E-mail: sailor_dafne@hotmail.com
Homepage: www.geocities.com/sailor_dafne
Rating: PG-13
By: Dafne

Standard disclaimer applied.

Rose's tears
Chapter 2: Reflections

Wednesday (6:35 PM)

Chibi - Usa ran happily up the stairs. As soon as she reached 
Usagi's room she opened the door and gasped at what she saw. An 
unconscious Usagi laid sprawled on the floor next to her window. 
As she neared the limp body she noticed that a blood covered stem 
rested by her side, several rose's petals (equally stained) were 
scattered around her, and the carpet had red spots all over it. It 
didn't take long for Chibi - Usa to discover the source of all 
this mess: both of Usagi's hands had various tiny wounds which, 
despite their seemingly harmless size, were uncontrollably 
shedding fresh blood.

The little girl could not move nor talk for fear had possessed her 
whole being, she could only stare wide - eyed at the scene 
displayed before her. After a few minutes she finally found her 
voice and ran out the door. She could be heard throughout the 
entire house shouting at the top of her lungs "Auntie Ikuko!!!!" 

*	*	*	*	*

(6:20 PM)

I hate myself so much, how could I possibly hurt her? But I didn't 
have a choice, now, did I? I'd never forgive myself if anything 
happened to her, and if I stay near her she will die, and that I 
cannot bear. Sure, it's painful to be away from her, but at least 
I know she's alive. Besides, I'm sure she'll get over it and find 
someone else that truly deserves her love...

This last thought brings to my mind images of Usako being held by 
a complete stranger and, not surprisingly, I start to get jealous 
of this faceless man who will sooner or later replace me. I shake 
the feeling off and decide to use my reason instead. "Remember 
that you are doing this to protect her. There's no other way" I 
say softly, trying to reassure myself. Yet... why do I feel as if 
I have done the wrong thing? I've tried to keep myself busy to 
avoid thinking of her, but it's to no avail. I can't seem to get 
that crucial day out of my mind and I keep recalling it over and 
over again as if it had been just yesterday...

***Flashback***

I was sprawled on the floor helping Chibi - Usa with her homework 
when suddenly I heard the doorbell ringing. Tiredly I stood up and 
said "Finish that problem while I go and see who is it, ok?" the 
little pink-haired girl nodded and continued with her work. I 
smiled down at her and then added "I'll be right back." I headed 
towards the door and when I opened it I found Usako standing right 
in front of me. *Oh God, please... not now* I thought. I was 
shocked, my mind was suddenly overflowed by emotions, and I didn't 
know what to do. I felt my eyes fill up with tears and my whole 
body started to tremble. I quickly realized what I was doing and 
managed to repress my feelings placing a hard - looking face, I 
couldn't allow her to know how I really felt. Fortunately she 
didn't seem to notice my first reaction.

She smiled shyly at me and said "Mamo-chan, I need to talk to 
you," then added uncertainly "may I come in?"

I didn't answer, I just opened the door a little bit wider and 
walked in my apartment again, leaning on a wall where the shadows 
hid my face strategically.

She followed me and closed the door behind her.

"What are you doing here?" I asked emotionlessly. Actually I knew 
perfectly well why she had come, but since I desperately wanted to 
finish the conversation as soon as possible, what better way than 
to go direct to the point?

"Mamo-chan, why did you break up with me?" she asked, trying to 
hold back tears. Her usually loud, cheerful, and steady voice was 
now ragged, filled with pain, and barely above a whisper.

Finally, the question I'd been dreading for the last 2 days. At 
first I couldn't reply, but after a while I answered in such a 
cold way I even surprised myself "I don't love you anymore, 
Usagi".

I'll never forget her reaction: her beautiful blue eyes shimmered 
with unshed tears and her lower lip began to tremble with emotion. 
At that moment all I wanted to do was take her in my arms and tell 
her that it wasn't true, that she was my life, my one and only 
love. I wanted to spill out everything about the awful dreams I 
had been having, but somehow I managed to hold back. 

She smiled sadly and closed her eyes before lowering her head. "Oh 
Mamo-chan," she pleaded softly "I promise I'll change. I'll start 
taking things more seriously, I won't be a crybaby anymore, I..."

I couldn't let her go on, so I interrupted her in mid-sentence 
"Don't you understand, Usagi? I don't care about you anymore!" I 
yelled at her.

She visibly flinched under my hateful words, but quickly recovered 
her strength and replied calmly "You know what, Mamoru?" she asked 
and I winced inwardly, already missing the endearment with which 
she usually addressed me. "I don't believe you" I was stunned by 
her answer, but since she didn't seem to notice the bewildered 
look on my face I just stood paralyzed and let her continue. "You 
must remember that you once were Prince Endymion and that I was 
Princess Serenity. Our love has lasted for centuries, it just 
can't end like this. We are soul mates, we were destined for each 
other even before we were born".

I just wished this exchange would come to an end, because I was 
starting to lose all of my willpower. *Oh Usako, why do you have 
to be so adorable?, you're just making this more difficult for me* 
I thought. Lacking of a better way to let out my pent up 
frustration, I pounded my fist on the wall and continued with the 
charade "How many times do I have to repeat this to you, Usagi? I 
don't love you anymore!!! I don't care if we were engaged a 
million years ago, I don't want to be bound to you just because of 
what happened in the past, that's over now, we're through!!!"

