"For Argument's Sake."
By: Isis  @}->--
isis@moonkingdom.com
Rating: G
Disclaimers: Don't sue and don't copy!
AN.  Decisions of the heart are always the hardest to see; 
but when you take a close look, don't expect to find exactly what 
you want.


Chapter 11
*@}->--*


"It just felt wrong!  I mean there was no emotion, it was just some 
physical attraction type of thing.  Or something-Oh!"  Serena was 
so frustrated she could just scream.  She was pacing around her 
apartment picking things up and setting them back down again.  
She didn't know what she was doing, she held no control over her 
unleashed emotions and her body was simply trying to find 
something to do with itself.

"I don't know what I did, or what I'm doing and I haven't a clue as 
to what to do now and I can't even figure out whether or not I like 
the guy, although I like the guy, I mean he's really sweet and cute 
and lovable, but I don't know if I like him that way and I know I 
don't like him enough to go around kissing him like that, and then 
I just left him standing there looking at me like that, and..."  She 
finally remembered to shut up.

Darien for his part simply sat there and calmly looked at her while 
she threw her little tantrum and stopped pacing.  He'd said exactly 
five words since he'd entered her apartment.  "What is it this 
time?"  And he wasn't getting any more vocal.

She forced herself to stop and look at him as calmly as possible.  
"So what do I do?"

He looked at her for a moment as if weighing something.  "Why do 
I always get the relationship questions again?"

"Because I need help!"  She screeched at him.  He sat there 
looking a bit sour but thoughtful.  She immediately felt bad for 
pouring all of this out on him again.  "I'm sorry Darien."  She 
flopped down on the arm of the chair he was sitting in and leaned 
against the back next to him.  "I don't mean to always place all of 
my worldly troubles on you, but you're always so good at helping 
me through them.  I know this isn't fair to you.  You shouldn't 
have to go through this with me every other day because I can't 
think for myself."

She noticed that he wasn't going to stop her from berating herself 
like he normally did either.  She lapsed into silence beside him 
wondering what she had done to deserve that cool demeanor from 
him.  *Maybe he's just getting totally sick of me.*  It was entirely 
possible.  This whole thing was driving her crazy and she was the 
one living it.  Darien had to be completely fed up with it by now.

She looked over at him out of the corner of her eye trying not to 
get caught staring at him.  Still the same expression.  And one that 
she didn't recognize on him she had to add.  He didn't seem angry 
with her at least, but then again what if he was mad at her for 
always bring this up and just didn't want to hurt her by saying so?  
That thought jerked her into action.  "Darien?!"

He looked at her a bit startled by the sudden interruption of his 
thoughts.  "I'm sorry," she said hoping she could get him to open 
up and tell her what he was thinking.  "I promise I won't bring this 
up again.  I know, it's my problem and I'll deal with it."

He chucked at her a bit.  "I've never known you to deal with 
anything on your own."

She felt ashamed of herself at his words.  It was true, she just 
couldn't handle anything on her own.  She should be able to make 
her own decisions and not rely on everyone else, but it was hard to.  
"I'm sorry," she mumbled.

"That wasn't meant as an insult."

She turned to him again, confusion written over her face.  He 
laughed lightly at her.  "I know how much you depend on people.  
I'll always be here for you, you know that.  I just don't exactly 
know what to tell you, Serena.  This isn't a department that I'm 
well familiar with you know.  And in all truth you're the only 
person that can answer your biggest question.  How do you feel 
about him?"  He waited for a reply of some sort from her and she 
didn't know if she had one.

"I don't know..."  She stopped herself.  He was right; she was the 
only person that was ever going to answer that question.  But she 
felt so tormented inside.  A part of her screamed to just say that she 
really cared for him since he seemed to care for her.  That way she 
would have someone there with her.  But that was the wrong 
reason and she knew it.  She didn't want to just have someone; she 
had to have real feelings for him.

"Maybe I do have feelings for him.  I mean that impulse had to 
come from somewhere right?"  He didn't say anything.  And she 
was upset that he didn't say anything.  *Why is he being so cold!*  
She continued to think for a while.  "Maybe I'm trying to tell 
myself what I do feel.  I mean relationships aren't something that 
I've been good at either.  Maybe I'm just not being truthful with 
myself."

Still Darien didn't say anything to help her, or make this easier, or 
anything at all for that matter and it was beginning to unnerve her 
as much as her problems were.  "Darien, please, tell me what you 
think."

"I can't tell you want to feel and what not to feel Serena."

"No, but you can tell me what you think."  She wasn't going to let 
him get away with not talking to her like this.

He seemed to think quietly for a time before shaking his head as if 
clearing his thoughts away and looking back to her.  "You have to 
do what's best for you.  If you don't know whether you care or not 
that means that you care some.  I guess, I'd have to tell you, to see 
where that leads you."

He sounded very unsure of that last sentence and she silently 
wondered why, but didn't press the issue.  "You're right, I do have 
some feelings for him, I just need to find out if they're enough or 
not."  She was silent a moment as she thought.  But it wasn't about 
Neil; it was Darien that confused her.  He wasn't acting like 
himself, something was wrong but she didn't understand what.  
Maybe he was sick of this after all.  "Thank you, Darien.  I really 
needed someone to talk to."

He smiled at her slightly in his own little private way.  "Hey, 
what's a friend for?"


Serena once again stood on her balcony watching the city's lights 
twinkle on and off.  Darien had left hours before.  He had only 
given her a quick hug and whispered, "Everything will work out," 
to her before disappearing out her door.  It bothered her that he 
hadn't been more sympathetic.

