E-mail: sailor_dafne@hotmail.com
Webpage: www.geocities.com/sailor_dafne
Rating: PG-13
By: Dafne

Standard disclaimer applied.

Advise: If you are a sensitive person, go get a box of kleenex 
before you start reading; believe me, you will need it...

Rose's tears
Chapter 6: Something needs to be done... and fast

Wednesday (9:20 PM)

Presuming that walking through the hospital's hallways was 
unlikely to help me calm down, about 10 minutes ago I decided to 
take some fresh air. Now, as I sit on a bench near the garden's 
central fountain looking at the beautiful sky's landscape I 
realize this was probably the best thing I could have done under 
the circumstances.

Once Usagi's bedroom door was closed I leaned against it while a 
single stray tear ran down my cheek. *How* I thought to myself *am 
I going to explain this to the girls without breaking down?* Well, 
I still can't understand how I did it, but I managed fairly well. 
They, on the other hand, didn't...

Ami-chan, ever the quiet, self-composed, clever girl, fainted dead 
away, just as simple as that; Minako-chan chose to let her 
emotions out the same way I had, except that she was more... should 
we say... dramatic? In other words, she literally cried her heart 
out; and finally Mako-chan... well, let's just say her reaction 
would have seemed most unusual... to anyone who didn't know her, 
that is. The moment she learned who was responsible for Usa's 
death wish, I had to physically restrain her from going to 
Mamoru's department and punch the daylights out of him.

Once everything had been put in plain words I excused myself, 
saying that I wanted to be alone for a while in order to sort 
things out. If I had just left without saying a word it wouldn't 
have mattered that much, because my speech had fallen on deaf ears 
anyway. My dear friends were each in their own little world, 
probably trying to grasp the notion of what had happened: Ami was 
still unconscious, and by the look of it, unless someone else 
helped her out, she wasn't going to wake up anytime soon; Minako-
chan was staring off into space, her eyes red and swollen from the 
tears that just wouldn't stop falling; Mako-chan had clenched her 
fists as well as her teeth and was glaring at an unfortunate dark-
haired doctor who had clearly reminded her of a certain 20 year 
old college guy...

The moment I turned around I heard Mako-chan's unmistakable 
treatening growl, which made me seriously consider whether it was 
a good idea to leave an innocent citizen a hairsbreadth from 
Jupiter's thunder. After a while, I decided I already had enough 
problems to deal with to be worrying over a doctor's welfare, so I 
walked away, not without hoping that the man would turn around in 
time to avoid being attacked by an enraged Senshi who tended to 
act first and think later...

Instead of following my friends example and attempt to come to 
terms with what had happened, I had instead opted to figure out 
how to change Usagi's unsettling resolve. Obviously every 
possibility I might come up with would have to center on a certain 
someone that had started all this mess two weeks ago...

If I were to believe that Mamoru no longer cared for Usa there 
would be no point in trying to change what has already been done, 
but as it is, I cannot bring myself to think that Mamoru is 
completely oblivious to Usagi's suffering. I have never told the 
girls about this, especially not Usagi, but I have seen him stare 
at Usa with this particular soft look in his eyes I can't quite 
put my finger on, which leads me to believe that our dear Mr. 
Chiba is hiding something... If he were a normal person I would have 
already figured it out, but it so happens that the damned man 
somehow learnt how to close up his mind, preventing me from 
examining his thoughts.

Groaning both from frustration and a most disturbing headache I 
close my eyes at the same time I lift my hands in order to rub my 
temples. I stay in this position for a while, trying to decide 
what to do next. Moments later I finally come to the conclusion 
that anything I plan won't work out unless I discover the truth 
about why Mamoru left Usagi so suddenly, and from past experience 
I know this won't be possible unless I approach him directly.

Sighing in resignation I stand up from the bench and start walking 
down the aisle that will lead me to the hospital's main entrance, 
where I will be able to use a public telephone...

*	*	*	*	*

(9:30 PM)

"Please be there" I murmur once I have punched the last number. 
*ring*... no answer *ring*... quiet *ring*... After two more *ring*'s of 
receiving no reply, I begin to put the receiver back on its place, 
silently cursing the man, but just a moment before I hang up I 
hear Mamoru's unmistakable husky voice "Hello?"

Licking my suddenly dry lips I reply "Ma-Mamoru?" *Damn it girl! 
By now you should have already learned how to keep your voice from 
trembling when you're worried*

"Rei-chan? What is it?" *Great, now you'll have to go direct to 
the point, no preliminaries. Way to go Rei!* I say to myself 
sarcastically.

"Mamoru" I repeat, trying unsuccessfully to hold back sobs as I 
recall everything Usagi told me tonight "I... think there's 
something you need to know. Usagi..." I manage to say before 
breaking down completely. I had hoped I would be able to do this 
with as much calm as I could muster, but it seems I cannot 
suppress my emotions for such a long period of time. True, I had 
allowed myself to shed some tears while Usagi was explaining 
everything she had been feeling for the past two weeks, but my 
grief went much more deep than that. What I had really wanted to 
do was cry out loud, in hopes that my sobs would diminish or at 
least make my sadness more bearable.

