A husband and wife went to the doctor together. The doctor called the husband into the room to examine him. After examining him, he called in the wife. He said I'm afraid I have some bad news. Your husband is suffering from a very rare disease. In order for him to live, you would have to do everything for him such as, wait on him hand foot. You would have to run his bath water, get the news paper for him to read, basically answer to all of his beaconed calls, if not he will die. The doctor stated, this will only last for one year.
As they were leaving the doctor's office, the husband asked his wife, so what did the doctor tell you?
SHE STATED YOU'RE GOING TO DIE!!!
 

A man dies & goes to Heaven. Upon arriving at the Pearly Gates he is told "Welcome to Heaven, everyone is equal here."
The man is then given a tour of Heaven and finds that it is indeed true.
The man decides he's just got to try the food & goes & stands in the cafeteria line.
While waiting ,a man in green scrubs goes rushing to the front of the line & gets his food ahead of all the others.
"Hey, I thought everyone is equal here. Why did he cut line?"
"Oh, him?" says St Peter, "That's God, he thinks he's a surgeon."

An old man and his wife came in to see the doctor because the old man just wasn't feeling well.
When they went into the doctors office and told him their complaints, the doctor said, "I will need a urine sample, a stool sample, and a semen sample."
The old man, who was very deaf turned to his wife and said, "what did he say?"
The old woman looked at him, looked at the doctor and yelled, "He said he needs your underwear!"

A nurse was leaving the hospital one evening when she found the doctor standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
"Listen", said the doctor, "this is important and my assistant has left. Can you make this thing work?"
"Certainly", said the nurse, flattered that the doctor had asked her for help.
She turned the machine on, inserted the paper and pressed the start button.
"Excellent! Excellent!" said the doctor as his paper disappeared inside the machine.

Two doctors and an HMO manager died and lined up at the pearly gates for admission to heaven. St. Peter asked them to identify themselves.
One doctor stepped forward and said: "I was a pediatric spine surgeon and helped kids overcome their deformities."
St. Peter said, "You can enter."
The second doctor said "I was a psychiatrist. I helped people rehabilitate themselves."
St. Peter also invited him in.
The third applicant stepped forward and said, "I was an HMO manager. I helped people get cost-effective health care."
St. Peter said, "You can come in too." But as the HMO manager walked by, St. Peter added, "You can stay three days. After that, you will be released."

Five doctors went duck hunting one day. Included in the group were a general practice (GP) physician, a pediatrician, a psychiatrist, a surgeon and a pathologist.
After a time, a bird came winging overhead. The first to react was the GP who raised his shotgun, but then hesitated. "I'm not quite sure it's a duck," he said, "I think that I will have to get a second opinion." And of course by that time, the bird was long gone.
Another bird appeared in the sky thereafter. This time, the pediatrician drew a bead on it. He too, however, was unsure if it was really a duck in his sights and besides, it might have babies. "I'll have to do some more investigations," he muttered, as the creature made good its escape.
Next to spy a bird flying was the sharp-eyed psychiatrist. Shotgun shouldered, he was more certain of his intended prey's identity. "Now, I know it's a duck, but does it know it's a duck?" The fortunate bird disappeared while the fellow wrestled with this dilemma.
Finally, a fourth fowl sped past and this time the surgeon's weapon pointed skywards. BOOM!!
The surgeon lowered his smoking gun and turned nonchalantly to the pathologist beside him and said. "Go see if that was a duck, will you?"

An 80-year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling.
"I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?"
The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day, he went out in a bit of a hurry, and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun." The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods, and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle. And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried.
Dumbfounded, the old man replied, "No."
The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!"
"That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must have shot that bear."
"That's kind of what I'm getting at," replied the doctor.