Chapter twenty five:
#Millia:
I know, it’ll
The only person who had me feeling like this was my mother, and now Sol.
What are the similarities between a mother and a husband?
They both cared for me?
Does he even like me?
I pushed myself closer to him and though it made my back ache and my arm
twitch in pain, I couldn’t help it, I
I sighed and rolled my head against him, he smelled of tobacco and ash, both something I detested in the past but now seemed only appealing on him.
What am I saying? Smell? Appealing? Him?
It’s the fever, of course it’s the fever.
He shifted and I wished he’d stay if only for a bit longer but he had slid away from me, replaced his body with the pillow and turned the lights off. The door closed quietly behind him.
I can never settle with a pillow instead of his body… His hands were
gentle on my bruised skin, soothing away the pain like ice on a burn. I shifted
and sighed. His fingers in my hair… Fever… our lips touched and I
“Dizzy?” I sat up groggily and rubbed my face. Is it morning already? Seemed like nothing but seconds.
“Ohayou Millia san! Did you sleep well?” she smiled and reached for something near my pillow. She took a piece of cloth and dipped it in water. “You should lay down, your forehead is hot.”
I couldn’t help but smile and comply. “How long have I been sleeping?” Was that a dream? Oh my God…
She put the wet cloth on my forehead and wrung her hands in her lap. “Three days, Sol San says its normal.” She smiled. “He was very worried about you, you know. He didn’t say it, but I knew he wanted to see you!”
So he’d been sneaking around to see me? Why don’t I believe that? “Normal? What do you mean normal?” the wetness was dripping down my face.
“He says if you’re hotter than usual, you sleep more.” She put her elbows on the bed and smiled at me. “Do you like him?”
I hope its the fever that’s making my cheeks hot. “I think…”
She grinned and sat up. “I’ll go call him!”
“No!” I sat up and my vision dimmed. “You don’t have to, I’ll be fine.”
Her smile faltered. “Why?”
This is embarrassing. “I want to sleep now, I’ll see him later, okay?”
“But aren’t you two married?” Her big, innocent eyes shone with confusion. “It’s okay if you were asleep, right?”
Exactly how much did Johnny tell her?
“Um… well, yeah, but I kind of… want to talk to you more.” I smiled and rested my head back on the pillow.
“Oh.” She smiled. “
Phew…”What happened?”
Dizzy looked at me with a smile plastered on her face. “I don’t know, Sol san does, though! I’ll call him!”
“Dizzy!” I held her hand when she started to get up. “I mean, what happened since I got here? Why am I here anyway?”
She sat down again and smiled. “Well, Sol san hasn’t spoken to anyone more than three words. He hasn’t eaten anything other than a plate of pasta… hmm… oh, and he sleeps on the couch.” She grinned, very much proud of herself.
“What did I ask?” I don’t recall asking for a Sol summary… what is she trying to tell me? “What about the rest of the crew?”
She scratched her cheek lightly. “Hmm… everything is fine, I guess.”
So its was just a Sol Summary… “Thank you.” I laid my head down and sighed. I suddenly felt like throwing up.
“Are you okay, Millia san?” she dipped the cloth into the water again and put it on my forehead.
“Yes…” I took a
She grinned. “Sol san did!”
It wont be the first time… “How?”
She put her elbows on the side of the bed. “I think it’s the first-aid kit… I always wondered what the strange gauze was!”
He knows almost too much about medical attention… oh God, I just want to throw up…
“You don’t look good…” she got up and left the room.
“No Diz…” I had sat up to call her, but then settled for dropping my head on the pillow… She’ll never listen, once she put her mind to it, there is no helping it.
I waited for a few minutes, the cool cloth on my forehead allowed me to relax a bit. The world was still swimming, and voices and images continued to swirl in my head.
I’ll take care of you. His breath in my ear… his fingers in my hair. I wrapped my arms around him, he was rough and angular, my complete opposite. He smelled of tobacco and ash and anger and sadness.
I pressed my face to his neck. And sighed. I’ll take care of you. My Sol…
My Sol…
My Sol??!!
My eyes shot wide open. What the hell was that? In the corner of my fuzzy vision I saw movement.
“Ano… She fell asleep… she was awake a moment ago!”
“Whatever, let her sleep.” It was his voice.
“Sol?” I tried to sit up, but almost threw up, my head spun so much.
“Don’t get up.” His voice was rough. A finger pushed into my forehead and I was too tired to fight it, my head fell on the pillow with a thud. “You’ll throw up.”
I opened my misty eyes up at him, his tan face and chocolate hair swimming before me.
I sighed tiredly and closed my eyes, it was so hot and cold…
Something slid under my shoulders and pulled me upwards, high enough for my head to level, but not too high that I’d lose balance. Something touched my lips.
Sol?
“Its honey.”
Honey?
I opened my mouth and swallowed the liquid-like sweet stuff. What is this? I was let down again and I closed my eyes. I was so tired…
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
#Sol:
I set her down and put the spoon away, she looked like death warmed over.
In a microwave.
She hasn’t eaten anything in three days, and if she didn’t get any sugar in her she'd die. “Let's go.” I sat up and headed to the door.
“Ano, Sol san…” little Dizzy wrung her hands and looked up at me, in what seemed to be shyness.
“What.”
She jumped and twisted her fingers together. “Etto… Millia san, will s-she be dai-okay?”
I watched her fiddle with her ribbons. “Yeah.”
“And…” she sighed and glanced at me again. “She wanted to talk to you.”
I corked a brow under the headband. “And.”