Now, after hearing the voice whose owner I knew could be as 
stubborn as a rock, I let all of my barriers tumble down, for the 
nagging thought that whatever I say or do will be useless is just 
too strong to ignore.

However, my despair vanishes the moment I hear Mamoru's stuttering 
reply "Wha... what's wrong with Usako?" I gasp and, despite myself, 
let the corners of my lips turn upwards *Sooo... he does care for 
her after all. Now let's just find out how much...*

"Usagi..." I start, but stop as soon as I realize I hadn't thought 
of how to break the news to him. Now that I'm sure he still feels 
something for my friend I'm a bit worried about what his reaction 
will be. *Oh, come on girl* a part of me says *you can't be 
fretting over that right now! Just get it over with.* I take a 
deep breath and... *Well, here goes nothing* "Usagi... is dying"

*thump* is the sound that comes right after my blunt statement. 
*groan* *sigh* are my own contributions. It is really not that 
difficult to figure out what happened... I wait for a while for him 
to pick up the receiver once more, but when he doesn't I start to 
get slightly worried. "Mamoru? Are you still there?"... no response 
"Mamoru?" ... "Chiba Mamoru say something damn you!" I shout, trying 
to sound irritated but inwardly hoping he hasn't passed out from 
the shock. Fortunately enough I finally distinguish the sounds of 
a hand taking hold of the receiver.

"Please tell me you're lying" he says raggedly, his tone of voice 
clearly displaying his pain. "Please tell me this is some kind of 
sick joke you girls are trying to play on me". Despite his 
accusations I know he really doesn't believe his own words, he's 
just trying to avoid the truth of mine.

"I wish I were, Mamoru, but I'm not" I finally say. Since he 
doesn't reply right away I decide to find out what I had intended 
in the first place. I am usually not one to beat around the bush, 
but it can sometimes be useful to say things indirectly so as to 
obtain an honest response from someone, which is exactly what I'm 
aiming for.

Trying to sound as sarcastic as possible (hoping a tinge of guilt 
would make things easier) I continue talking "I'm not even sure 
why I bothered to call you. Still, I thought you needed to know 
what is happening to the girl you supposedly once loved. Of course 
she doesn't know any of this, I think she..."

"SHUT UP!!!" is Mamoru's first reaction to my quite obvious 
accusations, effectively cutting them off... for the moment. *Good, 
now that I have managed to add some salt to an open wound I just 
need to make him confess...*

A most unnerving silence follows Mamoru's outburst, and since I've 
never liked people keeping quiet for such a long period of time 
during a conversation, I decide to take matters into my own hands. 
Yet, before I am able to utter a single word, Mamoru's voice 
interrupts me "Don't you dare tell me I don't give a damn about 
Usagi because I..." and he suddenly stops. I can't tell for sure, 
but I think I know what he was about to say and I think I know why 
he didn't. Okay, time for a bit of derisive intervention. "You 
what, Mamoru-san? You love her? Don't give me that shit! We all 
know how you've treated Usa for the past two weeks, and in case 
you don't know mister, that is no way to demonstrate..." and with 
that I'm once more interrupted by an evidently disturbed Mamoru 
"Would you just SHUT UP?!"

His rough and aggressive tone of voice makes me gasp in surprise; 
true, I was expecting a reaction, but not one so abrupt, violent, 
and earnest. I suppose he must have sensed my bafflement, because 
after my intake of breath he sighs and replies in a muted and more 
gentle tone of voice "I... I'm sorry Rei-chan. I have no right to 
yell at you. I understand why you're accusing me so strongly, but... 
there are some things you don't know and that I just can't explain..."

"Well, you better find a way to do so, Mamoru-kun, but before you 
do the effort I just need to know something. You have already told 
me that you care for Usagi, but... do you love her?" When he doesn't 
reply immediately I let my temper rise once more "Come on Mamoru! 
All you have to say is yes or no, it's as simple as that. You just 
have to be honest with yourself: do you love her?"

"I... I..."

"Dammit Chiba! Do you or do you not?" And that's when the bubble 
finally bursts. "YES! I do. I love her with all my heart. I love 
her so much that this whole facade is tearing me apart. I can't 
stand being away from her and yet I have to. Every time a cold 
word escapes from my mouth I'm trying not to let a tear follow 
suit. All I have done was supposed to keep her safe and alive, but 
after what you've told me... I just don't know what to think 
anymore" he finishes in an almost inaudible whisper.

I ponder his words for a while before replying in a commanding 
accent "I don't understand what you're talking about, but that 
doesn't matter right now, you'll have enough time to explain 
yourself later on. What you have to do is go get your car and come 
as quickly as you can to the 3rd floor of Juuban Hospital. Don't 
worry, I'll try to answer all of your questions once you get here. 
Now hurry!"