So she let the cold night surround her as images of two men floated 
through her mind.  *Maybe he's tired of giving you advice all the 
time and wants to make you think for yourself.*  That would be 
more like Darien, force her to do something he knew she wouldn't 
want to do on her own.  But why this?  Why now?

*Maybe he really doesn't know what to do either.*  He'd said that 
he wasn't sure what to do for her, it was possible he just didn't 
want to give her bad advice.  But he seemed so preoccupied.  So 
distracted and distant.

*Maybe he doesn't want you to date Neil because he doesn't want 
to lose you to him!*  Was that possible?!

She startled herself out of her unseeing stare and walked back 
inside.  Could that be what he was worried about?  Their 
conversation only a month earlier came back to her.  "I don't want 
us to split apart.  Darien, I need you..."  "No, you won't someday.  
Until then, just let me hold you close."

Instinctively she hugged herself fiercely and swallowed the sobs 
threatening her.  "No," she whispered to her dark apartment.  
"No!" she screamed to herself.  She wouldn't let that happen, she 
wouldn't let them break apart like he had predicted.  She couldn't!  
And she wouldn't; wouldn't let anyone tear her away from 
someone she cared for so much.

She mindlessly walked into her bedroom and snuggled into bed.  
She curled up in a ball with her pillow and tried to force herself to 
sleep.  But as soon as she struggled against thinking of one man in 
her life she saw the other before her eyes.  Finally exhausted her 
body gave out before her mind did.  She fell into a troubled 
dreamscape where her emotions began to take over.


She found herself standing on a balcony again.  Only this time she 
overlooked the beautiful garden and landscaping of the imperial 
palace.  She noted with a familiarity that her dream self had that 
the Earth's huge domed sphere hung low in the sky above her.  A 
warm breeze sighed around her lazily and played with her hair and 
the hem of her dress.

A long white gown.  The skirt tapered down in waves to her feet 
and the small sleeves puffed up on her shoulders.  The hems were 
covered with gold threading and the bodice was covered with rings 
of gold.  This was her normal gown of state but tonight it had 
become her wedding gown.

The ceremony had finally joined her with her one true love.  Price 
Neil had taken her hand in marriage only that afternoon.  But as 
she gazed lovingly up at the Earth she knew that her happiness was 
incomplete.  Darien, Prince of Earth, and her closest friend and 
confidant hadn't been able to attend the wedding.  But he had 
promised to make the venture to the moon as soon as possible in 
order to be there with her on this special night.

He hadn't arrived yet.

"Princess Serena?"  Turning she saw Lita, Princess of Jupiter, 
walking out onto the balcony with her.  She was a dear friend to 
her and a member of her court as well.

"Hello Lita.  It is so pretty tonight I had to come out for a minute."  
She turned her gaze back to the Earth as Lita confirmed her 
statement.  "I am worried though.  Prince Darien has not yet 
arrived and no one seems to know where he is.  I was certain that 
he would have arrived before now.  I do hope he's all right."

"I wouldn't worry Serena, the prince would not abandon you on 
your wedding day.  He will be here as soon as possible."

She was right of course but Serena continued her vigil where his 
home planet could comfort her.  Lita walked back inside and she 
was once again alone.  Somehow she welcomed the solitude.  Neil 
would be entertaining their families and guesses and wouldn't 
notice her absence for a time, but she couldn't stay out here 
forever.

A rustling of cloth and quietly clicking footsteps caught her 
attention.  Turning to look down the balcony's curved side she 
managed a glimpse of the intruder that interrupted her thoughts.  A 
man tall and dark featured quietly walked towards her.  Armor 
covered his frame in colors of silver, blue and black.  A cape of 
black with red lining cloaked him with a swaying shadow behind 
his steady gait.

His breastplate was covered over with high collared jacket and 
silver lining crossing his chest.  His shoulders, torso, hips and legs 
from the knees down were covered by the gleaming armor that she 
could associate only with the kingdom of Earth.  And the blue 
sleeves and pants, the swinging cape and the ornately carved sword 
at his side belonged only to the Crowned Prince.

Her heart melted at the sight.  "Darien!"  She rushed towards him 
down the wide balcony's path.  He looked up to see her rushing to 
him and his steps faltered.  She quickly caught him up in a hug 
feeling the familiar height difference and the strength of his arms 
around her.  "What in the galaxy kept you so long?  I was 
beginning to worry that something had happen on your passage up 
here!"

She stood back to look at him.  He looked tired and his midnight 
hair was tousled a bit more than normal.  But there was a darkness 
to his eyes that she couldn't place.  Even in the dim lighting from 
the hanging planet overhead she could see something in him that 
shouldn't have been there.  "Darien?  Is something wrong?  What 
happened?"

"Nothing is wrong princess," he said in the same caring voice that 
he had always used with her.  "I'm sorry that I couldn't be here 
sooner... and I'm sorry I have to leave you so quickly."

"Leave?  Why?" she yelped in surprise.  She didn't want him to go 
so soon.  It had been months since she had last seen him and even 
then it had been short because the wedding preparations had taken 
so much of her time.

"Duty calls me back home Serena."  He gently picked up her chin 
and smiled weakly down at her.  "Besides, you are a wife now, 
you'll have plenty of things to keep you occupied."

"Occupied?  Oh Darien..."  She took his hand away from her face 
and held it in her own for a moment.  "Do you know when you will 
return?"