She jumped again and stared at her feet. “C-Can you take care of her?”
I fought a yawn. “Why.”
She shuffled her bare feet. “So she can see your face first thing…”
I sighed quietly. Where is this going? “Why.”
The curtain of blue hair shook when the little gear lifted her head. “Aren’t you married?”
Had the world stopped spinning?
Who the hell told her that? Undersn… Low? I’ll kill the bastard!
“Who told you that?” I frowned.
She squared her shoulders and her eyes widened. “S-she did…”
I glanced over to the sleeping female and frowned, why would she do that? “Rage did?”
Dizzy’s red eyes shone with confusion, “Millia san did.”
I shook my head, “Her name is Millia Rage.”
Her eyes shone with a different light, “Oh, yes, I remember now! She told us that when she worked at the restaurant!” her cheeks reddened in excitement.
Her happiness bounced off me in ticklish waves. What the hell is this? “Mm. she needs rest.”
She nodded and attempted to turn around, but turned to look at me when I asked her a question.
“How old are you now?”
Our eyes met. “Two
She had my daughter’s eyes…
~~~~~~~
Daddy…
Daddy!
Wake up Daddy! I’m hungry!
Daddy!
Wake up.
Sol…
Wake up Sol…
The first thing my eyes focused on was a pair of tired, blue eyes. My
blurry vision traveled down to dry pale lips, down further to
hastily take in angular shoulders and small
God I hated bright.
I rubbed my eyes and fought a groan. “What?”
“You fell asleep on the floor.” Her voice was low and dry. Who is this?
“Nn.” I sat up and scratched at my scalp, pretending to know exactly what I was doing. I looked up tiredly and met her eyes. Millia…
She was sitting on the floor with her leg beneath her, she looked broken, and miserable. Arm and leg inanimate, an injured side and blood soaked hair with tired eyes.
She is miserable.
“What are you doing out of bed?” I scolded and sat up, tugging at her good arm.
She
Sorry… “Rest.” I ordered and pulled the covers over her.
“I’ve rested enough.” She sulked. “You’re the one who needs rest.”
I shook my head and started towards the door. “Che.”
I shut the door behind me and scratched my scalp. Damnit, why did I sleep on the floor? When did I? There was a voice coming from around the corner.
“-Don’t know, I peeked in and he was asleep on the floor!” Dizzy rounded the corner and looked surprised to see me. “Sol san!”
A girl from the crew was behind her, looking just as surprised. “Are you okay?”
I passed them wordlessly and headed towards the kitchen. Rage needs to eat, there is no time for chitchat.
I hate strangers.
I hastily splashed water on my face and scrambled some eggs. I turned around to grab the salt, but paused to frown at a shocked Johnny. “What.”
“You can cook?” the blonde scratched his head and sat down on the table.
I turned around and added some salt to the eggs.
“Hey Sol, don’t kill me for this, but is there something going on between you and Millia?”
I think I put the salt down with more force than I intended. “No.” I frowned at him.
“Well, man, it’s not like I’m meddling.” He took down his sunglasses and put down the silly sleeping hat. “Every time I see her, she looks more miserable than before, do you hit her or anything?” at my silence he sat up and opened the fridge. “S’your life, man, I’m just reminding you, she’s female.”
I don’t hit her… I don’t touch her at all.
“Mind your own business.” Plate in hand, check, Frown on face, check. I made my way to the door. “If she wants to leave, she will.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She watched me set the plate on the nightstand. “Thank you.”
I made my way to the door.
“Sol.” Pause. “Please.”
Please what? “What.” I turned from the door to glare at her.
“Stay with
“What.”
She reached a shaky hand to the fork and shoveled a small forkful into her mouth. “I… I killed her.” She looked like she was dying a thousand times on the inside.
I tried not to squirm. “Mm.”
She looked up at me, there was no flame of life in her eyes. Just like the eyes I saw in the mirror every morning.
Not yet, don’t die on me yet, Rage. You are far too young.
“She died… I killed her.” The fork fell into her lap.
“People die, get over it.” I took the fork and shoveled more eggs. “Eat.”
Her eyes shone in confusion and fear. “I promised that I’d
I stared at the fork near her mouth, forcing away any emotion that would show on my face. “No one cares. Just eat.”
“You don’t care?” she looked shocked, “Sol I killed a person! I’m a murderer!” when I didn’t say anything she whispered. “Don’t you hate me?”
I don’t hate you, its hard to hate you when you depend on me so much. I just want you to get better so you leave, it will answer everything when you become angry at me and leave me alone.
My jaws clenched. “Just eat.”
Her eyes, that were wet with emotion, suddenly dimmed. Her face had gone numb and her mouth that was a firm straight line, had gone pale and dry.
She’d frozen over.
She took the fork in her cold hand and ate silently, her hands were shaking.
My head hurt, I need nicotine now.
Feel.exe is not responding.
What?
Warning, female is crying.
I lifted my head up and looked at Rage, she was not crying.
Warning, female is crying.
She is not crying damnit!
Maybe… Maybe she was crying on the inside… eating away at herself.
Just like me…
“Rage.”
Our eyes met, emotionless and dead, both of us.
“I don’t hate you.”
It was like throwing the Elixir of life on a cold corpse. Her eyes shone even though her face remained the same. I could practically feel her heartbeat thumping against my ears. I’ve saved her now, but I still need to keep her alive.
I need to keep myself alive, if even for her.
I told you, you liked her.
Shut up Fredrick.
End of chapter twenty five.