"I'm on my way" is the last thing he says before I hear a click 
and the distinct sound of the telephone line. 

*	*	*	*	*

(9:50 PM)

Even before I arrived to the hospital a sense of doom had already 
settled on the pit of my stomach, but it wasn't until I stepped 
into the sliding doors and looked at all the people's worried 
faces that it finally dawned on me that Usako must be suffering 
from a very grave sickness to have to stay in here. Now, as I 
enter the elevator and push the button leading to the third floor 
I realize I'm absolutely terrified to see what has become of my 
true love. What makes me even more uneasy is the fact that my 
conversation with Rei just a few minutes ago leads me to believe 
that somehow I have helped in the development of Usako's illness. 
I know it sounds crazy, but why else would she have mentioned her 
disaproval of my attitude towards Usako if it didn't have anything 
to do with her unhealth? I mean, it would have been enough for her 
to inform me of the situation and leave it to my conscience to 
decide what to do, and yet Rei wouldn't stop asking questions 
until she had me confess what my true feelings towards Usako were, 
almost as if they would determine whether she will live or die.

With all these speculations running through my head I don't 
realize I have already arrived to my destination until an elderly 
woman nudges me in the arm. I blink twice in order to clear my 
mind and look confusingly at the open metallic doors, then at the 
kid standing on tiptoes so as to reach the open door button, and 
finally at the woman who just took me out of my reverie. She 
smiles at me, letting her wrinkles become more noticeable, and 
then says in a motherly tone of voice "I saw you push the third 
floor button the moment you came in, but since you seemed to be 
somewhere else I decided to bring you back before you could miss 
your destination; if you're stopping at the intensive care floor 
it usually means that you have very important matters to attend 
to." she puts a reassuring hand on my shoulder and adds "Besides, 
your face clearly shows your concern for whomever is in here, and 
I didn't think you would like to waste more time than what is 
necessary to see that special someone."

"Grandma! I won't be able to stay in this position forever. Would 
you quit the lecture? Besides, I really want to see mommy and my 
new sister" exclaims the child, his voice a strange mixture of 
annoyance, excitement, and anticipation.

The woman chuckles softly "Sorry darling" she says, her eyes 
softening as she watches her grandson's antics. She then looks 
back at me and offers me another heartwarming smile "I apologize 
for keeping you, it's just that most of the times I don't know how 
to keep myself quiet"

"It's okay madam, don't worry about it" I answer politely while 
giving her a smile of my own. However, the latter is wiped out of 
my face when my mind all of a sudden associates what the woman 
just informed me of with what Rei told me by the phone *Intensive 
care floor? So my Usako IS actually dying?*

I suddenly feel faint, but a firm grip on my arm keeps me from 
falling down. When I turn my gaze towards the person supporting me 
I'm surprised to find out it is the same old woman *She certainly 
is strong* "Dear God, child! You turned so pale I thought you were 
about to pass out. Are you okay?" she asks with a tinge of sincere 
concern in her voice.

I bow my head in an attempt to hide the blush of embarrassment 
because of being called a 'child' and then nod in reply to the 
question. As soon as I regain my composure I manage to crack a 
smile "Thank you for your help madam, but now I really have to go, 
besides, the young lad over there seems to be having a bit of 
trouble with keeping the doors open for me."

"Exactly!" cries the boy, turning slightly to give his grandmother 
a cute pout *Just like Usako's...*

The lady chuckles once again and goes to take his grandson's 
place. With her right hand she pushes the button and with her left 
hand she ruffles the boy's hair "There, are you happy now?"

The child crosses his arms, stomps his right foot, and exhibits a 
most amusing frown "No! I want to see mommy!"

I laugh despite myself and get out of the elevator "I won't keep 
you anymore laddie. I'll get going." 

I start to walk away when the woman's voice suddenly makes me stop 
in my tracks "Young man!" I turn around to face her "Take care of 
her." She says, a knowing smile playing on her lips. I stare at 
her dumbfounded, but just when I'm about to speak again her 
grandson beats me to it.

"Grandma! Can we go now?" complains the child while tugging at the 
woman's sleeve.

As usual, the lady laughs with mirth. I see her right hand fall to 
her side "My, my, aren't we impatient?" is the last thing I hear 
before the metallic doors close completely.

I stay looking at the elevator for a while before finally deciding 
that I should better get going. I turn around once more, only to 
come face to face with Rei. I am about to greet her when she all 
of a sudden takes hold of my left arm and starts to drag me away.

Getting the hint that words will not be necessary at the moment, I 
decide that I should best keep quiet. I know that if I were to 
open my mouth and say something, I would probably have to deal 
with the priestess' wrath... and that's the last thing I want to do 
right now.

Fortunately enough we arrive to our destination in record time. We 
are now standing in front of a white door with a number on it: 
306. I stare at the three digits while trying to imagine what I am 
about to encounter the moment I step into the room.

