story Miss Maudie was gonna tell me.
Jem: Want some? It's double cheddar�
Scout: No, thank you. I'll settle fer a sandwich and a stick of Mentos�
Scout, Jem, Atticus (offstage) and Calpurnia (ditto): THE FRESHMAKER!!!
Jem: All right. Suit yerself.
[Exit Jem.]
Scout: That's not an urge! He's still under Miss Caroline's b-I mean witchcraft! That-
[Exit Scout.]

[Street. Jem is sleep walking to school. Enter Scout, running after him.]
Scout: Jem! Jem! Wake up!
Jem: Yes, Miss Caroline�
Scout: No! It's yer sister, Scout!
Jem: Yes, Miss Caroline�
Scout: Listen to me!
Jem: Yes, Mis-Huh? What's wrong, Scout?
Scout: Y'weren't listening, Jem!
Jem: What?!-Yes, Miss Caroline�
Scout: Not again!
Jem: Yes, Miss Caroline�
[Exit Jem.]
Scout: He's half-hypnotized. The closer he gets to school, the more hypnotized he'll be! Wake up, Jem! Weak-minded fool.
[Exit Scout, following. Enter and follow MP.]

[School.]
Caroline: VELVEETA?! THIS ISN'T CHEESE SAUCE!
Chuck: Yes, Miss Caroline�
Caroline: (hits Chuck with box) YOU'VE RUINED MY DAY! GET OUT!
Chuck: Yes, Miss Caroline�
[Exit Chuck. Enter Jem.]
Caroline: Jem! My cheese sauce?!
Jem: Yes, Miss Caroline�
Caroline: Hahahaha! I will never have to do anything ever again! You are my slaves!
Children: Yes, Miss Caroline�
Caroline: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAhHAhHAHAHhAhAhAhA! Chuck!
[Enter Chuck.]
Chuck: Yes, Miss Caroline�
Caroline: Cook this! (hands Ramen to Chuck) Don't get any cooties in it. And while you're at it, bring me back some Chunky Soup! Not too chunky though�
Chuck: Yes, Miss Caroline�
[Exit Chuck.]
Caroline: Jembo!
Jem: Yes, Miss Caroline�
Caroline: Go out and get me a big, fat, juicy pie!
Jem: Yes, Miss Caroline�
[Exit Jem.]
Caroline: Hahahaha! I like pie! Pie is mine! Three point one four one five nine�
[Enter Scout.]
Scout: Good mornin', Miss Caroline�
Caroline: I completely agree, Jean Loiuse.
Scout: What're we doin' fer school today, m'am?
Caroline: Goin' out and getting' me food!
Scout: Huh?
Caroline: You heard me, Finch! You are all my slaves!
Scout: Are you mad?
Caroline: What do you think? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Scout: You're EEEEEEEEVil, Miss Caroline!
Caroline: I am! And if I can't control you, you'll have to go to the next dimension! Hahahaha!
Scout: Oh, what should I do?
[Enter MP.]
MP: Scout!
Scout: (turns around) Who are you?
Caroline: Yeah, who are you? And what in the H-E-double hockey sticks are you doing in my classroom?
MP: Take this! (tosses Scout a pen) Hold it up and shout, "SCOUT STAR POWER, MAKE UP!"
Scout: Okay! SCOUT STAR POWER, MAKE UP! (spins around a few times)
Caroline: Huh? What the heck?
Sailor Scout: You hypnotized a bunch of kids and made them bring you food! I can't forgive that! Agent for love and justice, I am the Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Scout! Tsukini kawatte, oshiokiyo!
Caroline: What are you gonna do? You're just a little girl!
Scout: Huh? NEVER CALL ME A GIRL!!! KA-ME-A-ME-A!
Caroline: (dodges attack) Hahahaha! VELVEETA IMITATION CHEESE PRODUCT PACKAGING ATTACK! (throws box at Scout)
Sailor Scout: That's it! (kicks Caroline in the shin)
Caroline: Ow!
MP: Use your final attack!
Sailor Scout: SUPER GRAVY VAPORIZATION ATTACK! (throws gravy at Caroline)
Caroline: (falls down) I will be avenged!

[Home.]
Jem: I still don't believe y'could beat that evil monster!
Scout: I can't believe we found the real Miss Caroline in the closet.
Atticus: Looks like you two had a tiring day at school.
Scout: Jem did. He was asleep the whole time!
Jem: Liar! Liar! Pants on fire!
Atticus: That's enough, kids! Oh, yeah, one thing, Jem.
Jem: Yes, sir?
Atticus: Can you explain all that cheese sauce that Calpurnia found in your room?
Jem: (stares into space)

THE END, FOR NOW

Harper Lee wrote To Kill A Mockingbird, and Naoko Takeuchi created "Sailor Moon." Other copyrighted and/or registered names, etc. are owned by their owners.