He was quiet a moment before pulling her into a hug with his other 
arm.  She silently cursed the armor that he wore that didn't allow 
her to feel 'him,' but she hugged him back without letting go of his 
hand.

"Serena," he whispered quietly.  "I may not be back."

The statement shocked her very heart and she swore that it stopped 
beating in her chest.  "What?"  She was too torn to make it come 
out any louder than a whisper.

"We both have separate lives to lead now Princess.  You have a 
husband and the Moon Kingdom that you will one day rule.  I have 
a planet that will need my leadership.  We just do not belong 
together Serena...  I guess we never have."

"But Darien!  Please, you can't mean that we won't see each other 
again.  I mean we are parts of the two closest kingdoms in the solar 
system.  We can't just split apart.  Besides I care about you Darien!  
We've always been close.  You're my best friend and the one 
person that I can always talk to.  You can't just say that you'll 
never come back; you can't just leave me like this!"  She flung 
herself back into his arms and held on tightly.  She couldn't let him 
go; she wouldn't!

"Serena," there was a pain in his voice that she could just make 
out.  "Serena, I'm leaving you in good hands.  Neil will be a good 
husband to you.  You don't need me anymore."

"Of course I need you!"  She looked up into his eyes and knew that 
he didn't agree with her.  "Darien, I will always need you.  I care 
about you.  That will never stop."

"I know, Serena.  And my feelings for you will never change, but 
we will."  He reached up and brushed her check with his hand.

"Then why?  Why leave me like this?  I don't understand."  He 
closed his eyes unable to look into hers any longer.  "Darien?"

"It's too hard Serena.  I can't watch you like this when it hurts so 
much."  She stared up at him unbelieving.  Pain was reflected both 
in his words and in his stature.  Pain that she had never seen, but 
pain that she knew had to be long standing.  "I'm sorry Serena, I 
didn't mean to ruin this day for you.  I don't mean to cause you 
any pain or worry.  I knew this day would come, I had just prayed 
that it would be easier."

She couldn't understand what he was telling her and she couldn't 
comprehend what it was that was hurting him so much but she 
couldn't bring herself to speak either.  She simply looked at him 
not looking at her.  "I'm sorry," he whispered again.

"Serena?"  A voice that she had come to love so well floated out to 
her.  Neil must have come out onto the balcony looking for her.  
But she wouldn't be separated from Darien yet.

It didn't escape his notice as he looked up towards the sound of the 
voice.  The entrance to the ballroom was far enough away from 
them that the curve in the balcony still hid them from view.  
Looking down to her he brushed her face once more with his hand 
and turned to leave the other way.  But she grabbed his arm before 
he could retreat back into the shadows.

"Darien, please don't leave me.  Please, tell me what I can do to 
keep you here.  What did I do to hurt you?!"  Panic was evident in 
her voice but she didn't care.

He turned back to her a bit surprised.  "There isn't anything you 
can do.  I'm sorry Serena, I don't mean to upset you.  Please don't 
make this hurt more than it does."

"Darien tell me!  What did I do?"

He looked at her lovingly.  "You didn't do anything Serena.  It was 
me."  She didn't understand and was going to question him again 
when he beat her to it.  "I love you Serena.  I always have."

Shock gripped her heart so tightly that she didn't think she could 
breath.  Fear held her in its grasp even though she didn't know 
what it was she was scared of.

"I'm sorry Serena.  You've found the one that you love and one 
that I know loves you back.  I do wish you the best Little Princess.  
Please remember that I will always be around if you need me.  But 
you won't.  I know you will be fine on your own."  He looked back 
up to the path that footsteps could be heard coming from.  Quickly 
he bent down and placed a small kiss on her check before 
whispering, "Goodbye my dear princess."  He turned and walked 
away with a sweep of his cape.

Serena was left standing alone staring at the shadows that had 
enveloped his figure.  Her mind and heart had gone numb inside 
her and it was all she could do to stay standing.

"Serena?  Darling, what on the Moon are you doing out here?"  
She felt two loving arms encircle her and a gentle kiss was pecked 
on her neck.  Only then did she turn her eyes from the blank 
darkness that was all that remained of the man that she had cared 
so much for.

"He's left me Neil."

"Who's left, Love?"

"Darien," she whispered.

"Oh.  Did he finally show up?  You would think if he was such a 
good friend he would have been here to see us commit."

She dropped her head and closed her eyes against the tears that 
threatened to spill over.

"So where did he run off to?  Finally getting a life is he?"

She spun on him without preamble.  "He's left the Moon for Earth 
again.  He's left me completely Neil!  He's gone and I'll manage to 
see him once a year for some diplomatic function or something, 
but I'll never talk to him like I did.  I'll never actually talk to him 
again!  I'll never hug him, or spill out what's on my mind to him, 
or ask his advice on anything again.  Because I was too blind to see 
how much he meant to me and what I meant to him!"

He stood shocked at her temper and wrapped an arm around her 
protectively.  "If you ask me it's best that you don't see so much of 
him.  The two of you were always a bit too friendly in my book 
anyway.  But come now, you don't have to be so dramatic about 
all of this.  You can write the little prince and visit all you like, no 
one's stopping you."

She looked at him with tears glazing her eyes.  How could he be so 
insensitive to her like this?  Why didn't he understand?  Darien 
would never have been so cold to her feelings.  But now he was 
gone and she couldn't do anything about it!