Almost as if she had read my ponderings, Rei starts to speak 
softly "I don't know and I don't care (at least not now) which 
were your reasons for breaking up with Usagi, but if what you told 
me just a few minutes ago was true then I want you to go in there 
and repeat those simple three words to my friend" immediately 
after she finishes her request, Rei looks up at me and continues 
in a low yet commanding tone of voice "And I am being serious Mr. 
Chiba! If you really care for Usagi you will have to do this, but 
if you don't then I suggest you go back to your apartment and stop 
wasting your time. Is that clear?"

Without saying a word I tear my gaze away from hers and direct it 
towards the doorknob, where my right hand is already turning it 
around. However, before I am able to open the door Rei puts her 
hand on top of mine and gives it an obviously reassuring squeeze, 
a gesture that makes me turn to look at her in confusion. She 
stares at me for a while and then lets her lips curl into a sad 
smile "Be brave" she mutters before walking away.

For a moment I just stare at her retreating form, trying to figure 
out what she had meant with those two simple yet foreboding words 
and at the same time afraid of doing so. Trying my best to shake 
off this unnerving feeling of dread, I take a deep breath, turn 
the doorknob, and step into the darkened room. 

As soon as I walk past the bathroom I have to brace myself on the 
wall and close my eyes tightly in an attempt to control the raw 
emotions that the scene before me has managed to stir up. Even 
after the faintness has somewhat receded I cannot bring myself to 
open my eyes and face the painful reality. However, a couple of 
minutes later I conclude that my cringing away won't help my 
Usako, thus, with an almost unnatural effort I manage to stand on 
both of my feet and make my stubborn eyesight fully take in the 
panorama.

As I stare at the picture displayed before me I cannot help but 
think that the dreams I have been having are nothing compared to 
it.  This fact is quite disturbing, because if my staying away 
from Usako didn't help to keep her safe, then what had been the 
purpose of our suffering? Why have the fates played such a horrid 
prank on us? What have we done to deserve this pain?

While pondering all this I find myself drawn to the figure resting 
on the middle of white blankets. Her face is averted, and judging 
by the rhythmic rise and fall of her chest I suppose she is 
asleep. Before I know it I start to walk towards her, but stop, 
startled, when she suddenly begins to talk in a dreadfully feeble 
voice "Go away."

With a frown of determination plastered on my face I take another 
step forward, deliberately ignoring her command. Since she still 
hasn't looked my way I'm utterly shocked by her next remark "I 
said go away, Chiba-san" Hearing her say my name in such a formal 
and cold manner gives my heart a painful twinge, but I decide to 
ignore it for the time being. Standing my ground I find enough 
courage to speak up "Usako, I need to talk to you."

Almost as if I had slapped her across the face, those words make 
her head turn to the side to finally meet my gaze. "What's the 
point? You said everything you needed to say weeks ago. And don't 
you *ever* call me that way again, you have already lost that 
privilege."

After this outburst she turns away once again, which obviously 
keeps her from noticing the hurt I must be now reflecting all over 
my face. Those words almost managed to rip my heart, but since 
Usako couldn't fully conceal the softness and longing in her tone 
of voice at the end of her tirade, I still have a small ray of 
hope; thus, I risk another try, even though I know the outcome 
will probably be the same "Please, Usako, just listen" I whisper 
shakily.

Refusing to meet my gaze, she curls into a ball and begins to cry 
out, this time not bothering to hide her anguish and confusion "I 
do not want to listen to you! Just leave me alone!" and then, just 
when I'm about to turn around and walk away, the unmistakable 
sound of weeping and a murmured "Just go away, Mamo-chan" stops me 
in my tracks. I reach out for her, but I guess she must have 
realized her mistake, because the moment my hand touches her 
shoulder she brushes it off and then utters hardheartedly "I said 
go away, Chiba-san"

Finally, with a dejected sigh, I decide to leave the room, but not 
before I glance back at her now shaking form.

As soon as I close the door behind me I hear a familiar voice 
calling my name. I look up to see Rei walking towards me, but 
since I'm in no mood to talk and sensing that a look at my face 
will tell her everything she needs to know, I turn around and 
begin to run towards the stairs, keeping my head down so that no 
one will notice my tears.

*	*	*	*	*

Thursday (6:00 AM)

"Rei! Rei! Wake up!"

Moaning in exasperation, I place my right hand to my forehead and 
begin to rub my temples *Why me?!* is the first thought that comes 
to my mind.

I sit up and just when I'm about to stretch and yawn I crack open 
an eye; I stop both actions, staring with wide-opened eyes at the 
red digits of my clock *6:00 AM?! Just wait 'till I have my hands 
on him, I'll kill him!* and so thinking I drop to my bed, turn to 
lay on my stomach, and place my wonderfully soft pillow over my 
head.

"Rei! Rei!" I groan, hearing the annoying voice getting closer and 
closer by the minute. I lift the pillow slightly so that my voice 
won't be muffled by it "Go away Yuuchirou! I don't have classes 
until 7:45 and I could REALLY use a good sleep!" with that said I 
go back to my former position.