That did it, the tears she had been holding back for so long were 
now flowing freely down her flushed cheeks. As I watched her, pain 
invaded my whole being for I couldn't stand to see her cry, 
especially when I knew I had been the cause of her suffering. My 
very own words had pierced through my heart and apparently they 
had had the same stinging effect on her, only much more stronger.

The moment she looked up at me my already bruised heart shattered 
to a million pieces. The joyful girl that had once hit me with a 
test paper had now been replaced by a depressed and devastated 
young woman with bloodshot eyes and a tear stained face.

She looked around the room until her eyes fixed on a pair of small 
shoes. I could clearly see her features fill up with anger and 
even more woe, if that were possible "Chibi - Usa is here, isn't 
she?" she demanded. I just lowered my head. "It's because of her, 
isn't it? You prefer to be with her rather than with me. You love 
her, don't you?!"

Where did she get such an idea? How could she think something like 
that? Usako is and will always be my one and only love *But how 
can you expect her to know that when you're treating her like 
dirt? You can't really blame her, can you Mamoru?* a part of my 
mind chastised emphatically, but the other half replied just as 
vigorously *But that's not the point, I mean, Chibi Usa's just a 
kid! Sure, I love her, but not as she thinks, she is just like a 
little sister to me*

"Don't be ridiculous, Usagi" was my only response to her 
inaccurate suggestion.

"Ok, I understand, Mamoru" she said in between sobs "I'm so sorry 
for making you waste your time, I promise I won't bother you 
anymore. Good - bye, my love" she said this last two words so 
softly I almost didn't hear them. 

Trying to suppress the urge to just take her in my arms and 
whisper soothing words in her ear, I clenched my fists tightly and 
stood paralyzed, watching as she turned around and ran out the 
door crying heartbreakingly. As soon as she was gone I pounded my 
already whitened left fist on the wall and cursed myself. Suddenly 
I realized someone was behind me. I turned around to face Chibi - 
Usa. She ran up to me and immediately broke down sobbing. She said 
that everything that had happened was because of her fault, but I 
assured her that she had nothing to do with it. 

After she had calmed down we returned to my bedroom and finished 
her assignment. She left about an hour later.

When I found myself alone I finally gave in and broke down 
sobbing, trying to get rid of all the grief that was beginning to 
tear me apart. 

***End of Flashback***

Since then, every single night I've cried my heart out until I 
give up to a restless slumber, just to wake up the next morning 
bathed in sweat because of the frightening nightmares that have 
been haunting me all these weeks. I was hoping that at least they 
would stop bothering me after breaking-up with Usako, but quite 
ironically they have only become more vivid, a fact that makes me 
wonder for about the hundredth time if I have done the right 
thing.

I'm now standing at my balcony admiring the sunset's beauty. It 
won't be long before the sky is illuminated by millions of 
twinkling stars and the soft peaceful glow of the Moon. As I think 
of the latter I cannot help but feel a hollow in my heart, for I 
am afraid I will never be able to enjoy its princess' warmth, her 
love, her carefree nature, her smile, her hugs, her kisses... Oh 
dear God, I miss her so much, I NEED her!!! Why is this happening 
to me? Why is this happening to US? What have we done to deserve 
so much grief? Why is something always attempting to keep us 
apart? Was it not our destiny to be together? 

Suddenly all my thoughts fly away as I feel a sharp pain cut 
through my whole body. I can barely breath and I start to tremble 
uncontrollably. 

A few minutes later the agony starts to go away, but I feel as 
though half of my soul is leaving with it as well. A dreadful 
thought assaults my mind and I'm suddenly overwhelmed with fear. 
"Oh God, please tell me it's not true, tell me I'm wrong, tell me 
she's all right" I pray silently.

(9:30 PM)

I jump in surprise when the phone starts ringing. Slowly I walk 
into my living room and pick up the receiver.

"Hello?"

"Ma- Mamoru?" asks a trembling voice.

"Rei-chan? What is it?" I ask very concerned, her tone of voice 
tells me that something is pretty wrong and I am afraid I already 
know what it is.

"Mamoru," she repeats in between sobs "you have to come 
immediately, U- Usagi...." her voice breaks down and, not being 
able to finish her sentence, she starts crying uncontrollably.

I can't think clearly for my mind is in a whirlwind. I can feel my 
legs faltering and a few seconds later I find myself on my knees.

"Wha...what's wrong with Usako?" I stammer.

I hear her gasp in surprise, and I do not blame her for it. I 
assume that all the girls have noticed that ever since I broke up 
with Usako I have been treating her pretty badly, therefore I have 
never called her that way for the last two weeks. *Well, at least 
not in public...*

When she finally finds her voice she only manages to say "Usagi..." 
and then stops. Now I'm getting nervous. If what has happened to 
my Usako has left the fierce Senshi of Fire speechless, it must be 
something quite serious. After a few nerve-wracking seconds she 
takes in a deep breath and continues "Usagi... is dying"

To be continued...

Last revised: Monday July 2nd, 2001. 5:59 PM