But she had to.  She had to stop him.  Stop him from leaving.  Talk 
to him and make him take back the words he had said to her.  He 
loved her; she loved him too, just not the same way...  But he 
couldn't just leave her like this.  He couldn't!  "No!" she cried 
hiking up her dress and running after him.

"Serena!"

She didn't even turn to look back at Neil.  She didn't care, she just 
knew she had to reach Darien before it was too late.  She ran down 
the winding staircases like she wore a suit of lead.  He was 
nowhere to be seen.  She finally arrived at the receiving hall where 
the magical powers that held the kingdoms together formed a focal 
point where a bridge to the Earth could be made.  The gate was 
already open and a lone figure stood just in front of it.

"Darien!" she screamed smashing into the guardrail a floor above 
the actual gate.  He turned to look up at her solemnly.  Her 
breathing was labored and her heart thundered in her chest.  But it 
wasn't the run down that caused her physical dilemma.

She was about to run down the flight of stairs to him when she felt 
a hand grab her tightly from behind.  She turned to see Neil 
grasping her arm, concern written in his eyes, and she was certain 
that he wasn't about to let go of her.  He turned to regard the 
second prince below them without a word in confusion.  She 
turned as well to see Darien gazing back up to her.

He gave the pair a final look over and she could see pain in his 
eyes.  It was almost tangible to her; or was it her own pain that she 
felt?

With a courteous smile and a small salute she saw him mouth a 
'congratulations' and headed into the portal before she could stop 
him.  She pulled with all of her might away from Neil as his body 
blended into the swirling colors of the magical pool.  "No!" she 
cried.



"DARIEN!"

Serena snapped herself awake screaming his name and reaching 
out for empty air.

Slowly her eyes focused back onto the real world around her.  
Sweat had enveloped her body and her sheets had been torn from 
the bed.  A corner of her fitted bottom sheet was even wrapped 
around her blanket's edge.  Her pillow had been flung to the floor 
and now lay out of reach next to the wall.

Her heartbeat would not come down.  The blood in her ears was 
the only sound she could make out.  Slowly she lay back down 
oblivious to the state of her room.  It was only then that she noticed 
she was shaking.  Trembling all over like a frightened child.

She grasped whatever parts of her covers she could and snuggled 
back into them continuing her unblinking stare into the darkened 
room.  She was quickly forgetting the details of her dream, but the 
emotions behind it remained constant in her mind.  All she could 
see was that last fake smile he gave trying to cover over the pain in 
his eyes.

*I betrayed him.  I betrayed his love and his trust.  I betrayed the 
emotions that he showed me so openly.  I betrayed him.*

She squeezed her eyes closed and let the tears come.  The 
desperation she felt and the pain wouldn't go away.  They kept 
nagging at her; telling her that she had brought this on herself.  But 
she didn't want to think.  Couldn't think.  She simply laid there 
and pleaded with herself to stop this.  To forget.  To make that 
lonely feeling go away.

It didn't.



Serena let the phone ring three times before hanging up, the 
answering machine would be on.  She glanced up at her clock and 
sighed.  He wasn't back yet.  *I should have called him before he 
went out jogging.*  Almost eight o'clock, she would still be 
yawning her way through a shower at this time most mornings.  
But this wasn't most mornings.

Serena hadn't dared go back to sleep last night.  Her body felt 
sluggish and drained from the lack of energy but her mind kept 
replaying that dream and she relived those emotions over and over.  
"I've betrayed him."  It was the only thing she could think.  Her 
rational thoughts were at war with her emotional ones and they 
weren't winning.  She couldn't come to terms with the fact that it 
wasn't real.

She had mindlessly picked up one of her dismantled covers off the 
floor and wrapped it tightly around herself.  She sat in her living 
room chair curled up in a ball rocking slightly.  Tear stains marked 
the places where she had simply given in to the sobs that kept 
spontaneously coming to her.  She didn't bother to dry them away.

Slowly she reached out for the phone again, pushed her rational 
mind to the front, and hoped again that she could do this.  She 
dialed Darien's number slowly, analyzing every digit, and 
swallowed hard as it began to ring.  "Hello."

She almost jumped at his voice.  The same voice that she trusted so 
much terrified her now.

"Hello?"

She blinked the tears away quickly.  "Darien?" she croaked.

There was a slight pause before he acknowledged hearing her.  
"Serena?"

"Yeah, it's me."  She wiped savagely at her tears, willing them to 
go away.

"Serena.  What's wrong?  You sound awful.  What happened?"  
The concern in his voice brought some of her senses back to her 
again.  This was still her Darien, not some dream prince that told 
her he loved her and ran away.

"I'm... not feeling very well."  She didn't want to lie to him but 
she had no choice, she couldn't let him see her.  She couldn't tell 
him about this.

"Are you sick?"

"I-I... I don't know."  She closed her eyes and held the phone 
close as if would give her some comfort.

"Do you want me to come over?  Bring you something?  Do you 
need anything?"

She curled herself tighter into the blanket feeling the loneliness 
bite into her again.  "No, no, I'll be fine," she lied.  "I think I just 
need to rest for a while...  I didn't sleep very well last night," she 
conceded.

"Oh.  All right.  Do you want me to drop by?  Maybe I can drive 
you home.  I'm sure your mother would know what to do."

She smiled a bit at the phone.  He was always thinking, always 
calm and rational, so unlike herself.  "No, that's all right.  I think 
I'll just stay here and try to rest.  I'm sure I'll be fine by 
tomorrow."

"OK, if you're sure you'll be all right alone."

"I'll be fine."