Suddenly I hear the sliding doors of my room open and I sit up 
with a shriek, effectively throwing my poor, innocent, and 
unsuspecting pillow to the floor. Holding the sheets to my chest, 
I glare at the impertinent man leaning on the doorframe.

As I stare at him trying to catch his breath with quick gasps and 
pants I unexpectedly realize that he actually looks quite 
attractive (in a scruffy kind of way), but cows will fly before I 
admit that out loud. However, all this thoughts are set aside the 
moment I recall how rudely and at what an unearthly hour he woke 
me up "What the hell do you want?" I ask in a more than incensed 
tone of voice.

He visibly cringes under my outburst, a gesture that makes me feel 
somewhat guilty, but I quickly shake this feeling off. With his 
left hand still placed on his heaving chest, Yuuchirou begins to 
talk despite his breathlessness "The-there's a... a man as-as-king 
for you. He says it's... urgent!"

Now wide awake, I frown in confusion and mutter to myself "How 
weird..." then, turning to Yuuchirou, I ask "Did he tell you his 
name?"

"He calls himself Chiba Mamoru"

I put my right hand to my mouth to stifle a gasp of surprise and 
then stand up "Take him to the living room and tell him I'll be 
there in a little while" determined to start dressing myself, I do 
not wait for his reply. I hastily grab the nearest clothes, but 
that's all I am able to do, because a sudden intake of breath 
makes me stop. I turn around to see a seemingly paralyzed 
Yuuchirou staring at me with his mouth and eyes wide-opened. 
Blushing in embarrassment, I quickly grab my discarded pillow for 
protection and yell at him "What the hell are you doing standing 
there?! Get going!"

"Y-yes, of course, yes!" he stutters while shaking his head, 
almost  as if he were forcing himself to come out of his reverie. 
Glancing back at me with a telltale blush covering his face, he 
then turns to leave, but since he wasn't paying attention he bumps 
his head with the doorframe. He slides the doors back to their 
place while rubbing the abused section and groaning painfully. I 
then hear him walk away cursing under his breath. I giggle softly 
despite myself and begin to put on the much more decent clothes 
laying in a forgotten heap at my feet.

*	*	*	*	*

The sight that greets me the moment I enter the living room can 
only be described as heart-breaking: Mamoru has dreadfully dark 
rings under his tired eyes, his hair is quite disheveled, and his 
entire carriage simply emanates an air of unbearable melancholy.

Sensing that nor my pity nor my questioning his most unusual visit 
will make him feel any better, I try to cheer him up a bit by 
giving him a welcoming and kind smile, hoping that he will explain 
things all by himself "Hello, Mamoru-kun" I say softly.

Trying to reflect my smile (but failing miserably), he replies in 
a shaky and even softer tone of voice, one that I couldn't have 
been able to recognize as his own if it weren't for the fact that 
he's right in front of me "Hello, Rei. I'm sorry to wake you up so 
early, but I needed to talk to you..."

I think I already know what (or rather whom) is the reason for his 
being here, but instead of speaking my thoughts out loud I merely 
lift my eyebrows, encouraging him to continue. As soon as he 
notices this, he sighs and averts his gaze "...about Usako." 

Nodding in understanding, I walk towards my visitor to sit on the 
cushion right across from him; I then prop my arms on the table 
and rest my head on my intertwined hands "Well then, talk. I'm 
listening."

And so he begins to explain why he had decided that dumping Usagi 
was the most logical thing to do. By the time he finishes 
describing his dream I arrive to a conclusion that I cannot help 
but express with blunt sarcasm and disbelief "Goodness, and I had 
actually thought you were a smart guy!"

Mamoru at first stares at me dumbfounded, but he then glares at me 
quite menacingly *If looks could kill...* "Geez! I come here waiting 
for advice and maybe a bit of compassion and all I get is derisive 
criticism! Thanks a lot, Rei!" he says, trying to sound mad but 
instead managing to exhibit his hurt even more.

I smile at him somewhat apologetically, still, I do not back down 
my ruthlessness "I might be able to give you advice, Mamoru-kun, 
but I'm afraid I cannot be compassionate with you; not when I know 
what your mistake has done to my friend. I simply can't believe 
that you would take such drastic measures without consulting Usagi 
first; I'm pretty sure the both of you could have found a more 
suitable solution." I pause for a little while before finally 
losing my composure "It's just a dream after all!" I exclaim 
heatedly.

"You only say that because you haven't had to endure it night 
after night, wondering every time if it is truly a premonition or 
merely a nightmare born out of my personal fears. If I had told 
Usako about this... vision, she would most likely tell me to forget 
about it, but if this forewarning were indeed true and I dared to 
ignore it, I would never be able to forgive myself... besides, 
losing the love of my life all over again would simply be too much 
for me to handle. Thus, realizing that my most valuable treasure 
was at stake, I kept quiet because I couldn't take any chances, I 
had to do what I thought was more appropriate at the time. Don't 
you get it? I only stayed away from the woman I love because I 
wanted to keep her alive! Do you really think I would have done 
what I did if I knew this was going to happen to my beloved? Do 
you think I would have left her if I had known she was destined to 
die anyway?" he yells at me while running his fingers through his 
already disheveled black hair.

