A proposed revision to the rules of golf is being sought in Florida which will
replace the traditional call of "FORE."
Once a player has hit an errant shot, he/she will be allowed to call "GORE"
while the ball is still in flight.
The player can then replace the ball in the same spot and hit it again. This
can be continued until he/she is satisfied the ball is going where it was intended
to be hit in the first place.
"GORE" plays will cause the time of play to be extended until such time
the player can claim the hole.
This revision is causing some consternation to the PGA but proponents say it
is only fair.
A test of this new rule was recently played out in an exclusive club in Palm
Beach County, Florida and the first hole only took 7 days to complete!!!!
Q: Do you know why there are 18 holes on a golf course?
A: Because that's how long it took the Scots who invented the game to finish
there bottle of whiskey!
Two long time golfers were standing over looking the river.
One golfer looked to the other and said, "Look at those idiots fishin' in the
rain."
This joke works
best when you're playing a hole with a road that parallels the hole:
I was playing this hole one time with a senior citizen and just as he was about
ready to hit his tee shot he noticed a funeral procession approaching. He took
off his hat, put it over his heart, and stood silently and watched the procession
go by until it disappeared.
I said, "That's really nice of you. Do you always do that when a funeral goes
by?"
He said "No, not usually, but I it's the least I could do in this case. I was
married to the woman for 40 years!"
A guy is standing in front of his locker at the country club admiring
a golf ball he has in his hand.
One of his golfing buddies says to him, "What'd you do, get some new golf balls?"
"Would you believe that this is the greatest golf ball ever made? You can't lose
it. You hit it into the rough and it whistles. You hit it into the woods and a
bell inside goes off. If you drive it into a lake,a big burst of steam shoots
up six feet in the air for two minutes."
"That's great. Where did you get it?"
"I found it."
The schoolteacher was taking her first golfing lesson.
"Is the word spelled p-u-t or p-u-t-t?" she asked the instructor.
"P-u-t-t is correct," he replied.
"'Put' means to place a thing where you want it. 'Putt' means merely a vain
attempt to do the same thing."
A wife asks her husband, "If I died, would you marry again?"
"I would!"
"And would you let her come into my house?"
"I would!"
"Would she be working in my kitchen?"
"She would!"
"Would she sleep in my bed?"
"She would!"
"Would she put her clothes in my press?"
"She would!"
"Would she have my car?"
"She would!"
"Would she use my golf clubs?"
"DEFINITELY NOT!"
"Why?"
"She's left-handed!"
A man went to Confession and said to the priest, "Forgive me, Father. I used
the F-word this week."
"Ah, my son. Tell me the circumstances which caused you to use the F-word. After
all, I can understand a person being provoke into using it."
"Well, I was golfing and I had just hit a beautiful tee-shot that sailed straight
as an arrow for 280 yards, but then suddenly sliced into the woods."
"That is when you used the F-word. I can appreciate your frustration, my son,
as I am a golfer myself."
"No, I stayed cool at that point, Father. I then hit a perfect shot out of the
woods, but suddenly it landed in the sand trap."
"Now, I can understand you saying the F-word at that point."
"No, Father, I was calm even then. I got out my sand wedge and hit a perfect
shot out of the trap right at the pin, but suddenly the ball stopped an inch
from the cup."
"Ah, that is when you used the F-word. How frustrating."
"No, Father, I was still cool."
"You Missed The PUTT ?!?!??!"
A hack golfer spends a day at a plush country club, playing golf & enjoying the luxury of a complimentary caddy. Being a hack golfer, he plays poorly all day. Round about the 18th hole, he spots a lake off to the left of the fairway. He looks at the caddy and says, "I've played so poorly all day, I think I'm going to go drown myself in that lake." The caddy looks back at him and says, "I don't think you could keep your head down that long."