"OK.  Well, get some sleep then, and I'll call later to check on you.  
Oh, and I'll tell Dr. Benton you're out."

She sighed to herself.  "Thank you Darien."

"Hey, you got it Meatball Head.  Just work on getting better OK.  I 
want my sparing partner back and in good health as soon as 
possible.  You're no fun to pick on when you're sick."

She smiled in spite of everything.  "I will, I promise."

"OK, good night then.  Sweet dreams."

Dreams.  Why did he have to say that?  "Thanks Darien.  
Thanks..."  She meant it too.  How can just the sound of his voice 
make her feel so much better?  Or tear her apart in a nightmare.

"Yeah sure...  Just get some sleep.  I'll talk to you later."  He 
sounded as though he knew something was wrong but he didn't 
say anything.

"OK...  Bye."

"Bye."

She waited until she heard the click as he hung up and then waited 
until the dial tone buzzed her mind back into functioning.  She 
replaced the handset and bunched herself back into the chair with 
her blanket.  She slowly slipped back into her unseeing stare at the 
opposite wall of her apartment until something on it found its way 
into her foggy mind.

She stood up trailing the blanket behind her and walked over to her 
desk that sat next to the little divider between the kitchen and the 
living room.  The top of it was cluttered with various objects and 
papers as well as her purse and key ring.  But apart from the mess 
stood four picture frames.

One contained a picture of her family which she had to add was 
probably two years old.  Parents and children stood in front of their 
house looking like a happy little family.  Another held a picture of 
four girls all but one wearing the dark blue uniform of Juuban High 
School; the last was dressed in a private school's colors of white 
and gray with a red bow.  A third frame showed a couple also 
wearing the Juuban uniforms, a boy in huge glasses and a girl with 
short curly red hair.

But the fourth...  Serena slowly took the last silver frame and held 
up to stare down at it as the tears welled up again.  A young man 
with dark black hair stood with one hand in his pocket and the 
other wrapped around a younger girl that stood beside him holding 
her hands together in front of her.  They both smiled sweetly, but 
she remembered that day quiet clearly.  Even if it had been nearly 
two and a half years ago.

She remembered his comments on how 'revealing' her skirt had 
been and asked if she hadn't grown out of it a few years back.  In 
retaliation she had snipped a comment on the pink shirt he wore 
and asked if it wasn't suppose to belong to an ex-girlfriend and 
then added an "Oh, yeah, you don't have an ex."  They'd gone on 
arguing to their hearts content until she stumbled over a small bush 
growing too close to the sidewalk.  The word revealing described 
her quite well after that.

Darien had of course laughed at her but didn't comment on the 
view if he'd actually seen it; which to this day she hoped he hadn't.  
But unfortunately someone else did.  A group of three boys around 
her age just happened to be walking along the opposite path.  And 
they noticed.

The catcalls were enough to make her want to crawl under that 
stupid little bush and hide until the next spring.  *It was spring 
wasn't it.  I remember it was the first actually warm day and I'd 
been dying to get out of the house.  So of course I ran into Darien, 
literally, in the park that Sunday.*  She looked back down at the 
picture in memory.

He had picked her up and led her away from the group with what 
had to be an extremely evil look because all three of them shut up 
and left.  She was horribly upset about the whole scene but he 
didn't say anything about it.  Eventually they'd started another 
argument and continued their pace towards the river's edge.

The old man that ran the photography shop waved to them as they 
walked by like he always did.  But this time Darien stopped and 
asked if she'd pose for a shot.  She'd been shocked to say the least, 
but had agreed if they each got one.  So they posed for two pictures 
and took the long way around the park waiting the hour for them to 
be processed.

When she asked why he'd thought of it he'd simply said that he 
was having a problem with mice.  At which she promptly hit him 
and said that she'd let him borrow her cat.  It only launched them 
into a third bout of quarreling.  But they each ended up with a 
picture and a negative, and eventually a five-by-seven with 
matching frames.

She had taken the sweeter of the two poses.  They both looked 
normal and rather civilized in it.  But Darien's was probably a 
more intimate looking one.  He stood behind her with his arms 
wrapped lightly around her to cross in the front, and she stood 
holding up a peace sign with a huge smile across her face.

It was odd but she could remember every detail of the pictures and 
most of the details of that day.  The time difference reflected more 
on her than him.  Of course she had been sixteen at the time and 
the age difference could be seen more clearly.  Darien was already 
twenty by then and if she were honest she would say that he was 
certainly as handsome as ever.

She ran a hand over his smiling face and laughed a bit at the tears 
that were falling slowly down her checks again.  "We've really 
been though everything together haven't we," she said to the 
image.  "Everything and more."


Darien stared at the computer screen thinking for the twentieth 
time today that is was too quiet in his office.  Without Serena it 
just wasn't the same.  But everyone got sick once in a while right?  
Right.  He wasn't exactly buying into the 'I'm sick' excuse.  He 
knew her too well and had seen her sick a few times and she was 
never one to want to suffer through alone.  She should have at least 
said that she'd call her mother and ask her to come over but she 
hadn't even done that.

Something was wrong and he didn't like not knowing what.

A knock on the open door brought him out of his thoughts.  He 
looked up to see Neil standing there with a smile pasted on his face 
like he was in pain.  "Hi Neil," he said with the same type of look 
himself.

"Hi.  Hey, I was looking for Serena, know where I might find 
her?"

"Curled up in bed with her pillow and the sheets pulled over her 
head."  He decided his computer was more interesting than the 
slightly startled expression on the younger man's face.