And it is after this last statement when it finally hits me that 
Mamoru doesn't have the slightest idea of what is the cause of my 
friend's current situation; he's trying to make me understand that 
he never meant to hurt Usagi intentionally, but he's merely 
talking about her emotional state, not about her grave physical 
condition. I put my hands to my face and sigh "That's where you're 
wrong, Mamoru-kun, if you hadn't broken-up with Usagi she wouldn't 
be dying right now."

Mamoru suddenly stops pacing back and forth and turns his clearly 
frightened eyes to meet mine. When he falls to his knees to 
support himself on the table I begin to feel, for the first time, 
a bit of sympathy towards the forlorn and oblivious man that is 
already fighting his own demons without me adding more to the 
list. "W-what do you mean?" he stutters.

Deeply suspecting that not even the great Chiba Mamoru will know 
how to keep his self-control after what I'm about to say, I close 
my eyes, hoping that when I open them again I will have enough 
strength to deal with a seriously battered soul "You of all people 
should know just how sensitive Usagi is. Ever since you claimed 
that you didn't love her anymore she started acting... different. I 
had been wondering what was the reason for this abrupt change in 
her, but it wasn't until yesterday that I finally found out what 
it was..." and so I begin to recap the news Usagi delivered to me so 
calmly last night. Once I finish I finally dare to look at Mamoru, 
who is (not surprisingly) staring at me with a shocked expression 
painted all over his ashen face.

I wait for him to say something, but as soon as I realize that his 
paleness is increasing with every passing moment (something that I 
would have thought impossible if it weren't for the fact that I'm 
seeing it with my very own eyes), I reach out for his cold and 
apparently numb hands to prevent that he passes out "I'm sorry, I 
now know how difficult this must be for you, but I didn't think it 
would be fair to leave you ignorant of the situation. I hope you 
understand that."

There is a long silence before he finally starts speaking in a 
worryingly soft voice "So... she's actually dying... because of me?" 
his hands have unconsciously tightened their grip on mine, most 
likely seeking out some kind of support.

"Yes." is all I'm able to say before he (as I had already 
expected) collapses on top of the table.

(6:30 AM)

Sometimes it's quite amazing what a perfect timing I have. The 
moment I re-enter the living room carrying a wooden tray with two 
cups of steaming coffee on it, I notice Mamoru is beginning to 
stir; as soon as I place my load on the table he suddenly lifts 
his head to look at me with dismay and panic embedded in his eyes 
"So... it was not a hallucination of mine... this is actually 
happening" he whispers; I'm pretty sure he's not talking to me, 
all the same I nod as if my corroboration would make him feel any 
better, when I know for a fact that it will most likely make him 
feel even worse.

My guess is successfully confirmed after I see Mamoru cover his 
head with both of his hands and groan pitifully. Sensing that 
nothing I say will be of any help, I just wait for him to gather 
his thoughts. A few moments later, still not moving from his 
hunched position, I hear his muted and husky voice "Rei?"

A simple "Hmmm?" is all I use to acknowledge him.

"What am I supposed to do?" he asks, finally meeting my gaze.

"I think you already know the answer to that. What you should be 
asking yourself is 'how' you're going to do it." When I realize 
he's absolutely clueless about what I'm saying, I sigh in 
frustration while handing him one of the forgotten cups of coffee. 
He mumbles a 'thanks' and as I pick up my own mug I start talking 
once again "You really are more dense than I had initially 
thought, Mamoru-kun" I pause to take a sip of the invigorating 
dark liquid and to carefully observe his reaction to my last 
statement; he's glaring at me quite openly, but a lovely red hue 
covering both of his cheeks effectively wipes out what could have 
been a menacing appearance. In any other circumstance, I would 
have found it difficult to hold back a giggle at seeing the aloof 
Chiba Mamoru blushing in embarrassment, but at the moment I don't 
even seem to remember how to laugh "You just have to make Usagi 
understand that you truly love her."

Mamoru snorts at this and replies sarcastically "And how am I 
supposed to do that if she doesn't even want to listen to me?!"

I grin at him somewhat cynically "That's why I told you that the 
'how' is what you should be worrying about."

He lowers his gaze and then sighs in resignation "Any ideas?" he 
asks softly, raising his head once again to look at me.

I shake my head reprovingly "You really don't get it, do you? I 
can't tell you how to convince Usagi that you care for her!, you 
have to figure that out on your own... and I suggest you make a good 
job of it, because I can assure you it won't be easy to do so."

"I know" is the last thing I hear him say before he stands up and 
walks out of the temple.