"What?"

He laughed in spite of himself.  "She's out sick today.  She gave 
me a call this morning sounding like Death after a late night train 
wreck."

"Oh."  He stood there contemplating the news.  "Do you think 
she's OK?"

"Yeah, nothing keeps Serena down very long.  She'll be up and 
back to her bouncy self in a day or two.  She said she just needed 
some sleep, maybe she's worn down or something."  He wasn't 
about to let on that there was something else wrong.  After all he 
fully intended to get to the bottom of this before Mr. Perfect took a 
crack at it.

"Oh."  He paused a moment before turning back to the door.  
"Well, if you see her before I do tell her to get better soon for me."

"Will do."

"All right, see ya."  He walked out quickly.  Darien stared after 
him with a frown in place.

Why exactly he couldn't say but something just felt wrong.  He 
liked Neil; he'd said it himself.  And he would probably make a 
good match for Serena, but somehow he found himself liking this 
less all the time.  Maybe it was because she didn't seem to be 
really falling for him.  All of her other relationships she'd hopped 
into with open arms and had been completely engrossed in from 
the start.

But this time she was taking her time and seemed much more 
resistant.  He didn't understand the change but in anyone else that 
would have been taken as a good sign.  But Serena was never one 
that used her head when it came to maters of the heart.  She let it 
lead her without thought of what may happen.  That was just the 
way she went though life, always wearing her heart on her sleeve 
and accepting good in everyone she met.

So why the resistance now?  Neil had a good head on his shoulders 
and knew what he wanted from life.  They got along fine and he 
was treating her well.  What could be wrong?

For that mater what did he find wrong with him?

Darien turned away from the door and back to his computer.  *If I 
can't find anything wrong with him why am I being so 
overprotective?*  It was true that when Serena talked to him the 
day before he'd felt just a little...  What?  What was it exactly that 
he had felt?

Somehow he just didn't believe that Neil was right for her.  Sure 
he was a nice guy and all, but Serena deserved someone better than 
nice.  She deserved the best.  But who was he to tell her what was 
best for her?  She would have to make up her own mind, what was 
the best for her, and his advice wouldn't be worth anything if he 
tried making that decision for her.  He knew it last night and he 
knew it now.  This just wasn't up to him.

But if it was...

He shook his head and turned his attention back to the information 
still blinking at him from his monitor.  Serena was a big girl now; 
she can take care of herself.

At least until he got off work.


Serena was curled up in bed with her pillow and the sheets pulled 
over her head.  She had managed to put her room back into some 
semblance of order and she was still trying to get some sleep.  But 
it wasn't working.

She felt like a lead weight.  She couldn't move if she had to but her 
brain refused to just click off.  She had managed to doze off for a 
while during the day but she still felt drained.  She heard the phone 
ring once, then twice.  She looked over at the clock on her 
nightstand and realized it was almost five.

"Darien," she whispered to herself as it rang a third time.  Without 
a thought to her weakness she jumped up and raced for the phone.  
Unfortunately her chair got in the way.

Picking herself up and dragging the blanket that had been laying in 
it with her she crawled to the table reaching for the phone.  
"Hello!"

"Serena?  I didn't know if I'd be waking you or not."

With a sigh she flopped back down on the floor beside her coffee 
table.  "No, I wasn't actually sleeping."

"Are you OK?"

"Yeah, I'm fine.  I've just been doing a lot of thinking today."  
She'd decided earlier that there was no use in hiding from Darien.  
He wouldn't let her get away with it anyway.  And if there was 
ever a time when she needed him, she needed him now.

"Do I even need to guess about what?"

"I'm sure you've already figured it out anyway, am I right?"

"Well, you didn't look very sickly yesterday, so I think you're 
hiding yourself away for one reason or another.  Oh, and before I 
forget, he says to get better soon."

"Thanks for the relay," she bit out.

There was a slight pause from him.  "Are you sure you're all right?  
You really didn't sound good this morning and you're not 
sounding like yourself now.  Talk to me Serena."

She lay there a moment just taking in the sound of his voice.  He 
was always so gentle to her; she didn't deserve his concern.  "Can 
you drop by?  I... really kind of need you."

There was a slight chuckling from him.  "Are you sure you're not 
still sick?"

"No."

"OK, just trying to avoid Meatball germs."

"I'll give you a germ you Conceited Jerk!"  She yelled at him 
before she knew what she was doing.

"Well fine.  See if I come over to cheer you up!"

She sobered immediately.  "Sorry."

"Serena, it was a joke."

"Oh, sorry."

He laughed at her amusedly.  "Give me some time to get through 
rush hour traffic and I'll be there as soon as I can."

She sighed, "Thanks a bunch Darien.  I really own you one."

"I'll put it on your tab.  Hang in there a little longer OK?"

"OK."

"Bye."

She hung up the phone slowly and pulled herself off the floor.  
Well, if she was going to have company she should probably get 
dressed.  Of course it wouldn't be the first time he'd seen her 
pajamas.  Although she could just hear the comments about her 
pink pajamas with bunnies on them.

Quickly she threw on a pair of leggings and an oversized 
sweatshirt.  She pulled a brush through her hair and just put it back 
in a ponytail not bothering with the time it took to put it up into its 
usual odangos.  She brushed her teeth, which she had been 
neglecting all day, and made her bed again.  Flopping down on it 
she found herself exhausted yet again.

She didn't move until a knock on the door brought her back to her 
feet.  She made her way to the door and opened it groggily.  Darien 
walked in and shut it behind himself while she made her way to the 
couch needing to sit down.