*	*	*	*	*

(3:00 PM)

After having spent what must have been the most boring and 
insufferable seven hours at school, I arrive to the hospital's 
third floor to find a rather grim-looking Dr. Ohara talking to the 
Tsukino's. Feeling that it wouldn't be right to interfere I stay 
out of hearing range, but as soon as I see the couple walk away I 
can no longer keep my curiosity from emerging. With a determined 
frown on my face, I quickly saunter towards the retreating figure 
of the doctor to stop him. I put a firm hand on his left shoulder 
and, as expected, he turns around. Immediately recognizing me, he 
offers me a faint smile "Hello miss Hino. It's good to see you 
once again."

Despite his efforts to sound cheerful so as not to fret me 
(probably afraid to see me have another outburst), I am not easily 
fooled, I can clearly notice the worried ness in his eyes "What's 
wrong doctor?"

I can see a bit of hesitation enter his eyes, but when it suddenly 
vanishes Dr. Ohara begins to put in plain words what he had 
undoubtedly been explaining to Kenji and Ikuko just a moment ago. 
"Even after nearly one day Usagi's wounds haven't stopped 
bleeding, and I'm beginning to think that we're dealing with 
something completely out of our medical knowledge. The results of 
Mr. and Mrs. Tsukino's blood tests should be ready by tomorrow 
morning and though I'm still hoping that they will give us some 
kind of guidance, I have the unnerving feeling that we won't be 
able to do anything" he stops to take a deep breath and then 
continues in a whisper "Fortunately enough, Usagi's injures are 
quite small, which gives us a lapse of about twelve hours between 
each transfusion. Nevertheless, it worries me to think that if we 
don't stop the hemorrhage soon, her body will start to reject the 
blood we're providing for it."

"Why?" I ask, alarmed at the prospect of that happening before 
Mamoru has a chance to make my foolish friend come to her senses.

"Well, you see, nowadays blood transfusions are mostly done 
without so much as a problem, and so far it has been that way with 
Usagi; however, since we had never had to perform more than one 
transfusion in a patient, we don't know how her body will react 
after several of them. You have probably heard that when someone 
donates blood he or she has to wait at least 6 months before doing 
so again, and though we can't be sure because, as I already told 
you, it has never happened before, we have reason to believe that 
it must be the same with those who receive it."

"What happens to those who do not wait the required time?"

"If they are lucky enough nothing will happen, but if they're not, 
they are likely to suffer a shock." I suppose my face must be 
reflecting my clueless ness, because as soon as the doctor looks 
at me he begins to explain further "A shock may be caused by 
several factors, but one of the most common is blood loss."

"If that's so, why would there be any problem with Usagi? 
According to what you have just told me, one of the many reasons 
for which she needs to receive blood is to prevent her having a 
shock. What's wrong with that?"

"Well, miss Hino, you have to take into account that no matter how 
beneficial, a blood transfusion is still an artificial process, 
and it is not that easy to fool the human body, not even with the 
help of sophisticated technology. In order to extract or, in this 
case, provide blood we have to follow certain policies so as not 
to have complications; I have already told you one, and in order 
to answer your question I have to make you understand why it is 
considered one of the most important. To put it in simple words: 
after someone donates blood, his or her body starts to restore 
what has been lost, but if this is done in a frequent basis the 
balance is broken; now, a transfusion is exactly the opposite 
case, but we can easily analyze it in the same way: the reason for 
which we have to perform a transfusion is because we cannot let 
someone lose more than 2 liters of blood; this course of action is 
meant to help the person recover the lost fluid before having a 
shock or dying. Doing it once can hardly be a problem, because we 
are merely accelerating a normal process in an emergency situation 
that obviously needs to be taken care of as quickly as possible; 
nevertheless, if we repeat this over and over again it is no 
longer an aid, but rather an interference. We can administer 
whatever amount of blood is required while we are getting rid (so 
to speak) of the cause of hemorrhage, but when that has been done 
there is no need for us to intervene again. In Usagi's case we 
haven't been able to do this, therefore we have had to repeat 
something that shouldn't be done but once. If her condition 
doesn't change anytime soon, our constant intrusion could alter 
her blood's elements' equilibrium and thus her body will no longer 
accept the vital fluid that we're providing; when that happens, we 
won't be able to do anything more to help your friend." There is a 
long silence before he starts to speak in a pensive manner, almost 
as if he were talking only to himself "Most doctors are reluctant 
to admit it, but the fact is that we can't do anything useful if 
the patient has already lost the will to live, and I have reason 
to believe that that is exactly what is happening with Usagi. 
Something in her tone of voice and demeanor tells me that there is 
more to this case than what meets the eye, because if I were asked 
to make an analysis of the situation right now based merely on 
medical standards, I would have to say that it is completely 
ludicrous to even consider the possibility of the existence of a 
disease in which an insignificant wound can put a person's life in 
jeopardy because not even stitches can stop its bleeding."

Since I cannot bring myself to say anything I just nod at the 
doctor and start to walk away, still dumbfounded by what has been 
revealed to me. However, I have barely taken my second step when I 
am stopped by both a hand and a voice "Miss Hino!" I turn my head 
to look over my shoulder and as soon as our gazes meet, Dr. Ohara 
lets his hand fall with a sigh "Please don't mention anything I 
have just told you to the Tsukinos'. I don't think they are ready 
to bear it."