"Serena?  Are you sure you're not sick?  You look awful."

"Thanks for noticing," she smiled weakly at him.  "But I'm fine.  I 
just need some sleep."

"You're not kidding."  He walked over and sat next to her 
wrapping an arm around her shoulders.  She fell into him without a 
second thought.

"I'm sorry to make you come over.  But I could really use someone 
here with me."  *Especially you.*

"No need to thank me."  He pulled her closer.  "But now will you 
tell me what's going on?"

She wrapped her arms around him and snuggled closer 
remembering her dream.  The real Darien might not be in love with 
her like the other professed, but he deserved more than being just 
the person she turned to with problems and complaints.  He 
deserved the same type of concern that he always showed her.

"I just don't think I can do this anymore," she whispered.

"Do what anymore?"

"Neil."  *More like choosing between you and Neil.*

He was silent for a moment with one hand playing absently with 
her hair.  "You seemed pretty set on giving it a shot last night.  
Why the change of heart?"

"That's exactly it.  My heart changed.  Or I guess it didn't change, 
I just realized what it was saying."

He leaned his chin on top of her head.  "What did it say?"

She closed her eyes knowing that she couldn't tell him about her 
dream.  Knowing that this once she couldn't tell him everything.  
"It said I should have listened to it earlier."

"I take it that means that you shouldn't have given him that second 
chance."

"No, I should have known after that first date that I was..."  She let 
the sentence die before she said something that would incriminate 
her.

"Was what?"

"Well, that I shouldn't have been involved with him."

"What is it Serena?  What is it that you don't like about him?"

She was a little shocked at the question.  "Now I suppose you're 
going to tell me that I shouldn't break up with him."

"No, I'm not saying that.  I think you have to do what you think is 
best.  It's just that I've been thinking about this too and I can't 
come up with a reason for me thinking the same thing."

"What do you mean?"  She sat up to look at him.

"All right, now I'm not telling you what to do or anything like that, 
but the longer this has been going on the less I like the idea."  She 
looked at him curiously and he shook his head.  "I don't know 
what it is.  I guess maybe it's because you're having such a hard 
time deciding what you feel about him.  Or maybe I just don't 
think he's good enough for you."

His voice died down to dull note and he didn't look at her.  Which 
was probably a good thing considering she was in a total state of 
disbelief.  "Not good enough?"

"I know it sounds stupid.  I don't even know why I'm thinking it, 
but I have been for a couple of days now.  Don't ask why because I 
don't know and I haven't found anything to point to in the guy 
either.  It's just a feeling."

"Why didn't you tell me this last night?"

"I didn't want to influence your decision."

*Oh you influenced it all right!*  "Why would you be afraid of 
telling me what you thought?"

"I wasn't afraid to tell you, I just wanted you to be sure that 
whatever you decided was what you really wanted.  Are you sure 
now that this is what you want?"

She looked up into those stormy blue eyes.  The same eyes that she 
had memorized so many times, but they kept changing on her.  He 
kept changing.  How could she be sure about this when she was 
basing it on some dream that was probably the result of too much 
hot fudge ice cream?

But those eyes.  One more look and she knew this was right.  She 
still felt that separation, that loneliness, that feeling that she had 
betrayed him by trying to care for someone else.  It might have 
sounded stupid if she were to say it to someone else.  But here in 
his arms gazing into a single pair of eyes that she had learned to 
trust, learned to drown in, and learned to love, she couldn't lie to 
herself.  She cared for him more than she cared for Neil, possibly 
more than she could ever care for Neil, and she wouldn't lose him 
because of someone that she thought she might kind of like.  She 
wouldn't.

She couldn't.

She fell back into his chest and snuggled herself as close to him as 
possible.  No, she wouldn't lose him.  "I'm sure," she whispered.

He hugged her tightly but didn't say anything.  Wrapped in his 
arms she felt the same protective care that she had missed in his 
embraces before.  The same warm comfort that she always felt.  
The same feeling that she had always known, but this time she 
cherished it just in case it wouldn't always be there.

But, if she could help it, he would... always be there... for...

Darien sat wrapped in his own thoughts for a time.  When he 
finally looked back down at the woman in his arms he noticed that 
she didn't seem too lively.

"Serena?" he asked quietly.  No response.  He chuckled lightly at 
her.  She had seemed extremely exhausted before and now she was 
totally zoned out.  Well, no sense in leaving the poor sick girl on 
the couch.

He gently laid her head on his shoulder and tilted her so that he 
could get and arm under her knees.  She didn't even move.  
*Maybe I should check for vital signs.*  But she was breathing, he 
could feel it against his neck.  *So off to bed we go!  ...That could 
really be taken the wrong way.*

He carefully picked her up and still managed to get up himself 
without falling over for lack of balance.  He carried her into her 
bedroom and figured out a way to use the hand that was holding 
her knees to pull the covers back.  Not an easy task with the other 
person asleep; even though she could sleep through a hurricane.  If 
he dropped her he'd give new meaning to a rude awakening.  Not 
to mention that she'd kill him, chop his body into little pieces, bury 
him in a shallow grave, and then check into a hospital for 
whichever body part she broke.

He slid her feet under the sheets and laid her carefully down 
against her pillow.  "Darien."  It was barely over a murmur but he 
heard it thinking he had waken her after all.  But she simply turned 
her head and continued her blissful napping.  Looking down at her 
he smiled at the sight.  She seemed so peaceful, and so cute with 
that little smile on her lips.