Finding my current position somewhat uncomfortable, I turn 
completely around to reply to his request "I understand, I don't 
think it would be wise to tell them that you think their daughter 
might not want to fight for her life anymore, it's..." but before 
I'm able to say more, he abruptly interrupts me.

"I was not only referring to that, but to everything I've said."

"But I thought that that's what you had been explaining to them 
when I arrived." I say, frowning in confusion.

Dr. Ohara shakes his head "No, I was only telling them about the 
tests and Usagi's next scheduled transfusion. I haven't presented 
my still unfounded theories to them because just as I don't want 
to give them false hope, I also think it's not advisable (or 
necessary for that matter) to make their worries increase 
tenfold."

"So, why did you tell me of all people?"

Much to my surprise, Dr. Ohara smiles at me somewhat playfully "I 
might have not known you for a long time, miss Hino, but I can 
sincerely tell you that being the object of your wrath once was 
more than enough, and I very much doubt that you would have given 
up without a fight if I had refused to answer your question. So 
let's just say I made things easier for the both of us." He winks 
at me and then starts to walk away, leaving me with troubled 
thoughts and a reddened face.

*	*	*	*	*

(6:00 PM)

Considering I've only been here for a day it's amazing just how 
many people have already come to visit me. I have always had the 
ability to tell what someone is feeling, but in this case I don't 
think this gift has had anything to do with my noticing the worry 
in each and every one of my visitors' eyes, because one would have 
to be blind not to see that my 'illness' is affecting, one way or 
another, everybody who is close to me.

Aside from my sporadic guests such as Motoki, Naru, Umino, and (as 
incredible as it may sound) miss Haruna, the girls have only left 
the hospital when they are forced to do so. Rei has brought me 
some discs along with her own stereo and has been trying to 
convince me (in vain) to change my mind; Minako-chan managed to 
hide both Luna and Artemis in a basket and though they made a 
pretty good attempt at cheering me up while trying to conceal 
their concern at the same time, the moment they left the room I 
could no longer keep my joviality. Mako-chan has been pampering me 
with her delicious food and although I am very grateful for her 
kindness, I haven't found the courage to tell her that I am 
beginning to lose my appetite. And last but not least, Ami-chan 
has also been a great company for she is a wonderful 
conversationalist, something I hadn't realized before.

And of course I cannot forget to point out the attentions that my 
family has been giving me. Since this is not the first time I've 
been sick (though probably the first time I've been interned in a 
hospital with no clear idea of when or if I'm going to get out) I 
had already been expecting both of my parents' tenderness and 
concern, but what came as quite a pleasant surprise was both 
Shingo's and Chibi-Usa's change of attitude. The little pink-
haired girl has been such a sweetheart that I am not only 
beginning to forget how is it that she had always managed to 
infuriate me so, but I'm also starting to enjoy and look forward to her visits.

My brother hasn't had such a drastic change, but considering he's 
used to tease me incessantly, I guess that even small gestures 
such as volunteering to take me to the gardens and talk to me 
without using insulting words are his own way of telling me that 
he does care.

"Believe me Usagi, you'll love this place! Chibi-Usa and I 
discovered it while we were playing hide-and-seek and we both 
agreed to show it to you as soon as possible. She will probably be 
mad at me because I didn't invite her, but when I saw you lying on 
that bed... I just wanted to do something to cheer you up." I might 
not be used to Shingo treating me well, but I think I know him 
well enough to understand without looking at his face what that 
hesitancy I just heard in his voice meant.

Smiling at my little brother's barely hidden concern, I reply to 
his unspoken question by placing my hand on his while whispering a 
soft "Thank you." After this brief exchange of tenderness a long 
comfortable silence ensues.

As I listen to chirping birds, the faraway murmur of people 
talking, and the monotonous sound of the moving wheelchair, I 
start to get a bit drowsy. It is Shingo's excited voice that 
brings me back to consciousness "We're here. You can open your 
eyes now."

When I do I gasp in amazement because the sight that greets me is 
absolutely breathtaking. As I look at the surroundings I realize 
why both Shingo and Chibi-Usa were certain I would love this 
place. Unfortunately, the colorful scenery displayed before my 
lifeless eyes all of a sudden conjures memories that make my heart 
throb with longing and despair.

"Usagi? Are you okay?" asks my little brother, his voice now 
clearly etched with worry.

Not having enough strength nor will to conceal my emotions, I 
start to sob openly, much to Shingo's confusion and 
disappointment. I close my eyes but to no avail: the image of 
thousands of blood red roses stares back at me, haunting me, 
mocking me, torturing me...

To be continued...

Author's notes:

Once again, if you see there is something wrong with the 
information presented, please send me an e-mail telling me so. 
Thanks.

Finished on: Wednesday August 29th, 2001. 3:01 AM
Last revised: Friday August 31st, 2001. 10:54 PM