Silently he covered her up and brushed some loose hair out of her 
face.  He stopped a minute wondering when the last time was that 
he'd seen her with her hair down.  Ponytails weren't normal with 
her.  He knew she normally slept with it up in her 'meatballs' too.  
A few memories floated by.

He'd seen it down once when a member of the janitorial staff at 
her school mistook her for an open door when trying to empty a 
bucket of water.  The day she wore that fuzzy pink sweater and 
ended up looking like a giant static ball.  Then there was the day 
she was sitting on the bridge railing when they were laughing 
about something and fell over before he could grab her.  OK so 
he'd seen her like this more than he'd thought, but it was still a 
rare instance.

He brushed her hair away again and leaned down to peck a light 
kiss on her check.  What impulse implored him into that action he 
couldn't say; somehow he imagined he felt more like father to her 
now than a friend.  "Good night Meatball Head," he whispered to 
her and slipped away from her bedside.

He walked slowly back to the door and closed it softly behind him.  
Standing again in the living room he dug through the things on her 
desk until he found a blank piece of paper and a pen.  "What a 
mess," he mumbled to the papers.  He uncovered a stack and found 
that two small roses lay there next to it, buried from sight by the 
stuff in front of them.

He careful picked them up, recognizing both.  The rose he had 
given her for graduation had been dried and now appeared a 
brownish cream color instead of the white it was suppose to be.  
He noted with some amusement that the ten-dollar bill he had tied 
to it was still in place.  The second rose was as perfect as the day 
he'd given it to her.  Of course, it was also fake.  The one he had 
snagged out of the decorations at Andrew's wedding dance.

She'd kept them.

He didn't know why but that thought brought a laugh out of him.  
He knew she was a pack rat and she probably still had all of her 
pictures from preschool, but somehow that didn't matter.  She'd 
kept the two small gifts that he'd given her.

Darien brushed a hand over their petals still chuckling to himself.  
He glanced up at the picture frames that stood behind all the mess.  
He'd seen them there before of course but he paused to look them 
over.  Her family: Ken, Ilene, her and Sammy.  Her friends: Ami, 
Rei, Lita, and Mina.  Her best friends: Molly and her boyfriend 
Melvin.  ...And them.

He slowly picked up the picture noting the frame that matched the 
one Serena had given to him for his.  He smiled down at it 
remembering that day.  Oh did he remember that day!  Pink 
underwear and all.  He laughed again.  Poor Meatball Head.  She 
didn't deserve that.

OK, so with a skirt like that, yes she did.  But still, those guys were 
a bunch of jerks.  But he had a good four or five years on all of 
them and not to mention size.  One look and they got the point.  
Actually, he kind of enjoyed that.  Violent tendencies didn't come 
to him very often, but that was one time he could justify it for her.  
Poor little Meatball Head.

She did seem little to him in the picture.  Nineteen years old now.  
How did she grow up so fast?  *Great, now I'm sounding like her 
mother!*  But it was true, he would always think of her as little no 
mater how old she got.  He would always think back to that 
fourteen-year-old junior higher that hit him on the head with a 
wadded up test paper.

She would always be Meatball Head to him.  No mater what 
happened.  No mater how long they were together.

"Five years.  Has it really been that long?"



Serena mumbled something and rolled over groggily opening her 
eyes.  She closed them again wondering what time it was but not 
wanting to look at the clock.  She snuggled back under her covers 
only then realizing that she was wearing a sweatshirt in bed.

She snapped up in recognition as the events of the following 
evening clicked back into her brain.  She had fallen asleep on the 
couch with Darien...

Darien.

He must have carried her in and put her to bed without even 
waking her.  Granted she was famous for being able to sleep 
through a hurricane, but still!  It said something that she had fallen 
asleep basically on top of him but she hadn't gotten any the whole 
day she was alone.

Glancing over she looked at her clock and nearly jumped out of her 
skin.  A quarter after eight and she was still in bed!  He might have 
put her to bed but he forgot to set the alarm clock.  *If he gripes at 
me for being late today I'll kill him!*  She stopped with one foot 
out of bed and stared at her bedside stand.  Sitting next to her clock 
was a note with the words 'Don't Panic' written on the front.  
Carefully she took it and opened it recognizing her own stationary.

'Dear Meatball Head,

By the time you read this I will probably be at work.  Yes, I had to 
go in early today anyway.  I'll explain later.  I understand if you 
want to stay home today too, but if you're up to it give me a call 
and I won't make you take the subways out.  But get some sleep!  
Trust me you can use it.

Don't worry about last night.  I just stuck you in bed and you 
dropped off to dreamland.  Anyway, take care of yourself and I'll 
see you whenever.

Darien.'

She laughed at the little note in her hands.  He was sweet to her; 
most people would have left her on the couch.  And then that 
spring would have come out and attacked her!  Visions of 'Attack 
of the Killer Couch Springs' began dancing in her head.  The 
boyfriend who left his girlfriend on her couch when she fell asleep 
in his arms.  He would have covered her sweetly with a blanket 
and kissed her goodbye never knowing that-"

"Man I am schizo!"  She moved to get up and then looked back 
down at the note.  Get some sleep.  "Maybe I will."  She hopped 
back into bed and bundled herself back up, note still in hand.  
"Good night Darien."


_____________
@}->-- "The creative mind plays with the objects it loves" 
-Carl Jung.
@}->-- "The center of every man's existence is a dream" 
G. K. Chesterton.

